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The nation's leading manufacturer of ammunitions Steel Hawk Incorporated
announced a massive recall today of jacketed hollow-point bullets
which may not properly shred the internal organs of victims.
When functioning normally the tip of a hollow-point bullet
shatters into fragments then cuts a wide and jagged path
through the tissue and bone of its target,
but due to a factory error nearly 100,000 bullets
with solid points were shipped to retail stores
resulting in a greatly reduced capability to explode flesh.
Steel Hawk CEO John Cullen announced the recall at a press conference this morning.
At Steel Hawk nothing is more important to us than the complete satisfaction
of our customers when they maim or kill. Some of these defective bullets
can leave an exit wound as small as a plum. That is unacceptable.
According to the information released by Steel Hawk
the first notice about the defective bullets came from a man
who shot and killed his brother during an altercation at a county fair
and was disappointed that the victim's face remained
quote more or less intact. Frank Ehrman was among
the hundreds of other dissatisfied customers.
You know you spend good money for a hollow point bullet
you expect it to explode the head in a geyser of blood and brains.
You know if I wanted to kill someone
without destroying the body I'd use a hammer.
To address complaints like these the company is also offering
discount coupons for its newest product inferno bullets
bullets which start a small fire inside of someone when you shoot them.
We understand that when our customers shoot a man
they want to see his liquified organs pour out of every hole in his body.
Give us another chance we'll give you the
lung-shreddingest bullet on the market.
Still the effort might not be enough for many customers.
Those people over at Steel Hawk ought to be shot in the face
in front of their families.
Many gun owners have said the recall has been so frustrating
they will no longer use bullets returning to more low tech methods
like beating victims with spiked clubs or dragging them behind their cars.
Moving on Congress announced today the long debated Darfur aid package
will be used for a Darfur memorial instead.