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- COMING UP ON BAD INK...
- ALMOST HAVE TO GET NAKED TO SHOW YOU THIS TATTOO.
- HOW DOES A TATTOO RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE?
- [laughing]
- IF I'M LIKE THIS, IT'S FINE,
BUT IF I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, IT'S A PROBLEM.
- SO I WENT TO THE MALL. - THE MALL?
- THE MALL.
- YOU GET SOME CAPRI PANTS, SOME LEMONADE, AND A TATTOO.
- [laughs]
- CAN YOU FIX MY SEX LIFE?
- I CAN'T COVER IT. I JUST CAN'T.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS?
OH, MAN.
[upbeat jazzy music]
- WELCOME TO THE MISTAKE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
WE HAVE A REPUTATION IN THIS TOWN.
WE'RE SAVING VEGAS
ONE BAD TATTOO AT A TIME.
♪ ♪
- YOU KNOW, AS A LOCAL,
WE DON'T NORMALLY GO DOWN TO THE STRIP, MAN.
WE'VE SEEN ALL THE LIGHTS BEFORE.
BUT IF YOU JUST WANT TO SEE SOME WEIRD-*** PEOPLE
WITH SOME FREAKY TATTOOS,
THE STRIP IS THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.
- IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A DRAGON.
TELL ME IT'S NOT BAD, BRO.
- IT'S BAD.
IT'S A DRAGON, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE ERNEST BORGNINE.
[laughter]
- ERNEST BORGNINE?
- I WATCHED THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE LAST NIGHT.
- DUDE, YOU'RE OLD.
- I GOT THIS TATTOO WHEN I WAS 17,
HANGING OUT WITH MY HOMIES.
I THOUGHT IT WAS BADASS.
[laughter]
- "TRUST NO MAN"?
COME ON, DARLING.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST RUCKUS.
EH, THEN AGAIN, NO, YOU CAN'T.
- YOU STILL FEEL THAT WAY OR...
- NO, I'M MARRIED NOW WITH FOUR KIDS.
- "TRUST ONE MAN,"
AND YOUR HUSBAND--COME ON.
HE'LL BUY YOU A DIAMOND RING AFTER THAT.
[phone chimes]
- [chuckles]
WE NEED TO GO TO STONEY'S, LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
- FOR WHAT? - THEY NEED OUR HELP.
BELIEVE ME ON THIS ONE.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO JUST TRUST ME.
ME AND DIRK HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A LONG TIME.
WE'RE RESPECTED MEMBERS OF THE COMMUNITY.
SO WHEN THE COMMUNITY CALLS US
TO COME OUT AND DO A SERVICE FOR THEM,
WHO THE HELL ARE WE TO DENY THEM?
DIRK AND I ARE AT STONEY'S TODAY
TO JUDGE A BIKINI BULL RIDING CONTEST.
- YEAH! - YOW!
[cheers and applause]
- WHOO!
- YEAH!
- SHAKE THAT UP!
WHOO!
both: OH!
- SOMETHING'S KIND OF PEEKING OUT FROM THAT ONE-PIECE.
SHE GOT A BIG TATTOO, BUT IT'S LIKE SHE'S COVERING IT.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- WHAT IS THAT GIRL EVEN DOING IN A ONE-PIECE?
- IT'S NOT A ONE-PIECE BULL RIDING CONTEST.
[cheers and applause]
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S HIDING,
BUT I'LL BET IT'S GOOD.
HI, HOW ARE YA?
- I'M KAYLA. - WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- KAYLA. - KAYLA.
- THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, WES.
- HI, WES.
I CAN'T HEAR A DAMN THING SHE'S SAYING.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE NEEDS SOME HELP.
- ALMOST HAVE TO GET NAKED TO SHOW YOU THIS TATTOO.
- BASICALLY THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD GET US AWAY
FROM A BIKINI BULL RIDING CONTEST
IS ONE OF THE GIRLS GETTING NAKED
AND SHOWING US TATTOOS IN THE BACK.
