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>> MAC: How are we supposed to
scale back our energy costs when
you're filling this generator
with gasoline?
>> DENNIS: Yeah, gross.
Since when did you start running
the bar on a gas generator?
>> CHARLIE: About a week ago.
I've been doing it for about
a week.
>> Why would you do that?
>> Well, because, you know,
electricity's so expensive, man.
So I figured let's get a
generator and, you know, run the
bar on it.
>> Are you kidding me?
Gasoline's, like, a thousand
times more expensive than
electricity.
>> And you know what, Charlie?
You shouldn't be making these
decisions anyway, okay?
You're not the decision-making
type.
>> Exactly.
>> As the brains of this
organization, I should've made
this decision.
>> Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
Since when did you become the
brains?
>> Uh, I'm sorry.
I've always been the brains.
>> What, what are you talking
about?
I thought I was the brains.
>> What the hell am I?
>> You're the looks.
>> Well, yeah, of course, I'm
the looks, but I always thought
of myself as the brains and the
looks.
>> No, you're the looks, I'm the
brains, Charlie's the wild card.
>> Whoa! That's awesome.
>> Yeah!
Yeah, that's the classic setup.
You know this? No?
Look, every great crew in
history has followed that basic
dynamic, right?
Looks, brains, wild card.
Think about it.
The A-Teamdid it.
*** Doodid it.
TheGhostbustersdid it.
>> Oh, ***!
>> Yes! Right?
>> Yeah.
>> Our problem is that we don't
stick to that basic format, and
it gets us into trouble.
>> So what you're saying is that
by breaking from that format,
we're actually limiting our
ability to be as successful as
those organizations.
>> Totally right, dude.
>> Great. On to the matter
at hand.
We're getting plowed in the ***
by the oil companies and the gas
companies with their ten-gallon
hats and their rotten,
***-plowing hearts.
So, as the brains of this
organization, I came up with
a plan.
>> Lay it on us, bud.
>> It involves pulling up our
bootstraps, oiling up a couple
of *** and doing a little
plowing of our own.
Pow!
>> Mm...
>> Not ***.
>> Okay.
>> Okay, 'cause that's what it
sounded like.
What did you mean?
>> We're going to solve the gas
the gas crisis.
>> Oh, good.
Captioning sponsored by
20TH CENTURY FOX
>> Charlie, the plan is
simple, okay?
>> Is it?
>> Yes.
We go to a bank, we talk to a
loan officer.
We get a hefty loan to buy a
bunch of gasoline.
We take that gasoline, we store
it in the basement, we wait a
few months.
When the gas prices skyrocket,
we sell it, make a huge profit.
>> Yeah, man, if the guy doesn't
seem like he's going for it,
I'll show him this, uh,
big-breasted women chart...
>> Mm-hmm.
>> ...and that'll win him over.
>> Yeah, I'm sure it will.
I mean, 'cause that's great and
the plan's actually pretty
great.
The problem I'm having with it
is that I don't have anything to
do.
>> No, you do have something to
do.
You're the wild card.
You sit there looking crazy and
capable of anything.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh! That's... okay.
>> Yeah, you set the tone for
the whole meeting.
>> So if I'm, like, there while
you guys are talking and I'm
just, like, um, like, uh...
>> That's terrible.
>> That was my-- that was my
wild card face, all right...
>> What message are you trying
to send with that?
>> Really? Was that not a good
one?
Well, so what if it's more like,
like, um, um...
>> And you want him to think
that you're going to take a
dump or...?
>> Seriously, that's what that
looks like?
>> I just don't know what
message you're trying to...
>> Oh, man, you're forcing it.
>> Oh, my God. You know what?
>> Yeah, you're really forcing
it.
>> I'd better look in a mirror
'cause I don't know what I'm
doing and what it looks like
feel like two different things.
>> Go work on it, man.
>> The Brains, I'm going to
supervise 'cause there is no
way he should be making this
decision.
Well, walk me through it, dude,
'cause I just don't see what
you're talking about.
>> FRANK: It's not a *** van.
It's a spy van.
