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[CHANTING]
All: ***! ***!
OH-HO. OH, YEAH.
PEOPLE ARE, UH, PEOPLE ARE LOVIN' THE SHOW.
THEY'RE LOVIN' THE SHOW. YOU KNOW,
YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY.
I LOVE THAT YOU'RE TAKIN' A, UH, STRONG STAND ON THIS.
I LOVE YOU.
I KNOW THAT IN SEASON 2
WE SAID IF YOU'RE A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT
YOU SHOULD JUST STOP ***' EATING, AND THAT WAS--
THAT WAS WRONG. WE WERE REALLY WRONG.
IT WAS JUST US BLAMING THE VICTIM,
AND YOU SHOULD NEVER BLAME THE VICTIM.
NEVER BLAME THE-- WE NEVER DO THAT.
OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT.
I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT TO WANT TO KILL US.
TELL YOU WHAT--
CUT ME DOWN, I'LL HELP YOU BURN THE SKINNY ***,
THEN WE'LL ALL GO GET PIES.
WE'LL ALL GO GET PIE, COME ON.
COME ON, CUT ME DOWN.
THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC IS ***!
AAH!
Penn: THERE'S A HUGE ***' HEALTH SCARE IN AMERICA TODAY.
WE'RE BEING TOLD THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESITY
HAVE REACHED EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS.
OVERWEIGHT AND OBESITY
HAVE REACHED EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS.
Penn: SEE?
THE GOVERNMENT, THE MEDIA,
THE DRUG COMPANIES,
THE WEIGHT-LOSS INDUSTRY,
AND THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY
ARE ALL TRYING TO SCARE THE LARD OUT OF OUR ***.
CHECK OUT THESE FRIGHTENING HEADLINES.
AND IN A RELATED STORY...
TONIGHT WE'LL PRESENT A SMORGASBORD OF PEOPLE BEHIND THE HYSTERIA.
WE'LL CHEW THE FAT WITH THESE FINE FOLKS
AT THE ANNUAL MEETING OF THE OBESITY SOCIETY.
AND AS THE ICING ON THIS CHOCOLATE FUDGE, COCONUT-FILLED EPISODE,
WE'LL PUT ON THE GREATEST, MOST SPECTACULAR
SPORTING EVENT EVER PRODUCED.
IT'S THE PENN & TELLER: *** FAT GUY OLYMPICS!
GET READY FOR THE THRILL OF VICTORY
AND THE THRILL OF DEFEAT.
WE BEGIN OUR JOURNEY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
AT A CAPITAL AREA GET TOGETHER
OF THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION TO ADVANCE FAT ACCEPTANCE.
THE GOAL OF NAAFA IS JUST TO MAKE
THINGS BETTER FOR FAT PEOPLE.
TO GET THEM OUT IN THE WORLD
AND-- AND SOCIALIZING.
ROXANNA STUSSY,
MEMBER OF THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION
FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF FAT ACCEPTANCE.
Penn: MAN, EVEN THEIR ACRONYM IS FAT.
SO WE DO OUR PICNICS LIKE THIS,
AND WE DO MONTHLY DANCES
AND POOL PARTIES
AND JUST TRY AND GET PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR HOUSE
AND SOCIALIZING.
AND--AND OUT THERE IN THE WORLD
INSTEAD OF HIDING AT HOME.
Penn: HIDING?
THEY LOOK AT LEAST MY SIZE,
AND I CAN'T HIDE ANYWHERE.
MELISSA WELBORN, PROFESSIONAL NANNY.
THE MAJOR GOAL FOR NAAFA WOULD BE JUST
TO SHOW SIZE ACCEPTANCE, TO GET US OUT THERE,
TO SAY THAT WE'RE NORMAL.
THE MEDIA REALLY DOES SEND A MESSAGE
TO PEOPLE THAT FAT IS BAD.
AND YOU HAVE TO DIET,
YOU HAVE TO FIT THAT SIZE 2 DRESS.
Penn: TO FIND OUT WHO'S MAKIN' A BUCK
OFF THE IDEA THAT HEFTY IS A DEADLY EPIDEMIC,
WE WENT TO THE OBESITY SOCIETY'S
2006 ANNUAL SCIENTIFIC MEETING IN BOSTON.
I SEE, IT'S SKINNY ***.
LET'S FIND SOMEONE IN CHARGE.
I'M THE DIRECTOR OF EDUCATION PROGRAMS
FOR THE OBESITY SOCIETY.
I'M THE ONE WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR ENSURING COMPLIANCE
WITH THE ACCREDITATION REQUIREMENTS
THAT ARE IMPOSED ON US.
Penn: WHAT'S HE TALKIN' ABOUT?
DO I SMELL PIE?
FOCUS, MAN, FOCUS, OK.
UH, WHY SHOULD WE BE PANICKED ABOUT OBESITY?
