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IN A CITY OF PERFECT PEOPLE,
NO ONE WAS MORE PERFECT THAN BROOKE.
SHE WAS AN INTERIOR DESIGNER WHO ONLY DATED A-LIST GUYS.
FOR BROOKE,
EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT WAS LIKE THE SENIOR PROM.
SO WHEN SHE GOT MARRIED,
WE WERE ALL DYING TO SEE WHICH ONE HAD MADE THE CUT.
WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERED
THAT BROOKE ONCE DESCRIBED THIS MAN
AS MORE BORING THAN EXPOSED BRICK ?
IT WAS YOUR AVERAGE $100,000 WEDDING.
INVESTMENT BANKERS AND THE WOMEN WHO HATE THEM,
CLASSMATES FROM STEINER, DALTON AND BROWN.
AND US.
WE LOOKED LIKE "THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK".
A WEDDING THIS SIZE ALWAYS HAS TWO SINGLES TABLES.
WE WERE AT THE OTHER ONE.
HELLO.
HI, I'M BERNIE TURTLETAUB, FRIEND OF THE GROOM.
( Carrie ) IT WAS THE TURTLE.
A MANHATTAN LEGEND, KNOWN FOR TWO THINGS.
GOOD INVESTMENTS AND BAD BREATH.
( Samantha ) GOD, MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.
( Carrie ) HERE, SIT DOWN.
I CAN'T, THIS OUTFIT ONLY WORKS IF I'MSTANDING.
OH, I THINK IT WORKS EITHER WAY.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M AT THAT TABLE OVER THERE.
YOUR FRIEND IS GORGEOUS.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO
TO GET TO KNOW HER BETTER ?
DO YOU THINK THE PEARS IN THIS TART ARE BOSC
OR BARTLETT ?
WHO CARES ?
TWO HOURS LATER, WE WERE BORED.
SUPPLIES WERE DWINDLING,
AND ONE OF OUR PASSENGERS HAD JUMPED SHIP.
SO, ARE WE GOING TO STICK AROUND
AND CATCH THE BOUQUET ?
THAT IS SO NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
BOSC, THEY'VE GOT TO BE BOSC.
OH, CAN YOU BELIEVE I FINALLY DID IT ?
YOU'RE NEXT !
BILL'S GOT SOME GREAT SINGLE FRIENDS.
IT'S ALWAYS BETTER TO MARRY SOMEONE
WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM.
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME THINGS
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
BUT THIS ONE CROSSED THE LINE.
HEY, DID I WAKE YOU ?
NOT AT ALL.
QUESTION.
WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED
IF THEY'RE NOT IN LOVE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
COMPANIONSHIP, GUILT...
POLITICAL ASYLUM ?
WELL, WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED ?
I WAS A FOOL IN LOVE.
OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.
AND THEN I WAS A FOOL IN DIVORCE COURT.
YEAH, AND NOW YOU'RE JUST A FOOL.
EXACTLY.
WHICH IS WHY I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.
SUDDENLY, I HAD TO CONCENTRATE ON BREATHING.
ARE YOU IN BED WITH SOMEONE ?
NO, ARE YOU ?
JUST THREE SLICES OF WEDDING CAKE.
ARE YOU JEALOUS ?
THAT DEPENDS.
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FROSTING ?
GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.
I HUNG UP THE PHONE, WONDERING,
COULD I DATE A MAN WHO WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED ?
( Miranda ) WOW, A GUY WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED !
FILM AT ELEVEN !
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SURPRISED BY THIS.
YOU KNOW WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED ?
MEN WHO MISS THEIR MOMMIES.
MAYBE THIS WASN'T MY TARGET AUDIENCE.
AM I THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS THIS IS A MAJOR BUMMER ?
WHAT IF YOU SPEND FIVE YEARS WITH HIM,
AND IN THE END YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT ?
I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
UNTIL HE TOLD ME I COULDN'T THINK ABOUT IT.
NOW IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.
JUST BE COOL, YOU DON'T CARE.
THEN HE'LL WONDER WHY YOU DON'T,
WHICH WILL MAKE HIM REALIZE HE DOES,
AND THEN IT'S A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME.
SO IN YOUR WORLD, IT'S ALWAYS SIXTH GRADE.
I THINK THAT A RELATIONSHIP HAS TO BE BASED ON
HONESTY AND COMMUNICATION
IF IT HAS ANY CHANCE OF SUCCEEDING.