>> SWEET DEE: Well, it looks
very much like a *** van to me,
but whatever.
Dennis, you gotta look at this.
>> What is this?
>> Bruce Mathis is about to give
away all of Mom's money.
>> What are you talking about?
>> In two days, some Muslim
Cultural Center is about to get
a giant check made out of our
cash, and we've got to get that
back.
>> Listen, this jamoke is
giving our money to terrorists,
and we've got to prove it.
>> Um, Dee, Mom gave all of our
money to Bruce.
You were never going to get it
anyway.
>> Oh, no-no-no, I was.
See, I had a plan.
I was going to eliminate
everybody else and be the only
surviving heir, so... help.
>> Uh, so when you say
"eliminate," you mean you were
going to kill me?
>> Uh, I don't know.
No, yes, maybe I was going to;
maybe I wasn't.
The point is moot now.
So can you please help me out
here?
>> So you were planning on
killing me?
>> Listen, listen.
Stop arguing.
Are you going to help us out?
We got no time here.
>> Pass.
>> "Pass"?
>> Yeah, pass.
Super-pass, berpass...
>> How do you super-pass on
something like this...
>> I pass! I pass!
Because you were planning on
killing me.
>> Oh, my God, I feel like
you're really focused on one
tiny part of what I'm trying to
talk about here.
>> It's a very big part of
your...
>> It's just a couple of words.
>> Go away. I'm trying to draw
*** and pretty women.
>> Focus on the words "money"
and "Bruce" and "me" and "help."
>> All right, and what is the
reason you're requesting a loan
today?
>> Wait for it...
Gasoline.
>> Excuse me?
>> Don't rush me.
>> Don't rush him.
>> Thank you, I feel rushed.
Look, here's the plan.
You give us a shitload of money.
We buy a shitload of gasoline.
We wait 12 months, we sell the
gasoline and make a shitload of
profit.
>> Gentlemen, we tend to give
loans to businesses, not, um...
>> She's not getting it.
Get the graph.
>> Oh, yeah, the graph.
>> We have a graph.
>> Yeah, check this out.
Now these are the gas prices
last year.
These are the gas prices this
year.
And this is what the gas prices
will be.
>> And what are those?
>> Uh, these are gorgeous women
with heaving ***.
>> Yeah. Why?
>> Uh, well, to be perfectly
honest, we sort of thought we'd
be speaking to a man today,
so...
>> Yeah, is there any way that
we can talk to your boss
because I think he would
understand more better?
>> My boss is a woman.
>> Really?
>> Yourbossis a woman?
Now, this is a strange bank.
>> Okay, well, I am definitely
rejecting your request for
$300,000 to buy... gasoline.
>> Dennis, you're on.
>> Yeah.
You know... I just had a crazy
thought.
How's about I take you in the
back and "change" your mind?
>> Or how about we all go in the
back and have great sex?
>> What are you doing, hmm?
>> I'm pulling a wild card here,
man, so...
>> No, dude, just let Dennis do
his thing, okay?
>> I can be very sensual with a
woman, all right?
You will enjoy it.
>> Now is not the right time to
pull the wild card, okay?
Let me do my thing.
Let me do the seducing.
>> Let Dennis *** her so we can
get our loan.
>> Well, here's a scenario.
What if she wanted to *** me or
you for that matter?
>> You can't pull the wild card
when I already have my shirt
off; that should be a rule.
Can that be a rule?
>> Yes, that's a rule.
>> Well, your shirt's not off...
>> Well, now it is it, ***
it, ***.
>> Oh, yeah?!
>> Back off!
>> Wild card, baby!
>> Come on, man, let me do it.
This is my job!
>> Dude, I feel like I can do it
then, too.
>> What are you doing?!
>> Huh?
>> *** it, look, okay, so...
>> Why don't you decide?
>> Yeah.
>> Which one of us do you want
to take you in the back and ***
you?
>> My intel tells me that Bruce
moved into this crappy apartment
complex.
>> Where'd you get your intel?
>> I waterboarded some guy.
Told me everything.
>> You tortured somebody?
