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What's got Daphne all worked up now?
It wasn't Daphne.
It was Maris.
She's gotten involved
with some Argentine polo player.
It turns out he's a gold digger
with a violent temper to boot.
Dr. Crane? Yes?
I'm Esteban di Rojo.
I tell you, Maris will
never come between us again.
MAN: And now, news headlines.
Police have just arrested
Seattle socialite Maris Crane
for the *** of her lover,
polo star Esteban di Rojo.
Oh, come in.
Niles. What have you heard?
Not much. The TV news
is still pretty sketchy.
Dad, did you find anything out?
I called some buddies at the station.
They'll call back when
they know something.
DAPHNE: It's just so freaky.
I can't believe that man is dead.
He was standing right where
you are just a few hours ago.
How you holding up, son?
As well as can be expected.
I meant your brother.
Oh, well, I'm-I'm stunned, of course.
The idea that-that Maris
actually killed someone...
Well, we've all seen her ***
many a lively dinner party.
That's terrible. Frasier.
Oh, come on. I'm joking,
and haven't I earned a
right to my gallows humor?
After all, are you forgetting
that just this afternoon
I was punched in the
face by a man now dead?
Thank you.
Here, drink this.
Oh, thanks.
(phone ringing)
NILES: Hello.
This is he.
Yes, of course.
Uh, I'll be there shortly.
It's the police.
They want to talk to me.
My God, why? They don't suspect you
of anything, do they?
I don't think so.
I don't think they could.
They couldn't, could
they? Dad ? . Calm down.
You had lunch with her today.
They just want to know
what you talked about.
What did we talk about?
What did we talk about?
Uh, let's see. Well...
We-we discussed the upcoming
women's arts festival
and their tableaux vivant.
They're going to be re-enactin
Schmitt's painting of
"The Martyrdom of St.
Ursula by Attila the Hun. "
Naturally, Maris will pose as the Hun.
Ah.
A tad dramatic for my taste,
but nonetheless, I told her I'd help out
by lending her my antique crossbow
to help complete the
tragic scene on the Rhone.
Of course, talk of the Rhone
inevitably led to
that wonderful anecdote
about the Nazarene painters
of Biddlespock Palace.
(guffaws) : Those beer-loving rascals.
Tell it, Niles.
No!
What did she say about the polo guy?
Well, I-I told you,
she-she mentioned
she felt unsafe around him
and that she thought he only wanted her
for her money, and I urged
her to end the relationship.
Well, that's pretty tame stuff
It'll take more than a little lunch
to tie you into a ***.
Oh, dear. Niles, they're in
front of Maris' house now.
...startling new development
in the society *** case.
Sources say alleged murderer
Maris Crane killed her polo
- playing lover, Esteban di Rojo,
with an antique crossbow.
You gave her the *** weapon.
(telephone ringing)
Hello?
It's a reporter.
I'm not here.
I'm sorry, he's not here
and I don't know when he's coming back.
I'd rather not say.
I'd rather not say!
Oh, thank you. Manchester, actually.
Hang up.
Good-bye.
NILES: I don't believe this.
It's an unlisted number.
They must think I'm involved somehow.
Th-they're actually
trying to imply that...
(gasping)
No, no, no, I'm not going to panic.
The only way to get through
this is to remain calm.
Right. Now, let's go
on down to the station
and get this all sorted out.
I'm coming, too.
No. You have to rest up
for our doctor's
appointment tomorrow morning.
I'll stay with Daphne.
NILES: Don't worry.
Everything is going to be fine.
(telephone ringing)
You know, that's going
to go on all night.
You want to just stay at my place?
Thanks, but if I let them
drive me out of me own home,
then they've won.
(phone ringing)
Allow me.
Hello?
I see.
Yes, I'll tell her.
Your mother heard the
news. She's on her way over.
Well, we survived.
The kid held up.
What took you all night?
Oh, there was a lot of waiting.
Here, let me take your jacket.
Thank you.
Fortunately, we found
a nice, cold metal bench
between two drunk bikers
and a *** who called me Peaches.
Yeah, and the interesting thing
happened when we were leaving.
We ran into Maris'
lawyer on the way out.
And he told us the whole story.
Apparently Maris and
Esteban had a fight,
and Maris kicked him out.
She was trying to calm
herself by practicing
her tableaux vivant pose
with the... with the crossbow,
which she needs all the
practice she can get.