OKAY, IF YOU WERE 25, THAT WOULD BE ADORABLE,
BUT YOU'RE 32 NOW, SO THAT'S JUST STUPID.
WELL, I CAN'T JUST IGNORE IT, CAN I ?
NO.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?
IN 50, MEN ARE GONNA BE OBSOLETE ANYWAY.
I MEAN, ALREADY YOU CAN'T TALK TO THEM,
YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO HAVE KIDS WITH,
YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THEM TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYMORE,
AS I'VE JUST VERY PLEASANTLY DISCOVERED.
UH-OH, SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY JUST GOT
THEIR FIRST VIBRATOR ?
NOT FIRST, ULTIMATE.
AND I THINK I'M IN LOVE.
OH, PLEASE, STOP ! THIS IS SO SAD.
COME ON, I'M NOT GOING TO REPLACE A MAN
WITH SOME BATTERY OPERATED DEVICE.
BUT YOU HAVEN'T MET "THE RABBIT".
IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET A VIBRATOR,
AT LEAST GET ONE CALLED "THE HORSE".
A VIBRATOR DOES NOT CALL YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.
A VIBRATOR DOES NOT SEND YOU FLOWERS THE NEXT DAY.
AND, YOU CANNOT TAKE A VIBRATOR HOME
TO MEET YOUR MOTHER.
WELL, I KNOW WHERE MY NEXT *** IS COMING FROM.
WHO HERE CAN SAY AS MUCH ?
THAT NIGHT, SAMANTHA WENT ON A DATE
WITH A FLESH AND BLOOD MAN,
WHILE THE THREE OF US WENT IN SEARCH OF
FURRIER COMPANIONSHIP.
LADIES, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE RABBIT.
$92 ?
PLEASE, THINK ABOUT THE MONEY WE SPEND ON SHOES.
WELL, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF USING THAT.
I'M SAVING SEX FOR SOMEONE I LOVE.
FANTASTIC, IS THERE A MAN IN THE PICTURE ?
LOOK.
OH, IT'S SO CUTE.
OH, I THOUGHT IT'D BE SCARY AND WEIRD,
BUT IT ISN'T, IT'S ALL PINK FOR GIRLS.
AND, LOOK, THE LITTLE BUNNY HAS A FACE
LIKE LITTLE PETER RABBIT.
YEAH, AND IT'S EVEN GOT A REMOTE.
I MEAN, HOW LAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE ?
LATER THAT NIGHT BACK AT THE BRIAR PATCH...
WOW.
( phone )
HELLO.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THE EVENING I'VE HAD.
( buzzing )
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME ?
YEAH.
JERRY, WHO SAMANTHA MET AT BROOKE'S WEDDING,
TOOK HER TO LAVA, NEW YORK'S RESTAURANT DU JOUR.
FROM THE MOMENT I SAW YOU AT THAT WEDDING,
I KNEW WE'D BE HAVING DINNER TOGETHER.
WELL, AREN'T YOU COCKY ?
I'M THE KIND OF GUY, I SEE SOMETHING,
I LIKE IT, I GO AFTER IT.
YOU SOUND LIKE MY KIND OF GUY.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
10 MINUTES AND A COUPLE OF COCKTAILS LATER...
WHERE THE HELL IS HE ?
EXCUSE ME.
HE OBVIOUSLY HAD SEEN SOMETHING ELSE HE LIKED
AND GONE AFTER IT.
THEN, JUST WHEN SHE THOUGHT HER EVENING
COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE...
SAMANTHA ? HEY, SAMANTHA !
IT'S ME,
BERNIE TURTLETAUB FROM THE WEDDING.
OH, RIGHT.
ARE YOU HERE ALL BY YOURSELF ?
UH, WELL, SORT OF, I'M...
SIT DOWN, JOIN ME !
GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT.
WHAT SAMANTHA NEEDED NOW MORE THAN ANYTHING
WAS A COMPLIMENT FROM ANYONE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE SYNCHRONICITY.
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU !
UH-HUH.
SO, DO YOU LIKE THIS SHIRT ?
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND PICKED IT OUT FOR ME.
HONEY, NO OFFENSE, BUT YOUR BREATH...
I KNOW.
IT'S THESE CHINESE HERBS I'M TAKING.
YOU KNOW, FOR LONGER LIFE.
WELL, WITH BREATH LIKE THAT
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE A VERY LONG LIFE, ALONE.
I KILLED THE LAST WOMAN WHO TALKED TO ME LIKE THAT.
