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[ THUNDER CRASHING ]
[ DRILLING, SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
>> SO, THAT ENDS OUR LESSON ON
STDs.
NEXT, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO
USE A ***.
>> UH, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
>> WHAT THE -- WHERE THE HELL
DID ALL THESE HALF-BABY,
HALF-CABBAGES COME FROM?
OH, DAMN IT, CARL!
>> THAT BOY CARL JERK OFF IN THE
CABBAGES AGAIN?!
>> HE SURE DID!
>> YOU GOT TO FIRE THAT BOY!
>> I'M GONNA FIRE HIM RIGHT NOW.
CARL, YOU ARE FIRED, SIR!
>> CARL, YOU ARE FIRED AND
DISGUSTING!
>> I GOT THIS, HONEY. CARL --
>> YOU CAN'T JERK OFF ON
SOMEONE'S PRODUCE!
>> I-I TOLD HIM THAT, HONEY.
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HERE,
CARL!
>> YOU'RE [BLEEP] WITH OUR
LIVELIHOOD!
>> I TRIED TO HELP YOU, SON,
BECAUSE YOU'RE HOMELESS AND
DRUG-ADDLED, BUT YOU CANNOT BE
*** ON OUR PRODUCE,
SON.
>> CARL, THAT IS NOT THE WAY YOU
MAKE A BABY, BY [BLEEP] ON A
CABBAGE HEAD!
>> I GOT IT, HONEY.
>> [BLEEP] WE CAN'T SELL IT IF
IT'S COVERED IN YOUR ***.
>> HE KNOWS.
I'VE ALREADY TOLD HIM.
CARL, GET OUT OF HERE!
>> YOU'RE [BLEEP] DISGUSTING!
>> YOU ARE FIRED, FIRED, FIRED,
FIRED!
>> I DO NOT THINK WE'RE GONNA BE
ABLE TO RECOMMEND YOU FOR
ANOTHER JOB, UNLESS THAT JOB
IMPLIES THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
HAVE *** ON PRODUCE!
>> I'M NOT GONNA RECOMMEND YOU.
IF ANYONE CALLS ME, I'M GONNA
TELL THEM YOU ARE A CHRONIC
MASTURBATOR!
>> [BLEEP]
THERE'S *** EVERYWHERE!
>> THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!
COME OUT OR WE'RE COMING IN!
[ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING ]
>> OKAY, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
>> [ GASPS ]
>> THERE HE IS!
>> WHAT, BEHIND THE TURKEY?
>> GET HIM!
[ TURKEY GOBBLING ]
>> [ GROANING ]
>> SO, ON THIS DAY OF
THANKSGIVING, I,
PRESIDENT OBAMA, HEREBY PARDON
THIS TURKEY.
[ BOTH GASP ]
>> OBAMA -- SOFT ON CRIME.
VOTE SARAH PALIN 2012.
>> DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU'RE COMING
WITH ME.
>> NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
>> [ SIGHS ]
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT, THEN.
I MADE MY FIRST PIZZA AS A BOY
OF 13, AND NOW I'M MAKING MY
LAST PIZZA TONIGHT.
>> NOBODY MADE THEM LIKE YOU,
GRAMPS.
>> HI. GOT A PIZZA FOR
SILVERSTEIN?
>> HA HA HA!
HERE YOU ARE, SON.
YOU GOT THE LAST ONE.
>> AW, THANKS.
>> ENJOY.
[ BELLS JINGLE, DOOR CLOSES ]
[ SOBBING ]
[ MUTTERING ]
>> AAH! AAH!
[ WHISTLE! ]
AAH!
OW! SON OF A ***!
AH, SCREW IT.
I'LL GO TO BURGER KING.
STUPID PIZZA. [ GRUNTS ]
[ HORN HONKS ]
>> AH, PIZZA!
[ GRUNTING ]
>> HEY!
I WANT THAT PIZZA!
[ WHIP! ]
I'M STARVING!
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
>> POOP ON IT!
>> [ GROANING, FARTING ]
>> [BLEEP]
>> THE OLD MAN LATER DIED.
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> [ BLEATS ]
>> TARZAN LOVE JANE.
>> I LOVE YOU, TOO, TAR--
>> BUT TARZAN NOT IN LOVE WITH
JANE.
>> HELLO, YELLOW!
>> HELLO!
[ SPY MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> DO IT! DO IT!
