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>>WELCOME TO TIME FOR HOPE, A FAITH-BASED MENTAL HEALTH
PROGRAM.
JOIN CERTIFIED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR AND CHRISTIAN
PSYCHOTHERAPIST, DR. FREDA CREWS, AND HER GUESTS AS THEY
DISCUSS REAL-LIFE ISSUES AND OFFER EXPERT CLINICAL ADVICE AND
SOLID BIBLICAL APPLICATION FOR ANY AND ALL LIFE SITUATIONS.
NOW HERE'S THE HOST OF TIME FOR HOPE, DR. FREDA CREWS.
>>THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME ON ANOTHER EDITION OF TIME FOR
HOPE.
I APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND I PRAY THAT GOD WILL
USE WHAT MY GUEST AND I ARE ABOUT TO SHARE WITH YOU TO
INFORM AND EMPOWER YOU TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE.
MY GUEST FOR TODAY IS AUTHOR, PASTOR AND DIRECTOR OF
COUNSELING AT CHELTEN BAPTIST CHURCH IN DRESHER PENNSYLVANIA
DR. WILLIAM P.
SMITH.
BILL HAS COME TO SHARE WITH US FROM HIS BOOK TITLED LOVING WELL
EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN.
IF YOU SEEM TO KEEP REPEATING THIS THE SAME RELATIONSHIP
MISTAKES STAY WITH US AS BILL AND I SHARE HOW YOU CAN STOP
THESE DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS FROM CONTROLLING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
AND INSTEAD LEARN TO LOVE OTHERS AS A RESULT OF EXPERIENCING
GOD'S LOVE FOR YOURSELF.
>>AND WILLIAM AND I'M GOING TO BE CALLING YOU BILL, DR. SMITH
IT'S GREAT HAVING YOU ON TIME FOR HOPE.
>>THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>>AND YOUR NAME IS SO COMMON EVERYWHERE I TURN THERE'S A
WILLIAM IT SEEMS LIKE IN MY LIFE.
MY DAD WAS A WILLIAM, MY SON OF COURSE IS A JUNIOR AND WE CALL
HIM BILL.
DO YOU GO BY BILL GENERALLY?
>>I GO BY BILL YES.
>>YES AND SO DO YOU KNOW THE BACKGROUND FROM WHERE THIS
WILLIAM COMES FROM?
>>FROM THE KINGS, RIGHT?
>>FROM THE KINGS ABSOLUTELY.
THEY USED TO NAME THEIR SONS AFTER THE KINGS AND OF COURSE MY
DAD CAME FROM IRELAND AND SO I THINK HE HAD A DOUBLE.
HIS WAS A WILLIAM HENRY.
>>OKAY.
>>YES.
BUT ANYWAY I'VE GONE THROUGH YOUR BOOK, YOU'VE DONE A GREAT
JOB AND YOU ARE MEETING A NEED.
I ENCOURAGE OUR VIEWERS FROM THE VERY START TO GET A COPY OF YOUR
BOOK AND REALIZE THAT WE AS PROFESSING CHRISTIANS ARE
FAILING IN THIS VERY AREA, FAILING TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER,
FAILING TO CARE FOR ONE ANOTHER, FAILING TO BE THERE FOR ONE
ANOTHER.
NOT EVERYBODY, THERE ARE SOME THAT WORK OVERTIME AT IT AND WE
PRAISE THE LORD FOR THEM.
BUT OUR CHURCHES AS A WHOLE NEED TO GET THE TRUTH THAT YOU HAVE
IN YOUR BOOK THAT GOD INTENDS US TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
HE SAYS IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER IN THE SCRIPTURES AS YOU
BRING OUT.
SO LET'S START WITH A QUESTION.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THE EMPTY WAYS OF LIFE?
>>THAT'S ACTUALLY A PHRASE THAT COMES OUT OF FIRST PETER.
HE DESCRIBES IT AS JESUS HAS RESCUED YOU FROM THE EMPTY WAYS
OF LIFE HANDED DOWN TO YOU BY YOUR FOREFATHERS AND YOU
RECOGNIZE THAT YOU AND I HAVE BOTH HAD EXPERIENCES FROM OUR
PAST, FROM THE PEOPLE THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR US AND
NURTURE US THAT WERE NOT EXACTLY THE WAY THAT GOD WOULD HAVE
CARED FOR US AND LOVED US.