IT IS THE LEADING PREVENTABLE HEALTH PROBLEM
IN THE UNITED STATES.
IF YOU SIMPLY CAN CONTROL YOUR INTAKE,
AND CONTROL YOUR ENERGY EXPENDITURE,
YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR WEIGHT.
Penn: IF IT WERE THAT SIMPLE,
EVERYONE AT THIS CONVENTION WOULD BE OUT OF WORK.
HEY, THERE'S A LOT MORE FOOD AT THIS OBESITY CONFERENCE
THAN YOU MIGHT GUESS.
THERE'S A SHAKE...
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
SMOOTHIE,
CANDY-ISH BARS.
THEY COME IN ALMOND AND MINT.
Penn: LOOK AT ALL THIS FOOD.
I GUESS THEY THINK EATING MAKES YOU THIN.
YOU CAGEY, SCRAWNY ***,
THERE'S A LOT OF SCARY CHARTS, TOO.
HERE'S SOMETHING FROM THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL.
I THINK THEY'RE THE GUYS
WHO SPRAYED MY SISTER'S HOUSE WITH DEET.
HER CAT HAD SEIZURES FOR, LIKE, A YEAR.
MAN, IT WAS FUNNY AND AWFUL, TOO.
IT WAS AWFUL.
I CAME TO THIS CONFERENCE
BECAUSE I'M VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THE PROBLEM OF OBESITY IN OUR SOCIETY.
WE'RE SEEING IT CONTINUING TO GROW WITH EVERY YEAR.
IT'S REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS,
Penn: OK, BUT YOU'RE JUST ONE SKINNY BROAD.
BUT, YOU'VE GOT THE SCARE WORD--
EPIDEMIC.
IT'S EITHER AN EPIDEMIC
OR A PANDEMIC OR SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE
I WOULD THINK, YES.
AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC.
AN EPIDEMIC.
THE NUMBER ONE HEALTH PROBLEM WE HAVE IN THIS COUNTRY NOW.
WE SEE MANY SERIOUS MEDICAL PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH OBESITY.
CANCER, HEART DISEASE, STROKE.
UH, ARTHRITIS,
UH, GALL BLADDER DISEASE,
UH, HYPERLIPIDEMIA, HYPERTENSION.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, DIABETES...
THE ASTHMA, TYPE 2 DIABETES.
JOINT DISEASE, ARTHRITIS...
LOTS OF DIFFERENT CANCERS HAVE BEEN ASSOCIATED--
Penn: CANCER?!
JUST CRAB SLAP THE PIZZA
RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS, ***.
WHOA, LOOK! THERE'S SANTA CLAUS!
AND HE'S LOST, LIKE, 100 POUNDS.
I'LL BET HE'S BEEN EATIN' A LOT OF THOSE ALMOND CANDY-ISH BARS.
MY NAME IS BARRY POPKIN,
I'M A PROFESSOR OF NUTRITION
AND DIRECTOR OF THE INTERDISCIPLINARY
OBESITY CENTER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA,
CHAPEL HILL.
Penn: POPKIN?
SOUNDS LIKE A TASTY, TINY PASTRY MADE BY ELVES.
IT'S THE PERFECT ALIAS FOR SKINNY SANTA.
TODAY WE HAVE 1.3 BILLION,
APPROXIMATELY, ADULTS AND CHILDREN
IN THE WORLD OBESE AND OVERWEIGHT.
Penn: BY THE WAY, MOST OF THAT 1.3 BILLION
ARE JUST A FEW POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.
THEY'RE NOT READY TO CO-HOST THE VIEW.
THE OBVIOUS 2 CAUSES OF OBESITY
ARE EATING TOO MUCH,
DRINKING CALORIC BEVERAGES
THAT ARE VERY SWEET,
AND EATING HIGH FAT FOOD,
AND NOT BEING AS ACTIVE AS YOU WANT.
Penn: THAT'S 4, PROFESSOR POPCORN.
I MEAN, POPKIN.
SO HOW FAT ARE WE GETTIN'?
Popkin: IN THE U.S.,
THE AVERAGE ADULT
IS GAINING A HALF A POUND
TO 3 TO 4 POUNDS A YEAR.
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE OFFERING THIS AMAZING NEW PRODUCT--
THE PENN & TELLER WEIGHT-LOSS MIRROR.
LOOKING A LITTLE HEAVYISH IN THAT NEW SUIT?
WE CAN FIX THAT. WATCH.
OH, NO, NO, OTHER WAY. OTHER WAY, TELLER.
OTHER WAY, A LITTLE MORE JOEY RAMONE.
OH, VERY NICE.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, VERY NICE. OH!
[SIGHS]
OK, THAT'S GOOD.
Penn: MAINSTREAM MEDIA LOVE WORDS LIKE EPIDEMIC.
