Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Previously:
She She's beautiful.
She's dead.
You wouldn't have known
if I was holding her
or if she was holding me.
That's how incredible
the experience was.
Which one did you tell first,
you *** liar,
your girlfriend or wife?
They were here.
They knew the story.
They were here?
You have a department
physical coming up,
a physical you are guaranteed
not to pass,
and you want me
to get you off the hook,
give you a clean bill
of health, lie to the F.
D.
N.
Y.
This is all
I know how to do, doc.
I don't fish.
I don't golf.
I fight fires.
The only way
that I will have this kid
is if you promise
to be a normal,
close-to-home dad.
I gotta say, honey,
you look gorgeous right now.
I know.
What are you
laughing at?
You and Janet,
what's What is this?
You guys have the brotherhood,
so we have the motherhood.
Will you marry me?
Yes.
Does that surprise you
or scare you?
Heh.
Fifty-fifty.
Disgusting.
What if she lost 250 pounds?
- She's dead.
- I know.
She can't lose weight,
because she's dead.
- Still no fires?
- Nah, man.
The last tour, caught what,
four frozen water pipes,
a kitten stuck in a toilet,
and a busted valve
in a subway stop.
Three weeks.
Three *** weeks
in the city without a fire.
The last time
we had the ladder up
was Garrity going up
to make sure
the water bucket was full.
What water bucket?
Oh, direct hit.
Oh, man, that was a good one.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I feel bad for you, Mike.
I mean, what is this,
the fifth time? This year.
There's not a third one,
is there, guys?
No.
No third one.
Your job is done here.
Thank you.
Go dry off.
Hey.
Since when do you ask
my daughter to marry
without asking
my permission first?
Whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
No.
You hold on, okay?
She went on a bender, jerk-off.
You pointing fingers at me?
I'm pointing fingers at you
She went on a bender
because she got some
goofy-*** DNA from you.
- Hey, Tom.
Come on.
- Whoa, whoa.
I don't have to ask you
permission for ***, old man.
- What the hell is this?
- News crew.
- What?
- A news crew.
Hey, knock it off, you animals.
It's almost time
for my close-up.
What's going on?
Hi.
Pam Kepp.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
This is the news chick.
Excuse me.
Reporter.
For what?
This is the Jimmy thing.
What Jimmy thing?
The piece they're doing
on Jimmy.
Relax.
This is a good thing.
What do you mean
it's a good thing?
What kind of good thing?
Wait.
All right,
let's go.
Get out.
Come on,
Tommy.
Whoa, whoa!
Hey, ***!
I'm the ***?
Let me tell you
something.
See that guy,
the face up on the plaque
that you got your cameras
and your other *** pointed at?
That's my cousin, all right?
My best friend.
What do you think this is,
the baseball hall of fame?
You waltz in here
and start taking
pictures of plaques?
He was a fireman,
not a *** first baseman!
Anybody that does
anything about him,
they gotta talk
to me first.
And here's me talking.
Get out.
Let's go.
We should shoot this.
What'd you say, ***?
Hey, come on, Tommy.
All right, that's enough!
That's enough!
Let it go!
- Come on!
- Get him outta here!
- Christ, Tom.
- Tom, come on.
Will you relax?
You make a move, we're gonna
kick your *** to the curb.
Who's idea was this?
It was cleared by HQ.
They got official papers.
Really? Signed by who?
Sheila.
***.
It's not ***,
we saw the papers.
Tommy, they're doing a 9/11
Really? What's their
angle, Franco?
What, is it
the 9/11 conspiracy?
Is that their angle?
Maybe it's our crew didn't do
the job they were supposed
to do that day.
Maybe that's the angle.
Or it's the department
they're gonna blame.
No.
Maybe that I slept
with my cousin's wife.
Is that what they're going for?
They picked out six guys
who were there.
Jimmy's one of them.
It's an hour-long special.
Six random guys.
That's the story.
It is a hero piece.
In Jimmy's case,
they're gonna talk
about Damian too.
Family bloodlines,
the baby that he saved.
Hero blood.
Not ***-hound blood.
Huh.