>> Oh, yeah. Big time.
What do you see?
>> I can't see ***.
Why would you tint the inside of
the windows?
>> I don't want anybody to see
in.
>> We can't see out, Frank!
>> I might've overdone it a
little bit.
>> You think so?
>> Whoa, whoa!
That's Bruce!
>> This guy?
>> That's the guy, walking
there! Walking there!
Start the car. Let's go!
>> Are you sure that's him?
>> Let's follow him!
Gonna take some pictures.
(Sweet Dee grunts)
I got it working.
Go! Go!
>> All right, there's... the gas
pedal's stuck or something.
>> Well, wobble it.
>> "Wobble it"?
>> Yeah, wobble it back and
forth.
Wiggle it. Wiggle it.
>> All right.
>> That's it. That's it.
Now, hit it.
Whoa!
>> Ahh! Oh, God...
>> What are you trying to do?
Give me whiplash?
>> You're blinding me.
Will you calm down?
Hold on.
Son of a ***!
(tires squealing)
>> Hey, ***.
Hey, what the hell was that
about?!
>> I can't believe Dee keeps her
life savings in her sock drawer.
That's a dumb place to hide it.
>> She's an investor now.
She'll thank us later.
>> You know what, guys?
I'm sorry.
I got to bring something up.
Can I bring something up?
'Cause if it don't, it's going
to stew up inside me.
It's going to drive me crazy.
>> What's up, man?
>> I kind of can't believe
that you guys took your shirts
off back there, man.
I mean, I feel like you really
sold me down the river.
The Ghostbusters would never do
something like that to each
other.
I can't believe you guys did it,
man.
>> What are you doing?
No trash cans, only cars.
>> Whoa, cool your jets, guy.
We paid for this gas.
It's going to be a while, so...
(whistles)
>> Stop now.
You can't do this.
>> Come on, man.
>> Only cars.
>> Oh, geez.
All right, Wild Card, do your
thing.
>> So help me God, I'll blow
this place to kingdom come.
>> Not that, not that.
Jesus Christ, Charlie.
>> Come on, man.
>> No, we just got to figure out
a way to get this gas back to
the bar without using the
barrels.
>> Well, how the hell we gonna
do that?
>> (coughs)
All right, barrel number six is
done, dudes.
>> This doesn't seem to be the
best...
>> No. Guys, this is not
working, okay?
We're actually losing money
driving back and forth from that
gas station all day long.
>> You're burning up our
product.
Plus I have swallowed a good
deal of it.
It's just a damn waste.
>> Yeah, and gas has gone up
seven cents since this morning.
>> He puts a new thing on the
sign every time we pull in
there.
>> We're screwing ourselves
here, guys.
>> Hold on, let's not freak out.
Let's not freak out.
>> The plan's not working
though, man.
>> We just need to adjust our
business model to meet the needs
of a changing marketplace.
That's all.
>> That's money talk.
Let's talk money.
>> We got to make some money in
the short term.
>> Well, how the hell are we
going to do that?
>> I got a plan.
We'd like to return some gas,
please.
>> Yeah. Don't worry, bro, got
receipts.
>> I can't do that.
>> You can't do it or you won't
do it?
>> Both.
>> Not yet, buddy.
Okay, bro, want to play hard
ball, fine.
You're about to experience the
hard knocks of a free market,
***.
Get ready to feel it where it
hurts.
>> Your ***.
>> No, no, not his ***.
His wallet.
Your wallet.
>> Yep.
>> Here we are.
This is it.
>> Are you sure this is the
place?
>> Yes, yes, yes, my intel says
so.
>> Okay, take these box cutters,
put them in his bedroom.
Take this fertilizer, toss it in
the closet.
>> What the hell are we doing
that for?
>> 'Cause when I call the cops
on him, they'll come and find
all this bomb-making *** and
they'll arrest his
money-stealing ***.
>> We don't want to call the
cops.
They'll find the bug I'm going
to plant.
>> That's a baby monitor, Frank.
You're planting a baby monitor?
>> Yeah?