BUT HERE'S A REAL COLLEGE PROFESSOR
WHO'S CHOOSIER ABOUT HIS LANGUAGE.
THE NOTION OF AN EPIDEMIC
IS REALLY COMPLETELY PHONY.
AND HAS NO SCIENTIFIC BASIS.
PAUL CAMPOS, PROFESSOR OF LAW,
UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO.
Penn: CAMPOS IS ALSO THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK
THE OBESITY MYTH--
A SCATHING INDICTMENT OF THE MEDICAL AND DIET INDUSTRY.
YOU KNOW HE'S CONFIDENT.
HE LET US TAPE HIM EATING A BURRITO.
NO ONE LETS US VIDEOTAPE THEM EATING.
HE IS SO COOL.
PINKY UP.
THE PHRASE "OBESITY EPIDEMIC"
IS A VERY MISLEADING PHRASE.
IT GIVES YOU THE IMPRESSION
THAT THERE'S SOME KIND OF A DISEASE
THAT'S CONTAGIOUSLY SPREADING
ALL ACROSS AMERICA.
THIS IS NOT AN EPIDEMIC,
THIS IS JUST A SIGN, REALLY, OF ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT.
THE MAIN FEATURES OF THE OBESITY MYTH ARE THE FOLLOWING:
THE FIRST IS THE CLAIM
THAT WEIGHT IS A GOOD PROXY FOR HEALTH.
THAT IF YOU KNOW SOMEBODY'S WEIGHT,
YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THEIR HEALTH.
THAT'S ABOUT 97% FALSE.
Penn: PUT ANOTHER WAY,
YOU CAN'T TELL WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH A PERSON'S ORGANS JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM.
UNLESS IT'S ONE OF THOSE SKINNY ***
WHO ARE SO THIN YOU CAN SEE THEIR KIDNEYS.
IS THERE MORE?
THE SECOND BIG PART OF THE MYTH
IS THE NOTION THAT IF YOU TAKE A FAT PERSON
AND TURN THEM INTO A THIN PERSON,
YOU'RE GOING TO IMPROVE THEIR HEALTH.
Penn: CAMPOS IS RIGHT.
THESE ARE ACTUAL PHOTOS OF TELLER
BEFORE AND AFTER
HIS CURRENT WORK OUT AND DIET REGIMEN.
AS YOU CAN SEE,
EVEN THOUGH TELLER HAS CLEARLY
LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.
HE IS STILL UNNATURALLY RED.
OK, PROFESSOR, ANY MORE TO THIS MYTH THING?
AND DO WE HAVE TIME TO GET A COUPLE OF THOSE--
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WE'RE GOIN'? ***!
Campos: ALL OF THIS RHETORIC
ABOUT OUR OBESITY EPIDEMIC
IS BASED ON THE NOTION THAT WE ACTUALLY KNOW
HOW TO PRODUCE SIGNIFICANT LONG-TERM
WEIGHT LOSS IN POPULATIONS.
WE DO NOT KNOW.
WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
Penn: YEP, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT DIETS,
PROGRAMS, AND BOOKS TO LOSE WEIGHT.
HIGH CARB, LOW CARB, MEDIUM CARB, LOW FAT,
ALL FAT, ALL COOKIES,
JENNY CRAIG, JENNY'S SISTER PHYLLIS,
HIGH FIBER, LOW EXPECTATIONS,
WEIGHT WATCHERS, THE ZONE, ATKINS,
SOUTH BEACH, NORTH BEACH, EAST BEACH, WEST BEACH,
DR. PHIL-- ***, I HATE DR. PHIL--
ET CETERA, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.
THERE ARE MORE DIETS IN AMERICA
THAN FINGERS IN PARIS HILTON'S PIE.
SO, PROFESSOR POP-TART-KIN,
IS THERE SOME KIND OF STANDARDIZED FORMULA
USED TO MEASURE OBESITY?
UM, FOR MEASURING PEOPLE
IN A LARGE POPULATION SENSE,
WE USE SOMETHING CALLED THE BODY MASS INDEX.
Penn: THE BODY MASS INDEX, OR B.M.I.,
IS A RATIO OF THE BODY'S WEIGHT TO ITS HEIGHT.
IT'S THE OFFICIAL FORMULA USED BY THE GOVERNMENT
TO DETERMINE OBESITY,
AND THE INSURANCE INDUSTRY
TO DETERMINE THE COST OF YOUR HEALTH PREMIUMS.
HEY, LOOK, A NEW GUY.
YOU GOT SOMETHIN' YOU WANNA SAY, NEW GUY?
ERIC OLIVER, PROFESSOR OF POLITICAL SCIENCE
AT THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO.
