Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
.
>COMING UP ON TIME FOR HOPE:
> SAY THERE'S A PERIOD WHERE YOU MIGHT HOPE TO RESTORE THE
MARRIAGE AND THERE IS A POSSIBILITY. BUT ONCE THAT
DIVORCE IS FINAL, AND THE OTHER PERSON HAS MOVED ON, IF
YOU DON'T GO THROUGH A PROCESS YOURSELF WHERE YOU LET GO AND
SAY GOODBYE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE TO KNOW THE
FULL ABUNDANT LIFE THAT GOD NOW HAS FOR YOU
>JOIN DR. FREDA CREWS, LICENSED PROFESSIONAL
COUNSELOR, AND HER GUESTS AS THEY PROVIDE PRACTICAL
SOLUTIONS TO REAL LIFE PROBLEMS ON TIME FOR HOPE.
>HI. I AM DR. FREDA CREWS AND AS HOST OF TIME FOR HOPE, A
FAITH BASED MENTAL HEALTH SHOW, I WELCOME YOU FOR THE
SECOND WEEK TO JOIN ME WITH AUTHOR AND FAMILY DIVORCE
MEDIATOR SANDRA DOPF AND THERAPIST AND LIFE COACH
JENNIFER CISNEY. THEY ARE AUTHORS OF A BOOK TITLED
EMERGE VICTORIOUS, A WOMAN'S TRANSFORMATIONAL GUIDE AFTER
HER DIVORCE. WE BEGAN IT LAST WEEK AND ARE CONTINUING WITH
IT THROUGH THIS WEEK. THESE CO-AUTHORS RELATE THAT THEIR
HOPE AND PRAYER IS FOR WOMEN WHO HAVE OR ARE EXPERIENCING A
DIVORCE TO EMERGE TRANSFORMED AND VICTORIOUS, LEAVING THE
PAST BEHIND THEM AND BECOMING INTENTIONAL ABOUT FINDING A
NEW LIFE FILLED WITH PURPOSE AND MEANING. TO FOLLOW THEIR
WELL DEFINED PATH STAY WITH US.
>AND SANDRA AND JENNIFER YOU DID A GREAT JOB JUST SITTING
THERE SO THAT OUR STAFF COULD PREPARE FOR US TO DO THIS
SECOND WEEK WITH YOUR BOOK, WHICH IS JUST, EVEN WITH TWO
WEEKS I WOULD ENCOURAGE OUR VIEWERS TO MAKE SURE THEY GET
A COPY BECAUSE I SAY IT OVER AND OVER ON THE SHOW. WE WILL
HAVE JUST TOUCHED THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG OF ALL THAT YOU
HAVE IN THIS BOOK, BECAUSE LITERALLY YOU COULD TAKE THIS
BOOK AND APPLY IT TO SO MANY SITUATIONS. YOU'VE COVERED A
LOT OF TERRITORY IN THE BOOK. NOW LET'S GO BACK AND PICK UP
BECAUSE WE WANT TO GO INTO THE EMERGING VICTORIOUS AND TO DO
THAT YOU MENTIONED STAYING STUCK IN THE EMOTIONS AND THE
BLAMING AND ALL OF THIS. AND IF YOU'RE THERE, AND YOU STAY
THERE, THEN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EMERGE VICTORIOUS. YOU'RE
GOING TO DO SOME OF THE THINGS YOU DID, AND THAT IS TRY TO
CORRECT YOUR PAST. YOU WERE NOT CONSCIOUS THAT YOU ARE
DOING THAT. ANOTHER THING I COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK OF
WHEN YOU WERE TELLING YOUR STORY LAST WEEK ABOUT YOUR
CHILDHOOD, THAT LITTLE INNER CHILD, THAT LITTLE GIRL THAT
WAS THE ONE THAT WAS MAKING THE DECISIONS, NOT THE ADULT
SANDRA. THEN IN MY COUNSELING I HAD A LOT OF THAT TO DO WITH
A LOT OF PEOPLE, INTRODUCE THEM TO THEIR INNER CHILD,
THEIR LITTLE GIRL OR BOY AND I HAD TO WORK WITH THEM IN
GETTING THEM ON TRACK AND ALLOWING THAT CHILD TO GROW
UP. AND IT'S WHEN ALL THIS THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IN
THIS TRANSFORMATIONAL PROCESS, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S
HAPPENING, BECAUSE THAT CHILD WILL TUG AT YOU AND TUG AT YOU
UNTIL YOU RECOGNIZE IT AND GIVE HER OR HIM THEIR PLACE IN
YOUR LIFE AND GROW THEM UP. AND YOU AGREE WITH ME ON ALL
OF THAT?