AND THAT NOW HAS TRANSLATED INTO OUR OWN WORLDS AS THE WAY THAT
WE NATURALLY FALL BACK ON WHEN WE'RE TRYING TO ENGAGE OTHER
PEOPLE EVEN WHEN WE KNOW IT'S NOT GOING TO BE VERY HELPFUL.
>>YOU KNOW BILL WE'RE DOING A GOOD JOB I BELIEVE THESE DAYS.
I KNOW FRANKLIN GRAHAM DOES AN EXTRAORDINARY JOB OF LOOKING
AFTER THE HUNGRY AND THE NEEDY AND GOING TO THESE PLACES YOU
KNOW ACROSS THE NATIONS.
HE'S DOING A WONDERFUL JOB AND A WONDERFUL WORK.
I KNOW FRANKLIN AND HE'S JUST A SUPER GUY DOING A WONDERFUL
MINISTRY AS WELL AS CARRYING ON HIS FATHER'S MINISTRY.
AND THEN WE HAVE CHURCHES IN SPARTANBURG THAT ARE MEETING THE
PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS OF PEOPLE LIKE FOOD AND CLOTHING AND
THEY'RE DOING A GREAT JOB AT IT AND WE WANT TO GIVE THEM CREDIT
FOR THAT.
BUT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT HAVE PLENTY OF CLOTHES, PLENTY OF
FOOD, NICE HOMES TO LIVE IN THAT ARE NOT BEING CARED FOR AND
LOOKED AFTER AND LOVED AS GOD WOULD HAVE THE CHURCH DOING.
DO YOU AGREE WITH ME ON THAT?
>>ABSOLUTELY I THINK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US STRUGGLES IN
THAT AREA BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US RUNS INTO PEOPLE DAILY
WHO ARE NOT ALWAYS VERY EASY TO CARE FOR.
WE KNOW THERE'S AT LEAST TWO REALITIES TO EVERY PERSON WE
MEET TODAY.
WE KNOW THAT THEY'VE SUFFERED AND WE KNOW THAT THEY'VE SINNED.
WHICH MEANS IF I WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM I'VE GOT
TO GET GOOD AT LEARNING HOW TO ENGAGE SUFFERERS AND SINNERS
APART FROM THEIR PHYSICAL NEEDS AND THE PHYSICAL NEEDS ARE HUGE.
BUT THERE'S THAT RELATIONAL DYNAMIC WHERE I'M CALLED AS AN
AMBASSADOR OF JESUS CHRIST OUT OF SECOND CORINTHIANS 5 TO GIVE
YOU AN EXPERIENCE OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN GOD'S PRESENCE, TO
CARE FOR YOU THE WAY HE WOULD.
>>BECAUSE HE SAYS SO PLAINLY THAT HE MINISTERS TO US IN OUR
NEED.
GOD DOES.
HE MINISTERS TO US AND I'VE FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE
PERSONALLY.
BUT HE SAYS AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE TO LEARN FROM THIS HOW I
MINISTER TO YOU AND YOU'RE TO GO OUT AND MINISTER TO OTHERS THAT
ARE IN PAIN AND HURTING AND SUFFERING IN THE SAME WAY THAT
I'VE MINISTERED TO YOU.
>>AND THAT'S WHERE I THINK THE HOPE COMES BECAUSE IF I CAN ONLY
GIVE AWAY WHAT I'VE EXPERIENCED AND IF ALL I'VE EXPERIENCED ARE
THESE EMPTY WAYS OF LIFE FROM MY FOREFATHERS I'M REALLY STUCK
KNOWING HOW TO CARE FOR YOU EXCEPT THAT JESUS BREAKS INTO
THAT CIRCLE, THAT CLOSED LOOP, AND HE GIVES ME A PRESENT ACTIVE
EXPERIENCE OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LOVED.
AND I LOOK THROUGH THE SCRIPTURES AND HE NEVER COMMANDS
ME TO LOVE SOMEONE IN A WAY THAT I'VE NOT ALREADY EXPERIENCED
FROM HIM.
SO I'M ONLY TOLD TO FORGIVE SOMEONE AFTER I'VE BEEN
FORGIVEN.
