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Let's do it!
I've played the biggest clubs in LA, Vegas, Atlantic City
And now I'm here.
I am an Artiste!
I demand respect!
Sinatra..*** it, you stupid a**holes!
I can tell ya'll are from Asbury Park.
Do you need to be educated...you need a little tutoring?
I tried gay once 'cos they all love me, so I gave it a go.
Have you seen that Pork Chop? He looks like a *** pork chop.
I can eat him on a plate and put him on a plate and eat him! Like a *** ...chicken
What's the matter with these men around here? They don't have the robust figure
...the robust figure that makes a man a man.
These *** guys..they think they gotta exercise and sh*t!
Carl Schmarl...Carl tried to steal my act...I'm going to kill him. If you see that little sh*thead, you tell him I'm going to kill him.
I only wear the finest suits...they're form fitting.
[Tony singing That's Life]
There is no rhyme or reason to this f*ckin business.
One day your ridin' high in April and then you are *** on your knees in June.
That's what happened to me! Iam going to sing about it tonight!
[inaudible slurring]
uh...when I do my dance moves sometimes it f*cks up my costume a little bit...my outfit.
I only wear the finest suit, they're form fitting.
When you've a body like mine you gotta make sure to show off all your perfect attributes.
Oh...
...When I dance, I may be a little revealing. I hope I don't offend anyone in this quaint little town.
...seaside village whatever you call it.
..mee mee mee mee mee...mee mee mee mee mee mm
ma meh mee mo moo mo moo ma meh mee ma mo mehma meh mee ma mo meh moo....
All the professionals to do their vocal constraints exercises to remember their vocal constraints.
I come to these slums to tryin' to make things better.
I do what I can to try to preserve the integrity of the community...
musical whatever..arts, farts, crafts, entertainment...
Arts, smarts, farts, ......hearts, carts, like shopping carts the homeless people push.
I want to bring a sense of community...a..a sense of live vivacious energy.
That's what I do, that's what I embody, that's what I am.
Tony Clifton in the house, Tony Clifton on the streets, Tony Clifton goin' up
[screams from crowd] I Love IT!!! Oh my god! Oh yes! WHOA!!
We are goin' to do a little song, a little dance, we are gonna have FUN!!!!
[someone in crowd] Have you seen Carl tonight?
CARL SCHMARL...Carl's trying to steal my act..I am going to kill him.
You see that little sh*thead?....tell him I am going to kill him!
He's using me to pick up guys...[stammers] he he thinks I am a man-magnet or something.
...least...can't do enough!
YO!
Shapiro! I'll see you in the street!
Who the hell is that? Rachel? Rachel Smachel....little, little Rachel?
[Rachel] Who is that?
I am gonna go sing a song at the show....you know a little show?
You know a sing a little song?...you know do a little dance?
Yo! Steve! Steve, Weeve, Creeve, Steve!!!
[Steve] Oh my god..!
I gotta go and sing a little song.
As I was sayin' I am trying to bring a little arts and crafts into the community.
Tryin' to do a little something special...tryin' to make 'em all rock-n-ROLL!
What I do is love...what I do is for love.
*** mechanic.....
We need a *** arboretum here.
and these TREES! A lotta f*ckin trees here!
Ohhh no no no no o
[Stranger] Hello!
Howdy Doody...how are you?
I am going to sing like a bird tonight I can feel it in my soul!
I am going to do a little song, do a little dance...rock n' roll and make love
....Rock, Paper, Scissors if you will.
Little hotties.... little hotties in the street! Never know who you might meet!
Stop in the name of love before you break my heart! OH! OH! OVER!
mee mee mee mee ee ......mee mee mee mee mee mee
ma meh mee mo moo ma meh mee mo moo ma meh mee mo moo MA.. MEH.. MEE... MO...MOO!
Gotta do my vocal constraints exercises
Gonna do a little performance here
.....THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
How are you doin', sir? *muah*
Hello? How are you?..........we're gonna do a little show...rock'n roll...[inaudible french]
[organ music]
Tony Clifton, Tony Clifton, TONY CLIFTON!!!!!
Welcome to the church of *** Tony! I am
The priest, the minister, and the baptiste!
I know....
I know.... I know.....
You've come to love me over the years....
...but I don't give a sh*t..personally
I am here for the *** money!!!!
I don't have time for this SH*T!
Thought I'd give ABBA a little try, and this is what I came up with for ya'll......
[Tony sings ABBA's "Dancing Queen"]
I am a fashion consultant I do it all! If you look at my *** resume and my website, I am getting technologically inclined.
[Tony singing] "You can dance...you can die.."
I sh*t myself. I had to soak these goddmaned pants in Oxywash for three days...for you. For you! I do these things..my loyal fans.