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- I DID NOT CONCEIVE THIS CHILD FOR MYSELF.
I'VE CONCEIVED THIS CHILD FOR ADOPTION
FOR MY FRIEND CRYSTAL.
- IT'S BEEN A TOUGH THREE YEARS, BUT...
WHAT ALYSSA IS DOING FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND
IS THE MOST SELFLESS ACT THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
- I GUESS RIGHT NOW, JUST ME AND ROGER'S BIGGEST CONCERN
IS DO YOU THINK THAT, ONE DAY,
YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS?
- I LIKE CRYSTAL, AND I'M SORRY THAT THEY CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN,
AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR THEM,
BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND EMOTIONALLY UNATTACHING YOURSELF
FROM A CHILD.
- MY SISTER FONDA HAS BEEN REALLY NEGATIVE
ABOUT THE ADOPTION.
- IT'S NOT A MORAL THAT I WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO DO.
IT GOES AGAINST ALL MY MORAL BELIEFS.
FOR ME, THAT'S NOT OKAY.
- I WOULD DO EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN--
THE PREGNANCY, THE LABOR, EVERYTHING--
TO GET TO BE WITH HIM FINALLY.
- 'CAUSE YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE ONLY IN THIS BY YOURSELF.
- I AM COMMITTED TO PLACING THIS CHILD FOR ADOPTION,
BUT TEDDY IS COMPLETELY AGAINST ADOPTION.
LIKE, YOU EXPECT ME TO NOT BE MAD ABOUT THIS?
I'M NOT GONNA AGREE TO GIVE MY SON
TO ANOTHER FAMILY.
IF JENNIE GOES THROUGH WITH THIS,
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
- [moaning in pain] - ARE YOU OKAY?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT RIGHT?
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HIS HEAD?
- [moaning in pain]
GET IT OUT!
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I JUST WISH I COULD CHANGE MY FINANCIAL SITUATION.
I WISH I COULD BE ABLE TO WORK AND HAVE MORE MONEY
AND JUST BE ABLE TO SUPPORT ANOTHER CHILD FINANCIALLY
SO I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION OF PLACING.
- CAMRYN, RUN TO MOMMY!
- I'M GONNA RUN TO YOU, MOMMY!
NO! - [laughing]
- YEAH! HUG.
YEAH, I GOT IT!
- MY NAME IS JENNIE. I LIVE IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
I HAVE TWO KIDS, CAMRYN AND WILLIE.
MWAH.
I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU TOO.
- I'M CURRENTLY SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT,
AND I'M CONSIDERING PLACING MY CHILD FOR ADOPTION.
YOU'RE TAKING A BREAK? WHY?
YOU TIRED?
I DO NOT HAVE A STEADY INCOME OR A STEADY JOB,
AND I'M IN NO POSITION TO RAISE A THIRD CHILD.
CAN I HAVE A KISS?
I'M THINKING ABOUT TAKING 'EM TO GET THEIR HAIR CUT
AFTER THEY GET OUT OF SCHOOL.
- TEDDY IS THE FATHER OF THIS BABY.
[indistinct chatter]
AND I MET HIM THROUGH A MUTUAL FRIEND OF OURS.
I WAS 16. TEDDY WAS 17.
- WHEN I FIRST MET JENNIE, IT WAS GREAT.
WE KICKED IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WE JUST ENJOYED EACH OTHER.
AND I ENVISIONED OUR FUTURE WOULD PROBABLY BE
US GETTING MARRIED, HAVING KIDS, HAVING A FAMILY.
BUT WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING WAS WE SPLIT UP
AND, UM, I GOT INCARCERATED.
- GET UP FOR SCHOOL.
- WILLIE IS MY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD SON
FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE.
I MET HIS FATHER WHILE TEDDY WAS INCARCERATED.
IF HE HAD NOT WENT TO JAIL TO BEGIN WITH,
I DON'T EVEN THINK
I WOULD EVER HAVE BEEN WITH MY EX-HUSBAND.
MY EX-HUSBAND WAS ABUSIVE.
HE CHEATED ALL THE TIME, WAS NEVER THERE.
SO I DIVORCED HIM, AND HE'S NO LONGER
PRESENT IN WILLIE'S LIFE.
- GIVE ME A KISS.
LOVE YOU.
GO WATCH TV. KEEP IT LOW.
- I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH TEDDY,
AND WHEN TEDDY GOT OUT OF JAIL, WE GOT BACK TOGETHER.
AND THEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH CAMRYN
AND HE WENT BACK TO JAIL
TWO WEEKS BEFORE CAMRYN WAS BORN.