I'm putting an end
to this right now.
Where are you going?
Call somebody to cover for me.
What do you mean, cover for you?
It's kind of short notice.
You got any suggestions?
No.
I mean, doesn't even
have to be a fireman.
Leaky valves and frozen pipes?
Get a *** plumber.
Oh, sure.
Like it's so easy
to find a *** plumber.
* On another day
C'mon, c'mon *
* With these ropes tied tight
Can we do no wrong? *
* Now we grieve
'Cause now it's gone *
* Things were good
When we were young *
* When my teeth bite down
I can see the blood *
* Of a thousand men
Who have come and gone *
* Now we grieve
'Cause now it's gone *
* Things were good
When we were young *
* Is it safe to stay? *
* C'mon, c'mon *
* Was it right to leave? *
* C'mon, c'mon *
* Will I ever learn? *
* C'mon, c'mon *
* C'mon, c'mon
C'mon, c'mon *
All right.
I want some answers.
What is going on with
this Jimmy TV thing?
You're gonna wake the baby.
You know what?
I'm gonna wake the dead
if I don't get some answers.
You know, I was
Came from the firehouse.
Your little new best friend
here
Yes, gave her permission
for the news
to do a story about Jimmy.
I most certainly did.
It was my idea, actually.
What
They called, and they asked
about it,
She called me.
We discussed it.
She called them back
and gave the go-ahead.
With no input from me?
This has nothing to do with you.
What?
Could you pass
me the scrub sponge?
Yes.
I will trade you
the paper towels.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Forgot to tell you that
I love these 2-plies so much.
I do too.
Write that down.
Two-ply paper towels
for when you go to the store.
You smell good.
You smell good.
The vanilla.
What are you wearing?
You are not wearing that
vanilla.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey!
All right,
I have had enough
of this best-friend
***, okay?
We're gonna lay a few laws down
in this house right now.
Okay? Uh.
I'm the boss
around here, okay?
I'm tired of being treated
like, uh,
you know, I'm some kind of a
A Mexican errand boy.
Okay? Yeah.
Right.
Now we go shopping
when I say we go shopping, okay?
And when it comes to Jimmy,
I got a lot of stuff to say.
Okay? So from now on,
strap yourselves in,
sisters, okay?
Because it's gonna be a ride
that's driven by me, okay?
What do you think
about that?
Starting now.
Right now!
What?
You are so insensitive.
Hey, I am not
Oh, you're a caveman.
I said it.
You have no say
when it comes to Jimmy Keefe.
No say!
I mean,
he was my husband.
He's still my husband.
You don't own
his memory.
I do.
It is 10 years later,
and no one remembers his name.
No.
Half of this
country doesn't know
how many firemen
died that day.
And we don't have to worry
about your indiscretions,
because we are in control
of this story.
Of Of my
What about your stuff?
You both did stuff.
A lot
What's wrong with you?
I'm fat!
You Okay, listen.
You are You're not fat.
All right?
I'm huge!
Look at my thighs.
You don't Bare
You have extra calves
instead of thighs.
What are you talking about?
My jeans do not fit.
My ankles are bloated, okay?
And I'm a blimp.
No, you're not.
I'm such a blimp.
Okay, okay,
you You wanna de-blimp?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Go sit next to your mother.
That ought to put things
in perspective.
Ha.
Oh.
No.
Wait.
No, no, no, no.
No.
That did
That didn't No.
No.
See, I did
Listen.
Hey.
I didn't
No, no, no.
I didn't say fat.
She said fat.
I said
I said perspective.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe
you just called Mom a blimp.
No, I never said, "mom,"
and, "blimp,"
in the same sentence.
I I
You knowyou know,
Auntie Sheila's right,
okay?
Uncle Jimmy, he deserves
to be on that TV show,
and he's gonna be
on that TV show,
because he was a hero,
and everybody's gonna watch,
and everybody's gonna see it,
and they're gonna see
what a hero he was.
And mom's not fat!
She's pregnant!
Okay.
It's okay, honey.
- You know what, sweetie?
- You are not fat.
There's a list of stuff we need
from the store.
We need it now.