[indistinct chatter]
- SHE'S BACK.
- ALL RIGHT. THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH.
- SO YOU HAVE A BAD TATTOO.
- I WAS DATING THIS GUY. SUPER CONTROLLING.
I HAD A COUPLE TATTOOS BEFORE I STARTED DATING HIM.
I WANTED TO GET MORE TATTOOS, BUT HE SAID NO.
SO AFTER WE BROKE UP,
I DECIDED I'M GONNA GET THE TATTOO ANYWAYS.
YOU KNOW, SLAM IT IN YOUR FACE.
[laughter]
I GO AND GET THIS TATTOO,
AND MUCH BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT.
- WE SAW A LITTLE PEEKING OUT ON THE BULL THERE.
- UH...
- I KNEW YOU WERE HIDING SOMETHING.
- I'M AFRAID IT'S GONNA SCARE OUR CHILD.
- IS IT A MONSTER?
- IT'S CLOSE. - IT'S PRETTY CLOSE.
BUT IT'S STILL NOT EVEN DONE.
- UNFINISHED BUTT MONSTER.
- THERE YOU GO. - [laughs]
- I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SHOW ME,
BUT WE REALLY DO NEED TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING.
- WELL, HERE IT GOES.
- OH, YOU POOR SOUL.
- THAT IS ONE BIG [bleep].
- OH, MY GOD. - [laughs]
THAT'S THE MONSTER PART. - IT'S YOUR BUTT MONSTER.
- OH, MAN. THAT'S NOT A PEACOCK.
THAT'S A FIGHTING ***.
- WELL, IT WAS FIGHTING ITS WAY OFF HER ***,
I'LL TELL YOU THAT.
- I MEAN, WE WANT OUR KID TO BE FAMILIAR WITH BIG BIRD,
BUT NOT THIS BIG BIRD.
[laughter]
- THE TATTOO'S BIGGER THAN HER.
I THINK IT'S CONTINUED ON THE NEXT GIRL.
[laughter]
THIS GUY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN
THE BEST TATTOO ARTIST IN THE WORLD,
BUT, MAN, COULD HE PACK COLOR.
HER ENTIRE BUTT IS SOLID PURPLE.
YOU CAN'T COVER IT. I JUST CAN'T.
I'VE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE, BUT I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT TO MAKE IT A PRETTIER PEACOCK.
THAT'S IT.
I REALLY DON'T SEE AN OPTION HERE.
IT'S GOT TO STAY A PEACOCK.
THERE'S JUST--THERE'S NO GETTING RID OF IT.
- IF IT STAYS A PEACOCK,
JUST TOTAL TRANSFORMATION.
- IT NEEDS TO STAY A PEACOCK.
I'LL FIND A WAY TO KIND OF REINTERPRET
THAT FACE A LITTLE BIT.
I'LL MAKE THIS PRETTY.
I NEED TO ADDRESS THIS THING AS A WHOLE PIECE
AND MAKE IT BETTER.
I'D SHAKE YOUR HAND, BUT YOUR *** WILL FALL OUT.
SO I'LL SHAKE WES'S HAND.
- WE APPRECIATE IT.
- DIRK? - YES?
- HEY. - HI. YOU FOUND THE PLACE.
WE GOT A LONG DAY AHEAD OF US.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET CHANGED.
ME AND WES ARE GONNA TALK ABOUT YOU
BEHIND YOUR BACK WHEN YOU GO.
- LITERALLY. - WE'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
I NEED TO ADDRESS THE THINGS THAT I SEE
THAT AREN'T WORKING.
I WANT TO FEMINIZE IT MORE.
I WANT TO CHANGE THE SHAPE.
I WANT TO MAKE IT PRETTY.
I WANT TO FINISH COLORING IT.
SO...
[bleep] ME.
- YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE WORRIED, DIRK.