- IT HIT ME AS SOON AS I GOT IN THE POLICE STATION,
LIKE...I MIGHT LOSE MY FAMILY BEHIND THIS.
I CAN'T SEE 'EM, CAN'T HOLD 'EM, CAN'T TAKE CARE OF 'EM.
I WANT THIS CHILD. I WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM.
I WANT TO BE HIS FATHER.
I SPENT THREE YEARS THINKING,
"WHAT DO I WANT TO DO WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE?
WHAT DO I WANT TO BE WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE?"
DO I WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF
AS JUST FELON, CRIMINAL, CONVICT, CROOK,
OR DO I WANT TO USE THE REST OF MY LIFE TO MAKE IT RIGHT?
MAKE IT RIGHT THROUGH MY KIDS.
MAKE IT RIGHT THROUGH THE WAY I CARRY MYSELF.
- EVEN THOUGH IT HAD BEEN A WHILE,
I KNEW I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH TEDDY.
GOOD MORNING, BABY.
COME HERE. HI.
TEDDY MISSED THE FIRST THREE YEARS
OF HIS FIRST SON'S LIFE.
- CAN I GET SOME LOVE?
COME HERE, BABY.
- WHEN TEDDY CAME HOME, HE SHOWED HIMSELF
TO BE A FATHER INSTANTLY.
IT'S LIKE HE HAD THE INSTINCT ALREADY.
- CAN I GET A KISS?
I LOVE YOU.
YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?
COME ON.
- I DIDN'T THINK CAMRYN WOULD TAKE TO HIM THE WAY HE DID.
BUT, LIKE, HE KNEW INSTANTLY THAT THAT WAS HIS DAD,
AND THEY JUST HAD A BOND INSTANTLY.
- [grunts]
- AND JUST WHEN IT FELT LIKE I WAS GETTING MY LIFE TOGETHER,
I GOT PREGNANT WITH MY THIRD CHILD.
- WE NEED TO GO TO THE STORE, BABE.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- WHEN JENNIE TOLD ME SHE WAS PREGNANT,
I WAS EXCITED.
I FELT LIKE...
I WAS GETTING THE CHANCE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE
WITH CAMRYN.
- HI, CAMRYN. - HI.
- TEDDY CAN PROVIDE FOR THESE KIDS EMOTIONALLY
AND PHYSICALLY,
BUT TEDDY CANNOT PROVIDE FINANCIALLY.
YOU WANT A HAIRCUT TODAY?
- YES. - OKAY.
RIGHT NOW, I AM PROVIDING FOR MY CHILDREN
THROUGH GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE.
DID YOU BRUSH 'EM? - [sneezes]
- BLESS YOU.
AND THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE.
LOOK AT ME. TURN AROUND.
- I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
I WANT TO GET A STEADY JOB.
AND I JUST WANT TO CREATE A BETTER LIFE
FOR MYSELF AND MY KIDS.
CAN YOU PUT THE NIGHTSTAND BACK?
I AM COMMITTED TO PLACING THIS CHILD FOR ADOPTION.
- WE COOL?
WE COOL? WE COOL?
- BUT I DON'T FEEL THAT I'M READY TO CHOOSE
AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY
BECAUSE TEDDY IS COMPLETELY AGAINST ADOPTION.
- ALL RIGHT, LOVE YOU, DUDE.
I WAS VERY MAD WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS
THINKING ABOUT HAVING AN ADOPTION.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S WRONG OR SELFISH, BUT HE'S MINE.
IT'S *** ME OFF, 'CAUSE YOU ACT LIKE
YOU'RE ONLY IN THIS BY YOURSELF,
LIKE THIS IS JUST SOLELY YOUR DECISION.
LIKE, YOU MAGICALLY WOKE UP ONE DAY
AND FOUND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT,
AND NOW YOU'RE FEELING LIKE, "OKAY, I DON'T WANT IT.
"I WANT TO GIVE IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE TO RAISE
'CAUSE I CAN'T DO A GOOD ENOUGH JOB."
THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME.
THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO ME.
- THAT'S THE THING, IS THAT
YOU'RE NOT THINKING LOGICALLY.
YOU'RE JUST THINKING THAT YOU MISSED OUT WITH CAMRYN,
AND SO NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE IT UP.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
- YEAH.
- YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO TAKE CARE OF A NEWBORN,
'CAUSE YOU NEVER DID IT BEFORE...
- OKAY, LET ME GET A CHANCE. - BY YOURSELF.
- LET ME--HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE BY YOURSELF THIS TIME? HOW?