You are non-sized.
This is,
"tampons, Motrin.
"
Are you guys all, you know,
what do you call it?
Doing the
At the same time?
Yeah.
It's called
cycling, okay?
Okay.
Cycling.
Now why don't you get
Lance Armstrong
to go to the ***
pharmacy for you?
Because I'll tell you
something right now.
I'm not going.
I am not going to the
To the *** aisle.
Oh.
Jeez.
Ah.
Can we help you, sir?
Ah.
No.
I'm good.
Good.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Just, uh Good.
You know this is the
feminine hygiene aisle?
Yeah.
It's not the men's
cologne section.
Uh-huh.
I have a list of stuff.
Vagisil?
Vagisil don't come in a spray can.
Yeah.
Must be pervert week.
All right, man.
Let's go.
Th-that's okay.
I know him.
He's married.
He has a couple daughters.
Let me see.
You know her?
Umm, yeah.
You know what? And this
writing's way too neat
to be a guy's writing.
I'm sure they sent him
down here to get this.
This messy part's
probably yours.
What does that say? "T-tand.
"
Hand lotion.
I have very dry hands.
I can vouch for him.
The hand lotion's
in aisle five.
Show's over folks.
Move along.
Thank you.
Kelly,
what are you doing here?
Buying shampoo.
"Tampax Pearl,
Always With Wings,
Kotex Lightdays.
" Holy ***.
Are all the girls in your
house on the same cycle?
Oh, yeah.
Major cycle.
It's kind of like
the tour de pants.
Heh.
I can help you get this.
Oh.
Well, thanks.
What's, uh
What's going on?
Um, I got cancer.
I moved into an apartment
over here
because it's closer to where
my medical torture takes place.
This says two tubes
of Preparation H?
Yeah.
One's for my wife,
and the other one's for,
uh, Sheila's under-eye
You remember Sheila.
Yes.
Joe Pesci
with ***.
Yeah.
Okay.
"Carefree Pantiliners
for thongs.
"
Who's pregnant?
My wife.
Four months and
And you're still seeing
the *** bull?
No, no, no, no, no.
They're actually
kind of seeing
each other.
They both went ***?
No.
I wish.
They're, uh, like, best friends,
believe it or not.
So your wife
is four months pregnant,
and she's best friends
with your ex-mistress?
Yeah.
I think you're gonna need more
than one bottle of hand lotion.
You should check, see
if they sell it by the case.
Hmm.
Here.
You need this
for your eyes?
Yes.
Thank you.
Ow.
Oh.
Man, that stuff stings.
Yeah.
So, uh, cancer.
Is it, uh
Is it serious?
It's cancer.
Right.
Of course.
Yeah.
What What is
Breast.
I'm down one.
One?
Breast.
Ah.
Right.
But you're
You're okay?
Oh, yeah.
Every day is a party.
Guess which one.
Hmm?
Can you guess
which one's fake?
You
You want me to
That one?
Wrong.
Looks like you're buying
the coffee.
And I think that we should
get you some chocolate.
Choc Why?
- Hey, Lou, where you at?
- Come on, man.
Everybody's on the rig.
Let's go.
Where is he?
Here.
Come on.
Hear everybody
yelling? We're waiting.
I ain't going.
What?
I ain't going.
You ain't going? You taking
a mutual or something?
No.
So you're not going now.
You're not going later.
What? You know some way around
taking the annual physical?
Clue us in.
Nobody
wants to go downtown.
Why don't you guys go
and leave me alone.
If you don't take the medical,
they'll pull you off duty.
If I take the medical,
they'll pull me.
You wanna tell us
what's going on?
I got some health issues,
all right?
It's not a big thing.
All right, but it's
enough of a thing
that if the doctors find out,
you'll be out the door, right?
Exactly how serious is this? I
feel like I got a right to ask,
considering you keel over
in a fire,
my *** is probably gonna burn up
trying to save yours.
I got some heart problems.
Well, yeah, no ***.
We broke you out
of the hospital, remember?
I know.
Since then.
Jesus.
The doctor says it's gonna
be all right,
if I start exercising,
you know, get in shape.
