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Hello and welcome to addicTed to Deidre an online conversation where Deidre and I post
questions to each other, and begin to answer them as best as we possibly can. This is episode
2 December 12, 2013. Now, just because I am a glutton for punishment and for the sheer
hilarity of it. I will be delivering the rest of this video whilst listening to Speech Jammer.
If you've never heard of it before, it's a program that records what you're saying and
plays it right back to you immediately after you say it. So, it's like a really annoying
cell phone conversation, except... much worse. 'Cause I'll be speaking the whole time. First
off are my responses to Deidre your......... Animal facts! Here we. Here we go. Here we
go. As best as I possibly can. Ok, so the fact that elephant-nts elefintz have four
knees and my response is that "oh sorry, elephants you have four knees and no elbows here's uh...
a trunk I guess." Cuttlefish: I think cuttlefish are one of the most important underrated fish
in the world. Or mollusks? They're like octopi except waay beh-teeer. Sorr' Sometimes, if
the male cuttlefish are too weak to battle for the females I've heard that they disguise
themselves as females and then go in and fff-fertilize the females. It's pretty sneaky, I like that.
like that. SQUIRRELS kiss. Deidre? Oh oh yeah. It's uh... so great to see you again. And
hear from you. Wombats poop is cube shaped. Well, sorry to say but you have ruined Qbert
for me. Giraffes necks have the same amount of verba-bray as huuuum-mens. They must have
pretty f***ing big vertebrate bones in theeeir neeeecks yeeeeahhh. Cows have best friends.
But my question to you is. Can bulls and cows be best friends? I think the answer is yes.
Ants can live under water for twooooo weeeeks. Ants are.... ants are. Ants are the ***.
I can't. That's... all I can say about that. Ostriches, they don't put their heads in the
sand. I mean it made so much sense to me before. Their heads are like shaped for drilling,
so they should be able to. That's a lie. That's like everything I've learned from cartoons
and video games. How could that be a lie? Bad fact! Bad! Butterflies can have a lot
of kids. Well, they should probably apoo apli ap hah ahah ahah plyyyyyyy for welfareeeeee.
Cuz damn. That's a lot of kids. Cat's noses are like fingerprints. I liked to see a cat
being taken in for questioning. First, they headbutt the ink and then they faceplant the
paper and that's how you identify them and that's how you book 'em for ***! of a million
raaats. Mm uhmmm. Whales earwax can tell their age, well I bet if I didn't clean out my ears
you could tell how old I was too, oooooooooor put it on a sand----wich? Yeah. Rats. I just
wanna say, "Congrats to rats, for banging the fastest." Holy cow, that's just unnecessary.
And for my response to the mu-mu-ma-ma-mupp-mupp-muppet quest-question. hoo What muppet would I be?
Well, since cookie monster has already been taken, I have to go with... Oscar the Grouch.
I already have a t-shirt of him. And he is the single bamf, well next to cookie monster
in Sesame street. Oscar's demeanor on life is beautiful. He hates it all and knows how
it is. And knows how bad it is. He knows. Thinkin'. He is a straight up G... straight
up garbage G... gee... geh. I can't quite explain why I like him so much. He's just
such a refreshing taste of reeeeeallllll-iiiii-teeee. People come up and they're like, "Hey, Oscar
what's the letter of the day?" and he's like "***, I don't have time for the d*** word
of the day, letter of the day, whatever. I don't know what you said. I got I gotta sift
through heaps of garbage and s*** to afford rent and eat. Get outta here with that nonsense.
I'm busy as s***. Man." Oscar, yeah. Wellp, I guess that answers that question. Now, we've
been talking a lot about animals. and muppets-- a combonation of animals ih humans so I'm
wondering, Deidre Smith, lovely Wife of mine my challenge to you is if you can find a speech
jammer onlineeeeeeee. You could attempta ssusswell. Ok here's my question: If you had to marry
an animal on pain of death. Which animal... animal would it be? You must also describbbbbba
how married la-life would b-be. How holid-day get-togethers would be. Being in public, the
difficulties of others sha-a judging you. And how you would defend your children and
protect them from the onslaa-aught of childhood bulli-ullyin-bullylylylying. I would like
to hear all of this and more in the nest episode episode three ee three. I luv boo-bies ssssssss.
Does this make me sound drunk? Until nakeeh adn happy holidays.