AND I'M ONLY TOLD TO PURSUE SOMEONE AFTER I'VE BEEN PURSUED.
I'M ONLY TOLD TO COMFORT SOMEONE AFTER I'VE BEEN COMFORTED.
AND I START TO REALIZE IN THE SCRIPTURES HE IS ALWAYS THE ONE
WHO'S DOING THE ACTIVE INITIATING OF LOVE AND THEN HE
INVITES ME TO GIVE AWAY A LITTLE TINY BIT OF THAT EXPERIENCE TO
SOMEBODY ELSE.
>>YOU BROKE IT DOWN IN I BELIEVE THREE SECTIONS OF LEARNING TO
LOVE AS YOUR BOOK BRINGS OUT AND I LIKED THAT A LOT.
AND SO WE START OUT WITH WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, COMFORTING
LOVE.
HOW DO YOU COMFORT OTHERS?
AND THEN YOU'VE GOT SYMPATHETIC LOVE WHERE YOU CAN SYMPATHIZE
WITH THEM.
AS A COUNSELOR YOU EMPATHIZE VERY OFTEN.
STRUGGLING LOVE THAT'S CONFESSING OUR TEMPTATIONS TO
ONE ANOTHER.
HOW IN THE WORLD OFTEN DO WE DO THAT?
DO WE HAVE ANYONE THAT WE CAN SIT DOWN WITH AND SAY YOU KNOW
WHAT I NEED YOU TO PRAY WITH ME?
I'M GOING THROUGH A TERRIBLE TIME.
I'M BEING TEMPTED IN SUCH AND SUCH A WAY.
>>AND YET WHEN WE DO THAT IT OPENS UP THE RELATIONSHIP.
MY WIFE AND I WERE AWAY FROM THE KIDS FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND WE
CAME BACK AND WE'RE AROUND THE TABLE AND I SAID SO WHERE DID WE
SEE JESUS IN THE LAST SEVERAL DAYS?
AND MY DAUGHTER TURNS THE QUESTION BACK AROUND TO ME,
WHERE DID YOU DADDY?
AND I SAID I SAW HIM AS I WAS TEMPTED TO BE DECEITFUL AND
UNPACKED A STORY WHERE I'D BROKEN SOMETHING AT A FRIEND'S
HOUSE AND TRIED TO COVER IT UP AND THE LORD CONVICTED ME OF
THAT IN THAT MOMENT.
AND YOU JUST START TO WATCH AND MY SON STARTS TO ENGAGE A LITTLE
BIT MORE AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY AND I ACTUALLY THINK I'D
LEARN THAT FROM JESUS BECAUSE HE SHARES STORIES THAT YOU COULD
NOT KNOW OTHERWISE ABOUT THE WAYS THAT HE WAS TEMPTED WHILE
HE WAS ON EARTH.
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME HE WAS IN THE DESERT AND SATAN COMES
BACK AND FORTH?
THERE ISN'T ANYBODY ELSE AROUND DURING THAT TIME.
THEREFORE THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU AND I KNOW THE DETAILS OF THAT
STORY IS IF HE DECIDED TO SHARE THEM WITH US.
AND SO OUR GOD UNPACKS HIMSELF AT THAT LEVEL, HERE'S THE THINGS
THAT I STRUGGLE WITH OR THE PLACES WHERE I WAS TEMPTED,
COULD HAVE FALLEN, DIDN'T AND NOW HE INVITES US TO HAVE THAT
SAME EXPERIENCE WITH EACH OTHER.
>>YOU KNOW THERE'S A GREAT DEBATE OVER THAT WHETHER HE
COULD HAVE GIVEN IN AND I BELIEVE HE COULD HAVE GIVEN IN.
I'VE READ WHERE HIS TEMPTATIONS ACTUALLY ARE MORE PAINFUL THAN
OURS BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GIVE IN, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER DID HE GIVE
IN TO A TEMPTATION.
AND SOME SAY WELL IT MAKES IT WORSE BECAUSE HE COULDN'T GIVE
IN.
BUT HE WAS TEMPTED NO MATTER WHAT.
WHICHEVER DIRECTION YOU TAKE HE WAS TEMPTED AS WE ARE.
THE SCRIPTURES ARE VERY CLEAR ABOUT THAT.