A lot of people are bugging
their babies these days.
I guess babies can't be trusted.
>> What exactly is it you're
expecting to find here?
>> Lotta shady ***.
>> Like what?
>> Like maybe Bruce is banging
dudes.
>> Why would that be shady?
>> Maybe the dudes are babies.
>> What?!
Bruce is not banging any baby
dudes.
Look, we're going back to the
original plan, okay?
We're going to put the frame on
him.
We're going to be heroes among
the community and I'm going to
get all of my money back as a
reward.
>> All my money.
>> Whatever.
It was probably going to end up
mine eventually, so...
>> Okay, there's something I
want to talk to you about.
Were you planning on offing me
and then offing Dennis also?
>> Frank, we are in the middle
of something.
I don't have time to chitchat
with you about stuff.
>> Were you planning on offing
me?
>> I didn't say that.
>> You didn't deny it either.
>> Deny it?
Do I have to deny... something
so craz...
Give me the baby monitor.
I'll hide it for you.
>> Capitalism at work.
This ought to show the son of a
***.
>> All right, buddy, now explain
to me how exactly we're going to
calculate the totals.
>> Oh, it's easy, dude.
You pour gas into the car using
one of these funnels, right?
And I count how much gas is
going into the car.
>> All right, let me just stop
you right there.
How exactly are you planning on
counting a liquid?
>> Uh, I know how to count,
dude.
>> Okay, you do it, you do it,
Mac, because I can't speak to
him.
>> Free Market 101, you got to
have customers to have a working
business, right?
So we've got to attract
attention.
>> Yeah.
>> I, for one, suggest me
blowing fireballs to get that
attention.
>> Fireballs?
Where is that coming from?
>> Yeah.
>> No, rifling fireballs
around...
>> No, people will see it from
the street and pull in.
They'll want to buy the gas.
>> We have ten containers of
gasoline.
>> Charlie, the lighter, please.
>> What the hell... No, no, no.
>> Thank you, sir.
>> Let me reiterate my strong
opposition to this idea.
>> Trust me, Dennis, I know what
I'm doing.
>> This is really unsafe, dude.
Do not blow that fireball...
Whoa!
Wow. Okay, wow, I take back
everything I just said.
That was amazing.
>> Oh, dude, I'm doing one of
those, baby.
>> You can do it bigger?
>> No, Charlie, let me...
>> Make sure it's bigger.
>> Wait...
*** it!
>> Whoo!
>> You burned my head!
>> Oh, I did. I burned him.
>> Ow!
>> Easy, camper, easy, camper.
>> Jesus Christ!
>> Relax.
>> How can I relax?
Just stop. Just stop.
>> Okay.
>> Do you have anything other
than a towel and duct tape?
>> Not really.
>> New plan-- we're going to a
hospital.
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa, you know
what, bro, actually we're going
to be done with your plans for a
little while.
'Cause the system you set up,
it ain't working.
So I got a new system.
Me-- both the brains and the
looks.
Charlie, you're still going to
be the wild card 'cause that
fireball you blew was badass.
>> It was great, right?
You just kind of got in the way.
>> Mac, check this out though.
You're going to be the muscle.
>> No, I...
I think we've got to stick to
the paradigm that we set up.
The A-Team...
>> No, no, no!
Your paragon is failing us, man.
>> It's a paradigm, but yeah.
It wasn't working.
>> It's not working.
>> What happened was, we
confused your bossiness with
braininess, and those two are
very different things.
>> Mm-hmm.
That is what happened.
>> So, check it out.
Man, I got a new plan.
This is what we're going to
do, okay, baby?
Yeah.
We're going to steal Frank's
*** van because driving around
with all that gasoline is
ruining the interior of my car,
and I just... I won't have it.
>> No.
>> Then we're going to take that
van, and we're going to offer
people something that gas
stations just can't offer.
>> What?
>> Gasoline directly to their
doorsteps.
>> Door-to-door gasoline
salesmen.
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
>> That's a brilliant plan,
right?
>> All right, whatever, fine.
Then I'll be the muscle.