THE PROBLEM WITH THE GOVERNMENT
USING B.M.I. AS A BAROMETER OF HEALTH,
IT BASICALLY IS SAYING
THAT IF YOU WEIGH A CERTAIN AMOUNT
RELATIVE TO YOUR HEIGHT,
YOU CAN TELL HOW HEALTHY YOU ARE.
Penn: TURNS OUT THE B.M.I. WAS INVENTED
BY A 19th CENTURY BELGIAN MATHEMATICIAN
TRYING TO TIE 19th CENTURY BODY STATISTICS
TO 19th CENTURY SOCIOLOGY.
IT WASN'T EVEN MEANT TO TELL BELGIANS IN 1840
WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO WEIGH,
LET ALONE TELL 21st CENTURY INDIVIDUALS
WHETHER THEY'RE IN SHAPE.
IF YOU CALCULATE BY B.M.I.s HEIGHT/WEIGHT FORMULA,
BRAD PITT AND MICHAEL JORDAN ARE OVERWEIGHT.
AND RUSSELL CROWE AND GEORGE CLOONEY
ARE OBESE.
THIS GUY HAS THE SAME B.M.I. AS I DO.
WE CHECKED,
AND AT 6 FEET, 6 INCHES AND 320 POUNDS,
I'M PINNIN' THE NEEDLES.
THE CHART SAYS I'M AT RISK
FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND SLEEP APNEA
AND ALL THE *** I'VE ACTUALLY GOT.
I NEED TO GET TO 124 POUNDS AND 5 FOOT, 4 INCHES.
[MOTOR REVVING]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
ARE YOU CRAZY?
ARE YOU ***' CRAZY?
MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE.
ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH THE GOVERNMENT USING B.M.I.
AS A BAROMETER OF HEALTH
FOR THE POPULATION, IS THAT IT BASICALLY
SAYS THAT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A CERTAIN WEIGHT--
OR WITHIN A CERTAIN HEIGHT RANGE--
IN ORDER TO BE HEALTHY.
Penn: SO, LIKE MOST VARIATIONS IN INDIVIDUALS,
HEIGHT, HAIRSTYLE,
*** SIZE,
PEOPLE'S WEIGHTS, RELATIVE TO THEIR HEALTH,
ARE GONNA FALL ON SOME KIND OF CONTINUUM.
FOR SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE NATURALLY THIN,
BEING THIN IS A GOOD WEIGHT.
FOR SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE NATURALLY HEAVY,
BEING HEAVY IS A GOOD WEIGHT.
Penn: PROFESSOR CAMPOS,
IS THERE EVER A SITUATION
WHERE A FAT PERSON IS HEALTHIER
THAN A SKINNY PERSON?
THE NOTION THAT OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE ARE HEALTHIER
THAN SO-CALLED NORMAL WEIGHT PEOPLE,
IS ACTUALLY CONFIRMED BY MANY, MANY STUDIES.
Penn: THAT'S WHY WE'RE STAGING THE PENN & TELLER
2007 FAT GUY OLYMPICS!
HERE AT HISTORIC HOLLYWOOD HIGH.
WHERE, IF YOU STAND ON TIPPY-TIPPY TOES,
YOU CAN SEE THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN,
AND LIKE EVERY OLYMPIC GAMES,
OURS BEGAN WITH A SPECTAC--OH, *** IT.
NO MATTER HOW MANY VIDEO TRICKS WE USE,
IT'S STILL A LAME OPENING CEREMONY.
BUT WE'VE GATHERED THE MOST ELITE ATHLETES
FROM BURRITO AND HOT DOG STANDS ACROSS HOLLYWOOD
TO TEST THIS FAT VERSUS SKINNY THEORY.
WE'LL USE COOL, SCIENTIFIC OBJECTIVITY
LACED WITH A LIBERAL PORTION OF MAN-***.
I'M TELLIN' YA--
IT'S CRAZY OUT HERE, CRAZY!
IT'S SO CRAZY,
WE CAN'T CONTAIN THE FANS.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
SEE? THEY ALL LEFT.
AND NOW, LET'S MEET TODAY'S GLADIATORS.
IN THE RED JERSEY, FAT GUY ANDRE!
I'M IN SHAPE
IF YOU CONSIDER ROUND A SHAPE.
Penn: IN THE ORANGE JERSEY, FAT GUY DAVID.
I'M GONNA KICK ALL THEIR ***.
[CHUCKLING]
Penn: IN THE BLUE JERSEY, FAT GUY DAN.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT, YOU KNOW, LAYING ON THE FLOOR,
PANTING LIKE A TIRED DOG.
HOWEVER, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT INJURING MYSELF PERMANENTLY, THOUGH.
Penn: IN THE TAN JERSEY, FAT GUY OZZIE.
I SEE MYSELF AS A FAT ***.
I'M CHUNKY, I CAN BARELY SEE MY ***.
Penn: IN THE GREEN JERSEY, FIT GUY NICK DeLUCA.