>>HEBREWS CHAPTER 4 TEMPTED IN EVERY WAY WHICH MEANS THAT IF IT
WAS IN EVERY WAY THAT YOU AND I ARE TEMPTED, FAILURE WAS A
POSSIBILITY OTHERWISE IT'S NOT IN EVERY WAY, YET DID NOT SIN.
>>HE WAS HUMAN.
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT JESUS WAS AS
HUMAN AS HE WAS GOD AND HE WAS AS MUCH GOD AS HE WAS HUMAN.
THAT IS DIFFICULT TO GRASP ISN'T IT?
>>OH I THINK NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE.
WE'RE STILL STRUGGLING TO BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S ALREADY
REVEALED.
BUT AS HEBREWS CONTINUES TO SAY IN CHAPTER 4 IT'S THAT
EXPERIENCE THAT ALLOWS HIM TO GIVE GRACE TO US IN OUR TIME OF
NEED.
WHICH GIVES ME GRACE AT THE TABLE WHEN I'M TEMPTED NOT TO
SHARE MY FEELINGS WITH MY KIDS.
BUT I REALIZE NO GOD GIVES ME THE GRACE TO SHARE IN THE SAME
WAY THAT HE SHARED HIMSELF WITH ME AND I WATCH THE SAME THING
HAPPEN.
I WATCH US GET DRAWN TOGETHER IN THE SAME WAY THAT HE DRAWS ME
TOGETHER WITH HIM.
>>YOU KNOW I HAVE A DEAR, DEAR FRIEND AND HE'S BEEN ON MY SHOW
TALKING ABOUT IT AND WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND
HE'S PASSING THROUGH HIS SEVENTH TIME OF TONGUE AND THROAT CANCER
AND STILL A PROFESSOR AT JOHN BROWN UNIVERSITY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO I KNOW UNDERSTANDS ME AND WHOM I CAN
CALL AND TALK WITH WHEN I'M GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME
OR A PARTICULAR TEMPTATION?
I CAN CALL HIM.
>>BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE GETS IT.
>>I KNOW HE GETS IT AND ALSO KNOW HE CARES.
>>YES, YES.
>>HE LETS ME KNOW EVERY SO OFTEN I GET AN E-MAIL REMINDING ME
HE'S PRAYING FOR ME AND THAT HE CARES AND SO YOU KNOW I WOULD
LOVE TO HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS LIKE HIM BUT HE IS A TRUE FRIEND
AND REALLY FITS IN TO WHAT YOU'VE WRITTEN ABOUT IN YOUR
BOOK.
>>AND AS YOU WERE SAYING EARLIER THAT IS WHAT THE CHURCH IS
SUPPOSED TO BE.
IT'S A COMMUNITY OF STRUGGLING SAINTS WHO GET EACH OTHER AND
WHO ARE ABLE TO SHARE.
HERE'S THE COMFORT THAT I HAVE RECEIVED, SECOND CORINTHIANS 1,
HERE'S THE COMFORT THAT I HAVE RECEIVED FROM GOD IN MY TIME OF
STRUGGLE THAT IS NOT JUST FOR ME BUT IT'S ALSO FOR YOU.
>>YOU KNOW MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE EARLY CHURCH IS THAT THERE
WASN'T A PREACHER THAT STOOD UP AND JUST PREACHED AND EVERYBODY
ELSE KEPT QUIET.
WHEN I'M READING THE SCRIPTURES I FIND THAT THEY WERE WEEPING
WITH THOSE THAT WEEP.
THEY WERE REJOICING WITH THOSE THAT WERE REJOICING AND SO
FORTH.
THEY WERE SHARING WITH EACH OTHER IN THEIR CHURCH SERVICES.
DO YOU GATHER THAT?
>>I THINK IN CHURCH SERVICES IT'S A LITTLE MORE FORMALIZED
AND IN THEIR NORMAL DAILY LIVES AND YOU REALIZE THIS IS WHAT
WE'RE HERE FOR.
WE CAN BE SUCCESSFUL, WE CAN HAVE OUR JOBS, WE CAN HAVE OUR
FAMILY BUT WE'RE HERE FOR MORE THAN THAT.