SAMANTHA WAS IMPRESSED.
THE TURTLE HAD ATTEMPTED A JOKE.
ONCE WE GET THE BREATH UNDER CONTROL,
I'M GOING TO TAKE HIM SHOPPING
FOR A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.
HE'S A CUTE LITTLE FIXER-UPPER.
SWEETHEART, HE'S A MAN, NOT A BROWNSTONE.
HONEY, WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH HIM,
HE'LL BE GRACIE MANSION !
SAMANTHA AND THE TURTLE ?
BUT THEN AGAIN,
I'M DATING A MAN WHO WILL NEVER GET MARRIED,
AND MIRANDA IS HAVING A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMETHING THAT COMES IN A BOX FROM JAPAN.
IN A CITY OF GREAT EXPECTATIONS,
IS IT TIME TO SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU CAN GET ?
I NEEDED SOME ANSWERS.
LATER THAT WEEK I MET BROOKE.
JUST BACK FROM HER HONEYMOON,
SHE WAS ALL BUSINESS.
THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE.
YES, I'D LIKE TO RETURN THESE.
IS THERE ANYWAY YOU CAN MELT THEM DOWN
INTO ONE DECENT GIFT ?
HIS FRIENDS.
SO, HOW IS IT BEING MARRIED ?
OH, IT'S FABULOUS.
I FEEL LIKE AN ENORMOUS WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED.
AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ?
IT JUST MEANS,
YOU'RE HAPPY, WITH ALLEN, RIGHT ?
YES, I'M HAPPY.
WELL, THEN I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
HEY, LISTEN,
I HOPE I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THE WRONG IDEA.
I THINK ALLEN'S GREAT.
I JUST, I MEAN, HE'S INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL...
LOOK, WE ALL THINK WE'RE CAROLYN BESSETTE.
THEN ONE DAY JOHN-JOHN'S OUT OF THE PICTURE
AND WE'RE HAPPY JUST TO HAVE SOME GUY
WHO CAN THROW AROUND A FRISBEE.
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
HEY, YOU TWO ! HEY !
WHAT A SMALL WORLD !
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
IT WAS THE TURTLE, WEARING HELMUT LANGE.
WOW, HE LOOKS GREAT.
DOESN'T HE ?
OH, HE TWIRLS.
FABULOUS.
HE'S LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON.
DON'T I HAVE A THREE O'CLOCK ?
I'M TAKING HIM TO BLISS FOR A FACIAL.
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
OH, YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO RUN TOO.
I'LL CALL YOU.
SMART GIRL.
SHE SEEMS HAPPY.
SAMANTHA LEFT WITH THE TURTLE.
BROOKE LEFT WITH A BETTER GIFT,
AND I LEFT WONDERING
IF EVERYONE IN MANHATTAN WAS SETTLING.
MY ZEN TEACHER ONCE TOLD ME
THAT THERE WAS NOTHING LIKE YOGA
TO QUIET A BUSY MIND.
JUST AS I HAD REACHED THE MOMENT OF NO THOUGHT...
I THINK I BROKE MY ***.
OOH, SORRY, AM I PULLING TOO HARD ?
NO, NO, METAPHORICALLY I MEAN, WITH THE RABBIT.
OH, SO YOU'VE BEEN USING IT ?
YES, AND I'M SCARED IF I KEEP USING IT,
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO ENJOY SEX WITH A MAN AGAIN.
WHY ?
WELL, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A MAN,
AND HE'S DOING EVERYTHING
AND IT FEELS GOOD BUT SOMEHOW
YOU JUST CAN'T MANAGE TO...
*** ?
SHHH, YEAH.
WELL, IT'S WEIRD 'CAUSE WITH THE RABBIT,
IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME, BOOM !
AND ONE TIME, I CAME FOR LIKE, FIVE MINUTES.
YEAH, WELL, CHARLOTTE HONEY, IT'S NOT ILLEGAL.
YEAH, WELL, NO MAN EVER DID THAT.
I MEAN I'M SCARED, WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?
WELL, YOU COULD STILL ENJOY SEX WITH A MAN
AND THE RABBIT.
NO, NO, NO, I'M DONE WITH IT.
THAT'S IT.
I'M NEVER GOING TO TOUCH THAT THING AGAIN.
OH, I'VE GOT TO CANCEL ON THE BALLET TONIGHT.
WHY ?
I'M, UH, EXPECTING A PHONE CALL...
A LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALL. TRANSATLANTIC.