>ABSOLUTELY DR. CREWS. IT'S THE BONDING, THE COCOON; A
CATERPILLAR GOES INTO THAT COCOON. THAT'S WHERE A LOT OF
THAT GOOD WORK HAPPENS AND THAT'S WHAT WE REFER TO IS
THAT THE GOOD WORK, LETTING GO, RENEWING AND THEN ONE DAY
YOU CHOOSE TO BREAK OUT OF THOSE BINDINGS, AND YOU CAN
FLY INTO THE LIFE THAT GOD HAS WAITING FOR YOU. INTO A
BUTTERFLY HAS ITS OWN UNIQUE THUMB PRINT, JUST AS WE HAVE
OUR OWN UNIQUE GIFTS AND EXPERIENCES, PAIN AND
VICTORIES. BUT WE GET TO FLY OUT INTO A LIFE THAT IS STILL
WAITING ON US. AND THAT MEANS IN THAT COCOON WE'VE GOT TO
GET RID OF THE WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH FROM THE DIVORCE,
WHETHER THAT BE PASSED SHAME, GUILT, BITTERNESS, ANGER. WE
NEED TO ALSO DEAL WITH WHATEVER WE BROUGHT INTO THE
MARRIAGE THAT WE'RE STILL DEALING WITH, BECAUSE WE WANT
TO FLY FREE AND FORWARD AS HEALED, TRANSFORMED BEAUTIFUL
WOMEN.
>YOU CALL IT INVISIBLE PRISON WALLS, AND WE ALL HAVE THEM.
WE ALL HAVE THEM, AND ONCE A WOUND IS OPEN, LIKE A DIVORCE,
I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THAT IT BECOMES THE WOUND FOR ALL OF
OUR WOUNDING. AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LINE IS DRAWN,
AND IT ALL GETS PUT TOGETHER, AS IT WERE. AND I THOUGHT YOU
DID A REALLY GOOD JOB, BOTH OF YOU ON GETTING FROM BEHIND,
BREAKING OUT OF THOSE INVISIBLE PRISON WALLS AS I
SAY BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE THEM. NOW LET'S GO BACK TO SAYING
GOODBYE TO YOUR MARRIAGE. REALITY HAS TO SET IN, DOESN'T
IT? ACCEPTANCE HAS TO SET IN DOESN'T IT? AND THERE
LITERALLY HAS TO BE A TIME THAT YOU DECIDE THAT YOU WANT
TO PUT IT IN THE PAST, YOU WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THAT
MARRIAGE AND MOVE FORWARD. WHO WANTS TO SPEAK TO THAT?
> YOU KNOW FREDA WITH MANY OF OUR OTHER LOSSES IN LIFE, SUCH
AS A DEATH OR A TRANSITION TO A NEW PERIOD OF LIFE, SOCIETY
HAS CEREMONIES. WE HAVE OPPORTUNITIES TO OPENLY
GRIEVE, FOR PEOPLE TO SAY I'M SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED, FOR US
TO CRY OR EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS. BUT THAT'S NOT THE
CASE WITH DIVORCE. THERE ARE NO DIVORCE MEMORIAL SERVICES
OUT THERE. I DON'T SEE ANY DIVORCE CARDS IN THE SYMPATHY
SECTION. I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR MARRIAGE. AND
MOST OF THE TIME AT BEST MANY PEOPLE WILL COME UP AND SAY,
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. BUT WE AREN'T
ENCOURAGED TO SHARE, TO TALK ABOUT IT, TO BRING TO CLOSURE
AND IN FACT, SOMETIMES AS CHRISTIANS, WITH GOOD
INTENTION, ESPECIALLY IF A WOMAN HAS BEEN ABANDONED BY
HER HUSBAND, HE'S LEFT OR HE'S HAD AN AFFAIR A LOT OF PEOPLE
WILL SAY YOU JUST STAY AND PRAY AND WAIT AND IF YOU WAIT
LONG ENOUGH HE'LL COME BACK.
>I'VE HEARD THAT OVER AND OVER, AND SOME OF THEM HAVE
WAITED FOR MANY MANY YEARS AND HE HASN'T COME BACK AND HE'S
HAPPILY MARRIED AND GOING ON WITH HIS LIFE.