WE'RE HERE TO REBUILD THE COMMUNITY THAT GOD STARTED IN
EDEN THAT HIS GRACE IS NOW ALLOWING US TO RECAPTURE.
>>WE CAN EVEN GATHER THAT WITH JESUS BEING AT MARY AND MARTHA
AND LAZARUS' HOME CAN'T WE?
>>YES.
>>THAT THEY WERE SHARING.
JESUS WAS SHARING AND HE WAS ABLE TO RELAX WITH THEM.
HE KNEW THEY LOVED HIM BUT AT THE SAME TIME MARY WAS
MINISTERING TO HIM SO WAS MARTHA IN HER WAY MINISTERING TO HIM
AND TAKING CARE OF HIS NEEDS.
AND THEY WERE AS IT WERE FLOWING IN TO EACH OTHER'S LIVES.
>>AND I WONDER IF SOME OF THIS IS, SOME OF OUR WESTERNIZED FORM
OF THINKING THAT THE GOOD EMPHASIS ON THE INDIVIDUAL MAY
BE OVERBLOWN AND SO WE FORGET THE COMMUNITY.
YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN GOD CALLS US TO IMAGE HIM IT'S NOT SIMPLY
AS INDIVIDUALS BUT AS A COMMUNITY BECAUSE HE'S A
COMMUNITY.
FATHER, SON, HOLY SPIRIT CONSTANTLY ENGAGED, CONSTANTLY
INTERACTING AND HE CREATES HUMANITY IN HIS IMAGE.
THE WORD THERE IN GENESIS IS NOT JUST INDIVIDUAL MAN OR WOMAN BUT
HUMANITY IN TOTALITY.
AND SO RELATIONSHIPS ARE AT THE CORE OF WHO WE ARE AND THEY'RE
AT THE CORE OF WHO WE'RE REDEEMED TO BE.
>>YES.
EVERY PAIN WE FEEL COMES FROM RELATIONSHIPS.
EVERY JOY AND PEACE COMES FROM RELATIONSHIP EITHER FROM OUR
VERTICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD OR OUR HORIZONTAL
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
DO YOU AGREE WITH ME?
>>I DO.
>>IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
PSYCHOLOGIST, DR. JAMES DOBSON, RELATES THAT LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM
PRODUCES MORE SYMPTOMS OF PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS THAN ANY
OTHER FACTOR YET IDENTIFIED.
SELF-ESTEEM IS A CONSCIOUS OR UNCONSCIOUS SELF-EVALUATION
RELATED TO OUR WORTH AS PERSONS.
WE CAN RELATE MORE EASILY WHEN WE USE THE WORD "FEEL".
HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF?
DO I FEEL I MEASURE UP TO OTHER PEOPLE?
WOULD MY FEELINGS INCLUDE THE WORD SHAME WHEN IT COMES TO ME,
MY RELATIONSHIPS, MY BEHAVIOR, OR MY FAMILY?
SHAME COMES FROM HAVING BEEN ABUSED AS A CHILD OR ADULT,
HAVING AN ALCOHOLIC FATHER OR MOTHER, INDULGING IN SELF
DEPRECIATING BEHAVIORS, HAVING BEEN CONVINCED BY OTHERS THAT WE
ARE UNATTRACTIVE OR IN OTHER WAYS DON'T MEASURE UP.
A LOW SELF-IMAGE CAN OFTEN BE LINKED TO OUR EARLY HOME
ENVIRONMENTS.
THE FACE OF A FEMALE CLIENT COMES TO MY MIND WHO WAS
EXPERIENCING A DEEP CLINICAL DEPRESSION AND A VERY LOW
OPINION OF HERSELF, AND THE TWO GENERALLY GO HAND AND GLOVE.
AS WE TALKED ABOUT HER FAMILIAL HISTORY AND BACKGROUND, SHE
RECALLED THAT HER FATHER REPEATEDLY TOLD HER WHILE SHE
WAS GROWING UP THAT SHE WAS THE UGLIEST GIRL HE HAD EVER SEEN.
GRADUALLY, WE WERE ABLE TO RE-STRUCTURE HER THINKING ABOUT
HERSELF BY IDENTIFYING HER POSITIVES AS A WOMAN, WIFE,
MOTHER, AND CHRISTIAN.