CHARLOTTE COULD NEVER TELL A DECENT LIE.
I KNEW AN ADDICT WHEN I SAW ONE.
GOD I LOVE "SLEEPING BEAUTY" !
THE MUSIC, THE SETS, THE COSTUMES !
IT'S SO ROMANTIC !
YOU ONLY LIKE IT BECAUSE SHE GETS TO SLEEP FOR 100 YEARS
AND SHE DOESN'T AGE.
I INVITED STANFORD TO THE BALLET.
I KNEW HE WAS AVAILABLE.
HEY, STANFORD, CUTE, HUH ?
I'VE HAD IT WITH THE WHOLE GAY SCENE.
IT'S SO COMPETITIVE.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK.
EVIDENTLY STANFORD,
TIRED OF BARS AND BLIND DATES,
DECIDED TO PLACE A PERSONAL AD.
HE SCHEDULED A RENDEZVOUS WITH THE ONLY RESPONDENT
ON A COLD, SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
20 MINUTES AND THREE FALSE ALARMS LATER,
STANFORD, WAS READY TO CALL IT QUITS.
STANFORD ?
YES.
SORRY, THIS IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
IT'S SO BRUTAL OUT THERE.
EVEN GUYS LIKE ME DON'T WANT GUYS LIKE ME.
I JUST DON'T HAVE THAT GAY LOOK.
I DON'T KNOW,
YOU LOOK PRETTY GAY TO ME.
COME ON, MAYBE IT'S JUST A PHASE.
PUBERTY IS A PHASE.
15 YEARS OF REJECTION IS A LIFESTYLE.
SOMETIMES I THINK
I SHOULD JUST MARRY A WOMAN
AND GET ALL THE MONEY.
WHAT IS THERE, A CASH PRIZE ?!
YEAH, MY GRANDMOTHER GIVES EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY
THEIR INHERITANCE WHEN THEY GET MARRIED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU'RE GAY ?
SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN GAY.
OH, REALLY ? THAT'S FUNNY.
BIG DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD PROPOSE TO ME
AND WE'LL ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
YOU REALLY DO WANT IT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE NOBODY GETS IT ALL.
THOUGH, YOU DO HAVE A POINT.
WE'RE BEST FRIENDS,
WE MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH...
WE BOTH SLEEP WITH MEN !
YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT A BAD IDEA AT ALL.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS KIDDING.
I'M NOT, THINK ABOUT IT.
WHO ELSE WOULD KEEP YOU IN EXPENSIVE SHOES
AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO CHEAT ?
NOW YOU'RE TALKING !
FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE BALLET
WITH A MAN WHO SHARED MY PASSION FOR HOT MEN
IN TIGHTS.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON IN BED WITH A MAN
WHO SHARED MY PASSION FOR PASSION.
MAYBE THERE WAS SUCH A THING AS HAVING IT ALL.
WHAT'S THAT SMILE ABOUT ?
OH, I GOT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL LAST NIGHT.
REALLY ?
FROM WHOM ?
A VERY HANDSOME, WITTY, YOUNG MAN
ABOUT TO COME INTO HIS INHERITANCE.
OH, I SEE.
ANYONE I KNOW ?
ACTUALLY HIS NAME IS STANFORD,
STANFORD BLATCH.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY.
HE IS.
THAT SHOULD MAKE FOR AN INTERESTING COLUMN.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT SEX ?
I HAVE YOU.
I GUESS YOU'VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT,
MRS. BLATCH.
THE MORE HE MOCKED ME,
THE MORE CONVINCED I BECAME THAT THIS IDEA WAS GENIUS.
THAT NIGHT, MIRANDA AND I HAD PLANS
TO JOIN CHARLOTTE FOR A GALLERY OPENING
IN CHELSEA WHEN...
( phone )
HELLO.
CARRIE, IT'S CHARLOTTE.
I'M REALLY SORRY BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CANCEL.
YEAH, I'M TOTALLY WIPED OUT.
UH-HUH.
( Carrie ) WIPED OUT ?!
THAT WAS "CHARLOTTE SPEAK" FOR
"I'M SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH MY VIBRATOR".
BUT YOU GUYS HAVE FUN, THOUGH.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
A RABBIT INTERVENTION.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OKAY, WHERE IS IT ?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
THE RABBIT, CHARLOTTE,
GIVE US THE RABBIT.
HEY, HEY, HEY, IT'S A VIBRATOR,
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S CRACK.