- IT'S JUST I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE [bleep] TO DO
WITH THIS CHICKEN HEAD.
I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO MAKE THIS BIRD SEXIER.
ALL RIGHT, KAYLA, YOU JUST GOT TO RELAX.
OKAY? THAT'S EASY TO SAY.
I'M ABOUT TO STICK RED-HOT NEEDLES IN YOUR ***.
[needle buzzing]
TRANSFORMING KAYLA'S PEACOCK'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF WORK,
BUT A LOT OF WORK MEANS A LOT OF TIME.
- HOW YOU DOING, SWEETHEART? HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
- I'M GOOD. - YOU ALL RIGHT, KIDDO?
- YEP. - WHAT KIND OF "YEP" WAS THAT?
[laughter]
THIS GIRL'S TOUGH,
BUT I CAN TELL IT'S STARTING TO WEAR ON HER.
HOW YOU HOLDING UP? - GOOD.
- DON'T LIE TO ME. DON'T YOU LIE TO ME, WOMAN.
- I'M LYING. IT HURTS LIKE HELL.
- THE TATTOO'S HALF DONE,
AND I'M HITTING SOME PAINFUL AREAS.
- OH, MY GOD, THE RIB.
GOD. - ATTA GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
- OOH, HIP BONE.
[groans]
- YOU ***'S RED.
I'M ALMOST RUNNING OUT OF INK ON YOU.
I [bleep] HATE PEACOCKS.
WE'RE DONE.
HOP UP AND TAKE A LOOK.
- IT'S AWESOME.
IT'S AWESOME. I'M SUPER IMPRESSED.
- THE MAIN THING I HAD TO DO WITH THIS TATTOO
WAS GET RID OF THE HARSHNESS OF THOSE BOLD LINES.
I DID THAT BY ADDING MORE FEATHERS TO THE BOTTOM,
A FLOURISH UP FRONT, AND AN EXTRA WING.
AND THEN I JUST HAD TO ADDRESS THAT ANGRY CHICKEN HEAD
BY MAKING IT SLEEKER AND MORE FEMININE.
I LOVE THAT WING IN FRONT.
IT JUST SEPARATED IT, YOU KNOW?
- IT DEFINITELY DID.
IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL.
LIKE, EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED.
IT'S PERFECT.
- LOOKS AWESOME, MAN.
I'M BLOWN AWAY, HONESTLY.
- THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
- WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN
THAT JUDGING A BIKINI BULL RIDING CONTEST
WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR BUSINESS?
[soft rumbling]
- OOH, GOODNESS.
- UGH. WAS THAT YOUR STOMACH?
- YES, WE NEED TO GO HEAD OVER TO CHINATOWN.
- WHAT'S GOING ON IN CHINATOWN?
- WELL, FIRST OFF, I NEED SOME CHA SIU BAO.
- DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
- IT'S THOSE LITTLE PORK BUNS.
- NOT A FAN. - SECOND OFF...
THERE'S THIS GIRL JOANNE
WHO HAS A TATTOO THAT I GUESS IS REALLY INTERFERING
WITH HER WORK, AND SHE'S A NURSE.
SO HELLO, NURSE.
- SO WHY ARE WE MEETING HER IN CHINATOWN?
- SHE GOT THIS TATTOO IN CHINESE
THAT DOESN'T SAY WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO SAY.
SO I WONDER IF WE GO TO CHINA IF PEOPLE HAVE STUPID WORDS
TATTOOED ON THEM, YOU KNOW, LIKE "STRENGTH" AND "FIRE"
AND "KUMQUAT" AND "BAGEL."
- KUMQUAT? - KUMQUAT.
- KUMQUAT.
- EITHER WAY, I'M HUNGRY AND I WANT SOME DIM SUM.
- ALL RIGHT.
SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD.
- I'VE GOT A FEELING THIS IS IT.
HI, THERE. JOANNE?
- JOANNE. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - DIRK.
