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[Vomit Sound]
You know, I really thought we'd reach the bottom of the barrel for crap Poundland confectionary,
with a recent "Easter Tat Special".
But oh no! They can go one stratum of hell lower.
My girlfriend return from the Land of Pounds with "Delicious Mallows"!
Tell me if the word "Delicious" has sprung to mind for you yet.
Let's take a closer look, shall we?
And no, I don't think these are made out of a combination of polystyrene and plasticine.
Actually, I'm not sure. They're being sold as Delicious Mallows anyway.
Right, cupcakes.
Yes apparently they were going for a cupcake look.
Unfortunately they look less like cupcakes, and more like a breast that's dropped off
a zombie.
The top one seems to be pink or something, can't quite make it out.
The next one is... Green.
Umm.. Yeah.
Then we've got a blue one, and then we've got a red one.
And just look at this.
I mean the- I don't know what this is, it's sweated and oozed some sort of syrupy mess
into the packet.
[Sigh]
This has got to be some sort of new low for them, it really has.
"Fruit Flavour Decorated Mallows. Ingredients:" Yeah yeah, lots of nasty stuff.
"Please note: E104 and E129 may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in Children."
[Laughs]
I don't think that's the chemicals.
That's just that they've seem this out of the corner of their eyes, and they can't concentrate
because they're terrified that they might have to eat one.
"Allergy Advice: Contains Maize, Gluten and Nuts. Packed in a Nut environment."
*** designed in an environment of Nuts, I think!
"Every Care is taken to ensure this product reaches you in perfect condition."
[Laughs]
You need a few more cares, lads! 'Cause I can't imagine this sweaty, fetid mess, is
what you intended to be sold.
"Made in China for Sweet Heaven"!
'Cause "Sweet Heaven" is what you say, when you think you're going to have to eat one
of these.
That's excellent.
"Keep Britain Tidy". Yes, just throw this away immediately.
OK, I'm going to have to open it up and try one aren't I?
Oh God, why do I do this?
Oh yeah, money!
Come on then!
Oh no, I can't open it!
What a shame, it'll have to go uneaten(!) What a tragedy that would be(!)
Ah, I'll rip it actually.
That's amazing, the, uhh... The Sellotape was actually stronger than the plastic of
the uhh... box.
Bizarre!
Right.
[Sings] Delicious Mallows! Delicious Mallows! It's fetid, and it's sweaty, and it makes
you want to puke! Delicious Mallows!
There we are, if Sweet Heaven are listening they can use that as the jingle, royalty-free!
[Sigh]
Oh God, it's like trapped, in some sort of plastic sock.
A verruca sock, I dare say.
My goodness, I actually can't rip it, I don't know what this stuff is made out of! Crikey!
Hang on. This looks like a job for the keyring scissors things!
There we are.
Bizarre plastic that's made from.
Hmm... Probably what they make the Space Shuttle out of.
Come on! Oh, it's just stuck! Eurgh, good God.
[Disgusted Sounds]
It's all stuck with horrible, syrupy, gunk!
Where this is a so- Ohh, it smells slightly odd. Ohh, Eurgh!
[Laughs]
Let's go for the green one then since that's the most appetising.
If you think this looks soggy, you should try feeling it, it's absolutely appalling.
It's, just... Eurgh.
I mean you can see the mess on my fingers, probably.
Right, I'm going to take a bite.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Mmm... Eurgh, ooh, it's all covered in goo!
And yet, the actual flavour of the stuff isn't too bad!
It's considerably better taste-wise Than most of the stuff from the Easter Special in fact.
Almost disappointing.
However, you do have to get past the retch-inducing sticky-sweatiness that's on them.
Eurgh! I'm going to go and wash my hands for a solid week!
Actually! I wonder what happens if you stick these in the microwave?
[Microwave whirring]
Well, that's not something you see every day!
Or would want to see ever, if you've got any sense in your head.
(Subtitles created by Aran Fielder.)