EXPLAIN TO ME HOW YOU'RE GONNA BE BY YOURSELF THIS TIME.
- OKAY, BUT LIKE I SAID, AT THE END OF THE DAY--
- OH, BUT THERE IS, THOUGH, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T.
- YOU ACT LIKE I JUST WOKE UP AND DECIDED
THIS WAS AN EASY DECISION. IF THIS WAS--
- THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
- OKAY, BUT IF THIS WAS SUCH AN EASY DECISION,
WHY WOULD I HAVE THE OTHER TWO?
- AND THAT'S JUST A WHOLE NOTHER THING TOO THOUGH, LIKE...
YOU DON'T THINK THE BOYS KNOW
THAT THEY'RE HAVING A BROTHER?
- YES. I KNOW THIS.
- AND YOU DON'T THINK, LIKE,
THEY HAVE SOME TYPE OF ATTACHMENT, OR--
- THAT'S A TOPIC AND A THING THAT I HAVEN'T CROSSED YET.
BUT, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I CANNOT LET
MY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD AND MY THREE-YEAR-OLD
DICTATE WHAT I DO IN LIFE.
- I JUST THINK THAT'S SELFISH.
LIKE, YOU EXPECT ME TO NOT BE MAD ABOUT THIS?
I'M NOT GONNA AGREE TO GIVE MY KID, MY SON,
TO ANOTHER FAMILY.
THAT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT...
I CAN STAND BEHIND.
- I FEEL LIKE TEDDY DOESN'T HAVE A SAY IN THIS
BECAUSE TEDDY'S NOT THE ONE
CARRIES A CHILD FOR NINE MONTHS.
TEDDY'S NOT THE ONE WHO PUSHES THE CHILD OUT.
AND, AT THE END OF THE DAY, TEDDY CAN GET UP AND LEAVE,
AND I'M THE ONE THAT'S STUCK TAKING CARE OF THE CHILD.
- I MEAN, WHY ARE WE EVEN TOGETHER?
YOU DON'T TRUST ANY-- YOU DON'T TRUST ME TO BE HERE.
YOU DON'T TRUST ME TO GET A JOB.
YOU DON'T TRUST US TO HAVE THE PARENTING SKILLS, OBVIOUSLY.
SO WHAT ARE WE TOGETHER FOR?
WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS FOR?
I LOVE YOU. I WANT US TO STAY TOGETHER
AND BE A FAMILY, BUT IF HE'S NOT HERE,
I'M NOT GONNA BE HERE-- PERIOD.
- EXACTLY. YOU CAN GET UP AND LEAVE AT ANY TIME,
AND I'M STUCK HERE.
- I THINK THAT WE SHOULD KEEP THE BABY
BECAUSE HE'S OURS,
AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S ONLY RIGHT
THAT I GET A CHANCE TO MOLD AND CREATE THAT
AND MAKE HIM INTO THE MAN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
DON'T TAKE THAT OPPORTUNITY AWAY FROM ME.
IF JENNIE GOES THROUGH WITH THIS,
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP LIKE NORMAL.
I PROBABLY LOOK HORRIBLE WITH GINORMOUS BAGS UNDER MY EYES
FROM LACK OF SLEEP, BUT...
SOON, IT'LL BE ALL OVER,
AND I'LL GET TO GO TO SLEEP LIKE NORMAL, AND I CAN'T WAIT.
- HELLO, HELLO, RACERS.
WELCOME TO O'REILLY SPEEDWAY!
KEEP BOTH THOSE HANDS ON THOSE STEERING WHEELS
AT ALL TIMES.
PLEASE REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN AT ALL TIMES
AND MAKE THIS RACE EXCITING!
- YEAH!
- MY NAME IS ALYSSA.
I'M 32 YEARS OLD,
AND I'M 27 WEEKS PREGNANT.
- YOU READY TO DO THIS?
- MY HUSBAND CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE TWO CHILDREN--
BRYAN, WHO IS 11, FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE,
AND PEYTON, WHO IS FOUR, FROM MY CURRENT MARRIAGE.
- OH, YEAH.
- MY HUSBAND CHRISTIAN IS A PAINTER.
- OH, YEAH, HERE WE GO. WE'RE GOING.
- HE'S A GOOD FATHER.
HE PLAYS WITH THE KIDS,
HE TAKES CARE OF THE KIDS,
AND ALSO FINANCIALLY PROVIDES FOR THE FAMILY.
I'M A STAY-AT-HOME MOTHER
AND HAVE BEEN SINCE APRIL OF LAST YEAR.