JUST DO IT!
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ CROWD SCREAMING ]
>> [ SNORTS ]
[ WRIST DEVICE BEEPING ]
>> WHAT'S HE DOING?
>> TAKE HIM DOWN! TAKE HIM DOWN!
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
>> [ LAUGHS ]
OH, HE WAS TEXTING ME.
>> WE SHOULD, UH, PROBABLY GET
OUR STORIES STRAIGHT.
>> MMM! MOM, THIS IS SO GOOD.
WHAT IS IT?
>> IT'S CALLED "COLE SLAW,"
HONEY, ALSO KNOWN AS
"POOR-PEOPLE
SALAD."
>> MMM! IT'S DELICIOUS!
HOW DO YOU MAKE IT?
>> ARE YOU MY DADDY?
>> SURE, KID.
>> OH. THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.
[ SCREAMING ]
[ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]
>> SO, I JUST MOVED TO L.A.
YOU WANT TO GET SOME
DUNKIN' DONUTS?
>> BRAH, WE DON'T HAVE
DUNKIN' DONUTS IN L.A.
[ EERIE MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> "KNOCK, KNOCK."
"WHO'S THERE?"
"STEVE JOBS."
"WELL, YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE
AWESOME."
"OH? HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU,
AMERICA."
>> OH, COMPACT DISC, SO CLEAR,
SO CRISP.
JOBS WILL PAY FOR MAKING YOU
OBSOLETE.
HAVE AT THEE!
[ DISC SHATTERS ]
YOU'VE RUINED MY PLAN!
>> WHAT?
JOBS WOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW IF
YOU HADN'T SHOWN UP.
>> WHO ARE YOU?
>> I'M ZUNEMAN!
>> AH, THE LEGENDS ARE TRUE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT!
>> THERE IS A SADDER HERO THAN
MYSELF.
>> HEY! AT LEAST I'M NOT AN
OUTDATED FORMAT THAT'S ONLY USED
AS A COASTER NOW.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE WORSE.
YOUR STATE-OF-THE-ART SOFTWARE
AND CRYSTAL-CLEAR SOUND QUALITY
ARE MATCHED ONLY BY YOUR
TERRIBLE PRODUCT DESIGN AND
COUNTERINTUITIVE MENU DISPLAY.
>> WE'RE WORKING ON IT!
[ GRUNTS ]
>> WELL, FOR SOMEONE WITH
120 GIGS, YOU MOVE PRETTY SLOW.
[ WHOOSH! SLICE! ]
>> RUH-ROH!
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOT A
SCRATCH.
GUESS I'LL HAVE TO BUY A NEW
ONE.
>> THEY HAVE REPAIR KITS!
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, CD?
I TOLD YOU, YOU'RE OVER.
[ SHING! ]
[ GUN *** ]
DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU.
>> YOU ALREADY HAVE!
AAAH!
>> HE'S DEAD.
>> WHO ARE YOU?
>> I'M ZUNE!
>> REALLY?
[ Laughing ] WOW!
WHAT A TERRIBLE DESIGN.
>> MAKE IT QUICK.
>> HMM...
I WOULDN'T WASTE THE BULLETS.
>> PLEASE!
DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.
NO!
>> DADDY, WHAT'S THAT?
>> I THINK IT'S A PAGER.
[ BANGING ]
>> HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
W-WHO'S THERE?
DAMN IT, ALFONSE!
THAT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR
COLLEGE FUND.
>> [ CRYING ]
>> [ GASPS ] A TEDDY RUXPIN?!
HE CAN PLAY ANY TAPE, AND HE
MOVES HIS MOUTH ALONG WITH THE
WORDS!
OH! THANKS, UNCLE GALLAGHER!
>> LET'S TRY IT OUT!
I'VE GOT A COPY OF MY STAND-UP
SPECIAL, "MELON CRAZY."
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
[ WHIP! WHIP! ]
[ WARBLE! WHIP! ]
>> AAH!
[ GRUNTS ]
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
AAH!
NO! HE'S GOT A CYANIDE CAPSULE.
DON'T YOU BITE DOWN, YOU SON OF
A ***!
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY MY TAPE!
>> [ GURGLES ]
>> HE'S -- HE'S GONE.
AH. WE'LL HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
>> [ GASPS ]
>> N-O-O-O-O-O!
>> WHOO! ALL RIGHT!