> AND I SAY THERE'S A PERIOD WHERE YOU MIGHT HOPE TO
RESTORE THE MARRIAGE AND THERE IS A POSSIBILITY. BUT ONCE
THAT DIVORCE IS FINAL, AND THE OTHER PERSON HAS MOVED ON, IF
YOU DON'T GO THROUGH A PROCESS YOURSELF WHERE YOU LET GO AND
SAY GOODBYE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE TO KNOW THE
FULL ABUNDANT LIFE THAT GOD NOW HAS FOR YOU AFTER THAT. SO
I THINK THERE'S A BALANCE. CERTAINLY WE WANT PEOPLE TO
KNOW FOR SURE THEY'VE DONE EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE
THE MARRIAGE WORK, BUT ONCE IT'S DONE AND THE DIVORCE IS
FINAL, ONCE YOUR SPOUSE HAS MOVED ON, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
DO THE SAME. AND WE TALK IN THE BOOK A LOT ABOUT CREATING
RITUALS FOR YOURSELF, CREATING WAYS TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR
MARRIAGE.
> YOU KNOW, I LIKE IT THAT YOU BRING OUT NOT TO DRAG IT OUT.
ONCE YOU KNOW THAT IT'S GOT TO BE, AND ONCE YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
ALREADY INTO THE LEGAL PROCESS, I THINK YOU DID A
GREAT JOB OF SAYING, DON'T DRAG IT OUT FOREVER. ALL IT'S
DOING IS PAYING LAWYERS AND CAUSING MORE EMOTIONAL
UNNECESSARY PAIN BECAUSE WHEN THE ENDING, YES, THERE'S GOING
TO BE GRIEF, NO MATTER, I'VE SEEN IT OVER AND OVER AND
OVER, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL THE MARRIAGE, NO MATTER HOW
PREPARED. I ALWAYS HAD THEM THE DAY OF THEIR DIVORCE, WHEN
IT WAS GOING TO BE FINAL TO HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME
AFTERWARD. AND THEY WOULD COME TO MY OFFICE, THAT WAS
SOMETHING WE WENT THROUGH, BECAUSE THERE WAS GRIEF AND
PAIN EVEN THEN, WHEN THAT THING SLAMS DOWN AND IT'S
FINAL. BUT IT'S A GOOD TIME TO GET COUNSELING, AND MAKE THAT
DECISION, ISN'T IT?
>IT ABSOLUTELY IS BECAUSE THERE'S A WHOLE NEW FUTURE
OPENING UP AND IT'S UNCHARTED TERRITORY. YOU'RE MOVING
FORWARD INTO A LIFE.
>YOU ARE RISKING THAT, IT'S A RISK.
>YES IT IS, IT'S RISKY AND IT'S UNKNOWN. HOWEVER, WE'RE
STILL MODELING FOR OUR CHILDREN, AND WE'RE STILL
MODELING HOW TO BE A GOOD PARENT, AND HOW TO GET UP AND
GET GOING AGAIN AND MOVE ON. AND WE REALLY TALK A LOT ABOUT
TOO PACKING UP WHAT YOU DON'T NEED. WHICH IS, THERE MAY HAVE
BEEN TERRIBLE PAPERS WRITTEN AND LETTERS WRITTEN BY
ATTORNEYS OR PICTURES. YOU NEED TO DO AWAY WITH THAT.
DON'T FOCUS ON THAT. THERE MAY BE THINGS YOU WANT TO KEEP. IT
MAY BE THE PHOTO ALBUM OF THE WEDDING THAT YOU NEED TO PASS
ON TO THE CHILDREN ONE DAY. YOU NEED TO PACK THAT UP FOR
STORAGE FOR SAFEKEEPING. AND THEN YOU'RE FREE TO START
BUILDING A LIFE THAT REFLECTS YOU AND REFLECTS THAT YOU AND
YOUR CHILDREN, AND IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN YOU'RE STILL A
FAMILY, YOU CAN CREATE A HOME, YOU CAN CREATE A NEW TOMORROW.
AND THAT IS THE PASSION BEHIND THIS BOOK IS HELPING WOMEN TO
KNOW THAT WE STILL MATTER AND THAT WE'RE LIVING OUT EACH DAY
IS VICTORIOUS.