All of which you ain't doing.
Well, I'm starting soon.
You didn't start soon enough.
Which brings us to today,
with you sitting on this couch
while everybody else is waiting.
Ugh, I mean, look, Lou,
I got a lot of respect for you.
Half of what I know
as a firefighter
***, 75 percent
of what I know,
I learned from you.
But come on.
You gotta get
your *** together.
What am I gonna do?
Well, it's Lou, right?
We gotta do something.
Yeah.
Look, come on, man.
Just get on the rig, okay?
We'll figure something
out on the way.
What are we gonna figure out?
I don't know.
How take a complete
head-to-toe physical
without actually taking it.
We got Twinkies
on the rig.
You boys got all your paperwork
filled out, ready to go?
Yeah.
Good to go.
Locked and loaded.
I'm gonna hit the head downstairs.
All right.
I'm going to get a coffee,
but I will leave
you with this:
When the doctor
checks your prostate,
it will not be the last time
the F.
D.
N.
Y.
gives
it to you in the ***.
Godspeed.
Don't clench.
Thanks.
This *** is never gonna work.
How we gonna get away
with this?
I'm the first one
to admit it's crazy.
You never even been
through this.
It's ten, twelve
different doctors.
Gonna be fine.
Million guys
go through here.
They might not notice.
If they do,
it's our ***.
Everything's gonna go well.
We'll cross that bridge
if we come to it.
Hey, 62 Truck.
Just a minute!
Remember who
you're supposed to be
and in what room, okay?
All right, 62 Truck, on three.
One, two, three.
Sixty-two Truck.
Shawn, you're up first.
Lou, let's go.
What?
To the bathroom.
What for?
So you can blow me.
To swap shirts.
Come on.
The plan.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Was he sleeping over there?
You're doing very
well, Lieutenant Shea.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Piece of cake.
One twenty-five
over eighty.
That's a major improvement
over last year,
Lieutenant, uh, Shea.
Yep.
That's me,
Lieutenant Shea.
Lieutenant Kenneth Shea.
Uh, you know,
they call me Lou,
because
Lou-ten-ant is,
you know The Lou goes for
The Lou in the tenant.
So, yeah, says so right here
on this shirt.
Lieutenant Shea.
My shirt.
Okay.
Ahem.
Here we go.
I don't know if I can do this
with you staring at me, doc.
I'm a medical professional,
Lieutenant Shea.
I do this every day.
I don't, I'm a little stage
fright.
I get pee shy.
Do you mind
turning around?
We're required to observe.
It's not like I can see your
I'm gonna stand here all day
with my *** in my hand.
I can do that at home.
I do do that at home.
No, I don't really.
Fine.
Okay, thanks, doc.
Here we go.
Okay.
Unh.
Niagara Falls.
Niagara Falls.
Hudson River, ugh.
Pouring rain.
Tidal waves.
Water fountains.
Anything?
No.
Nothing.
***.
Could you turn
the sink on, maybe?
That The running
water might help, you know?
Thanks, doc.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Much better.
Okay.
Come on, baby.
Work your magic.
There she goes.
Huh?
Yeah.
All right.
Uh-oh.
Uh, ooh,
can you turn that off?
Please turn it off.
Uh, ooh.
I'm gonna need another cup.
Say again?
I'm filling this one up pretty
quick.
Pinch it off.
I'm trying.
Kegels.
Kegels.
Uh Kegels.
Thank you.
Okay.
You got it?
Oh, man.
God.
I'm gonna fill this one up too.
***.
Shouldn't have
had all that coffee.
Can I get another cup?
Thanks.
Thanks, doc.
Okay, here you go.
Ready?
Making the transfer.
Okay.
Phew.
Yeah.
Boy, I'm gonna need
another cup.
Ha, ha.
I I'm all out of cups!
Yeah.
I need another cup,
or I'm gonna ***
all over your floor.
Could you hurry up?
Oh, come on, you monkey.
That's, uh
Oh, Jesus.
Son of a ***.
Got them.
Oh, ***!
I don't know what to say.
Something funny.
I'm so tired
of concerned looks
and sympathetic smiles.
