Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
You know, a common question that parents always ask me is: How can I stop flipping out so
much? What I say is, "Be kind to yourself because it's human to flip out." But you can
understand that the brain literally flips out so that the coordinating parts don't control
the lower parts. That's just human. The other thing that you can know about is that since
it's not your fault and you can stop blaming yourself, you can also then move to self-compassion
where you say, "Hey! It's not my fault; my brain did it but it is my responsibility."
Now when you do that, you can say, "I'm going to start trying to understand the hot buttons
that created this flipping out state." Like for me it was when my kids didn't pay attention
to me and I felt invisible, but you will have your own hot buttons that you need to understand.
And then once you understand that, you can know what does it feel like when I'm about
to flip my lid. Do my muscles get tight, my heart pounds, breathing fast, my jaw is tight,
my tone of voice is getting more irritated - those are signs for me to know I'm getting
close to flipping my lid. And then if you do flip your lid, get away from your child
if you can so you minimize the harm that's done. Reconnect with yourself by drinking
some water, stretching, going out for some fresh air. And then when you reconnect with
yourself, understanding that it is your responsibility to make a reconnection first inside, and then
come and make a reconnection with your child, not blaming yourself, but owning what happened
that it's part of learning, that you are trying not to do it, but that you really want to
make a reconnection with your child.