- HI, DIRK. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- VICKIE. - VICKIE. VICKIE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
[laughter]
HE'S STARVING. THE WHOLE WAY--
THE WHOLE WAY HERE ALL HE'S TALKING ABOUT IS FOOD.
- CHA SIU BAO. CHA SIU BAO. CHA SIU BAO.
- I'VE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM, AS YOU KNOW,
AND I'D KIND OF LIKE TO HAVE IT FIXED.
- ABSOLUTELY. SO HOW OLD'S THE TATTOO?
- IT'S ABOUT 15 YEARS OLD.
I WAS REALLY EXCITED TO GET KIND OF THIS REBELLIOUS TATTOO.
I WAS RUNNING WITH A DIFFERENT CROWD.
SO I GOT--WANTED A TATTOO TO SYMBOLIZE THAT.
- OKAY.
- SO I WENT TO THE MALL...
- THE MALL? - THE MALL.
- YEAH, YOU GET SOME CAPRI PANTS, A LEMONADE, AND A TATTOO.
- YOU DON'T GO TO A MALL FOR A TATTOO.
YOU GO TO AN OLD SHOPPING CENTER OUT BY THE AIRPORT
CALLED PUSSYKAT TATTOO.
ASK FOR DIRK.
- SO THEY THESE CHINESE SYMBOLS ON THE WALL.
SO I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT THESE SYMBOLS ON THERE
AND THEY'VE GOT THESE TRANSLATIONS UNDERNEATH,
YOU TRUST THE PERSON THAT'S DOING YOUR TATTOO.
SO I GOT THE TATTOO DONE.
I CAN'T SPEAK OR READ CHINESE...
- LET ME GUESS.
LOST IN THE TRANSLATION.
- YEAH.
- SO SHE GOES INTO THE SHOP,
LOOKS ON THE SIGN,
AND SHE GOES, "I'LL TAKE THAT."
THAT'S AS MUCH RESEARCH AS SHE DID.
- I'VE COME SO FAR.
I'M A NURSE.
I WORK WITH WOMEN WHO ARE HOMELESS OR IN PRISON.
I HAVE CHINESE CLIENTS, ASIAN-AMERICAN CLIENTS,
THAT CAN READ MY TATTOO.
- RIGHT.
- AND THEY'RE, LIKE, LOOKING AT ME LIKE,
"WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS TATTOO?
YOU ARE NOT THIS PERSON."
- WELL, I THINK WE NEED TO SEE IT.
- YEAH. - I CAN'T READ IT, BUT...
- I THINK WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN.
- YEAH, THIS IS TRUE.
AT LEAST SEE IF IT'S WELL DONE.
I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT SAYS.
WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A LOOK AT THIS?
DO WE KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS?
- OH.
[speaks Chinese language]
OH...
- BAD? - [speaks Chinese language]
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS,
BUT IT OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING GOOD.
- JOANNE GOT HER CHINESE MASTERPIECE 15 YEARS AGO,
AND NOW SHE'S SICK OF PEOPLE ASKING ABOUT IT--
OR WORSE, READING IT.
- I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT SAYS.
WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A LOOK AT THIS?
DO WE KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS?
- [speaks Chinese language]
OH. NO.
- BAD? - [speaks Chinese language]
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS,
BUT IT OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING GOOD.
- SHE'S A NO-GOOD WOMAN.
- NO-GOOD WOMAN? - YEAH.
- OH.
[laughter]
- THAT IS THE REACTION I GET ON A REGULAR BASIS.
- MAYBE SHE COULD START A LINE OF HOSPITAL SCRUBS--
WITH TURTLENECKS.
- I'M NOW PUTTING MY TRUST THAT I PUT IN MALL GUY
15 YEARS AGO INTO YOUR HANDS.
- DON'T ASK ME TO WRITE ANYTHING OR SPELL ANYTHING.
WE'RE NOT EVEN GONNA PUT ENGLISH ON YOU, OKAY?