Funny.
Funny ***,
that's what I want.
Okay.
Um
I've always had a thing
for Bruce Willis.
Yeah.
That's what
I'm talking about.
I've never been compared
to a male action hero before.
Except I did see
this one guy
that nicknamed me
Jackie Chan,
but that was because
of this thing I did and it
Never mind.
I took it as a compliment.
Yeah, I got a weird
compliment from my wife
and my ex-girlfriend
the other day.
Said I had girl legs.
Oh, yeah.
Girl legs.
And girl hair
and girl ***.
I wonder what you'd look like
in some of my dresses.
One more operation,
we'll both have
the same bra size.
Is that what they're saying
that you're gonna
They're gonna
take the other one?
No,
but you gotta be ready
for anything, right?
And I have to say that this
whole thing has really
I don't know
made me focus on the real,
actual, tangible,
important things in life.
Like?
***.
No.
I don't know.
I don't know.
This shrink's roaming
the hallway of the cancer ward,
wants to talk about
my feelings and my family
and my ***.
I don't know, my legacy.
They wanna know what I want
my legacy to be.
And?
Well, I don't know.
What's your legacy?
Uh
My kids, I guess.
And unless I, uh,
got killed
in the line of duty
and then that would be my,
you know
You know, you get a plaque.
Where's the plague?
In the firehouse.
Is there something for all
the guys that died in 9/11?
Yeah.
I mean, each firehouse,
we have stuff up, you know,
for my cousin
and the other guys, but, um,
next to Ground Zero,
there's a firehouse.
Outside they have a really
impressive, uh, wall
that they put up
with all 343 names.
It's, you know
And are there pictures?
No, no.
Just the names.
Well, that just doesn't
I don't know,
seem like enough, does it?
Don't you think, for the public,
there should be a picture
to go with the name?
A face? Wouldn't you want there
to be a picture
of your cousin somewhere
so everybody could know
what he looked like?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That'd be
Yeah.
Maybe that's what
I should do.
What, put pictures
of my cousin? What?
No, for me.
I mean,
there's gotta be a picture
of my *** somewhere.
I think Billy Squier took a
picture of my *** once.
Or maybe it was Billy Ocean.
Which one's the black guy?
Billy Ocean
was the black guy.
I smoked a lot of weed
in the '80s too.
It was really hard to remember.
Thank God.
Or maybe I could get
a plaster cast made of my ***
and turn it into
a paperweight or tea cup.
Well, now,
I'd buy a couple of those.
Ugh,
for old times' sake?
Yeah, and also to, uh,
to put in my dress,
fill it out, you know.
Heh.
Couple of those things,
one of your dresses,
and, uh, the space I got
between my teeth,
I think I could give, uh,
Lauren Hutton
a run for her money.
Okay, pay up.
I have chemo in a half hour.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Hurry up.
You gotta get
your blood drawn.
I can't do that
without my shirt.
All right.
Meet you back here.
Come on.
Take it off.
- All right, give me yours.
- If we get caught,
the *** is gonna hit the fan.
- Nobody's gonna know.
- Come on, give it to me.
God, it's tight.
Yeah.
You want me to drop you
at the hospital?
No.
It's only
a couple of blocks.
I like the air.
Gives me time to get ready.
Besides, there's a cute
doctor working on my case
that I kind of have
the hots for,
and I don't want him
to think I have a boyfriend.
What?
I just think that's great
that you still have a,
you know, sex drive.
Well, it's more like
a curiosity drive, really.
You know, if I can get
a guy to like me
based on
just my personality,
what I say,
how I say it,
no hair,
half the recommended cleavage.
Maybe that's your,
uh, legacy.
Heh, maybe.
This was fun.
You should call me, same cell.
Okay.
Later?
No.
Later, I'll be gray
and dizzy and angry.
Kind of reminds me
of when I was drinking.
You quit?
Yeah.
Had to.
I, um I got a call
from the Jameson's people.
They wanted to give me a, uh,
lifetime achievement award.
Took that as a bad sign,
so
See, that would look
great on you.
Nah.
It's the wrong cut.