> YOU KNOW CHILDREN ARE THE FALLOUT OF DIVORCE; THERE IS
NO DOUBT IN MY MIND ABOUT THAT. I'VE HAD SOME OF MY
CHILDREN DIVORCE WITH CHILDREN INVOLVED, AND IT'S A VERY
PAINFUL EXPERIENCE AS A GRANDPARENT TO WATCH
GRANDCHILDREN GO THROUGH THE DIVORCING OF THEIR PARENTS.
AND YOU'VE GOT THESE PICTURES, THESE FAMILY PICTURES, WHERE
THEY'RE ALL IN IT AND AS A COUPLE AND I'VE HAD THOSE
DECISIONS TO MAKE AS WE'VE ARRANGED, I HAVE A PRECIOUS
GRANDDAUGHTER, WHO HAS TAKEN OUR PHOTO ALBUMS AND PUT THEM
IN ORDER ACCORDING TO EACH CHILD AND THEIR OFFSPRING AND
SO ON AND SO FORTH, IT'S A BIG THING IN OUR FAMILY. AND I HAD
TO DECIDE WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO WITH THE FORMER IN-LAWS
PICTURES. AND I DID WHAT YOU MENTIONED; I SORTED OUT THOSE
THAT I THOUGHT THE GRANDKIDS WOULD WANT OF THE OTHER
PARENT. AND EVEN WEDDING PICTURES, EVEN WEDDING
PICTURES AND WHAT I LEARNED WAS THAT THE GRANDKIDS DO WANT
THE WEDDING PICTURES OF THEIR PARENTS.
>I TELL COUPLES AS A MEDIATOR ALL THE TIME RIGHT AT THE
BEGINNING AND EVEN AS WOMEN ARE REBUILDING THEIR LIVES
THAT TODAY THEY ARE WRITING THE DIVORCE STORY IN THEIR
CHILDREN AND THEIR GRANDCHILDREN'S LIVES AND TO
BE VERY AWARE OF HOW THEIR LIVING, WHAT THEY'RE SAYING
AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING BECAUSE THEY ARE WRITING THAT DIVORCE
STORY THAT THAT CHILD WILL REMEMBER IT 35, 40, 45 YEARS
LONG.
> AND THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY, YOU
CAN'T SEPARATE THAT WITH CELEBRATIONS AND DEATHS AND SO
FORTH THAT THE FORMER IN-LAWS OR WHATEVER IS GOING TO BE A
PART OF THE FAMILY'S LIFE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. SO
GRANDPARENTS HAVE TO MAKE SOME BIG DECISIONS TOO WHEN IT
COMES TO DIVORCE AND THEIR GRANDCHILDREN BEING INVOLVED.
>YES THEY DO.
>SO LET'S LOOK AT SAYING GOODBYE. DID YOU ACTUALLY HAVE
A CEREMONY JENNIFER OR....
>IT WASN'T A PUBLIC ONE BUT I DID WITH THE COUNSELOR.
>LIKE DAVID STOOP DOES WITH FORGIVENESS; DID YOU TAKE ALL
THE PAPERS AND BURN THEM OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
(LAUGHTER).
>IT WAS OVER A PERIOD OF TIME. THERE WERE SOME THINGS I
NEEDED TO GO THROUGH, I NEEDED TO SEPARATE OUT, I NEEDED TO
HAVE THE TIME AND ACTUALLY HAD SOME FRIENDS WHO WERE A PART
OF THAT PROCESS WITH ME WHERE WE WOULD TAKE AND PUT THOSE
THINGS AWAY. LIKE SANDRA SAID SOME YOU THROW AWAY SOME YOU
PACK AWAY, BUT YOU HAVE A SAYING THAT OKAY THIS IS
FINISHED AND NOW. AND THEN WE WENT OUT AND WE ALL WENT OUT
TO CELEBRATE AND THAT MAY SOUND A LITTLE STRANGE, BUT IT
WAS NOT CELEBRATING THE DIVORCE. IT WAS CELEBRATING
THIS NEW JOURNEY THAT I WAS EMBARKING ON WITH THE BELIEF
THAT GOD NOW HAD A PLAN AND THAT EVERY ENDING, EVEN
PAINFUL ENDINGS CONTAIN WITHIN THEM A NEW BEGINNING. AND WE
WERE CELEBRATING THAT FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.
> YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKED YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK TOO AND IT'S
SO TRUE AND THAT IS THE MARRIAGE NO MATTER HOW BAD,
THERE'S SOME GOOD MEMORIES AND YOU HAVE NO REASON TO PITCH
THOSE BECAUSE IT'S A SEASON OF YOUR LIFE. IT'S A NUMBER OF
YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. AND WHAT'S GOOD YOU WANT TO HOLD ON TO.
>YES. AND I THINK WE MAKE THE MISTAKE SOMETIMES OF THINKING,
BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE WE ONLY HAVE TO FOCUS ON THE BAD. AND
THERE WAS THAT WEDDING DAY, THERE WERE CHRISTMASES, THERE
WERE PRESENTS, THERE WERE HAVING CHILDREN, THERE WERE
HOLIDAYS. THERE'S MEMORIES, THERE WERE GREAT
CONVERSATIONS, AND IT'S TAKE WHAT'S GOOD AND HOLD IT.
>HOLD IT ESPECIALLY FOR THE CHILDREN.
>WELL, EVEN FOR YOURSELF, BUT ESPECIALLY FOR THE CHILDREN.
BUT HOLD IT AND LET GO OF WHAT NEEDS TO BE LET GO OF AND JUST
DON'T LET IT WEIGH YOU DOWN. AS I MENTIONED, THE FIRST WEEK
IS NOT TO LIVE OUT OF THAT DIVORCE STORY AND KEEP LETTING
EVERYONE OF YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, WITH PEOPLE
TRAVELED BACK TO I CAN'T GO ON A VACATION, I CAN'T DO THIS I
CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE OR BECAUSE OF WHAT
HE'S DOING. AND I SAY, VACATION MIGHT BE ONE DAY, DO
SOMETHING FUN FOR YOURSELF TODAY. BUT BE INTENTIONAL WITH
THAT DAY AND BE INTENTIONAL WITH EACH OF YOUR DAYS AND
STRUNG TOGETHER IT BECOMES YOUR NEW LIFE.
>WELL, THEY ARE TELLING ME WE NEED TO GO. IT IS TIME FOR A
BREAK, AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
>TOO MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF DIVORCE, OR THAT DIVORCE IS THE ANSWER TO THEIR
NEVER ENDING CONFLICT. ADMITTEDLY, DIVORCE IS
SOMETIMES INEVITABLE, AND UNDER SOME CIRCUMSTANCES, IT
IS BETTER THAN TWO PEOPLE DESTROYING EACH OTHER IN THEIR
ATTEMPTS TO SAVE THEIR MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF
SAVING A MARRIAGE. WHATEVER THE REASON, DIVORCE IS NEVER
WITHOUT GRIEF. EITHER ONE OR BOTH PARTNERS WILL GRIEVE THE
LOSS OF THEIR MARRIAGE. IF CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED, THEY
WILL EXPERIENCE LOSS AND CONFUSION. TO GRIEVE ONE'S
LOSSES IS NORMAL, NATURAL AND HEALTHY. SO WHEN DIVORCE
HAPPENS, THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING AND RECOVERY
IS TO OWN AND HONOR THE FEELINGS OF BETRAYAL, ANGER,
CONFUSION, GUILT, FEARS, LONELINESS, DEPRESSION AND ALL
OTHER EMOTIONS THAT THE BREAKUP OF A MARRIAGE AND/OR
FAMILY CAN PRODUCE. DON'T KID YOURSELF OR YOUR CHILDREN. FOR
THE TIME BEING, THINGS ARE NOT ALL RIGHT AND THE REALITY IS
THAT IT IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH GO FOR AWHILE. IF YOU ARE THE
GRIEVING ONE.GO WITH THE FLOW AND GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO
GRIEVE. AT THE SAME TIME, BEGIN FORMING A LONG RANGE
VIEW AND PERSPECTIVE. ENDINGS CAN USHER IN NEW BEGINNINGS.