She has terribly weak triceps.
Well, all of a sudden,
Esteban burst back in
through the balcony window.
Maris was-was startled to death
and pulled the trigger in self-defense.
He was dead before he hit the parquet.
So where is she now?
They're holding her as a flight risk.
Can you imagine?
Well, it didn't help
that when they found her
she had a passport, a wig
and $ 10, 000 in her purse.
Maris always has those
things in her purse.
Well, you've got to admit, Niles,
it doesn't look very good.
I can't believe she
could have planned this.
You do learn something about a woman
when you've slept in the room
next to hers for 1 5 years.
(thump)
Oh, that must be the paper.
So she just happened
to be posing with a loaded crossbow
the exact moment he burst in on her?
And don't you just know the prosecutor
is going to try to twist
that into something sinister?
FRASIER: Oh, dear.
It's on the front page.
They don't mention Niles, do they?
Let me see...
Ah, here we are, yes, uh,
"Maris Crane is believed
"to have gotten the
crossbow from her ex-husband,
"Dr. Niles Crane, with whom she lunched
on the day of the ***. "
Is that you and Maris on your honeymoon?
Uh, that is the experimental
liposuction center in Gestaad.
So, yes.
"According to sources,
Crane divorced the accused
"some years ago to
marry her plastic surgeon
"whom he left in order
to marry... " Oh, dear.
"To marry Daphne Moon, a housekeeper. "
Oh, that's just lovely.
Now, now, now, now.
The press is notorious
for getting things wrong.
(chuckling) : Yes. Niles is right.
For-for example, look.
Further on here, it-it says, (chuckles)
"Dr. Crane is the brother
of local deejay Frazer--
with a 'Z'--
Crane. "
You just have to laugh these things off.
(laughing)
Well, I can't laugh.
That horrible woman has managed
to slither her way back into our lives.
No, she is not back in our life.
This whole thing is going
to blow over in no time.
How can you be so calm?
Well, in situations such as this,
there are only two ways to react.
Either you go to
pieces or you stay calm,
and I've chosen to do the latter.
Bravo, Niles. That's very healthy.
Yeah. Well, better go home, son.
Get some sleep. You've had a long night.
That is a good idea.
I'll call you later.
All right. Thank you.
Oh. We have your doctor'
s appointment this morning.
Oh, don't worry, you don't have to come.
Oh? And miss hearing
my baby's heartbeat?
I don't think so.
Besides, I'll be fine.
Plenty of time to sleep
after the baby's born.
ROZ: How you holding up?
Apart from the lack of
sleep, I'm all right,
although, now that it's in the news
that I provided the
crossbow, I can't go anywhere
without people whispering and pointing.
(phone ringing)
Oh, excuse me.
Hello?
Hello, Maris.
Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry.
Yes, that's awful.
can. I'll-I'll-I'll
do what I
Yes, all right.
Oh, that was Maris.
Poor thing lost her shoes.
She put them outside her
cell to be polished, and...
someone named Big Judy is
holding them for ransom.
FRASIER: Well, I...
how often does she call you?
Uh, more often than
you'd think she could,
being in jail.
Hasn't she made your life hard enough?
Oh, I can't turn my
back on her now, Roz.
She's literally fighting for her life.
Oh, wonderful.
More news vans.
Maybe it's time I made a statement.
Absolutely not, Niles.
That is the worst possible
thing you could do.
It would only fan the
flames. I'll tell you what.
, Why don't you slip out the back way
and I will talk to them for you.
Oh, that's... there's no need, Frasier
No, Niles, I insist.
I'm used to dealing
with these media jackals.
You have no idea how
they can twist your words
with editing tricks and such. All right.
Off you go.
Thank you, Frasier.
Is Niles Crane in here?
He is not.
I will be speaking on his behalf.
Gentlemen, you may roll tape.
Good afternoon, Seattle.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane,
spokesman for the Crane family.
Recent events involving
my brother, Niles Crane,
and his ex-wife are tragic...
almost as tragic as the
rampant media speculation
concerning his involvement.
If there is any justice in the world,
Maris Crane and Niles
Crane will soon be executed.
Thank you. That is all I have to say.
I said no such thing.
I did? I did?
Excuse me. Excuse me. Come back.
FRASIER (over TV): Maris
Crane and Niles Crane
will soon be executed.
That's four times in one newscast.
Must be some kind of record.
