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On "10Things I hate About You!"
What the hell are you doing here?
And at 11:00 at night?
You're different
from other girls.
You're really serious
about this modeling stuff?
Modeling's my dream.
This whole time
you've been telling me
this is about
your principles,
you forgot to mention
your principle drives
a motorcycle.
You said yourself you don't
even know this guy.
If I learn he's
bad news, he's gone.
[Female announcer]
And now it's time
for our final pose-off
in the male division,
where our models will compete
to see who rocks it
in the same outfit.
This week, our outfit is
the most unforgiving yet--
biker shorts.
Good luck, gentlemen.
Please take your places
on the Poser platform.
Oh, my God.
They slathered so much
baby oil on Trent B.
,
he's going to slip
and hurt himself.
Huh?
And pose.
I'm sorry, babe.
I-- I just--
I can't concentrate
with these cupcakes sitting
right in front of me.
Uh-oh.
Trent S.
is
doing that weird thing
with his foot again.
Still?
Even after Rachel
ripped him a new one
last week?
final deliberation.
[Woman]
This is why I hate
former ballet dancers
who try and model.
It just makes me furious.
I would never book Trent S.
He disgusts me.
Trent S.
is the light.
He sparkles.
He has,
uh, the model essence.
I would buy anything
from him.
My complaint with Trent B.
is that there's
absolutely nothing
paradoxal about him.
Well, I think that we have
finally made our decision,
so let's bring the Trents out.
Joey, she's announcing
the winner.
What's taking so long?
The male that has won
this week's Biggest Poser,
and is guaranteed a spot
on the final Pose Off, is
[Bianca and Joey]
Trent S.
Trent S.
Yes.
Aspiring models,
please send in
your audition tapes.
Let's see if you have
what it takes.
I've got what it takes.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
You scared
the bejesus out of me.
[lisps]
I missed you.
What are you--
What are you doing here?
Aren't you going to say hello?
Hello.
You've got to go now.
If my dad finds you here,
he'll send me to convent,
and I have a real problem
with organized religion.
If I'm really quiet,
can I stay tonight?
No way.
A, I'm not
going to sleep with you
until we talk about sex
and its implications,
and B,
when and if we do do it,
it will be nowhere near
my father.
You said "do do.
"
Can I just crash here?
I got kicked out.
What happened?
I wet the bed.
Patrick, seriously.
If you're going to keep
talking all night,
I'll just sleep in the park.
No, stay.
If you were
horrifically murdered,
it would really ruin my day.
Thanks.
Which side do you want?
On the floor.
Okay.
But in the middle
of the night,
if you decide you want me
I'll be right here.
Hey, hey ♪
Hey, hey ♪
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Patrick.
What are you doing?
Patrick.
[snaps]
Patrick?
Oh, my God,
this is so not cool.
Patrick?
Did I just eat this?
And 11 of its friends.
Oh, crap.
I sleepwalk sometimes.
You don't say.
Go upstairs quietly.
I'll clean this up.
Where are my cupcakes?
Don't look at me.
You know how I feel
about processed sugar.
Dad, did you eat
the cupcakes I baked
for the cheerleaders
again?
Not this time.
And that time,
I was going through
a rough patch.
Celebrities
were dropping like flies.
Farrah Fawcett
and Michael Jackson
on the same day.
This doesn't make any sense.
If you didn't eat my cupcakes,
then who did?
Wasn't that overactive
*** kissy blond boy
here last night?
There's no way
Joey would have
eaten them.
He couldn't even stand
to have them in the room,
he was so tempted.
Well, it sure sounds like
he could have eaten them.
Hey, is it cool
if I borrow your car
after school tomorrow?
I'll see you in class.
Later.
Kat, I don't have time
to make out right now.
What's going on with you?
I come back from cleaning up
your cupcake carnage,
and you're gone.
Turns out your floor
isn't that comfortable.
Patrick, this is serious.
You were sleep eating,
which, according to
whatsthedealwithmaleness.
com,
is brought on by stress.
That's fascinating.
Can I borrow your car or not?