IF I CAN KICK THESE GUYS' *** ON THE FIELD,
THAT'LL DEFINITELY WIN POINTS
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
Penn: COME TO THINK OF IT,
GYM RAT NICK IS THE ONLY CONTESTANT
WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND HERE,
HEH...
BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING,
"WHAT'S A NORMAL WEIGHT GUY
DOING IN THE FAT GUY OLYMPICS ANYWAY?"
WELL, THE ANSWER IS--
HE'S OUR SCIENTIFIC CONTROL.
COOL, HUH?
THERE WILL BE 3 EVENTS--
THE 50 METER HURDLES,
THE LONG JUMP,
AND A 400 METER RUN.
AND BECAUSE OF THIS HIGH LEVEL OF COMPETITION,
DEATH IS A CONSTANT DANGER.
WE HIRED THIS NURSE.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR THE OFFICIAL NURSE OUTFIT
WE HAD FOR HER-- THE ONE WITH THE...
WHITE STOCKINGS AND THE LITTLE RED CROSS ON HER HAT.
TO HELP US OFFICIATE,
WE GOT FORMER OLYMPIC POLE VAULTER MIKE TULLY,
WHO WON THE SILVER MEDAL AT THE 1984 GAMES.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, YOU READY FOR THE WEIGH-IN?
Penn: UP FIRST, MIKE WEIGHED EVERYONE IN.
AND SURE ENOUGH, ALL OF OUR COMPETITORS
ARE CONSIDERED, BY THE B.M.I., OBESE.
YOU'RE OBESE.
EXCEPT MR. IN-SHAPE.
HE'S LOOKIN' LIKE HE'S ABOUT 184.
WHO, SURPRISINGLY COMES IN JUST
ON THE BORDER OF OVERWEIGHT.
25.
NICE WORK, 19th CENTURY NOT-QUITE DUTCH
AND NOT-EVEN-QUITE FRENCH, MATHEMATICIAN ***.
NOW, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE STATE OF...
CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN,
I PROCLAIM--
LET THE GAMES BE OPEN.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Penn: FIRST UP--
THE 50 METER HURDLES.
ON YOUR MARKS,
GET SET,
[AIR HORN BLOWS]
Penn: WE DIVIDED THE 4 FAT GUYS INTO 2 HEATS.
THE GUY WITH THE BEST TIME
WOULD GO HEAD-TO-HEAD
AGAINST SKINNY, BUT ALMOST OVERWEIGHT, NICK
IN THE FINALS.
SO, WITH DAVID'S WIN IN THE FIRST HEAT IN 12 SECONDS,
IT WAS TIME FOR HEAT NUMBER 2.
[AIR HORN BLOWS]
Man: GO, DAN! [INDISTINCT]
GO, DAN! GO ALL THE WAY!
Second Man: COME ON, OZZIE! YOU CAN DO IT!
Penn: OH, *** IT, DAN, YOU COST ME 50 BUCKS.
YEAH!
OZZIE MAY HAVE WON THAT HEAT.
BUT HE MISSED DAVID'S TIME BY 2 SECONDS.
SO THAT MEANS IT'S FAT DAVID
VERSUS "LOOKS SKINNY TO ME" NICK
IN THE HURDLE FINALS.
ON YOUR MARK,
GET SET,
[AIR HORN BLOWS]
Penn: SO WHAT DOES FAT GUY DAVID'S WIN
OVER COMPARATIVELY SKINNY GUY NICK MEAN?
NOT SURE. IT'S ONLY THE END OF THE FIRST EVENT.
WE'LL COME BACK IN JUST A BIT.
AND WHEN WE DO, WE'LL HAVE THE LONG JUMP
[SIREN]
CAN YOU GUESS WHO?
OUR NURSE? ONE OF OUR JUGGLERS?
ONE OF OUR FINELY TUNED ATHLETES?
BUT FIRST,
LET'S CHECK BACK IN WITH PROFESSOR OLIVER.
THE BIGGEST WAY THAT THE WEIGHT-LOSS INDUSTRY
HAS SPREAD THE IDEA
THAT OBESITY IS THIS EPIDEMIC,
IS THROUGH THESE ORGANIZATIONS
THAT ISSUE THESE REPORTS,
AND ARE VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THE STATE OF HEALTH IN THE WORLD,
AND THE STATE OF HEALTH IN THE UNITED STATES,
AND HOW WE MUST COMBAT THIS DISEASE.
WHEN IN FACT, THEY'RE REALLY ONLY FRONTS
FOR THE WEIGHT-LOSS INDUSTRY.
YOUR FAMILY TREE HAS LOTS OF VARIABLES.
BUT THERE ARE 2 THINGS WE KNOW FOR SURE.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR ANCESTORS
*** AND ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.
YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE THEY WERE WIRED
TO BE OBESE AND PROMISCUOUS.