Makes me look
too hippy.
Well, you better get
that stuff home
before it turns into
Night of the Living Dead
at your place.
Yeah.
All right.
See you later.
Bye.
Bye.
Yo, I got
the lung test next.
Who am I? Me or Lou?
Uh, hold on for a second.
Lung test.
Lung test.
Lung test, you're you.
I'm Lou for the lung test.
Weight test,
you're Lou.
Lung test, me.
Weight, Lou.
Yeah.
Lung, me.
Weight, Lou.
Lung, me.
Weight, Lou.
Lung, me.
Yeah.
Son of a ***
I hope you appreciate
what we're doing.
Talk about taking a bullet.
I just got 16 shots.
Hepatitis B, give me that.
I got a tetanus shot.
I even got the TB test.
You *** bag.
Ow!
You weren't supposed to.
He was supposed
to get his own shots.
We decided that's
one thing he could do.
***!
Yeah, double ***.
You gotta go back later
and get those shots
again for yourself.
What?
Like I said
when I broke it down,
if you cover part
of the physical for Lou,
you gotta go back
do them again for yourself.
Otherwise, your physical
comes up incomplete.
I got an idea.
What?
If I'm getting
all of Lou's shots
and Lou gets all of my shots,
it should turn out all right.
You know what I'm saying?
Lou.
Hey, Lou.
Where the hell
did he go?
*** it.
Hey, can you, uh, die
from getting too many shots?
I don't know.
I guess we're gonna find out.
Sick of needles!
How's it going, Frank?
Chief.
Uh, all good.
So I heard.
You see Feinberg?
No.
No, No.
But I been in and out with the
white coats, so, you know
I can't find him, and I checked
every *** in this place.
Oh.
Ahem.
I checked every ***
in this place.
***.
Something you wanna tell me?
Concerning?
You, Lou?
Um, well, you know, chief,
all due respect,
if I answer that question,
you're not gonna like
what you hear.
So this is like a "Don't ask,
don't tell" situation?
Exactly.
Oh, my God.
What?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, ***.
What's wrong now?
I knew something
was gonna get screwed up.
Lou is supposed to be taking
his own mental evaluation.
Okay.
Ugh.
Well, who's doing it?
I mean, when I say
I *** a lot,
I mean, you know,
one person's "a lot"
can be, uh, another person's
"not so much," right?
And I think
there have been times
when I haven't, like,
masturbated
for, like, a full day.
Or two days, even.
But like they say,
it's good for you, right?
Good for your pro-state?
Prostate.
Yeah, all that stuff.
Are we done yet?
Just a few more questions.
Oh, I'm not a lieutenant.
I mean, yes,
I am a lieutenant.
Why would you say you weren't
a lieutenant, Lieutenant Shea?
Shame?
Why do I smell urine?
Nervous.
Hey, wandering Jew,
what the hell are you doing?
What the hell are you doing
locking me out?
I didn't lock you out.
Oh, come on, you little ***.
Turn my back on you
for two seconds,
and you're conspiring
against me.
Open the *** door!
This isn't
the medical building.
The medical building's
two blocks that way.
No.
I just
I just came out of here.
You went to go to
the bathroom an hour ago.
No one's seen you since.
What is going on?
Why are we standing here,
talking?
I don't wanna talk about this.
Come on.
Let's go.
Sidney.
It's this way.
***.
Okay, girls.
Where the hell have you been?
What'd you do?
Crawl there and back?
Nah, I
Why do you smell like
feminine hygiene spray?
Yeah.
Tropical breeze.
Oh, it was I
This was an emergency.
What part did you not
understand?
I, you know
it's like we have to spell
everything out.
Ooh, dear God.
Girls, chocolate.
He got chocolate.
Aah!
He got chocolate.
You got chocolate.
And it's from France!
Yes.
Oh, ha, ha.
Dad, you smell good.
Thank you, honey.
And you know what, girls?
I was thinking,
uh, while I was making
my little trip, um,
about the whole Jimmy TV thing,
and you know what? I
I rethought it,
and I think it's a good idea.
I think it would be great
for his legacy.
I think it's a no-brainer,
and, uh, I'm in.