HEALING AND RECOVERY WILL NOT COME UNTIL YOU FACE THE
REALITY THAT YOUR MARRIAGE HAS ENDED. WHILE YOU GRIEVE YOU
MUST ALSO START MOVING TOWARDS THE FUTURE. MAKE SURE YOU ARE
GETTING SOUND LEGAL AND FINANCIAL ADVICE. PERHAPS A
DIVORCE SUPPORT GROUP CAN PROVIDE THE EMPATHY AND
NURTURING YOU NEED EARLY ON. IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN
COUNSELING I SUGGEST CONTINUING UNTIL YOU FEEL YOU
HAVE SUCCESSFULLY NAVIGATED THE TREACHEROUS RAPIDS OF
DIVORCE. IF YOU HAVE NOT SOUGHT COUNSELING, NOW WOULD
BE A GOOD TIME. MAKE SURE THAT YOUR COUNSELING INCLUDES
BIBLICALLY BASED SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHICH WILL INCLUDE
ALLOWING THE COMPASSIONATE AND OMNIPOTENT CREATOR GOD TO GET
YOU BACK ON THE RIGHT PATH HE HAS PLANNED FOR YOU IN SPITE
OF WHAT HE HAS ALLOWED TO HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE (SEE FOR
REF. JER. 29:11: HOLY BIBLE) AS YOU GAIN STRENGTH, AND
GRADUALLY LET GO OF THE PAST, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO EMBRACE
THE FUTURE - BELIEVING IT TO BE PREGNANT WITH HOPE AND
MEANING.
>THANKS FOR STAYING WITH US ON TIME FOR HOPE AS WE CONTINUE
DISCUSSING JENNIFER AND SANDRA'S BOOK, TITLED EMERGING
VICTORIOUS. AND OF COURSE WE COULD GO AHEAD AND GIVE THE
SUBTITLE AND REMIND OUR VIEWERS THAT IT'S A WOMAN'S
TRANSFORMATIONAL GUIDE AFTER HER DIVORCE. NOW I WANT TO
BRING BOTH OF YOU BACK TO SOMETHING AND TO THE PROCESS
OF DIVORCE FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END. AND THAT IS HOW
YOU RELATED TO THE LORD IN ALL OF THIS. I KNOW I'VE LOST MY
HUSBAND, YESTERDAY WAS TWO YEARS AGO THAT MY HUSBAND
PASSED AWAY AND I KNOW THERE'S SOME SIMILARITIES HERE IN YOUR
BOOK. BUT AND I KNOW THAT THE ALONENESS AND THE GRIEF AND
THE CHANGE, YOU KNOW THE TRANSITIONING TO MY NEXT LIFE.
SANDRA WILSON A FRIEND OF MINE AND JENNIFER'S, SHE HAS OFTEN
SAID TO ME FREDA I FEEL LIKE I'VE LIVED SEVERAL LIVES. YOU
KNOW, I FEEL THAT WAY TOO. AND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU
WOULD BE ABLE TO SAY THE SAME THING AND YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO
SAY THE SAME THING. AND I'M LIVING A DIFFERENT LIFE, I'M
IN A NEW BEGINNING, I'M IN A NEW NORMAL AS ALLEN WOLF
REFERS TO WITH GRIEF. I WILL TELL YOU, IN SPITE OF THE
GRIEF, IN SPITE OF THE PAIN, IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING IT IS
ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL TIMES WITH THE LORD I HAVE
EVER KNOWN. THE INTIMACY THAT HAS COME FROM TIME AND BEING
ALONE AND SHARING WITH HIM AND HIM TEACHING ME AND MOVING IN
WITH HIS LOVE AND HIS COMPASSION. HE LITERALLY,
LITERALLY, HAS REVEALED HIMSELF TO ME IN SUCH AN
INTIMATE WAY. AND I'VE KNOWN THE LORD FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
AND THERE USED TO BE AN OLD SONG THAT WENT, HE GROWS
SWEETER DAY BY DAY, I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY HE DOES. SO I
WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU TWO ON THAT.
> YOU KNOW, I HAD TO LET GO OF THE VERSE WHERE IT'S I WILL BE
THE HUSBAND TO THE HUSBANDLESS. I KEPT WANTING TO
MAKE HIM HUMAN HUSBAND, AND THERE WAS A DAY AND THERE'S A
STORY I SHARE BUT I HAD TO LET GO OF HIM AS A HUMAN HUSBAND
AND EMBRACE HIM. AND IT MIGHT BE THE HUG I RECEIVED, A CARD,
OR JUST THAT INAUDIBLE VOICE AND THOSE COMFORTS THAT YOU
FEEL OF THE LORD.
>THE WORD IS WHERE HE SPEAKS TO ME.