They know I meant exonerated. (groans)
FRASIER: Oh, Daphne, Niles!
Listen, I'm, I'm so sorry
about today's little gaffe
You know what I meant.
Oh, don't worry.
Anyone can make a little slip.
We know you were only
trying to ruin our lives.
I mean, help.
Niles, once again, I'm so sorry.
No, no, Frasier, please, it's all right.
I should have talked to them myself.
I hope it'll be all right
if we stay with you for a while.
Why? What happened?
Well, since Frasier's
little press conference,
the media frenzy's only increased.
It's become a nuisance
for our neighbors.
TV crews and news helicopters,
plus the entire press corps
from Esteban's hometown in Argentina.
Last night some cheeky bloke
from the Buenos Aires Herald
climbed a tree and took a picture
of old Mrs Gotschalk in her sitz bath.
Apparently, the readership of the Herald
is mostly lonely gauchos.
FRASIER: You know, Niles,
your good cheer in spite of everything
is just remarkable.
Well, I've chosen not
to let it get to me,
and it hasn't.
Of course, much of the
credit goes to my Daphne.
I-I'm so truly blessed to have
such a loving and supportive wife.
She is at once my
huggle-bunny and my rock.
I think I might throw up.
Huggle-bunny was a bit much.
No, no, my stomach, it's upset.
Well, Daphne, can I get you something?
Oh, thank you, Frasier.
I wouldn't mind ten years in prison.
Oh, I meant crackers.
Well, I-I guess I deserve
that, but, uh, may I remind you,
I'm a bit of a victim myself..
as just yesterday I was
punched in the face by a man...
now dead.
Thank you.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Hello... Mmm.
No, no, I haven't forgotten.
Yes, I'll try to get
the re tomorrow morning.
All right, good-bye, Mmm...
That was Maris, wasn't it?
Where will you be tomorrow morning?
The jail. I-I-I said
I'd try to visit her.
Have you lost your bloody mind?!
I have tried to be patient,
but this is too much!
You promised me that woman
would be out of our lives.
, Now she's calling every minute
the papers report as though
you two are still married,
and I can't even sleep in my own bed!
I know, darling, b-but
you can't blame me
for everything that's happened
The hell I can't!
If you hadn't snuck off
to have lunch with her,
we never would have
been dragged into this,
and you wouldn't be sleeping
alone on the couch tonight.
But you did, and we were, so you are!
I hate that kind of cracker!
That was kind of harsh.
FRASIER: I'll say.
These are imported from Belgium.
Poor thing.
She's overtired and a little hormonal.
I'll, I'll go try to talk
her into choosing to be calm.
Boy, he's really holding up well.
A little too well.
I'm starting to fear
he's not dealing with
his emotions at all.
Right.
That's the whole secret to holding up.
Dad, it's called "repression
, "and it is not healthy.
The man is a walking pressure cooker.
It's his senior year
all over again.
What are you talking about?
Oh, that's right.
He swore me to secrecy.
Well...
Niles got mono.
He missed four weeks of class, right?
So, he was studying around the clock,
trying to catch up.
Just before finals, his
girlfriend dumped him
for his roommate.
Niles insisted he was just fine
right up until the very moment
when they found him in
the all-night grocery,
sitting in a freezer bin,
talking to a bag of frozen corn...
whispering, "Why so cold, my love?"
All calm.
Want me to help you make up the couch?
No, no. I can manage.
Okay. Well, I think
I'll hit the rack, too
Sherry, Niles?
Oh, how lovely.
Thank you.
Mmm.
To the balcony?
Mm, after you.
Niles, while I admire
your initial fortitude,
I can't help thinking
you may have taken things
to extremes.
As you know, it can be dangerous
to repress one's emotions.
Ah, true, but there is no way
of weathering a situation like this
without a certain degree of detachment.
Are you sure you're not too detached?
Oh, nonsense.
Everything's under control.
Oh, look at that.
What in the hell?!
Just a news chopper!
Pay it no mind!
(shouting): That doesn't bother you?!
You get used to it!
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Get inside!
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
You know perfectly well
I meant "exonerated"!
Hello, Roz.
Hi, Niles.
A cappuccino, please. And one for him.
You don't look so good.
I didn't get much sleep last nightagain.
I'm surprised you're
here after yesterday.
I refuse to be cowed
into changing my routine.
Let me get this.
I have my coffee, I go to work.
Of course, all my patients
want to talk about is Maris.