Why is? Why is that so funny?
Oh, honey, that's sweet.
He's in.
He's so in.
Yeah, your interview's
next week.
What?
Mm.
Me, Lou, Needles and Franco,
we're doing ours this week,
then you are doing
yours last
so that we can make sure
that you talk and act good.
Whoa.
This is what you guys
were discussing
while I was gone?
Oh, my God.
I think I just swallowed
some crystallized lavender.
Mm-hm?
Mm-hm.
- Crystallized lavender?
- Mm.
Oh, it is heavenly delicious.
Okay.
No, listen.
While you were gone,
ahem,
we were crying, cleaning
and cursing your very existence.
The interviews,
we set up last week.
Well, you can just unset it,
because I'm not doing it.
Okay?
Number one,
because you didn't ask me,
number two, because if you
had asked me, I'd have said,
"I'll do the interview.
When hell freezes over.
"
Okay? You just call back whoever
it is you have to call back
and you tell them
Tommy Gavin is not
What should I wear?
So looking through your results
for all of your tests today,
your blood pressure's great.
Uh, your weight is down
very nicely from last year.
It's, uh, 165.
Yeah.
I, uh
I don't carry it well.
A little in here.
good,
stress test: very good,
uh, lung capacity's
excellent.
Well, pays to take care
of yourself, I always say.
All right, look, blood,
hearing,
vision's all good.
The only red flag
seems to be
from your mental
wellness evaluation,
and, uh, the psychiatrist
strongly recommended
that you seek counseling
for your issues involving
excessive ***,
uh, occasional incontinence,
and your latent homosexuality.
All right.
Um, I'll get right on that.
And, hey,
I wanted to say you guys
just do a great job
down here.
I was dreading coming down here
for this physical, but this year
was easiest it's ever been.
Well, just one more thing.
And I spoke too soon.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Uh, Franco said
you sometimes come here.
How many you had?
Ugh.
Four.
Doing the trick?
It's club soda, Colleen,
all right?
Unlike some people,
I have dignity.
I don't need
that hard *** like you
and your old man
drink so much of.
Drank so much of.
Oh.
Of course.
Here comes the "thing
of the past" speech, right?
Got drunk because you were
nervous, simple and clean.
You're just gonna blow
it all away, right?
So you wanna come up here
and give me my ring back
so, you know, because
you just couldn't handle it all.
It was too much for you.
So get on with the show
so I can get on with my life.
Shawn,
another club soda
for the gentleman.
Thanks.
I think she likes you.
Not as much
as she dislikes you.
You know, brother sharing
same space with a white girl.
Up in here,
you know, we're not exactly
a popular pair, all right?
Especially
with the sisters.
Well, then they're gonna hate
my white Irish *** for this.
What are you doing?
Shawn Johnston,
I want you to marry me.
Let's take this outside.
I know you don't think
I can handle it, but I can.
I'll be ready.
Shh.
Ha.
She's just so silly.
I mean, yeah, been doing
a little drinking.
She's got a bit of
a drinking problem.
Hey, no.
I am
in the program, okay?
I just had a little slip.
I hear that, sister.
What makes you think the lily
white *** can't hack it?
Whoa.
Slow your roll, all right?
She's not a ***.
No, I'm the ***
that's gonna slap that
weave off your head.
You want some?
Because this is real.
Hey! Hey!
No, I saw you
looking at my man.
That is a weave!
Shawn! Shawn!
Calm down!
God.
Calm down,
all right? Chill!
Who was she,
Mo'Nique on crack?
This is Harlem, baby.
You don't see me walking
into Paddy McFadden's
down in Hell's Kitchen sticking
my tongue down your throat.
Know your surroundings, Colleen.
And you gotta corral
that anger, man.
Trying to take on a bar
full of pissed off sisters?
What are you thinking?
Yeah, I'm not scared
of them, Shawn.
That's what I'm talking about.
No.
And I'm not scared
of marrying you either.
If you just hang in with me,
I know I can do this.
I want to do this.
I'm not gonna say yes
just because you
Because you want me to,
all right?
You're scary, baby.
