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I discovered that I could fall in love with a woman.
She said: It's not a big deal, it just means you're a lesbian. Then the penny dropped.
I couldn't enjoy being touched. That was tough.
My husband and I went to therapy because I couldn't stand any *** contact with him.
It almost made me sick. And then we had to learn how to have sex all over again...
We got pamphlets and watched films, but nothing seemed to help.
The feelings didn't come back.
And then, in my second year of therapy, I fell head over heels in love with my therapist.
She was a lesbian too, although I didn't know it at the time. But I really fell for her.
My whole body reacted. I felt like a teenager again.
At the time, she was very clear that she loved me as much as her girlfriend.
She felt most complete with both of us.
It was really tough, the days that she was gone, the dates that she went on with her girlfriend.
But I thought: ok, I'll get used to it. We went on vacation with the family...
... but my wife was so depressed and missed her girlfriend so much.
And it was then that I said we should probably split up.
She was so shocked that I would see it that way.
She said: I would rather break up with my girlfriend, because I'd rather stay with you.
Once I knew, the problem became: how do I tell my husband and kids?
It was a long time before I had the courage to tell them, but I finally did. First my husband.
And he said: it's just a phase, it will pass.
My husband wouldn't let me tell anyone, not even our own kids.
And then I told him: Jan, I want to stay with you...
... but as brother and sister - I can't share a bed with you any more. And that was really tough for him.
He said: Anne, I can't handle that. If that's the case, then you'll have to leave.
There we met other people in the same situation...
We both got a lot of support there, but especially my husband.
I was really in bad shape. I wasn't sleeping well and I couldn't function at work.
I got sick and finally went for help.
Social workers led me to the Orpheus foundation.
I went to an open house and that was the first time that I felt understood.
Here were all these people going through the same thing.
That really helped a lot.
Leaving my husband was really tough, but also a relief.
Because I could finally be myself.
That felt so good - to really be able to be myself.
Why do you stay with her?
Because she's the love of my life. It's not like you get used to it and then it gets easier...
... but now it's a conscious choice.
When she's away it's sometimes tough, but then again...
... if she feels complete, that benefits our relationship.
We think we've found a good balance and we expect to grow old together.