OH, CHARLOTTE,
YOU HID THE RABBIT BEHIND A STUFFED RABBIT ?!
THAT IS SO YOU.
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF NERVE COMING IN HERE.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME GET IT.
I THOUGHT YOU COULD HANDLE IT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
I'D JUST RATHER STAY HOME WITH THE RABBIT
THAN GO OUT AND DEAL WITH MEN.
ALRIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL GO GET DRESSED.
( Carrie ) WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HER FRIENDS,
CHARLOTTE DECIDED THAT
SHE WASN'T GOING TO SETTLE FOR HERSELF.
WHILE SAMANTHA WAS DOING EVERYTHING IN HER POWER
TO REMAKE THE TURTLE
INTO A MAN SHE COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH.
HOW'S YOUR DINNER ?
QUESTIONABLE.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHETHER THE MUSHROOMS IN THIS SAUCE
ARE SHIITAKE OR CHANTRELLE.
DEFINITELY NOT PORCINI.
MAYBE THEY'RE WOOD EAR.
MAYBE IT DOESN'T MATTER.
MY GOD, THEY'RE TROMPETTES !
IT WAS THEN THAT SAMANTHA REALIZED
THAT EVEN WITH ALL HER EFFORT,
HE WAS STILL JUST THE TURTLE IN BLACK.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL.
I THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SEND MYSELF HOME.
I'LL CALL YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU LIKE THIS SHIRT ?
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND PICKED IT OUT.
AFTER 12 PHONE CALLS AND THREE E-MAILS,
STANFORD BADGERED ME INTO AT LEAST MEETING
HIS GRANDMOTHER.
I LOVE THAT SUIT YOU'RE WEARING.
DESIGNED BY COCO CHANEL HERSELF.
SERIOUSLY ?
OH, GRANDMOTHER'S BEEN WEARING THAT SAME SUIT
FOR 40 YEARS.
WELL, IT STILL FITS.
AND IT NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE.
I HAVE IT IN BLUE, BLACK, PINK.
AND EGGSHELL !
EXACTLY.
STANFORD TELLS ME YOU'RE A WRITER.
YES, I HAVE A COLUMN IN "THE STAR".
I WAS A CAREER WOMAN MANY, MANY YEARS AGO.
BUT I GAVE IT UP TO HAVE CHILDREN.
OH, WOW !
IS THIS YOU ?
NOT A BAD LOOKING GIRL. DON'T YOU THINK ?
NO.
DOESN'T SHE LOOK EXACTLY LIKE DEBORAH KERR
IN "AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER" ?
SHE DOES.
OH, MY GOD !
THIS HAS TO BE STANFORD.
YOU'RE THE SAME PERSON.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
OH, COME ON, THIS IS FUN.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD SUCH A BIG FAMILY.
AND HOW ABOUT YOU, HONEY ?
DO YOU WANT A FAMILY ?
AS I LOOKED AROUND AT ALL THE MEMORABILIA
AND FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHS,
THE FACES OF BRIDES AND GROOMS,
CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN,
I REALIZED...
YES, I DO.
STANNY, BE A DEAR.
GO IN THE KITCHEN AND GET ME SOME MATCHES.
OF COURSE.
I LOVE MY STANFORD.
HE'S A VERY SWEET BOY, BUT, YOU KNOW,
HE IS A FRUIT.
I REALIZED THEN
THAT THE ONLY INHERITANCE STANFORD WAS GOING TO GET
FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER
WAS HER COLLECTION OF CHANEL SUITS.
SALT... YEAH.
THAT NIGHT AT DINNER,
I KNEW I WOULD HAVE TO BREAK THE NEWS TO MR. BIG.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
LOOK, I DO WANT TO GET MARRIED SOMEDAY.
I MEAN, MAYBE NOT TODAY,
BUT I CAN'T DATE SOMEBODY THAT WON'T.
YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THE POINT ?
DEFINITELY TOO MUCH SALT.
I MEAN, IT'S ALL IN THE TIMING.
YOU GOTTA BROWN THE GARLIC
BEFORE YOU PUT IN THE ONIONS,
KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING FUN.
IT'S BITTER,
BUT IT DEFINITELY HAS POSSIBILITIES.
YOU GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SAUCE ON YOUR...
MY ZEN TEACHER ALSO SAID
THE ONLY WAY TO TRUE HAPPINESS
IS TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT
AND NOT WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE.
OF COURSE, HE DIED PENNILESS AND SINGLE.