Why do you need it?
Where's your bike?
It's been confiscated.
By your parents?
What happened? If you're
in some kind of trouble,
just tell me.
Okay, I'm in trouble.
What's going on?
What's going on
is you won't stop
asking me questions.
Ha ha ha!
Well, you're not
borrowing my car now.
Thanks.
So I've decided on an angle
for my Biggest Poser
audition tape.
Ready?
The all-American boy.
I'm going to be
the studly football player,
and you ladies are going to be
the smoking hot cheerleaders
by my side.
What do you guys think? You in?
Of course we are,
right, Chas?
Oh, sure.
I'll be sure to dial back
my charisma so I don't
steal your focus.
Thanks.
I'm super psyched.
Joey, did you by any chance
eat my cupcakes last night?
No, why?
Does it look like I did?
No.
It's just that
my cupcakes were missing
this morning.
But if you say
you didn't eat them--
Yo, I got a lawn.
I'll be right there.
Okay, I'll call you
with the dates.
Did that seem weird?
Whicpart?
Joey jogging like
a Mexican jumping bean,
or that guy talking
like he had no teeth?
No, Joey's reaction.
I think he secretly
ate my cupcakes and then
lied about it.
Chastity, what if Joey has
some sort of eating disorder?
Oh, please.
Joey's just weird.
You're overreacting.
Did you see that?
Hey, hey, Kat,
have you seen
Patrick Verona?
No, why? Is that his package?
No.
I saw his name on it.
Why do you have it?
No reason.
He's getting his mail
sent to my house.
It's supposed to be
on the DL,
so please don't
tell him I told you,
or I'll have to home school,
and my mom's a drop-out.
Why would he do this?
Do you know what's in here?
No, but it isn't ticking
and nothing's seeping out,
so it's not a bomb
or a severed head.
Something weird's going on.
I'm worried
Patrick's in real trouble.
I wish we could
just open this.
No.
You can't do that.
Mail tampering's a felony.
Yeah, you're right.
A felony probably would
look bad on a college app,
but we could follow him.
Follow Patrick Verona?
No way, no how, no, ma'am.
You've got a death wish.
Be my guest.
Count me out, misses.
Okay.
Then I guess I'll just
have to ask Patrick myself
what's in the package
that was sent to you
that nobody's
supposed to know about.
So follow him?
[cheerleaders]
Joey, Joey, he's our man.
If he can't pose it,
no one can.
I'm Joey Donner, quarterback
of the Padua High Penguins,
and I'm the next
Biggest Poser.
Oh, no.
Not the next biggest,
the Biggest Poser.
Cut.
We've got to do it again.
My abs still aren't popping.
Joey, we've already
done it 17 times.
Your abs look amazing.
But they have to be
astounding,
or Pixie Krotch
will rip me to shreds.
Oh, my God.
Joey doe.
I just read this article
in Cosmo Girl about
eating disorders,
and he's displaying
all the signs.
No, that's what I was
afraid of.
Wait, Joey's a guy.
Guys don't get
eating disorders.
No, they do.
I saw
an episode of True Life
called "I'm a dude, and I
have an eating disorder.
"
Ooh, that sounds good.
Joey needs our help.
What do we do? How do you even
bring something like this up?
Well, it's tricky.
The article said
he'll be full of shame.
Have you guys ever seen
Intervention?
Here, take my car.
Really? What's the catch?
No catch.
You're just
a friend in need.
Just like that?
Just bring it back
in one piece.
Okay.
You need a ride home?
No, I'm good.
Drive safe.
Okay, thanks.
You're weird when you're nice.
Kat, Kat.
This is your mom's car?
Might as well follow him
in a parade float.
Well, I doubt he's expecting
southern California's
third highest-earning
Josie May saleswoman
to be hot on his tail.
Here's your disguise.
Here.
Just go.
We're going to lose him.
I just got my license
last week.
I feel like I should warn you.
Prepare, observe, move.
Go!
I'm just worried
that if we have
an intervention for Joey,
he'll freak.