MAKING FRIENDS WITH OURSELVES BY COMING TO APPRECIATE WHO WE
REALLY ARE, AND REALIZING OUR POTENTIAL TO BECOME A SHAME FREE
CONFIDENT CHILD OF THE CREATOR GOD, BREEDS HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM.
ARMED WITH THE INNER KNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE PRIZED BY GOD, WE
STAND ON EQUAL FOOTING WITH THOSE AROUND US.
SO WHAT SHOULD BE OUR PLAN OF ACTION FOR LOVING OTHERS,
GAINING AND ENJOYING A STRONG SENSE OF OURSELVES, OUR
ABILITIES, AND OUR VALUE AS PERSONS?
RESOLVE TO PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST, WILLINGLY FORGIVE THOSE
WHO HAVE HURT YOU, SEEK THE FORGIVENESS OF THOSE WHOM YOU
HAVE HURT, ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL OFFENSES AGAINST
HIM, AND RESOLVE TO ALLOW PERSONAL ABUSE, LOSSES,
BETRAYALS AND FAILURES TO TRANSFORM YOU INTO THE PERSON
YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.
LET YOURSELF LOVE OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO, WITHOUT LETTING
PREVIOUS ABUSE GET IN THE WAY.
INSTEAD OF ALLOWING YOUR PAST OR PRESENT TO HOLD YOU CAPTIVE,
RESOLVE TO FIND THE FREEDOM AVAILABLE IN JESUS CHRIST.
IN HIM, YOU ARE FREE TO BE FREE FROM ALL THAT KEEPS YOU FROM
BEING THE PERSON YOU WERE MEANT TO BE (GAL 5:1).
>>THANKS FOR STAYING WITH US ON TIME FOR HOPE.
OUR GUEST FOR TODAY IS DR. WILLIAM SMITH AND WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT HIS BOOK LOVING WELL EVEN WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN.
SO IT CAN BE A NEW START, IT CAN BE SOMETHING WE NEVER.
YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE THAT WILL BE VIEWING THIS SHOW BILL HAVE
NEVER GIVEN THIS A THOUGHT.
IT WILL BE NEW THINKING FOR THEM THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
AND THEN SOME PEOPLE THERE ARE THOSE THAT DON'T NEED
RELATIONSHIPS AS MUCH AS OTHERS NEED RELATIONSHIPS.
BUT I DON'T KNOW OF ANYONE, ANYONE THAT DOESN'T NEED TO BE
IN RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU ARE A THERAPIST AND I SAW THE LATEST STATS ON THIS
RECENTLY AND IT WAS TRUE MANY YEARS AGO THAT LONELINESS LIES
AT THE ROOT OF MUCH MENTAL ILLNESS.
>>I THINK YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND I THINK THAT THAT IS
PART OF WHY JESUS RECALLS US BACK TOGETHER.
YOU THINK ABOUT A PASSAGE LIKE EPHESIANS CHAPTER 2 WHERE THE
FIRST PART TALKS ABOUT HOW GOD HAS SAVED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL.
THE SECOND HALF IS ALL ABOUT HOW GOD HAS SAVED YOU INTO A
COMMUNITY.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LONELY.
AND YES SOME OF US NEED A WHOLE LOT LESS INTERACTION THAN
OTHERS.
I WOULD TEND TO BE OUT ON THAT INTROVERT END OF THE SCALE.
BUT WE'RE STILL REQUIRED BY VIRTUE OF WHO GOD'S MADE US TO
BE ENGAGED WITH EACH OTHER.
AND I WOULD EVEN PUSH SOME OF US WHO PREFER TO BE ALONE A LITTLE
BIT MORE.
MAYBE IT'S NOT ALWAYS FOR ME BUT IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF THE OTHER
PEOPLE I NEED TO BE ENGAGED.
>>THEN ALSO IN RELATIONSHIP THOUGH WE ARE NOT TO BE
SELF-CENTERED AND DOING IT FOR WHAT WE GET OUT IT.
WE'RE TO BE GIVERS NOT TAKERS.
>>AND IT'S VERY EASY FOR US TO SORT OF PUT ON A MASK OF A GIVER
SO THAT IT FEEDS ME A LITTLE BIT MORE.