NATURALLY YOUR D.N.A. IS TELLING YOU
TO DO WHAT MADE YOUR FAMILY A WINNER
IN ALL THE PAST GENERATIONS.
SURPRISINGLY FEW YEARS AGO,
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT MORE KIDS,
YOU HAD TO TRY TO STOP ***.
THEN ALONG COMES SCIENCE AND SUDDENLY--
NO MORE PROBLEM.
WITH SURGERY OR CONTRACEPTIVES,
YOU COULD *** AS MUCH AS YOUR MONKEY BRAIN WANTED
WITHOUT FINDING YOURSELF UP TO YOUR NECK
IN LITTLE ***' MONKEYS.
NOW WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF FOOD
AND THE OBESITY SOCIETY
IS TELLING US TO STOP EATING.
MAN, WE WERE WIRED TO EAT.
BUT IF WE DON'T STOP EATING NOW,
WE'RE UP TO OUR NECKS IN CHINS.
*** FEELING GUILTY.
THAT DOES NO GOOD.
IF YOU HAVE THE WILLPOWER
TO OVERCOME SEVERAL MILLION YEARS OF EVOLUTION,
COOL, MORE FOR THE REST OF US.
IF YOU CAN STOP ***, TOO?
COOL.
MORE FOR THE REST OF US.
THANKS.
HEY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE CONFERENCE
AND LOOK AT ALL THE DRUG-MAKERS
WHO SPONSOR THIS THING.
GLAXOSMITHKLINE,
A VERSION OF THEIR DIET DRUG XENICAL
HAS BEEN F.D.A. APPROVED AS THE FIRST
OVER THE COUNTER DIET DRUG IN THE U.S.
MERCK, SANOFI, AND PFIZER
ALL HAVE POTENTIAL BLOCKBUSTER DIET DRUGS
IN THEIR PIPELINE.
AND ABBOTT? THEY MAKE MERIDIA.
IT GROSSED $72 MILLION IN U.S. SALES DURING 2004.
THE MEDICAL RESEARCHERS HAVEN'T FOUND
A PERFECT ANSWER YET. BUT THEY WILL.
OF COURSE, ALONG THE WAY
THERE'VE BEEN SOME SERIOUS MISTAKES.
THERE ARE EXAMPLES OF WEIGHT-LOSS DRUGS
THAT PASSED F.D.A. MUSTER, UH,
EVEN THOUGH THEY CARRIED POTENTIAL SIDE EFFECTS,
AND ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY ENDED UP
CAUSING VERY SEVERE SIDE EFFECTS.
UH, THE FIRST WAS WHAT WAS KNOWN AS FEN-PHEN,
OR LATER KNOWN AS REDUX.
AND IT WAS LATER SHOWN TO CAUSE HEART VALVE DAMAGE.
AND PERHAPS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIED FROM TAKING THIS,
EVEN THOUGH THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE TAKING IT
AS A SIMPLE WEIGHT-LOSS DRUG.
Penn: ***.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE FAT GUY OLYMPICS,
OUR SECOND EVENT, THE LONG JUMP, IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
BUT FIRST, OUR INJURY REPORT.
IF YOU GUESSED THAT NURSE VIRGINIA GOT TYPHOID,
WHAT THE *** IS WRONG WITH YOU?
ARE YOU A TOTAL ***' IDIOT?
***' DAN HURT HIS ***' KNEE
JUMPIN' THE *** OVER THE ***' HURDLES.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO FORFEIT THE REST OF THE EVENTS.
[SIREN WAILING]
Penn: DESPITE DAN'S INJURY,
WE'VE ALL BEEN ASSURED
HE'LL BE ABLE TO STAND OVER THE SINK
AND EAT AGAIN IN JUST 6 TO 9 MONTHS.
OH, BY THE WAY, THE AMBULANCE?
YEAH, HE WAS JUST DRIVING BY.
SO IT'S TIME FOR THE OTHERS TO TRY THE LONG JUMP.
All: YEAH!
ALL RIGHT.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
HOLY WOLY!
YOU SEE HOW FAR THAT IS?
10' 6".
Penn: I ONCE JUMPED 10' 6".
IT WAS ALL STRAIGHT DOWN.
IT WAS MORE OF A FALL, REALLY.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NICE, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD JUMP.
THAT'S 11'5".
TAKES THE LEAD. 11'5" IS THE FARTHEST RIGHT NOW, GUYS.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NICE.
YES.
9 FEET ON THE MONEY.
Penn: NOW, WITH OUR 3 REMAINING FAT GUYS
HAVING COMPLETED THEIR JUMPS,
HERE'S HOW THE SCORING LOOKS.
ANYWAY, IN ORDER TO WIN,
ALL SKINNY NICK HAS TO DO IS JUMP LONGER THAN 11'5".
LET'S SEE HOW HE DOES.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
WHOO!
OHH...