Plus, how am I
supposed to explain
why you guys are there
and not his football buddies?
So invite
his football buddies.
I can't.
Then he'll be
really embarrassed.
He'd never forgive me.
Okay, pause for genius.
We'll do a fake intervention
for Bianca,
then it'll make sense
that it's only us and Joey.
Then we'll use
all of his real problems
as your fake problems.
Once he hears that you guys
do all the same
sick, bizarre stuff--
He'll totally realize
he has a problem, too.
Oh, my God.
C, it's brills.
I love this idea.
I don't know.
It seems
a little far-fetched.
Why would he believe it?
Trust me.
I've seen all 108
episodes of Intervention.
I can coach you
how to react.
First, you need to be
in denial.
It's the most pathetic step.
Then, you have to
angrily get up
and try to leave.
The more erratic you act,
the better.
Once you sit back down,
we all read our letters to you.
We tell you how much
we love you, blah blah,
and how much your sickness
is hurting all of us,
blah blah.
Then finally,
you break down, cry,
and admit that you have
a problem.
Okay.
It's worth a try.
Yay.
I haven't had this much fun
planning something
since I helped Janelle plan
my surprise birthday party
last year.
Okay.
Patrick's just
going to this corporate
office building.
Quick, park.
You have to follow him.
See where he goes.
Me? Why me?
Because he'll recognize me.
You're not 6'6".
Just park.
Parallel park?
Oh, gosh.
Okay, I can do this.
Here we go.
Check.
Check.
Hurry.
I'm doing my best.
Put car in reverse.
Check.
While you're busy
writing checks,
he just went inside.
Should I still park?
I feel like I should
see this thing through.
Yeah, just-- We'll wait
till he comes out.
See where he goes next.
Okay.
4, uh
I miss the old Bianca,
the one who didn't
keep secrets from me,
like the other day.
I know
you ate my carrot cake
and you lied about it
when I asked you.
[Bianca]
No, I didn't.
I hate carrot cake.
I'm being framed.
Then why did you have
cream cheese icing
on your chin?
This is ridiculous!
I'm out of here.
Don't try and stop me.
Bianca, wait, please.
Please sit down.
We're only doing this
because we love you.
[clears throat]
It's okay.
"Dear Bianca,
I love you very much,
"so it pains me to say this,
"but I've noticed lately
"that you have been
spitting out your food
"instead of eating it,
"and when you hurt yourself,
"you hurt me, too.
"We all look up to you.
"When you can't see
how beautiful you are,
especially your abs--"
It scares us.
Oh, yeah.
- Joey?
Is there anything
you want to say?
I feel terrible.
I had no idea you had
a problem, Bianca.
You eat all the time.
I just thought
you were one of those
naturally skinny girls
who'd eventually fill out
as she matured.
Not that you're not
as beautiful as anything
just the way you are.
I'm just saying it's why
this is such a shock.
Oh, good, Ms.
Tharp.
I figured I'd clue in
a professional,
so I called
the guidance counselor.
I'm here, Bianca.
Let me join
this circle of love, okay?
It's been almost an hour.
What is he doing in there?
Oh, I got to pee,
I got to pee, I got to pee.
I told you not to drink
that huge soda.
Well, that ship has sailed.
Let me just run in real quick.
No.
What if he comes out?
Here.
If you have to
pee so bad, use this.
Are you kidding?
I just started using public
restrooms a year ago.
Hi.
I need
a hydrating concealer
in light beige,
unless you think I need
a medium beige.
Just give us a minute,
ma'am.
Look, my mom
loaned me the car.
The least we can do
is make a sale.
Everything's
in the back seat.
Where are you going?
Into the bushes.
I appreciate
the soda cup offer,
but I want my first time
exposing myself
to be with someone special.
So light or medium?
Do you have your color wheel?
No, but I'm thinking
light beige.
Unless I find medium first.
Oh, my goodness.
Your giant sales associate
is urinating in the bushes.
This is not your toilet,
young man!
He's not peeing.
He's collecting samples
for our organic line.
Here you go.
Free gift, new customer.
Oh, thank you.
