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( background piano music, Art Tatum, Tea for Two)
I'm a staunch woman, S-T-A-U-N-C-H.
Do you like my costume?
Well, Harrison, yes, yes, he could, I've seen it....on YOUTUBE!
Ultraman rips off Godzilla's crown thing...
and laughs right in his face, and Godzilla runs away,
like a sniveling little dog. Ultraman wins.
Now, about the Red King...is he that sort of corn cob-looking monster?
...that slaps himself in the face all the time?
I'm pretty sure Ultraman can beat him, too. Ultraman Max, right?
Yeah, the Red King's sort of stupid. He's kind of a stupid dinosaur.
A corn-cob, face-slappin' dinosaur.
He's a loser. Ultraman wins.
Stick with Ultraman, kid. He's goin' places.
Kevin Bacon's best film was NOT The Big Picture,
***,
DUH?
It was FOOTLOOSE!
UUHHHHNNNHHHH!
You know, Phil, I'm afraid I can't explain the Steely Dan thing.
I've struggled with that, myself...
I've tried. I mean, people I admire-
I-I'm with you! I'm in the same boat with you!
I *** HATE Steely Dan! I HATE THEM!
They SUCK!
Ughh! NO. No. No, you're not being closed minded.
Steely Dan are *** crap.
It may be a small boat, but we're in it together.
Randy,
*** off!
I think that's *** for a lot of reasons,
One being, well, first of all...
In Plato's dialogues, where the idea of Atlantis originated,
he put forth that it was in the Atlantic Ocean,
which is why it's called ATLANTIS.
Then, also, people have studied and hypothesized that
EVERY *** place in the world
I mean...you know...it could be ANYWHERE, which means it's NOWHERE...
The only viable place it could be is in the Atlantic
But it doesn't exist anyway, so, nyah.....
But...the Antarctic-I'm sorry-no, I'm not-the Antarctica theory...
Hi! This Ask PK has been brought to you by...DayQuil!
I don't make kittens pee...
I don't think I've ever made a kitten pee
Why do you want to make a kitten pee?
Why do you ask me these things??!!
I don't know, put its front paw in hot water?
Um...squeeze it??
ff...eh...I...
Aren't you glad it doesn't pee?
I mean, it's not, like, peeing all over your house?
YOU PEOPLE!!!!
Why is what goes around comes around? Is that even a sent-
Why is what goes around comes around...
Hillary and Nushu. Ok, Nushu's a band...
It's a good band, two girls in the band, Hillary and Lisa...
How many musicians does it take to construct a grammatically correct sentence?
Why is what goes around comes around?
How about...Why is it that what goes around comes around?
Or...How did the expression What goes around comes around originate?
WHAT THE *** ARE YOU TRYING TO ASK ME???
Why does what goes around come back around?
What the fffff- uhhhh.
I dunno! Karma??
Karmic retribution??
I don't know, ***', go back, correct your sentence, and ask me again!!
The short answer is NO.
Longer answer:
The origin of The Divine PK moniker that I use
it goes as such:
When I first moved to Boston and established myself in the Boston music scene,
there was a pack of women who...
thought that I thought...that I was the ***.
when in fact...well,
I was the ***, but I didn't realize it then.
I was just an insecure young sprout.
unbeknownst to them.
Behind my back they would call me The Divine One.
Oh, is The Divine One here? Where's the Divine One? Oh, there's The Divine One!
So, later I became good friends with one of these people
and when they realized how utterly cool and awesome I really was,
and when they realized how utterly cool and awesome I really was,
she divulged this information to me
and I thought it was just too hilarious not to use
so I took the POWAH!
I owned that name.
I owned that name.
The DIVINE. The DIVINE PK. It's pretty great.
But then all these people started asking me
Divine PK, PK, what is that, Preacher's Kid?
and I realized that, like, in the south
PK means preacher's kid! It's the automatic term for it
PK means preacher's kid! It's the automatic term for it
and I'm like, ah dammit! ***, no!
(sigh)
Brian, Sam...
You guys should get together with your cast iron skillets,
one on the left, one on the right,
and slam your heads with them.
Dan,
let's see, out of these questions you sent me,
how many of these are...intelligible...
answerable...
Is ATM ever OK? What the *** is that?
Like, Is it ever ok to use an ATM? ...yah...?
eh-a-h....(sigh)
What's the best, also affordable, tropical locale to move to?
fff...I don't know!
*** Florida? I don't know, Hawaii? God!
Far away from me! Just GO!
Wine aerators. I don't know!
G-ughhhhh.
Sssss...fffffff....
Yeah, well, they've been trying to keep this under wraps for years
But I know, and I'm gonna tell ya.
Grimace is a giant
purple...butt-plug!
I love LA! Almost as much as I love the Hamptons...
...and the Kennedy boys.
When you're sitting in traffic, yes
with cars next to you, yes, the louder the music, generally, the shittier it is
and there is an algorithm for this
and it's not widely known among the population
but I'm gonna show you, I'm going to flash it up on the screen
Use it wisely. Here is it.
I'm a STAUNCH woman! Staunch!
STAUNCH!
staunch
Staunch!
STAUNCH!
I'm a person you want...on your side.
(piano music-Art Tatum, Begin the Beguine...fades out)