I KNOW ONE YOUNG LADY WHO HAD TO BE, HAD ONE OF HER FRIENDS PULL
HER UP SHORT A LITTLE BIT IN COLLEGE AND SAY YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT WHEN YOU GIVE WE ALL KNOW THAT THAT'S TO MAKE YOU FEEL
GOOD AND SO WE WOULD REALLY RATHER YOU DIDN'T GIVE TO US
ANYMORE.
AND IT WAS VERY HELPFUL TO ME.
I'M ALMOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE TO ADMIT IT BUT IT WAS A GOOD 10
YEARS INTO MY MARRIAGE BEFORE I STARTED TO REALIZE THAT I'M NOT
THERE TO FINALLY GET MY WIFE TO GET ON BOARD WITH WHATEVER MAKES
MY WORLD'S EASIEST.
I'M ACTUALLY THERE TO LEARN TO ASK A QUESTION WHAT DO YOU NEED
TODAY FROM ME TO BE THE PERSON THAT GOD MEANT YOU TO BE.
NOT THE PERSON THAT I'D PREFER YOU TO BE.
NOT EVEN THE PERSON MAYBE YOU'D PREFER TO BE BUT WHO GOD MADE
YOU TO BE.
>>YOU KNOW BILL, AND I'VE DONE SOME SHOWS ON THAT AND IT'S A
GREAT NEED FOR MEN.
IT IS A GREAT NEED ESPECIALLY FOR MEN TO REALIZE THAT THEIR
WIVES NEED THINGS FROM THEM THAT MANY OF THEM NEVER ASK FOR OR IF
THEY ASK THEY'RE NOT UNDERSTOOD.
>>OR THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW THEMSELVES.
>>OR THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW THEMSELVES OR THEY'RE NAGGING.
YOU KNOW MEN USE THAT WORD A LOT, THEY'RE BEING NAGGED.
>>I THINK WE LIKE TO USE THAT WORD BECAUSE IT SORT OF MAKES
THE LADY FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT HERSELF AND IT GETS US OFF THE
HOOK FROM ACTUALLY HAVING TO LAY OUR LIVES DOWN FOR OUR WIVES
WHICH IS OUR CALLING OUT OF EPHESIANS 5.
>>VERY CLEAR AND PLAIN.
I HAVE OFTEN SAID AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME
ON THIS.
I HAD SOMEONE DISAGREE WITH ME ON THIS.
WIVES SUBMIT WHICH IS A VOLUNTARY SUBJECTION, YOURSELVES
TO YOUR HUSBANDS OKAY?
AND I HAVE SAID THAT IF THE HUSBANDS WOULD DO THE REST OF
THAT CHAPTER LIKE THEY'RE ADVISED TO IT WOULDN'T BE
DIFFICULT FOR WIVES TO BE VOLUNTARILY SUBJECT THEMSELVES
TO THEIR HUSBANDS' LEADERSHIP.
>>I BELIEVE IT WOULD BE AN AWFUL LOT EASIER.
AND ACTUALLY ALL OF THOSE CHAPTERS 5 AND 6 ALL FLOW OUT OF
THAT ONE PLACE BACK IN CHAPTER; I'M GOING TO FORGET NOW.
IS THAT CHAPTER 4 WHERE WE'RE TOLD TO, 4:18, TO BE FILLED WITH
THE HOLY SPIRIT?
PART OF WHICH IS TO SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER AND I THINK CHAPTERS
5 AND 6 FLOW OUT OF SUBMITTING TO ONE ANOTHER.
LADIES HERE'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU, MAN HEARS WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE FOR YOU, CHILDREN HERE'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU,
PARENTS HERE'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU, EMPLOYEES,
MASTERS.
ALL OF THAT IS AN EXEGESIS OF SUBMITTING TO ONE ANOTHER.
>>IT HAD TO DO WITH HUMILITY.
WHO IN THE WORLD DO WE THINK WE ARE?
WE'RE NOT MUCH WITHOUT GOD'S LOVE AND WITHOUT THE HOLY SPIRIT
GROWING US UP IN JESUS CHRIST ARE WE?
>>NO AND OUR CALLING IS TO BE HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT JESUS
WAS HERE FOR THE SAKE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU CAN'T GET ANY MORE CLEAR FROM EPHESIANS CHAPTER 2 WHERE
HE LEAVES EVERYTHING AT THE HIGHEST POINT TO COME DOWN TO BE
THE LOWEST SERVANT FOR WHAT?
