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(scribbling)
Hank: Like a month before my Bar Mitzvah
my dad just said, "I assume you know about sex."
I was like, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
He goes, "All right. You certainly don't want
"to get anybody pregnant."
Bryan: They hate that talk, right?
They just would rather stick needles in their eyes
than to have that conversation.
Kevin: Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
Rainn: Dad. God.
Jerry: I had no talk of any kind.
Jerry: With anyone about anything.
Tim: I had Playboys that I looked at.
Stephen: I was sitting in the car
and dad went, "There's some things that you're going
"to start noticing in your body."
I was like, "No, no, no, no."
Rainn: I knew about it because of *** mags
and other 12 year olds.
He was like, "Well, just don't get any girls pregnant."
I was like, "I won't. God. Okay. Uhh."
Mike: I started to have girlfriends at around 12
because I had older brothers who were like,
"Girls are awesome."
My dad said, "Hey, you know these girls
you knock about with?"
I said, "Yeah."
He goes, "You careful?"
I said, "Yeah." I didn't know what he was talking about.
He said, "Great, let's make some tea.
"Let's have some tea."
Phil: I remember being eight or nine years old
and we were using bad language in the street.
I used the F-word and I was like to the other kid,
"What? It's just, you know, that's how you have a baby.
"That's how you have a baby. That's all."
So that kid goes home and says it to his parents.
His mother calls my mother.
Now my mother is very upset.
She says, "Do you know what *** means?"
Right away your mother is saying *** to you
and yelling it at you so already
your brain is like (explosions).
She goes, "It's the *** going into the ***."
Well, your head explodes.
Hank: (laughing)
Hal: Is this daddy? Dad.
Alyssa: Hal's been putting you through the mill here.
Hank: Four years old.
Alyssa: Seriously?
Hank: Because we asked for it
because we would always make a joke.
Well, we made him. We made this little guy.
Elliott: How'd you do it?
Hank: "Hey, how did you guys make me?
He had a whole big theory about it.
Elliott: Really?
Hank: Thank goodness. Yeah, it was amazing.
It's amazing how close to accurate it was.
Alyssa: That's awesome.
Hank: He was like, "I think Daddy had a magic wand
and it exploded.
Alyssa: That's funny.
Hank: Really? In the last year he's actually asked us
about God, death and sex which is a little early.
for all these topics, but one way or another
he found his way into them.
Do you remember? Did you have the sex talk?
Rainn: We haven't gotten into the old boop boop.
Willie: I have no idea.
Bryan: Have it often as often as you can, son.
If there's any leftovers bring them by.
Hank: What was the question she asked?
Joshua: Literally, I think it was what is sex?
Hank: When she was 8?
Joshua: Yes, and I think I gave it fairly clinical
and then threw in a little, "People do this all
"to have kids, and because it feels good,
"and then whatever."
Literally, like out of a movie she went,
"You did that to her twice?"
Phil: We took a road trip he and I.
He was 16.
This was the talk.
"Listen, you have a girlfriend, right?
"Yes."
"I don't want to be a grandpa."
The End.
Hank: What the hell are you going to say?
Rainn: When a man loves a woman this is what happens.
Men have penises and women have vaginas
and they put them in and they,
you know how this works.
Hank: Yeah, I'm familiar.
Alyssa: This is something medical.
It's a part of the body. It's real.
It's scientific and there's other elements
but to be real with them and not make up things.
I can't stand it in general when parents make up
euphemisms for their private body parts.
We don't call our elbow the hoo haw or the wee wee,
or the ya ya or whatever.
It just teaches kids a different level of comfort versus shame.
Willie: They do it in school by the way also.
Phil: They teach it in school so you don't have to.
Hank: Right.
Willie: They showed them some movie.
Willie: And then someone spoke to them.
Rainn: When you're a teenager, when you're in college
you can start thinking about girlfriends.
There will need to be love involved
and possibly marriage involved with
that very important step.
Hank: So you lie to him?
Rainn: [Du mo. Du mo.]
Rainn: [Du mo.]
Hank: Mo don't have no kids.
You know what I'm saying?
Michael: I was teaching sex education to 8th grade boys yesterday
and I stand up and try and talk to them about it
but I know that I have how much influence
because they're gathering as much information
as they can from a lot of places I regret.
But they're gathering it because their development
has pushed them there.
There's no stopping that.
Hank: Did your dad have the sex talk with you?
How did that go for you? How was that?
Stephen: You know, looking back at it
it was really beautiful
and it was almost word for word
what I did with my son.
Hank: Oh, yeah?
Stephen: Yeah. He talked about how a lot of your mates
will talk to you about what they think it is
and what sex is.
Hank: Right.
Stephen: You've got to do this by a certain age
and you've got to do that by a certain age
and you want to be the first
and all of that kind of thing.
It's not a race.
It's the most beautiful thing that you can do on this planet.
It will come to you when it's the right time.
You need to respect the person that you're with.
I went to a sex education chat at my daughter's school.
The big thing that came out of that for me was when you think
it's time to have that chat, it's too late.
That is the number one thing.
Sex education in Scandinavia happens at 8
and they have the lowest teen pregnancy rate in Europe
because it's not made to be some kind of taboo.
It's part of who they are as opposed to being
some kind of thing that we don't talk about.
Willie: My father had this stupid book about sex.
We went upstairs to the attic.
My father had a pack of cigarettes sweating profusely.
I sat there and read this dumb book
about the two birds loving each other.
He smoked the entire pack of cigarettes
Hank: Really?
Willie: That it took me to read the book.
He said, "You have any questions?"
The look in his eye was like,
"Please, God, tell me you don't have any questions."
He goes, "I need to go smoke somewhere else."
Hank: Wow.