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Previously on
Accidentally on Purpose.
I'm thinking of going home with a guy
significantly younger than me.
And I just need to know if the situation
is empowering or desperate.
- He's over 18?
- Yeah.
Empowering!
I'm not one-night-stand kind of person.
I just never do things like this.
This is the spot where we
Your first pregnancy test.
That's adorable.
I think you should stay with me.
- I don't want to complicate your life.
- Why stop now?
I miss you.
You should miss me.
I'm fantastic.
Remember our whole
boundaries conversation?
But when you said
"don't touch my stuff"
I thought you meant like
your soy milk and your computer.
No, I meant don't touch my stuff!
Baby?
Yeah, she's having my baby.
Cool, huh?
What?
I've got to update
my Facebook status.
Are people staring at me
because I just broke up with the boss
and accidental got pregnant
by a 22-year-old on a futon?
Or and this is the one
I want you to say
'cause my hair turned out
all bouncy and fun?
Actually, people are staring 'cause,
you've got great big hunk of
cream cheese on your ***.
So, what's it like living
with the little impregnator?
You know, it's a little awkward
Fresh coffee in the kitchen.
Hey, look at you!
He's got a great
personality.
Here's old ***-a-doodle-doo now!
So, newspaper.
This is where they print the lies!
I wanted to bring your key back.
I got a copy made.
Well, Zack, Davis,
thank you for coming by.
Now perhaps you should go,
'cause last time you dropped in
Great!
This guy's back.
That happened.
How did you get in here?
You didn't get my security guard
pregnant, too, did you?
I was just dropping off
Billie's key because
- we're living together.
- Oh, no, he didn't!
Olivia, would you kindly?
Get out! Go!
You make me sick!
Bye, baby, see you in our love cave.
Love cave.
These kids and their ill-time jokes.
It's platonic.
Look, we may not be together anymore,
but I still care about you.
Who is this kid?
Where's he from?
Seattle.
- What's his dad do?
- Architect.
- Siblings?
- Four: Meg, Tom, Bill and Rosie.
Well, it sounds like
you have everything under control.
Hey, how come you didn't tell me
these things about Zack?
Because it's not true!
I just rattled stuff off
from Sleepless in Seattle.
I don't actually know
where he's from.
During our fling, we didn't get
into a lot of deep conversation.
That rocked.
I'd kill for a meatball hero!
You just gave that guy your key!
They do a bett background check
when you move into a crackhouse!
Hey, here's an idea.
How about I get know
the father of my baby?
Hi, roomie, what you doing?
Just smiling.
Oh, my God, you're in the middle of
going downtown on the alone train.
No, I wasn't.
Anyway, what's up?
Well, I wanted to talk to you
about something so crazy and funny
that I realised
you know what is so funny and crazy?
I don't know where you're from.
Where are you from?
You know, we should totally
totally have this conversation
but I've got stuff
to do around town, so
So do I! We can go together
and talk about your parents.
Thanks, but I'm good.
It's kind of personal, is that okay?
Okay.
Fantastic.
Cool.
I'll respect the hell out of that.
- Season 1 - Episode 02 -
- Memento-
--==All-about-Subs.fr==--
I wonder why Zack
wouldn't tell you anything.
I had a dream he told you
he was from St Louis.
If I'm right, then
the rest of my dream will also come true
which means I will get
an e-mail from Michelle Obama!
Guys
I did a very bad thing.
What now?
- I tossed his room.
- You did not!
But I did. I tossed it like
a prison guard looking for crack.
I'm shamed to be your sister.
What'd you find?
I found this picture
which I've never seen before
taken the night we met at the bar.
I found it in a mysterious
pile of parking tickets
which he kept
in a secrete pizza box.
That's sweet.
Does the back of my hair
always look that flat?
This picture was taken
before you two met.
- How do you know?
- I'm a journalist.
I know all the tricks of the trade.
Plus, the clock on the wall
on the bar behind you says 7:26.
Right.
So, on top of it,
I found this note.
"Dear Billie,
this is hard to say"
And that's it.
That's creepy, right?
The only way that could be creepier
is if it was written in blood.
We need facts.
That's what reporters get, facts.
No, you're right.
This kid is the father of my baby.
Oh, my God!
The kid is the father of my baby.
We need to go to this bar right now
and get to the bottom of things.
- You just want to have a martini.
- Yeah, there is some truth in that.
What's this guy's name again?
He's super cute.
He hangs out with this guy
that looks like a hipster caveman.
Davis, yeah. They were in here
playing game they just made up.
It's called bar stool roulette.