- THREE, TWO, ONE... - READY?
- GO!
- YEAH, BUD!
- I COULDN'T IMAGINE NOT BEING A MOM.
IT'S BEEN THE MOST REWARDING THING THAT I COULD EVER DO.
YOU KNOW, TO HAVE SOMEBODY NEEDING YOU SO MUCH,
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.
- GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. - [giggles]
- ME AND CHRISTIAN HAD TALKED ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER CHILD,
AND IT WAS JUST, FOR BOTH OF US,
NOT THE WAY WE WANTED TO GO.
- WE'RE HERE, WE'RE STARTING UP.
LAP NUMBER THREE HAS BEGUN!
28 TAKES OUR LEAD.
WE ARE NOW ON THE THIRD LAP OF THE RACE.
- WE BOTH THOUGHT, "WE HAVE TWO.
"WHY NOT FOCUS ALL THE ENERGY AND LOVE AND EVERYTHING
ON THE TWO WE ALREADY HAVE?"
- THE WINNER IS 28!
THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE RACE, YOU GUYS.
- SO I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ON BIRTH CONTROL.
WAS IT AWESOME? GOOD JOB.
JUST THIS LAST SUMMER,
WE DECIDED TO CONCEIVE A CHILD.
- THAT WAS COOL. - DID YOU HAVE SO MUCH FUN?
- I DID. I HAD SO MUCH FUN.
- BUT I DID NOT CONCEIVE THIS CHILD FOR MYSELF
OR BY ACCIDENT.
WE CHOSE TO CONCEIVE FOR ADOPTION
FOR MY FRIEND CRYSTAL.
- HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? - KIND OF SORE.
HE'S-- - KICKING A LOT?
- YEAH, KICKING, MOVING.
KIND OF MAKES IT UNCOMFORTABLE, SOMETIMES.
- CRYSTAL'S MY BEST FRIEND.
WE GO BACK 20 YEARS NOW.
WE BECAME CLOSE FRIENDS IN SEVENTH GRADE.
WE HAD SOME CLASSES TOGETHER.
WE HUNG OUT PROBABLY EVERY WEEKEND.
- ALYSSA'S MY BEST FRIEND.
SHE'S ACTUALLY MORE LIKE MY SISTER.
I COULDN'T ASK FOR ANYTHING BETTER.
- YOU WANNA SIT RIGHT HERE?
CRYSTAL ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE A FAMILY AND HAVE KIDS,
BUT SHE COULDN'T HAVE THEM.
- BY NOW, I THOUGHT ME AND ROGER
WOULD AT LEAST HAVE TWO KIDS,
MAYBE BE ON OUR THIRD AND FINAL,
AND...
THAT'S NOT THE WAY THINGS HAVE TURNED OUT.
[crying] IT'S BEEN A TOUGH THREE YEARS.
YOU SHELL OUT ALL THIS MONEY
AND THEN DON'T END UP WITH A SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCY, AND...
RIGHT. THAT'S WHEN WE STARTED TALKING MORE SERIOUS
ABOUT ADOPTION.
AND, ACTUALLY, THAT'S ABOUT THE SAME TIME
THAT ALYSSA AND CHRISTIAN...
TOLD US THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO
HAVE A BABY FOR US.
I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN YOU CALLED ME
AND TOLD ME WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO.
I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE JOKING.
PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS. THIS ISN'T A NORMAL THING.
WHAT ALYSSA'S DOING FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND
IS THE MOST SELFLESS ACT THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
WHO DOES THAT?
WHO HAS A CHILD AND WANTS TO GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE?
IT'S CRAZY.
[chuckles] YEAH. - FASTER.
- THAT'S FOR SURE.
AND WHEN I TOLD ROGER THAT
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO...
- WHAT WAS HIS REACTION TO IT?
- HE WANTED TO DO IT-- I THINK HE WAS JUST AFRAID OF
IF YOU GUYS WOULD GO... - THROUGH WITH IT.
- THROUGH WITH IT.
- I GUESS RIGHT NOW, JUST ME AND ROGER'S BIGGEST CONCERN
IS WE FEEL, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU AND CHRISTIAN
ARE TOTALLY FOR THIS RIGHT NOW,
BUT DO YOU THINK THAT, ONE DAY,
YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS?
- I CAN'T IMAGINE REGRETTING IT.
IT'S YOUR CHIL-- YOU KNOW, WE DID THIS--
YEAH, WE DID IT FOR YOU.
WE WILL ALWAYS THINK THAT WAY.
I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL BE GOOD PARENTS.
SO I CAN'T IMAGINE EVER REGRETTING IT.
