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My God is definitely not a bully.
My God is not a bully.
My God is not a bully.
I never knew that there was a reconciliation between my sexuality and my faith. Growing
up in an all black Baptist church it was, um, I guess rather difficult because I kept
trying to find myself, tried most definitely to stay on the right side of God, as the preacher
would say and not to offend anyone at the same time still trying to claim my own identity.
Um, so it was a struggle. It was most definitely a journey. Started off as Baptist, uh, then
from there went saved to sanctified, uh, thinking that I was doing something right, realizing
that within me there was something that just did not feel comfortable because the lifestyle
that they wanted me to live was not really the lifestyle that I wanted to live. I did
get married, have a child, all for the sake of that was what I was supposed to do, but
that wasn't really what I wanted.
Continued to search, continued to feel lost, thinking that that was going to save my soul,
and thinking that God was going to love me more so because I thought I was doing what
he wanted me to do, so I started searching. Became completely lost, became completely,
felt like isolated from the church. Then I rebelled, highly. Anything that was, anything
of Christ I did not do.
It wasn't until my late 30s where I got right with self and just said, you know, God created
me in this image. If he wanted me to be any other way, he would have created me in a different
image. If he wanted me to love something or someone else he would have put it and pressed
upon it on my heart. I didn't, at that particular point in time, feel as if though I needed
to change who I was. I then became satisfied with self.
So for me, it wasn't anything necessarily about trying to do what I thought the church
thought was right, it was more or less what I needed to do for self. So that I'm still
going through that journey, I'm still trying to identify, I'm still reconciling.
Because, of course, if you were raised, in your 40-seomthing years, as I am, you can't
get those teachings out of your head, you can't just dismiss them, you can't say they
don't exist. You have to kind of find self and at what point in time you do that I can't
really say because, again, I'm in my early 40s and I'm still trying to find self. I've
just gotten comfortable with who I am and I've pretty much taken on the air and the
attitude that I don't care what anybody else thinks or how anybody else feels, you know.
It's not about them because at the end of the day when it comes time for my day to be
called home then I'm the one that's going to be held accountable for all the actions
I have done in the course of my life, and I'm going to have to be the one to answer
to him, not anybody else, so I have to do what's right for me, what feels right.
God loves you for who you are and what he created. Don't try to be anything else. Don't
try to do anything that anyone else tells you to do, you know, if being gay, lesbian,
transgendered, bisexual, want to be Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy, whoever you want it
to be, and if that feels good to you, and it feels right to you, then do that. I can't
tell you what to do and what not to do, I just can only tell you what decisions or what
choices to make and what not to make, which is to follow your heart and your conscience.
I don't know what else.