WE'LL PUT SOMETHING PRETTY ON YOU
THAT WE CAN'T MISSPELL.
SHALL WE EAT? - LET'S GET SOME GRUB.
THIS WAY. - BEARDED LADIES FIRST.
- I'M COOL WITH THAT.
- WE'RE GONNA GRAB A QUICK BITE TO EAT,
AND THEN WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO THE SHOP.
I DON'T THINK JOANNE WANTS TO SPEND ANY MORE TIME
AS A NO-GOOD WOMAN.
AFTER YOU, YOUNG LADY.
- THANK YOU. - GO TO THE LEFT.
EXCITED TO GET THIS DONE? - I'M SO EXCITED.
- COME ON IN.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT HERE.
WE DON'T HAVE TO GO HUGE.
- I DON'T MIND BEING, LIKE, SPREAD OUT SOME.
- MM-KAY. - LIKE, AROUND HERE.
- 'CAUSE I WANT TO GET RID OF--
JUST 'CAUSE IT'S A STRAIGHT LINE.
SO I'D LIKE TO KIND OF BREAK THAT UP
WITH SOME DARK LINES.
CHINESE LETTERING IS KIND OF HARD TO COVER UP,
BECAUSE IT'S DARK AND IT'S THICK
AND IT'S VERY SPECIFIC,
AND IT'S ON THE BACK OF HER NECK.
WE'VE ONLY GOT THAT MUCH ROOM TO MAKE THIS RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, GIVE IT A NICE PICTURE
SO PEOPLE REALLY SEE IT.
- I GOT YA. I GOT YA.
- WHEN THEY'RE FROM BEHIND,
LIKE, "OH, DUDE, THAT'S SICK."
- OKAY.
YOU LIKE WHEN PEOPLE CALL YOU "DUDE"?
- A LITTLE BIT. - [laughs]
ALL RIGHT, DUDE, LET'S GO TO WORK.
[needle buzzing]
DOES IT FEEL LIKE IT DID 15 YEARS AGO?
- NO.
- THIS IS GONNA BE SO PRETTY.
LET ME TELL YOU, MAN, THIS TOP--
YOU HAD A LOT OF SCAR TISSUE.
BUT THE REST OF THIS, MAN, IS SO COOL.
WE'RE DONE.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU STAND IN THAT MIRROR.
TAKE A LOOK BACK, OKAY?
- OKAY.
I'M SO HAPPY.
THAT IS, LIKE, SO SICK.
- IT'S ALMOST, LIKE, PAINT SPLATTER
AND DRIPPING,
AND I DID IT IN BLACK,
SO IT'S LIKE INK.
THE BAD GIRL'S STILL THERE,
BUT THE NO-GOOD WOMAN IS GONE.
- IT'S SUCH A DIFFERENT ENERGY NOW.
THERE'S BEAUTY THERE NOW.
IT'S JUST SO GORGEOUS.
IT'S GONE. - I'M GLAD.
- THAT ENERGY IS GONE. - GONE.
- I GOT A CALL FROM THIS CHICK, JORDAN.
SHE'S GOT THIS TATTOO PROBLEM.
IT'S RUINING HER SEX LIFE.
- HOW DOES A TATTOO RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE?
- PROBABLY A DUDE'S NAME.
"PROPERTY OF ENRIQUE SANCHEZ."
- YES. OH, I LOVE ENRIQUE.
USED TO DATE HIS SISTER.
- YOU KNOW, USUALLY I CAN FIX A LADY'S SEX LIFE
BY JUST HITTING THE ROAD.
- MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE FLOWN SOLO ON THIS ONE.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
- DAMN, TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
- WELL, YOU KNOW... - SLOW COCKTAIL WAITRESS.
- THEY GOT TO POUR 'EM.
- HI, GUYS. HOW ARE YOU?
- JORDAN? - JORDAN. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- RUCKUS. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT,
YOU KNOW, LIKE, HOW A TATTOO CAN RUIN A SEX LIFE.