Awesome.
Do you have a card?
Bye-bye now.
Bye-bye.
What?
You followed me?
No.
This is just my new
after-school job.
So you're stalking me now?
Look,
we're not stalking you.
Cameron and I just have
a lot of questions.
No, I don't have
any questions,
not a one.
In fact, I have answers--
to homework questions.
I'm going to go
sit in the car.
Where are you going?
See, this is why
I had to follow you,
because any time anybody
wants to talk to you,
you just walk off.
I was at
my therapist's office.
He's really good.
You want his card?
Therapist? I thought--
You thought what?
I was going to
my secret crack den
so me and my baby mama
could tat each other up?
No.
I don't know.
Why are you
seeing a therapist?
Let's just say
I'm not really having
a Josie May day.
Patrick.
Kat, I'm going to take off.
Can I get that visor back?
Bianca, sweetie,
how long have you been
struggling with this problem?
I don't know.
Not that long.
It's okay.
You're in a safe zone.
Thanks, but I'm
kind of ashamed.
I'd rather it just
be my friends.
Why don't you think of me
as a friend
who happens to have
a Master's in counseling?
Now,
I've got a secret for you.
Believe it or not,
I have also had my battles
with self-esteem
and body issues,
so I totally get
where you're coming from.
Now, I would like
to introduce you
to mirror work,
which changed my life.
So why don't you take a look
and tell me what you see?
Can you see
how pretty you are?
Yeah, I am really pretty.
You can go now.
Don't be mad at me
for asking her to come,
Fiver.
I'd do anything
to help you get better.
Really?
Well, you know what would
really help?
It would be great if you
could be healthy with me.
Oh, good idea.
Mm-hm.
Yes.
I'll give up my food log
if you give up yours,
and I'll stop doing
obsessive crunches
if you will.
Would you do that for me?
For you? Sure.
Bianca.
Dad.
Oh, Dr.
Stratford,
thank you for coming.
I came soon as I could.
Honey, if you have a problem,
we'll deal with it.
We'll get you counseling.
Or Ms.
Tharp says
there's an excellent
boarding school in Utah
that's had amazing
success stories.
Utah? No, I don't have
an eating disorder.
This is what denial
looks like.
I really don't.
Joey does.
This is a fake
intervention for him.
We were afraid
he'd be full of shame,
so we pretended
it was for me.
Wait, Joey, I'm sorry,
but I didn't know
what else to do
when you lied about
eating those cupcakes.
I didn't lie.
Check my food log.
If I'd eaten them,
I would have made
a notation
in the bad carbs column.
See?
I'm eating
lean protein,
whole grains, veggies,
and odorless
fish oil caps.
My body fat's at 12%.
That's as healthy
as you can get.
But what about the chicken?
I saw you spit it out.
And you were obsessing
over your abs,
even though they're better
than the Situation's.
The chicken was raw.
And I know my abs
are way better than
the Situation's.
That's why I'm always
doing this.
I admit, I got a little crazy
with the video,
but that's only because
I really want to get
on the show
to launch my super-successful
modeling career.
I'm just impatient
to take the world by storm.
That's all.
I just want you
to be careful.
So many models get too thin
because of all the pressures
to be modely,
and I don't want that
to happen to you.
I don't want that
to happen, either.
So tell you what.
If you see me going overboard,
you pull me back to shore.
Deal?
Deal.
So then who ate
those frigging cupcakes?
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have followed you.
At least let me give you
a ride home.
We don't even have to talk.
Just drop me back at school.
I can take you
all the way home.
It's no problem.
Okay, school it is.
So how about them Dodgers?
I'm a Padres fan.
See, that's something
I didn't know about you.
Sharing's fun.
Why do you care so much?
Because.
Because what?
I just care about you, okay?
God, I'm sorry.
I'll stop.
What do you want to know?
Why are you in therapy?
You were right.
The sleep eating
is from stress,
caused by my stepfather.
He's a ***.
Thank you for telling me.
So what's in the package?
A Snuggie.
Who wouldn't want
a blanket with arms?
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