I'll muscle these pricks into
buying the gas.
>> Ooh, actually why don't you
muscle you way back by the van,
because you look like a
burned-up freak.
>> You know what?
A look is going to be a big part
of this.
I'm going to get some disguises.
Why would we need disguises,
Charlie?
>> So people don't know who we
are, you know.
>> They already don't know who
we are.
>> You're not letting the wild
card do his thing.
>> Is there any reason behind
what you're doing?
>> Wild card.
>> Stewart's up on his second
shot on the fairway, hole 15.
I'd say it's about 195 yards.
He has a seven iron.
(club hitting ball)
>> I mean, how has he been
sitting there watching golf for
three hours?
>> I don't know.
>> Is that a baby monitor?
>> Oh, cut it off!
*** it!
Now he's suspicious of us!
>> Oh, no!
You are such a bad hider.
>> I'm a bad hider?
>> You-you never could hide.
I bet you still hide your money
in your sock drawer.
>> (scoffs)
My sock drawer.
>> Yeah.
>> Come on.
That would be stupid.
>> Yeah, you do.
You're lying to me.
>>Just shut up.
I'm not lying to you.
>> I'm getting out of here.
>> What?
>> This is a setup.
>> Will you relax?
>> You're setting me up, and I'm
getting the hell out.
>> Frank, get back here.
>> You're not gonna do this to
me, girl.
Get out of here.
I understand what's going on.
>> Damn it.
>> Okay, they're on the move.
>> Hey.
>> I know what's going on.
>> Son of a ***.
>> You think I was born
yesterday?
>> Okay, go, go, go, Matt, go.
>> What are you talking about?
>> Yeah, don't-don't lie to me.
I have my ways of finding out
things.
You-you'll be sor...
Oh, my God.
Is that a Muslim guy?
He's getting in my van.
(van engine starting)
(tires screeching)
>> Ah, ***!
>> Oh!
(tires screeching)
(car alarm blaring)
>> Come on, dude, seriously?
>> Hey!
(tires screeching)
>> No! No! No!
(birds chirping)
(van door opens, then closes)
>> All right, well, just let me
do the talking.
>> Well, I feel like you got to
at least talk with a Southern
accent, man.
(doorbell rings)
>> I'm not gonna talk in a
Southern accent.
It's bad enough that you wore
this stupid disguise.
>> But we're oil men.
We would have Southern accents.
>> Yeah, but we don't need bolo
ties and stupid hats.
>> Yes, you do.
She's gonna think, uh...
>> Hello, ma'am.
Well, what a lovely housedress.
>> (Southern drawl): Yeah,
well, you're looking all sorts
of good.
>> Now, you seem like a sweet,
sophisticated, nice, busy, young
lady, so we're not gonna waste
your time today.
>> Nah. We're just a couple oil
men in from Dallas, and, well,
we're itching like a hound to
give you a-something you want.
>> What my (clears throat)
associate is trying to say is
that we're here to offer your
community a much-needed
service...
>> Hells, yeah!
We want to feel you up, if'n
you were so inclined as to let
us.
>> (whispers): Please, let me do
the talking.
Please, let me...
>> Now, we ain't gonna take no
for an answer now, you hear?
Okay?
So don't be making me sic my
associate on you here, all
right?
(chuckles)
He don't take kindly to "no."
So, can I feel you up or what?
Yep, you best get to stepping,
because Johnny Law's a-coming.
>> You might want to start
driving because she called the
cops on us.
>> Why's he talking like that?
>> Well, wild card over here
decided to lose his mind.
>> I say, I say, that's just
damn preposterous, boy.
>> Well, now you're just
talking like Foghorn Leghorn!
>> All right, guys, I think it's
time we cut our losses and go
back to the original plan.
>> Ah, the generator.
>> No, not the generator.
Storing the gas and patties.
>> All right.
>> Okay? It's too soon to sell
this gas anyway, so shut the
door.
>> Go, go, go, go.
>> Okay, okay, okay.
(tires screeching)
>> All right, admit it, that
Muslim guy was gonna rub me out,
and that's when you jumped out
of the van after I got out!