- AS A WOMAN, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND.
LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE STARRING AT IT,
THESE THINGS, THEY'RE JUST NOT CUTE.
SO WE NEED YOU GUYS TO FIX THIS TATTOO.
- SO WHO'S "WE"?
- THIS MAN IN MY LIFE.
- OH...
- SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? - HOW ARE YOU? DIRK.
- KEITH. - KEITH. NICE TO MEET YOU, MAN.
- RUCKUS. - KEITH. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- STARTED TO TELL US A LITTLE STORY HERE, SO...
- YEAH, IT HAS TO GO,
BUT IT'S NOT MINE.
- OKAY, WHO HAS THE TATTOO?
- I WAS EXPECTING TO, AT THE VERY LEAST,
HELP A PRETTY GIRL WITH HER TATTOO.
- SHE PULLED THE OLD FLAMBOOZLE ON ME, MAN.
I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS.
- WE NEED IT TO GO SO WE CAN MOVE ON
TO THE NEXT PHASE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- DO WE NEED IT TO GO?
- I GUESS MAYBE IT HAS COME DOWN TO THIS.
- IT HAS. - RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
- ALL RIGHT.
[laughter]
- OH, MAN.
YOU DIDN'T.
- JORDAN CALLED US ABOUT A TATTOO
THAT'S CAUSING PROBLEMS IN THE BEDROOM.
WELL, TURNS OUT THE TATTOO'S NOT ON HER.
IT'S ON THIS YOUNG JABRONI SHE'S DATING.
- WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
[laughter]
OH, MAN.
YOU DIDN'T.
[laughter]
- OH...
THE TWO MUD FLAP CHICKS, MAN.
I THINK SPENT A LITTLE TOO LONG IN THE TRUCKER'S DINER,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT WHEN I FIRST GOT IT,
BUT THE MOST I STARTED TO LOOK AT IT DOWN,
IT LOOKED SHIFTED.
- YEAH, WELL, THIS SIDE'S DEFINITELY HIGHER.
- JUST WEAR ONE SHOE WHEN YOU WALK AROUND.
YOUR BACK WILL CHANGE AFTER A LITTLE WHILE.
YOU'LL BE FINE.
- WHAT THE HELL DOES IT EVEN SAY?
IT LOOKS LIKE "RIDER" OR...
- "BRIGHTER" OR...
- BRIGHTER.
- YOU KNOW, HIS LITTLE MOLE'S IN THERE.
[laughter]
- THE *** MOLE. I LOVE IT.
WOW.
[laughs]
- AS A WOMAN, IF I'M LIKE THIS, IT'S FINE,
BUT IF I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, IT'S A PROBLEM.
- DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- [laughs]
- HE'S GOT SOME CHALLENGES FOR ME FOR SURE.
LETTERING, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S SHADED IN LIKE THAT,
IS TOUGH TO HIDE, BECAUSE YOUR EYES
ARE USED TO SEEING LETTERING,
SO YOU'VE GOT TO CHANGE THE WAY
THE EYE LOOKS AT IT.
THE THINGS THAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH,
THERE'S THE SIZE,
THERE'S A CROOKEDNESS,
AND THERE'S THE BLACK.
WHAT KIND OF STUFF ARE YOU INTO?
- I LOVE MOTORSPORTS.
CONNECTING RODS AND PISTONS.
MAYBE SOME CHAIN SPROCKETS.
- THE HARDEST THING TO HIDE IS LINES,
AND ALL THE LINES ON THIS TATTOO ARE STRAIGHT.
SO I HAVE TO COME UP WITH A DESIGN
THAT ADDRESS ALL THOSE STRAIGHT LINES.
I THINK THAT THAT'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD IDEA,
'CAUSE I CAN HIDE A LOT WITH THE MOTOR PARTS
AND THE CHROME AND THE ENGINE PARTS
AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
- AWESOME.
- DIRK'S GREAT AT DOING ENGINES AND SPROCKETS AND...
