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Now, you all know how much pressure we're under to get children's programming back on top.
Roberts here has an idea. Roberts?
Well, basically, it's a combination of, like, uh, a sitcom and a show like Sesame Street.
All right? I call it 'The Lerners', because it's about a family, but kids learn from them as well.
Now, each episode will have a cohesive plot, but something that even a toddler could understand. You know what I'm saying?
And each scene will have a, uh, an individual lesson on history, math, science…
…reading…what have you.
But it'll be subtle. And I think if it's cleverly written…
…uh, the kids'll get the message.
All right, uh, you can see in this handout that it's a family of five…
First off, uh, there's the parents: Mr. Lerner, he's uh, he's a quirky kind of dad…
And uh, Mrs. Lerner, she's the adventurous mom…
Uh, I wanted the female roles to be strong characters. You know, strong women.
Uh, there's three kids: there's Ted, he's the oldest; he's a late teenager…
Uh, there's the middle child, Lisa, she's in her tweens…
And the youngest, named David, he's seven or eight.
- Now they all have — - Roberts, I'm gonna have to stop you there
I like the premise — it's great, we can work with it — but it's missing one thing.
One thing that the VP has been asking for for weeks now.
Anybody know what that is?
Who knows what I'm talkin' about?
Diversity, people! Come on! All right, let's work with this! [Clap clap]
Brainstorm time!
We're gonna start with Mr. Lerner. He's a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, I'd imagine, yes Roberts?
- Yeah, yeah, sure. - We gotta change that, the religion isn't working. What do we got?
- Uhh…Bahá'í Faith! - Never heard of it. It's perfect!
Next up is the wife, the mother, what can she be?
- Black! - Black! Perfect! Nothin' else we have to do there!
Then we have, what's the kid's name, Ted?
- Yeah, yeah, Ted, that's him. - We gotta do somethin' with Ted. I'm not likin' him. What do we got?
- Gay! - Asian! - In a wheelchair!
Homosexual Korean…
- …on wheels! - Uhh, um…
[Cough] Make him from North Korea for good measure.
Who's next? Lisa?
- Is that her name? - Yeah. Lisa. - What's Lisa gonna be?
- Hispanic! - Ooh, she can teach Spanish on the show!
And Indonesian! Multilingual!
And she can speak those two better than she can speak English!
Because she's an immigrant! Promotes tolerance of illegals! Perfect!
Last up, David; the little kid, seven or eight. What can we do with him?
Anything?
Any ideas? Nothin'?
Anything?
[Bangs on table] We can't be out of diversity yet! What else is there?
-Eskimo -What?
And he's a female-to-male ***. Post-operative.
Eskimo…transman!
Love it! Those are our five characters! Roberts, get me a pilot by next week!
Wait, what?
Uh, no, n-no…no, sir, I can't. It's…it's just…
Look. I'm all for diversity, it's just that this is…
-…this is silly, right? You guys — - Roberts…
Are you morally against interracial marriages?
No. No, I am not! That's…th-that's not what I'm saying!
It's…it's actually, it's about the kids.
- They all gotta be white? - No! No, no, that's not what I'm saying either! You're, you're…
The idea to make Mrs. Lerner black: it's a good idea. I like that.
It's just that…the kids…
…to be frank, they're not…scientifically accurate. You guys know that…uh?
Look! If a white man and a black woman…
…have three children…
…not a single one of them is going to be Hispanic, Asian, or…or an Eskimo!
Th-they would be…a combination of Caucasian and African-American, that's…that's the way it works!
It's common sense.
They're all adopted.
Loving adoptive parents sends a great message to the adopted audience! All right!
Who wants lunch?