Esteban's crazed brother
left me a message,
saying I owe some sort of blood debt.
Some days it just doesn't
pay to get off the sofa.
You've had it pretty rough.
What are my choices?
I can go to pieces, or I can bear up
and live my normal life.
Can I get a straw, please?
Oh, sorry, sir, that was the last one.
I see.
The last straw.
Gosh, is it warm in here?
It is. It is. It's warm in here.
Oh, it's suffocating.
That's better.
I'll get you a straw, Niles.
Do you need a straw?
No, no, no. You heard her.
There are no more straws.
Oh, that feels so much better.
Oh, everything was just
so tight before. Aah!
(straining): Yes! Oh!
Coffee shop without straws?
(giggling)
It makes no sense.
You can borrow my straw, see?
Oh, this is great.
I was being smothered.
Oh, I can breathe!
I don't know how you stand it.
Hello, Frasier? It's me.
How close are you to the cafe?
All right, well, hurry up and park,
because Niles is almost completely...
Niles is completely naked.
Oh... Niles.
I'm calling the cops.
The hell you are.
This man's tips alone have probably paid
for all the pot you'll ever smoke.
Just back off, cowboy.
And that goes for the rest of you, too.
Hello, Niles.
Hey.
What's going on?
Heat wave in Texas.
Well, Niles, maybe you should, uh,
put some clothes on.
Ah...
nah.
No. No, too much. Too much on me.
I'm feeling very constricted.
me. I'm fine now . Don't touch
Niles,
Iook at yourself.
Hello.
I think I'm having that dream
where I'm naked in Nervosa.
I think a lot of people
are having that dream.
We have to go now, Niles.
Oh. But...
you're not getting in my car like that.
Is he okay?
It's just a-a panic attack.
It's happened before,
but he's never been quite this close
to butterfly-net territory.
May I have your apron, please?
And-and yours?
All right, Niles, I'm
going to wrap you up
Iike a big, green Christmas present.
You like Christmas, don't you?
There we are.
Oh.
(chuckling)
ROZ: Okay, listen up.
Me and my friends are
going to back out of here,
nice and easy.
As far as any of you are concerned,
this never happened.
And if any of you decide to be a hero
and call the police,
trust me, I will find you.
Oh, Roz, that was persuasive.
Well, there's nothing
worse than waking up naked
with a bunch of cops standing around.
I bet.
Well, there he is!
Rise and shine, lazybones.
I'm surprised it's still light out.
I thought it would be dark by now.
Well, it was already.
You've been asleep for 20 hours.
Oh, well, I guess I needed it.
So how are you feeling?
Oh, much better.
Frasier, I'm so sorry I embarrassed you.
Niles, you didn't embarrass me one bit.
Well, maybe... maybe just a little.
On our way to the car,
a breeze from a passing school bus
turned your apron into a cape and...
(phone rings)
Hello?
It's Maris.
You don't have to take this.
No, I really should.
Hello, Maris.
Yes, yes, listen,
there's something I-I want to say...
Yes, but...
Well, of course, you're alone!
You're alone because you
killed your boyfriend!
Now, I am on your side,
but there is a limit
because I have a
wonderful, pregnant wife.
And as far as my attention is concerned,
she comes first, always.
I will help you through this,
but now you have to help
me by saying good-bye.
No. No. No. What do you have to say?
Yes, good-bye.
Now there's the Niles that's
been missing in action.
Thanks for what you said about me.
Though I haven't been
completely wonderful.
No, you've been irritable and
you made me sleep on a couch.
That's the stuff, Niles.
Doesn't it feel good to
get it off your chest?
Oh, stuff it, Mr. Malaprop.
Family spokesman.
The Manson family should
have a spokesman like you.
He's really getting the
hang of this, isn't he?
And you.
I'd have been home from
that jail an hour earlier
if you hadn't convince d your buddies
to let you squeeze off a
few rounds into a Dumpster.
You kept him waiting
while I was at home worried sick?
I was doing him a favor.
Keeping him away from
you and your hormones.
Oh, some favor.
Making me stay with Frasier.
He made me do housework.
I'd forgotten that until this moment.
You made her do housework?!
A pregnant woman? That's pretty low.
Oh, fine! Fine!
Turn your anger on me!
It's almost as if you'd forgotten
that not three days ago,
I was punched in the
face by a man now dead.
Thank you.
Now who wants pancakes?