But not as scary as the prospect
of being married to a drunk.
I need some time
to think about this.
Okay.
Okay, so take some time.
I'm not going anywhere.
Good.
But if you do,
make sure you
don't go anywhere
above 110th Street.
Sisters are looking
to cut you deep.
I'm *** my pants.
Hey, I love you.
I must be out of
my *** mind.
Uh, Lou, you really think
that's the best idea after
everything we just did for you?
What? It's a Power Bar.
It's a Snickers.
You have your power,
I have mine.
Hey, man.
We need to talk, Tommy.
Okay, that's our cue.
Sit down!
Wait a minute,
is this like a family thing?
It is.
As much as you ***
wanna deny it,
you're all in the ***
family.
Sit down.
***.
Great.
Not only can we
not catch a fire,
now we're all part
of the de facto Gavin clan.
Lucky us.
Colleen proposed to me.
What?
She asked you?
Yeah.
That's right.
She got down
on one knee,
showed me a ring,
and she proposed.
Sounds a little backwards.
Yeah, well, in the Gavin family
station wagon,
reverse is drive.
That's a good point.
The women have
the balls in that family.
Didn't Maggie propose
to Garrity?
She did.
Thanks
for bringing it up.
Want lemon juice
to pour in that wound?
How'd that work out?
It was the best
I left with a rosy outlook
on relationships,
not to mention nightmares
and the scars,
You gotta get a girlfriend.
Well, clearly
he can't rope one.
You know, maybe he needs a cat.
Okay, you know what, guys?
Why don't we all shut up
and let the kid
finish what he had to say.
Let me guess.
You said yes,
and you came down here
to give me the finger
and gloat.
No.
I came to ask
for your blessing.
Now you want my blessing.
Listen, Tom,
I respect you,
and it wasn't right for me
not to ask you
for Colleen's hand.
I was just so worried
and caught up
not knowing
what she was gonna say,
and it didn't cross my mind
how you would feel.
And I haven't given her
my answer just yet.
In light of
all of your knowledge
and wisdom and experience
in the matter of marriage,
I came to ask if you think
I should marry your daughter.
And whatever you decide,
Tom,
I'm gonna respect
that decision.
Really?
So whatever I say
is what goes.
That's very classy.
And I say
No.
Aw.
Oh, man.
No.
- Wow.
- Aw.
That's cold, Tom.
Thanks for asking.
Yeah, Colleen, it's me.
Yes.
I will marry you.
Oh, ***.
Aww.
What?
I respect you, now it's time
for you to respect me.
Okay, Dad?
Wait a minute.
Is that it?
If that's how it begins,
I can't wait to see how it ends.
*** it.
Let's go.
Ladder.
Battalion.
Button up your coats, boys.
We got a live one!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Might be a big mother too.
Could go four alarms.
Is anybody inside?
We got three adjoined tenements.
Fully stocked!
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
It's like Christmas all over.
* I got the world
On a string *
* Sitting on a rainbow *
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's go.
Move them over.
* What a world *
* What a life
I'm in love *
Step aside.
Let the master do it.
Old school.
Unh.
Check out across the hall.
* Anytime I move my finger *
* Lucky me *
* Can't you see I'm in love *
* Life is a beautiful thing *
* As long as I hold a string *
* I'd be a silly so and so *
* I should ever let it go *
* I got the world on a string *
* Sitting on a rainbow *
* Got the string
Around my finger *
* What a world
What a life *
* I'm in love *
* Life is a beautiful thing *
* As long as I hold a string *
* I'd be a silly so and so *
* If I should ever let it go *
* I got the world on a string *
All right, fellas,
come on.
We're taking up and
heading back.
Chief, come on.
We just got here.
The fire's been over
for two hours.
You gonna overhaul the whole
neighborhood?
You two, get down here.
Come on.
We're just getting started.
Fill your tanks, clean
your tools when we get home.
Dispatch has just
assigned us to a block
down on 128th and Lennox.
Sounds like another job.
You got about
Ah, that sounds
like a hot one.
Whoo!
Let's go, ladies!
We got more work to do.
Finally.
Come on.