You're going to close your eyes,
we're going to spin you around.
Now, whoever you take a picture of
you got to try and nail.
- What if it's a dude?
- Look interested in what he's saying.
Guys love that.
Okay, stop!
- Yes! Hot! Blonde! I'm into it.
- Come on!
It would have been so much better
if it was a dude.
Oh, it was fate.
No, it wasn't.
I was the prize on Wheel of ***.
Do you remember anything else?
I think they were celebrating
something with the picture guy.
Well,
I'm having a baby with that guy.
Something good happened.
Why didn't he tell me?
My article's not due till tomorrow.
Let's just go shakedown
that little hedgehog
he hangs out with
and get some answers.
Good idea.
I like it.
Three ladies, shaking it down.
Hot on the trail.
Getting some answers.
One of them a pregnant James Bond.
One of them loose, Scottish.
The third
has flat hair.
This is the place Zack seduced you?
Yes, yes, it is.
I feel really good
about myself right now.
What does
the master bedroom look out over?
Hell?
I think it's charming.
I love these kitschy,
little coasters.
That's bologna!
I knew this would happen.
So how do you guys want to do this?
All at once or
one at a time?
Sorry to barge in, Davis, but
I was thinking about surprising Zack
for his birthday and
Oh, my God
are you seriously eating that?
I didn't know when his birthday is.
So I didn't just, like, miss it. Did I?
I don't know.
He was born in the Year of the Rat
though.
I learned that off a placemat
at a Chinese restaurant.
Me? The Year of the Tiger.
I'm a monkey!
Focus.
Okay, but that night, it seemed
like you were celebrating something.
What would that something be?
Tell me that. I want to know that.
The night at the bar.
My favorite part was definitely
the next morning.
Look, that ***'s still moving!
- Get her!
- Got her.
Good.
Oops, forgot the cellular.
Which I'm going to need if I find
a lucky lad to have casual sex with.
I'm kidding. I'm a nice lady.
Actually, I never do stuff like this.
Lying in some miscellaneous liquid.
She was sexy as hell.
Morning, *** star!
Sweet, she left her number.
Here, davis. This is what
a girl's phone number looks like.
She left all seven digits.
Zack, none of us
have ever gone past the dirty 30.
- So what was that like?
- It was different.
It's like
All access different?
I'm not going to tell you that.
Almost, it was dark.
Come on, man.
I'm a need more details.
I mean, you banged her on my futon.
It was, uh
It was awesome.
She was confident and specific.
And bossy.
She took my hands
and put them places.
Not the places you think.
There's other places, you guys.
That's hot.
"Billie Chase."
Well, you know what?
Cheers, bro.
This was the perfect way to celebrate
you finally getting up off your ***,
manning up
and turning in your application for
Application for what?
"Application for what?"
- You just said, "application for"?
- What?
Just answer me this:
is he from St. Louis?
I'm starting to get the idea
that you guys didn't come here
to hang out with me.
You know what? Screw it.
I found this note in his room.
What is so hard
for him to say to me?
Maybe I should
put a bag over your head,
drive you to the middle of the woods
and we can talk there?
Look, why don't you guys
hassle Zack over this, okay?
I have to get to work now, so
Call me, australian lady.
It's me, Davis. Open up!
Is that Billie's thigh thingy?
- I guess so.
- Can I have that?
- What, why are you here?
- She's on to you,
Her and her fancy lady posse were
in my apartment sexually harassing me
and stealing my bologna.
- What? Why?
- She knows!
She knows about the application!
I don't know how, but she knows, and
did you start writing her
some candy-*** note?
- Wait, how do you know about that?
- She was in your room, man.
She probably knows you got
into food college in Baltimore.
The culinary academy in New York.
Are you really busting my balls
about specifics right now?
Crap. I should've told her this morning.
And now, she's going to be all pissed,
- and I don't even think I'm going.
- But it's your dream.
Butter and whisks
and big white hats
So you can be like ratouille.
Hello.
- What do you want?
- Yeah?
Here to spread your lies
with your big lie machine?
Actually, I do enjoy
the word jumble.
I think I'd be really good
at writing those.
- Are you finished?
- You mean, am I "if-nished"?
I'm so sorry.
- Where's Billie?
- She's not here.
What do you want?
Okay, well
You seem like an okay kid.
I think you might have got yourself
in a situation here where you're in
a little bit over your head.
- Billie's important to me.
- She's important to me, too.
Me, too.
I really love her.
if I was in your position,
i'd be freaked out
- and I'm a successful businessman.
- Look, you know what?
I'm impressed by your success
and your job and your
Jawline.