Admit it, come on!
(coughing loudly)
>> Oh, my God, I don't know what
you're talking about!
>> Oh, don't lie to me!
Come on, admit it!
>> Okay, okay, I admit it!
>> What do you admit?!
>> I admit anything you want to
hear!
>> Now, you admit that Bruce
Mathis is a terrorist...
>> He's a terrorist!
>> ...and that you are working
for him!
>> Yes, I work for him.
We get our information from the
top, the top cave.
>> Don't *** me!
That's all I got to say!
>> Whoa! Hey.
Like what I'm seeing here,
Frank.
Bring me up to speed.
>> I'm waterboarding your
sister because she's
escalating the plot to kill us.
>> Dennis, help me!
>> Why the hell would I help
you, Dee?
You're still plotting to kill
me.
>> No! Help!
>> Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
>> Yeah, shut up.
>> Tell me what's going on!
>> Hey, Frank, by the way, we
borrowed that pathetic *** van
of yours; you got to get that
gas pedal fixed, man.
Mac rammed into some dude's car,
like, five times.
It was amazing.
>> You guys took the van?
I thought it was some Muslim
guy.
>> No, not really.
>> Whoa!
What is going on in here?
>> Frank's waterboarding Dee.
>> You guys?!
You took the van?!
>> Well, hell, yeah.
>> Oh, my God, I just realized
something.
Frank is the muscle.
>> What?
>> The reason that *** hasn't
been working out for us is
because we are not working with
our full crew.
I'm the brains, you're the
looks, Charlie's the wild card,
and Frank is the muscle.
>> Well, what's Dee?
>> She's the useless chick.
>> Ah!
>> Yeah!
You see? We complete it!
>> Yeah!
>> We all complete the team!
Now, if we stick together, guys,
we can do anything.
Now, question: Frank, does that
waterboard really work?
>> (laughs)
You bet your ***!
I got Dee to admit to things she
never did!
>> Well, then it works.
>> Ha, ha!
All right, then, gentlemen,
I got a new plan.
("Ghostbusters" theme playing)
(tires screeching)
Okay, now, once we get to
Bruce's, we slip in and we grab
him.
>> Shouldn't you guys have
gotten these barrels out of the
van before we got in?
>> They're really heavy, Dee.
We've already had to do it,
like, a million times.
>> Where'd you get the money for
this gas?
>> Dee, will you shut up and let
me continue?!
Now, Frank, when we get back to
the bar, you waterboard the ***
out of Bruce and get a
confession.
>> No problem.
>> Now, Dennis, you take that
confession to the police, use
your charm and good looks, and
get that reward money.
>> Done and done.
>> Okay, Dee, you continue to be
useless.
Charlie and I will use that
reward money to pay off our
electricity bill.
Then we'll probably buy some
more gasoline 'cause I feel
like that's a great plan.
Wait.
Brakes don't...
Brakes don't work.
>> The gas pedal.
>> No, I'm saying, no, the
brakes!
>> Wiggle the gas pedal.
>> Guys, why aren't the brakes
working?
>> Because I cut the brakes!
Wild card, ***!
Yee-haw!
>> What?! Charlie!
>> Holy ***!
>> Oh, God!
>> Oh, my God!
>> Oh, God!
>> Jesus Christ, guys, I can't
stop this van!
>> Seriously?!
>> Abort! Abort!
>> Go!
>> Mastersfield steps up to the
tee, eight strokes behind the
leader.
Hole number 17, 338 yards,
dogleg left.
(explosion)
(glass shattering)
>> (whimpering)
(gasping and groaning)
(fire crackling)
Oh, *** it!
What the hell, man?!
>> Ah, my van.
>> Why is someone trying to ruin
my life?!
I didn't do anything to anybody,
man!
I love that car!
>> That's, uh, that's not Bruce,
is it?
>> No.
>> Oh!
Oh!
("Ghostbusters" playing)
>> á If there's something
strange
In your neighborhood
á Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
If there's something weird
á And it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
á I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost. á
(distorted voices)