>ABSOLUTELY. AND I ALSO WAS SO INTIMATELY CLOSE TO THE LORD
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS IN THE DIVORCE. AND I DON'T SAY THAT
LIKE, I WAS A CHRISTIAN FOR A LONG TIME AS WELL, I'M STILL A
CHRISTIAN, BUT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS EVEN MORE
INTIMATE WITH HIM. AND I FELT SOME GUILT THINKING I WANT TO
STAY IN THAT PLACE AND I HAD TO REALIZE THAT'S WHERE HE
REALLY REALLY WRAPS HIS ARMS AROUND US, IT'S IN OUR HURT,
OUR BROKENNESS.
>BE STILL AND KNOW.
>BUT HE DIDN'T REALLY CREATE US TO STAY THAT INTIMATE.
THAT'S A TASTE OF WHAT'S TO COME IN HEAVEN, I BELIEVE.
>ALL RIGHT, JENNIFER.
>AND FREDA I THINK SANDRA AND I, AND WE'VE DISCUSSED THESE
STORIES IN THE BOOK, BUT WE BOTH HAD AN EXPERIENCE
FOLLOWING OUR DIVORCE. IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE WERE
STRUGGLES WITH GOD AND ANGER AND QUESTIONING AND THE WHYS
AND THAT HAPPENS BUT WE BOTH HAD THESE PROFOUND INTIMATE
EXPERIENCES WITH THE LORD. AND FOR BOTH OF US HE SHOWED US
THAT HE WOULD BE THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD NEVER LEAVE US OR
FORSAKE US. AND HE WOULD BE THE ONLY ONE WE COULD LOOK TO
TO KNOW THAT HE WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE. WE COULD ALWAYS
TRUST HIM. AND I THINK IT WAS A TRANSITION FOR BOTH OF US TO
GO WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOOK FOR THAT IN AN EARTHLY HUSBAND,
BECAUSE THAT FAILS YOU, THE LORD NEVER WILL.
>HE'S NOT GOING TO BE NUMBER TWO, HE'S GOING TO BE NUMBER
ONE IN OUR LIVES, AND HE DOES NOT WANT A HUSBAND TO BE
NUMBER ONE.
>FREDA RIGHT WHEN I WAS GOING THROUGH MY DIVORCE AND THE
MOVIE TITANIC WAS OUT AND I'M SURE YOU NOTICED THE BIG BOX
OFFICE AND AT THE END THERE'S THIS SCENE AND I'VE HEARD IT
TALKED ABOUT MANY TIMES, BUT THERE IS A SCENE AFTER SHE HAS
DIED AND SHE GOES TO HEAVEN, AND SHE GETS TO THE TOP OF THE
STAIRCASE AND THERE'S THIS LOVE OF HER LIFE WAITING FOR
HER. AND I WENT THROUGH THIS PERIOD OF TIME WHERE I WAS
ASKING MY FRIEND, WHO'S GOING TO BE WAITING AT THE TOP OF MY
STAIRCASE WHEN I GET TO HEAVEN BECAUSE I'M DIVORCED NOW. THAT
WHOLE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, THE PRINCE CHARMING, I DON'T KNOW
WHO'S GOING TO BE THERE. WHAT IF THERE'S NOBODY THERE TO
GREET ME. AND IT WAS THIS YOU THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS,
BUT THIS HUGE MOMENT WHEN THE REALIZATION CAME THAT IT'S
GOING TO BE CHRIST GREETING ME AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. AND
THERE'S REALLY NOBODY ELSE THAT I WOULD EVER WANT TO SEE
AS MUCH, TO BE FINALLY EMBRACED BY MY LORD AND BE
ABLE TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS HE IS THE
LOVE OF MY LIFE AND SHOULD BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND SHOULD
BE THE ONE I LOOK TO TO REALLY MEET ALL MY NEEDS.
>THAT'S THE WHOLE ISSUE IN TRANSFORMATION IS A
SURRENDERED WILL AND A COMMITMENT TO FOLLOW THE LORD
AND REMAIN FAITHFUL TO HIM. DO YOU AGREE WITH ME ON THAT?
>AMEN.
> SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GIVING OUT STEPS AND
DIRECTIONS FOR MOVING INTO THIS INTENTIONAL LIVING LIFE
INTENTIONALLY AND MOVING INTO GREEN PASTURES. I LOVE PSALM
23, TALKING ABOUT THE STILL WATERS WHERE WE'VE JUST BEEN
TALKING ABOUT BEING LED BY THE STILL WATERS. AND THEN THE
GREEN PASTURES, WHEN YOU THINK OF GREEN PASTURES YOU THINK OF
OPEN SPACES, OPPORTUNITIES, A WHOLE NEW WORLD AHEAD OF YOU
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. AND OUR SHEPHERD DOES TAKE US
THERE AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE BRINGING OUT ABOUT THE
TRANSFORMATION. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME EVEN IN TWO WEEKS
SO THEY'RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO GET THE BOOK TO GET
THE REST OF THE STORY. BUT YOU DO SAY, FREEDOM CAN BE YOURS,
FREEDOM CAN BE YOURS. YOU HOLD THE KEY. IF YOU'RE GOING TO
EMERGE VICTORIOUS, SAY IT LADIES SAY IT TO THOSE LADIES.
THEY HOLD THE KEY.
>YOU ABSOLUTELY HOLD THE KEY TO RISE UP OUT OF YOUR ASHES,
LEARN WHAT THERE IS TO LEARN, LET GO OF, RENEW, RELEASE,
RENEW, LET GO, LET GOD AND YOU WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUSLY.
>ABSOLUTELY AND FREDA WE JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING
US THIS OPPORTUNITY. THERE ARE A LOT OF WOMEN OUT THERE, AND
OUR HEARTS BLEED AND BREAK FOR WOMEN WHO BELIEVE THAT THEIR
LIFE IS OVER IF THEIR MARRIAGE HAS ENDED BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS
THE SCRIPTURE VERSE THAT SAYS GOD WORKS ALL THINGS TOGETHER
FOR GOOD FOR THOSE THAT LOVE HIM. IT'S TRUTH, IT MAY HURT
TO HEAR THAT IN THE BEGINNING, BUT THE TRUTH IS GOD STILL HAS
A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. GREAT THINGS AND HE WANTS YOU TO
EMERGE VICTORIOUS INTO THAT NEXT STAGE OF YOUR LIFE.
>FOR EVERY ENDING WITH GOD THERE'S A NEW BEGINNING. DO
YOU AGREE WITH ME ON THAT? FOR EVERY ENDING WITH THE LORD
THERE'S A NEW BEGINNING. I MEAN, THAT'S OUR HOPE ISN'T
IT? THAT'S OUR HOPE IN ANY SITUATION. I HAVE SOMETHING TO
SHARE WITH YOU FROM A VIEWER.
>
>
>IT'S A TURNAROUND, VERY OFTEN IT'S THE WOMAN THAT'S IN THIS
POSITION BUT WITH MANY OF OUR PRAYER REQUESTS WE ARE FINDING
THAT MEN ARE IN THIS SAME POSITION THAT THIS VIEWER HAS
SHARED WITH US. AND OF COURSE WE HAVE TAKEN THIS PRAYER
REQUEST TO OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, AND WE'LL TAKE YOURS
WHEN YOU SEND YOUR PRAYER REQUESTS IN. AND WE HOPE THAT
WE WILL HEAR THAT THIS PARTICULAR VIEWER THAT PERHAPS
THEY CAN WORK IT OUT. WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE OUT THE
IMPRESSION THAT WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NO OTHER WAY BUT
DIVORCE THAT THERE'S STILL NOT HOPE WITH THE LORD THAT MANY
MARRIAGES ARE WORKED OUT AND CAN BE WORKED OUT. WE DO
RECOMMEND COUNSELING, NOT JUST THE TWO OF YOU MAKING THAT
DECISION TO DIVORCE. WE WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO FIND A
CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR OR A PASTOR OR SOMEONE TO LOOK AT
THE VARIOUS ISSUES IF YOU HAVEN'T AND IT CERTAINLY IS
WORTH RECONSIDERATION IF THERE'S NOT VIOLENCE OR
ADDICTION AND OTHER THINGS THAT WE COULD NAME THAT
PROBABLY WOULD KEEP YOU FROM BEING ABLE TO REVIVE THE
MARRIAGE. SO WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO TURN FOR THE HELP THAT YOU
NEED, AND WE ALSO ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONTINUE STAYING WITH
US AS A VIEWER OF TIME FOR HOPE. WE APPRECIATE YOU; IN
FACT, REAL QUICK I HAVE A NOTE FROM ONE.
>
>
>AND THAT AGAIN IS OUR VISION, THAT IS OUR MISSION AND WE'RE
REALLY DELIGHTED WHEN WE GET THESE ENCOURAGING NOTES.
>TO ORDER OUR RESOURCES, FOLLOW THE ORDER INFO ON THE
SCREEN. .