HIGH 5, 9 FEET ON THE MONEY.
Penn: 9 FEET?
BUT THAT TIES YOU WITH OZZIE FOR THIRD PLACE.
BUT NICK'LL HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE TO REDEEM HIMSELF
IN THE 400 METER RUN LATER IN THE SHOW.
HEY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE PICNIC
AND TAKE A LOOK AT THE SOCIAL STIGMA
THAT HANGS AROUND THE NECK OF THE OBESE
LIKE EXTRA CHINS.
YEAH, THERE'S A TREMENDOUS BIAS
TOWARD FAT PEOPLE IN THE--
IN THE BUSINESS WORLD THESE DAYS.
Penn: I...THINK SHE MEANS AGAINST.
I'VE HAD SOME RUDE COMMENTS SUCH AS, YOU KNOW,
UH, OH, I CAN SAY, "FAT ***," CAN'T I?
UH, FAT ***, FAT ***,
I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE
THINK THAT IT'S PERFECTLY FINE
TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST FAT PEOPLE
BECAUSE BEING FAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL.
SO UNLIKE YOUR SKIN COLOR
OR YOUR GENDER OR EVEN YOUR SEXUALITY,
UM, BEING FAT IS SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE SHOULD--
NOT ONLY CAN CONTROL--
BUT SOMEONE SHOULD CONTROL.
Penn: IT'S NOT JUST DISCRIMINATION,
THERE'S ALSO MISCONCEPTIONS.
THE MISCONCEPTION IS THAT WE'RE FAT,
WE'RE LAZY, WE'RE STUPID.
Penn: ON THE UP SIDE, FAT PEOPLE MAKE GREAT CHEFS,
GREAT BOND VILLAINS,
AND GET ALL THE STUPID HUSBAND ROLES IN SITCOMS.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
I WOULD WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW IS THAT
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS CHANGE THE SIZE OF YOUR BODY.
SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN TO BE FAT
AND AS MUCH AS THEY FIGHT IT,
IT'S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.
THE WEIGHT-LOSS INDUSTRY HAS A VESTED INTEREST
IN MAKING SURE FAT PEOPLE WANT TO GET SLIM.
GLENN GAESSER--
DIRECTOR OF KINESIOLOGY, UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA,
AUTHOR OF BIG FAT LIES.
Penn: WE THINK BIG FAT LIES IS A BIG, FAT BOOK
ABOUT THE BIG, FAT LIES
TOLD BY THOSE BIG, FAT, SKINNY OBESITY EXPERTS.
WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY READ IT
BECAUSE WE'RE BIG, FAT, LAZY ***.
THE FACT THAT MOST DIETS DON'T WORK
IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT NEWS
FOR THE WEIGHT-LOSS INDUSTRY.
BECAUSE THEY CAN BLAME THE VICTIM.
THEY CAN SAY, IT'S NOT OUR FAULT.
THE PRODUCT WORKS.
IF YOU JUST WOULD'VE STAYED--STAYED WITH IT.
Penn: IN FACT, EVEN DIETING ITSELF
CAN HAVE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES.
IT'S FAR MORE DANGEROUS TO ONE'S HEALTH
TO BE CHRONICALLY YO-YOING
UP AND DOWN IN WEIGHT,
ON ONE DIET AFTER ANOTHER,
THAN IT WOULD BE TO BE A STABLE WEIGHT,
EVEN IF THAT HAPPENS TO BE HEAVIER
THAN WHAT THE CHARTS SAY YOU SHOULD WEIGH.
Penn: AND THERE'S ONE MORE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW.
FAT PEOPLE WHO EXERCISE REGULARLY
ARE BETTER OFF HEALTH-WISE
AND HAVE LOWER MORTALITY RATES
THAN THIN PEOPLE WHO DON'T.
AND IN THE END,
THE MORTALITY RATE FOR EVERYONE
IS ALMOST EXACTLY 100%.
500 YEARS AGO,
THE PLAGUE WAS BLAMED ON THE WRATH OF GOD.
IT WASN'T UNTIL--
IT WASN'T UNTIL 1847
THAT SOME HUNGARIAN NUT-DOCTOR IN VIENNA
SUGGESTED DOCTORS WASH THEIR HANDS
BEFORE DELIVERING A BABY.
AS LATE AS THE 19th CENTURY,
CUTTING SOMEONE OPEN AND SUCKING OUT HALF OF THEIR BLOOD
WAS A STANDARD MEDICAL PRACTICE.
25 YEARS AGO,
A COUPLE OF AUSTRALIAN DOCTORS
DEMONSTRATED THAT ALMOST ALL PEPTIC ULCERS
WERE NOT CAUSED BY STRESS,
BUT BY A BACTERIA.
SOME RECENT STUDIES SUGGEST--
SUGGEST THAT OBESITY MIGHT ALSO BE CAUSED
BY A BACTERIA.
WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE YET THOUGH.
YOU KNOW, OUR PAL MARVIN MINSKY
WHO PIONEERED ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AT M.I.T. SAYS...
BETTER IDEAS, ***.
YEAH, AND YOU CAN BET YOUR FAT ***
WHAT WE'RE DOING TODAY
IS GONNA LOOK INCREDIBLY STUPID
IN 30 YEARS.
[FANFARE PLAYING]
Penn: WELCOME BACK TO THE FINAL EVENT
OF THE 2007 PENN & TELLER FAT GUY OLYMPICS!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
THE TENSION IN THE STADIUM
REMAINS THICKER THAN FROZEN WAFFLE BATTER.
EXCELLENT!
LET THE 400 METER RACE BEGIN.
THE SOONER WE START, THE SOONER WE GET PIE.
TO YOUR MARKS! GET SET...
GO!
AND...THEY'RE...OFF!
I GOT A GRAND ON NICK TO WIN.
I MEAN, REALLY, THE OTHER GUYS ARE
FATTY-FAT-FAT-FAT-FAT-FAT!
ON THE SECOND TURN,
SKINNY NICK OPENS UP A COMMANDING LEAD.
I'M GONNA BUY A PIZZA OVEN WITH MY WINNINGS.
GO, MAN, GO!
OZZIE AND DAVID ARE SCRATCHING IT OUT
FOR LAST PLACE,
AS ANDRE BEGINS TO CLOSE THE GAP ON SKINNY NICK.
THEY'RE NECK AND NECK.
AND ANDRE TAKES THE LEAD.
NICK, COME ON!
I'LL GIVE YOU FREE PIZZA FOR LIFE!
DOWN THE *** STRETCH THEY COME,
***' ANDRE IS IN THE CLEAR,
HEADED FOR VICTORY FOLLOWED BY DAVID
AND SKINNY ***' NO-PIZZA NICK!
Mike: ALL THE WAY THROUGH. ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
AND THE WINNER IS ANDRE.
***' ANDRE! ANDRE WINS.
FOLLOWED BY ***; DAVID AND ***' NICK.
WHAT A ***' DISAPPOINTMENT!
THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR BELIEVING
THE GOVERNMENT'S *** B.M.I. ***!
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU ARE ALL WINNERS OF THE FAT OLYMPICS.
Penn: HOLD ON. HERE COMES OZZIE.
OUR FIRST AWARD WINNER IS NICK.
HE WAS OUR BRONZE MEDALIST.
AS MIKE HANDS OUT THE *** MEDALS,
LET'S CONSIDER THE POINT OF ALL THIS--
OTHER THAN WANTING TO SEE FAT GUYS RUN IN SLOW-MOTION.
HEY, THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA FOR A SPIN-OFF OF DEXTER.
ANYWAY, IS ANY OF THIS SCIENTIFIC?
NOPE.
CAN YOU TELL HOW FIT A PERSON IS
BY HOW THEY LOOK?
NOPE.
AND IS OUR KNEE-JERK HORROR OF OBESITY
OUT OF WHACK WITH REALITY?
***, YEAH.
GOLD MEDALIST IS DAVID.
AND SO THE 2007 PENN & TELLER FAT GUY OLYMPICS
COME TO AN END,
LEAVING INDELIBLE MEMORIES IN OUR MINDS.
HEY! WHO WANTS PIE?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
SKINNY PEOPLE ARE DAMNED PHOTOGENIC.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
PROBABLY A VERSACE MODEL
OR A LEAD SINGER FOR A BAND, RIGHT?
NOT EXACTLY.
HE'S A COTTON SHARECROPPER IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION.
HE'S SKINNY BECAUSE HE'S *** STARVING.
WHAT LOOKS COOL IN PICTURES
MAY NOT BE COOL IN REAL LIFE.
LOOK AT US.
NO DEPRESSION FARMER CHEEKBONES HERE.
BUT WE'RE WAY HAPPY.
WE DO WHAT WE CAN TO BE AS HEALTHY AS WE CAN,
AND WE DON'T FEEL GUILTY OVER THE RESULTS.
IF THE DEADLY SINS OF GLUTTONY AND ***
WEREN'T IN OUR GENETIC CODE,
WE'D NEVER HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR.
*** CAN BE GOOD EXERCISE,
AND IT'LL MAKE YOU HUNGRY FOR MORE PIE.
SCIENCE HAS A WAYS TO GO
BEFORE THE TECHNOLOGY OF EATING CATCHES UP WITH SEX.
THE DIET AND DRUG PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW
HAVEN'T GOT AN ANSWER YET,
BUT MAN, WHEN THEY DO,
PIZZA PARTY AT THE SLAMMER.
YOU THINK, UH, KATE WINSLET WILL STOP BY?
[CHUCKLES]
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--