TO BENEFIT THE REST OF US.
WHY WOULD WE THINK THAT OUR CALLING IS ANY DIFFERENT THAN
THAT?
>>AND I'M LEARNING BECAUSE WHEN I GO OUT INTO THE PUBLIC I'M
RECOGNIZED AS BEING ON TV AND I AM APPROACHED AND SO FORTH AND I
AM LEARNING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT PEOPLE.
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE IMPORTANT IN THIS BECAUSE I'M ON TV.
YOU'RE IMPORTANT.
SO I ASK THEIR NAME AND WHERE THEY ATTEND CHURCH OR GET
INVOLVED A LITTLE BIT IN THEIR LIVES AND SOMETIMES RIGHT THERE
ON THE SPOT THEY'RE IN SUCH DISTRESS I PRAY WITH THEM RIGHT
OUT IN PUBLIC, RIGHT ON THE SPOT.
BUT BEING ABLE TO SAY I LOVE YOU MEANS A WHOLE LOT.
I'VE EVEN FOUND IN COUNSELING THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT HAVE
NEVER BEEN TOLD THAT.
>>YES, THEY'VE NOT BEEN TOLD THAT FROM THEIR FAMILIES GROWING
UP, FROM THEIR FRIENDS, FROM THEIR NEIGHBORS, FROM THEIR
CURRENT FAMILIES AND WHEN THE CHURCH DOESN'T DO A GOOD JOB OF
THAT EITHER.
BUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ACTUALLY SOUNDS TO ME LIKE ONE
OF THE CHAPTERS IN THE BOOK ON GREETING EACH OTHER.
RECOGNIZING THAT'S WHAT GOD DOES.
HE COMES TO ABRAHAM, HE COMES TO HAGAR, HE COMES TO THESE
COMPLETE NOBODIES AND HE CALLS THEM BY NAME, INTRODUCES HIMSELF
TO CARE ABOUT THEM.
AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT AS YOU DO THAT WITH OTHER PEOPLE IT MAKES
A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LIVES.
>>WELL THEY'RE SPECIAL TO ME AND I LET THEM KNOW THAT AND I THINK
IF OUR CHURCHES COULD REALIZE THAT EVERYBODY AND YOU SAY IT IN
YOUR BOOK, EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW THEY'RE SPECIAL TO OTHER
PEOPLE AND NEED TO KNOW THEY'RE LOVED AND SO FORTH.
SO I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU LOVING WELL EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN.
AND I WOULD ENCOURAGE OUR VIEWERS AGAIN TO GET YOUR BOOK
AND NUMBER TWO TO START LEARNING TO LOVE.
I LIKE THAT LEARNING TO LOVE.
LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU COMING ALL THE
WAY FROM PENNSYLVANIA.
I HAVE A GRANDSON THAT LIVES UP THERE IN THAT AREA, TO APPEAR ON
TIME FOR HOPE AND TO SHARE YOUR BOOK WITH US AND THEN I HAVE
SOMETHING TO SHARE WITH YOU FROM A VIEWER.
>>BE ASSURED THAT WE HAVE COVERED THIS PRAYER REQUEST WITH
OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND THAT HE IS ABLE TO BRING EVERY BIT OF
THIS ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T SHARED YOUR PRAYER REQUEST WITH US WE
ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO BECAUSE WE PRAY OVER EACH AND EVERY ONE
THAT COMES INTO TIME FOR HOPE.
AND THEN I HAVE A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT.
>>AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGING NOTE AND I INVITE
OTHERS TO LET US KNOW WHEN YOU'RE VIEWING OUR PROGRAM AND
THAT YOU'RE BEING BLESSED BY IT BECAUSE IT ALL COMES FROM OUR
HEAVENLY FATHER THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD AND THROUGH HIS
WORD.
I CAN'T TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR IT.
JUST GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO THE LORD.
I LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING YOU JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON TIME
FOR HOPE.
>>YOU CAN GET A COPY OF TODAY'S BOOK FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF ANY
AMOUNT TO THE TIME FOR HOPE MINISTRY.
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ON YOUR SCREEN.
THANKS FOR WATCHING TIME FOR HOPE.