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So today's topic, we're talking about jealousy and envy-
"The Green-Eyed Monster." And,
if you're a woman, you've experience jealousy.
Maybe you've been the one that was envied, but certainly we all have had
problems with jealousy.
And there is a righteous jealousy.
God has spoken of having jealousy with regard to us because He loves us, and
when you love somebody you are jealous
for their good. But today we're talking about but the envy
that rots our bones. And
in considering my own addiction,
I have thought that there is a base note
of self-pity that is associated with
addiction, and it helps me to justify bad behavior,
and I think it is closely related to envy.
Because in my way of thinking,
envy is a toxic emotion- it's very toxic.
But, it is a way of looking at the world
and saying it's not fair-
that they have that and I don't. So that feeds right into self-pity.
And it's a dissatisfaction with the life that you have. So,
all of us, moment by moment day by day, sometime we feel that more than others,
but ultimately that's what it is. And I remember specifically growing up
with- I embraced it-
I was jealous of my cousin that lived across the street.
I'll own up to it. She was two years younger than me
and my best friend. And from the age of five
on, I lived across the street from her. And her mother was my
mother's sister, and so we were together all the time.
And I didn't have a father, so Uncle Bob kind of, Aunt Eloise and Uncle Bob took us in
and we were all part of this
family. And she had two younger brothers and I had a sister three years
younger and then
we had a half-brother later. But growing up with this beautiful Amy- she was a beauty
queen,
she was small and blue-eyed
and golden skin and had a beautiful smile-
everybody loved her, she was the golden girl. And
to my way of thinking, I was the tall, dark,
awkward, gawky one. And I remember specifically,
when I was 16 years old, my grandmother took me to Europe for two weeks.
And it was a great experience, but we came back to New York
exhausted and I'd been wearing the same clothes for two straight weeks,
and my aunt
and my cousin came up to meet us, and I just remember how fresh and beautiful
they both looked. And I just felt haggard
and dingy. And we went into Bergdorf Goodman,
and they were looking at darling little shoes-
darling little shoes. Well I wear, at then I wore a ten-and-a-half, now I'm eleven-and-a-half.
I wore ten-and-a-half and those darling little shoes didn't come in my size.
And I remember thinking her skin was so flawless,
and it was in, let me see, when was that?
It was 1976, and so the bronzing was in as it is now,
and I remember she looked so beautiful being bronzed
with those blue eyes, and sadly,
I loved her, but my life was,
in a negative way, influenced by
a comparison of her life to mine- I wanted her life.
I wanted to look like her, I would have the size feet she had, I wanted to laugh
the way she laughed,
and I just was down on myself all the time, because
I was not her. Have you ever experienced that?
It is translated in many other ways, but
today especially, I'm thinking of how deadly it can be
in families. If you have more than one child, you know sibling rivalry.
You know that comparisons are inevitable- you're always going to be looking and
saying, "They're different for me,
they're different from me." But, there's a way to look at someone else that's different-
even to applaud the beauty
and the superlatives of what they have, and you can praise it
and admire it, or it can twist you and make you bitter.
It can become an obsession that destroys. So today, I hope,
as we discuss this topic, that it will reveal some things to you, because
being envious and the roots of jealousy
are often very difficult to accept,
because they can hide themselves under other things- it's just hard to
admit
that kind of insecurity. And ultimately, it's a rejection of God-
ultimately all jealousy is a rejection of God. It's saying as the Israelites say,
"Okay, what good is it that you brought me out of slavery, and brought me out here,
and have been feeding me
and giving me water every day- what good is it when
I don't have the life I used to have? What good is it if only I had that?"
Remember, we talked about it last week. And it's basically saying, "God, what
you've done for me is not enough."
I was looking in this book called, "Jesus Calling," which is
a wonderful daily devotional with passages of Scripture that are written
together to speak to you directly. And this is from yesterday.
Jesus is saying, "Let me free you from fear that is hiding
deep inside you." For me, it's the fear of not measuring up- It's the fear
of not being good enough to be loved- Not being worthy.
He said, "Allow my light to soak into you, and to drive out any
darkness lodged deep within." It's the darkness
that makes us look and say, "God you're not enough."
"Instead of regretting or resenting the way that things are,
trust in me." You see, jealousy
produces regret, but it also produces
resentment. So the challenge for today,
is to look at what God has done for us.
And without looking to one side or the other, and without looking back, to be
able to say that, "I have a hope in Him.
And if I have God, there's nothing else I need,
and there are no "only-if's"- God is in control
and He's good.