ALL THAT STUFF THAT GOES IN CARS.
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I'M STILL HAVING PROBLEMS CHANGING TIRES.
- CAN YOU FIX MY SEX LIFE?
- YOU'LL BE BOUNCING AROUND LIKE BUNNIES AGAIN
TOOT SWEET.
- LET'S DO THIS.
- UH-OH. - [laughs]
[laughs] OH.
- I WAS DRUNK WHEN I GOT IT.
- YOUR TATTOO TRIED TO ROB ME.
- THE DUDE THAT DID IT WAS DRUNK OR ANGRY AT YOU
OR SOMETHING, MAN.
HE WAS MAD AT YOU.
[growls]
HE DO THAT WITH A PICKAX?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- YOU CAN QUIT POINTING THAT THING AT ME TOO, MAN.
IT MIGHT GO OFF.
- SO THE MORE I TALKED TO KEITH,
THE MORE REALIZED HE IS A TRUE GEARHEAD.
I MEAN, HE LOVES HIS BIKES.
EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME HE WANTED ON THERE I PUT IN.
- HELLO. - YOU MADE IT.
- YES. - THANKS FOR SEEING ME.
I'M ANXIOUS.
YOU KNOW, READY TO GET THIS PROCESS GOING.
- WE DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES.
JUST PLEASE GET RID OF IT.
- YEAH, FOR SURE.
LET ME LOOK AT IT AGAIN.
WE'LL GET THESE GIRLS OFF OF YOU,
AND YOU CAN BE THE ONLY GIRL ON HIM.
- PERFECT. - WILL THAT WORK?
- THAT WORKS. - ALL RIGHT.
- YOU READY FOR THIS PAIN?
- YEAH. - OH, YEAH.
- IF I TURN INTO A LITTLE GIRL,
JUST GIVE ME A SMACK.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A SMACK OR TWO.
- EXCUSE MY FINGERS.
- [chuckles]
[needle buzzing]
- YOU GONNA BE GOOD SITTING THIS LONG?
- ARE YOU?
[laughter]
- YOU KNOW HOW GIRLS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO CHANGE THEIR MAN?
WELL, SOMETIMES THAT'S A GOOD THING.
TENDER SPOT ON A MAN'S STOMACH.
- AT LEAST YOU GUYS WILL NEVER HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH.
- IF MAN HAD TO GIVE BIRTH, THIS PLANET WOULD BE BARREN.
[laughter]
WHAT DO YOU THINK? - IT LOOKS GREAT.
THE COLORS LOOK AMAZING. LOOKS AWESOME.
- I LOVE HOW THE LITTLE FLAMES
COME UP RIGHT AROUND THE BELLYBUTTON.
- YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME. CAN I SEE IT YET?
- [laughs] ONE MORE SECOND.
YEAH, GO AHEAD. - YEAH, COME ON.
- TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
- OH, MAN.
HOLY [bleep].
DIRK. WOW.
- IS THAT AWESOME?
- THAT IS FREAKING SICK.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD RIGHT THERE.
- I WAS ABLE TO MAKE THE STAR PERFECTLY CENTERED,
AND THEN EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FROM OUTSIDE.
WE'VE GOT THE PISTONS ON EITHER SIDE OF THAT.
BACK BEHIND THAT WE'VE GOT THE CHECKERED FLAGS.
AND THOSE MUD FLAP GIRLS ARE LOST IN THE SHADOWS.
- I'M SO GLAD THOSE GIRLS ARE GONE.
THAT WAS MY MAIN ISSUE,
AND I CAN'T EVEN SEE THEM ANYMORE, SO...
- YOU HAPPY TO BE THE ONLY GIRL NOW?
- I'M SO DONE COMPETING WITH THEM.
- THAT'S GOOD.
- AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
- RUCKUS AND DIRK: MAKING LOVE.
[laughs]
MAKING LOVE HAPPEN.