But I don't need
to take any advice from you.
Do you have any idea
how much it costs to raise a kid?
Three hundred and fourty two
thousand dollars.
Does that include the shoes?
Don't worry about it, okay?
I got it under control.
Really?
'cause you look
a little rattled to me.
- Can you believe that guy?
- Yeah.
He's like a really
handsome Darth Vader.
I wonder where Zack is.
- He hasn't talked to you yet?
- Talked to me about what?
This is uncomfortable, and I haven't
even put the speculum in yet.
What? What could be
more uncomfortable than the speculum?
Zack stopped by earlier
and told me he was moving out of town.
What?
Well, that explains
his behavior this morning.
The half-written note.
The anxiety attack
i'm about to have.
Take it easy.
Take just breathe, okay?
Remember,
child birth is a lot more painful.
What do you mean he was "leaving town"?
What did he say?
I'll take a split pea soup,
extra crackers.
What?
Sorry.
I thought you were the soup guy.
I I came by to give you this.
A car wash coupon?
No, it's, it's on the back.
It's my medical history.
I'm leaving for culinary school.
And Billie told me
that she could do this on her own and
that's probably a good idea,
'cause her "***" ex-boyfriend
got me thinking
that I'm in way over my head.
Well, "***" ex-boyfriends
are known for their wisdom.
Right. So anyway, my medical history.
I tried to think of everything.
Your uncle has an extra finger?
Calls it a "cigar claw."
I'll put it on Billie's chart.
Before you go.
Let's see.
It's a picture of your kid.
Thanks.
Sorry!
Looking good!
I'm sorry.
I don't really know what's going
to make me feel better right now,
but I'm going to start
by putting on my pants.
If it's any comfort,
i'm still here for you.
And I'll make you this promise:
i'll be here when that baby's born.
Unless it's during
the Kentucky derby.
If it's during
the Kentucky derby, you get a sub.
- Seriously?
- It was on the thing you signed.
Well, you know what?
I think this is great.
- What?
- Yeah, I mean, better he leaves now
than when the baby's out
and can know her daddy abandoned her.
And I can't think
how this could be better.
This really sucks, you guys.
Come on, sis.
I'll make you some tea.
You know what goes good with tea?
A whole bucket of frosting.
And maybe an entire ham.
Oh, my god.
Come on, you've never eaten
an entire ham before?
He's back!
Everything's better!
Can I talk to Billie for a sec?
Now, you just remember,
i'm on the end of the phone.
Except my battery's dead,
so you just give me a little e-mail.
What a day?
It was interesting.
I learned
about the pizza box filing system,
culinary school, uncle cigar claw.
If you ever meet him,
try not to stare at it.
So I guess it comes down to this:
are you staying or going?
Well, I was going, but then
I was driving along,
and I had this epiphany.
I never finished
the milkshake from the other day.
And then I saw the picture of the baby
and I thought about you.
And there was nothing that could stop me
from turning that van around
Except a parked car.
I left a note.
Actually three notes.
I hit three cars.
How come you never
mentioned culinary school?
I figured I'd never get accepted.
It took me a year just to work up
the nerve to send in the application.
And then
I got a letter saying I got in.
I don't want to be
the thing that keeps you from doing
what you really want to do.
This, this is what I want to do.
It's just really hard for me to say.
I'm scared
that I'm going
to disappoint you and the baby.
And did you know it costs $342,000
to raise a kid,
and that may not include shoes?
You're looking at it from the time
it's born until it turns 18.
And our kid could go barefoot.
Though not in Davis's apartment.
And I'm scared, too.
How about this?
Let's just take it
one scary thing at a time.
Okay? That is if you're staying.
Yeah, I am.
Good. 'cause I think that's better
for you and the baby.
And me.
I guess I should give you this back.
So, bar stool roulette?
Not exactly something
i'm going to tell the baby.
You don't know
the whole story about that.
- You cheated!
- Of course I did.
See the woman in that picture?
Wouldn't you want to get her pregnant?
That is the sweetest thing.
And I was actually
saving this picture so I could
show the baby
the first night I met is mother.
I take it back;
that is the sweetest thing.
Can I tell you something else?
Stay the hell out of my room.
You got it.
When's the Kentucky derby?
First saturday in may. Why?
No reason
Man One scary problem at a time.
One scary problem at a time.
Hey, I was thinking,
if that cigar claw thing
is hereditary, let's just leave it.
'cause if we could get him
to hold a cigar when he's a baby,
that'll be hilarious, right?
Right?
Good. You're here.
Of course I am.
Is this going to happen
every time I brush my teeth?