I'M NICKY PASSION, AND I'M HERE
TO SHOW YOU HOW TO MANAGE YOUR
TEAM AND...
>> All: ACHIEVE YOUR DREAM!
>> ALL RIGHT!
OH, CHECK OUT THE MUG ON THIS
ONE.
HEY, MIRROR, MIRROR ON YOUR
FACE, WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS
HELPFUL PLACE?
>> WELL, I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS.
>> I'M KIDDING, REARVIEW.
I READ YOUR BIO.
I KNOW THE STORY.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR VIDEO.
>> NEXT TIME, G.I. JOE!
NEXT TIME, G.I. JOE!
NEXT TIME, G.I. JOE.
>> BUT THAT NEXT TIME NEVER
COMES, DOES IT?
>> NO.
>> MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU STOPPED
COBRA COMMANDING AND START COBRA
COMMENDING.
YOU RUN ONE OF THE MOST
SUCCESSFUL TERRORIST
ORGANIZATIONS IN THE WORLD.
ISN'T THAT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD
OF?
>> I GUESS.
>> MAYBE ONCE YOU STEP BACK AND
LOOK, YOU'LL REALIZE THAT YOU'VE
ALREADY...
>> All: ACHIEVED YOUR DREAM!
>> THAT'S NOT EXACTLY MY DREAM.
I PAID $300 FOR THIS?
>> I'M SORRY, SIR.
I DON'T SEE A NAME TAG FOR
CY-KILL.
>> BUT I TOLD CRASHER TO BOOK MY
TRIP.
SHE MUST HAVE FAILED ME.
YOU SEE, I NEED THIS SEMINAR
MORE THAN ANYONE.
>> SORRY.
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN DO.
>> WELL, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN
DO ABOUT ME TAKING ALL THE FREE
COOKIES.
[ ENGINE REVS ]
[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]
>> I AM MEGATRON, LEADER OF THE
DECEPTICONS.
>> AW, SOUNDS MORE LIKE A
SELF-DECEPTICON.
[ LAUGHS ] LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MEGATRON!
YOU'RE FIRING BLANKS, MEGATRON!
HOW DO MY BALLS TASTE, MEGATRON?
>> AND WHAT'S YOUR GIRL FRIDAY'S
NAME?
>> STARSCREAM.
>> LISTEN TO ME NOW, TONS OF
FUN.
IT'S NOT THE GUN IN THE FIGHT
BUT THE FIGHT IN THE GUN.
AND THIS GUY HERE IS
STARSCREAMING FOR AN
***-WHUPPING!
LISTEN TO ME NOW.
YOU STAND FOR NUMBER ONE, BUT
YOU ALWAYS SIT FOR NUMBER TWO.
>> AH. THANK YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT. WE GOT TIME FOR ONE
MORE, FOLKS.
WHERE IS --
[ SCOOTER BEEPING ]
[ WHIP! ]
CHARMIN, YOU ALL GOOD?
>> WHAT? WHO'S THERE?
>> WHOOPS.
I THINK I WOKE HIM, FOLKS.
>> WHO'S THERE?
>> ANYWAY, TOMMY, DO ME A FAVOR
AND PUT THAT SHAME SPOTLIGHT ON
THE GAY BLADE IN 13C!
>> OH, OH, NICKY!
>> BONES, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I TOLD YOU, MAN, I CAN'T HELP
YOU.
>> BUT I'VE BEEN DOING THE
EXERCISES YOU GAVE ME AND
WRITING IN MY DREAM JOURNAL.
>> HAVE -- HAVE YOU DEFEATED
HE-MAN ONCE YET?
>> WELL --
>> JUST ONCE?
>> I MEAN, WHAT DOES "DEFEATED"
EVEN REALLY MEAN, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, ONE MAN'S DEFEAT IS JUST
ANOTHER MAN'S -- HEE HEE, I'LL
JUST GO.
>> ALL RIGHT, GET ON OUT OF
HERE.
AND REMEMBER, FOLKS, YOU CAN'T
BE THE TOP DOG IF YOU ACT LIKE A
***.
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH!
[ ROCK-'N'-ROLL MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
[ CLOTH UNRAVELING ]
>> All: [ MURMURING ]
>> I CAN SEE YOUR MUMM-BALLS.
>> WATCH OUT! EVIL RAISIN!
>> OH, LOOKS LIKE AN OLD
HACKY SACK.
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.