MY BIGGEST FEAR ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENT OF THE ADOPTION
ISN'T NECESSARILY ANYTHING WITH THE ADOPTION ITSELF--
IS THAT SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN TO THE CHILD
AND IT WOULD DEVASTATE MY FRIEND.
- I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO EVER BE WEIRD BETWEEN US.
- I CAN'T IMAGINE IT BEING ANY DIFFERENT THAN IT IS NOW.
- MAYBE I AM BEING NAIVE ABOUT THIS,
AND MAYBE SHE DOESN'T FULLY UNDERSTAND
HOW THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT HER AND CHRISTIAN.
IT'S HARD TO SAY HOW THINGS
ARE GOING TO PLAY OUT IN THE FUTURE.
- MOMMY'S BEEN THINKING...
ABOUT GIVING THE BABY TO A GOOD FAMILY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
- WAIT, GIVING IT TO THEM TO RAISE IT?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND EMOTIONALLY UNATTACHING YOURSELF
FROM A CHILD.
- IT'S THE SAME THING AS IF IT WAS,
UH, IF I WAS A SURROGATE.
- FOR ME, THAT'S NOT OKAY.
- I FEEL LIKE I HAVE, LIKE, THIS WHOLE,
LIKE, THOUSAND LITTLE PEOPLE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD
ALL AT ONE TIME, TELLING ME DIFFERENT THINGS.
AND NOT LITERALLY, BUT, YOU KNOW...
JUST--IT'S SUCH A HARD DECISION.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYBODY MAKES THIS DECISION.
- IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE.
- TODAY, ME AND TEDDY ARE GOING TO THE MARKET
'CAUSE WE NEED SOME STUFF FOR THE HOUSE,
AND I'M GOING TO SHOW HIM THAT IT'S NOT THAT EASY
TO TAKE CARE OF A HOUSEHOLD.
- WE GOT $30, SO...
LET'S TRY TO, LIKE, BUDGET.
$4.99.
JUST GET HOT DOGS, AND THEN WE'LL--
THEY GOT LITTLE LUNCHABLES RIGHT HERE.
YOU CAN GET 'EM LITTLE LUNCHABLES.
AND MILK'S RIGHT THERE TOO.
ON A BUDGET.
- APPLES. I'M JUST GONNA GRAB TWO.
LET'S GET SOME JUICE. - OKAY.
THAT ABOUT IT?
- YEAH, THAT'S-- - THAT'S ABOUT IT?
- I JUST WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
ONE BAG OF THESE IS LIKE $11.49,
AND THAT'S ON SALE.
NORMALLY $12.99.
A NEWBORN GOES THROUGH ONE BAG OF DIAPERS
EVERY OTHER DAY.
- OKAY. - IMAGINE THAT.
- WE'LL BE OKAY.
JENNIE WAS TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIGHTER IT'S GONNA BE
ONCE THE BABY ACTUALLY IS HERE.
YOU KNOW, HOW, FINANCIALLY, IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST BASICALLY LETTING HER KNOW
THAT I WOULD RATHER STRUGGLE WITH IT--
WITH HIM-- THAN WITHOUT HIM.
AT LEAST LET ME GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRY.
- SO WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA TRY, AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK,
THEN WE JUST... - NO, IT'S GONNA WORK.
- "OH, OKAY, HERE WE GO." - WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT WORK.
YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH, MAN. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FAITH AT ALL.
YOU'RE JUST NEGATIVE, LIKE I SAID.
- YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, ONCE AGAIN.
I'VE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT HE'S NOT GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND.
HE'S GONNA STICK HIS GROUNDS ON THIS,
AND I DON'T THINK HE'S GONNA UNDERSTAND THIS DECISION AT ALL,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TALK.
- ALL RIGHT.
$29.59.
- I DON'T THINK I HAVE $29.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CHANGE? - NO.
- UH, JUST TAKE ONE OF THOSE--
LIKE THOSE CHIPS OFF. TWO OF 'EM.
IT WAS EMBARRASSING A LOT. IT REALLY WAS.
I JUST DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS GONNA ACTUALLY--
ALL OF THIS STUFF WAS GONNA COST THIS MUCH.
UH... both: $29.25.
- OKAY, COOL. I APPRECIATE THAT, MAN.
- HE WAS A LITTLE BIT SHORT
ON THE STUFF THAT WE HAD TO GET.
I DON'T THINK TEDDY'S IN A POSITION RIGHT NOW
TO CONTEST THIS ADOPTION.
- THANK YOU. - WELL, GOOD LUCK.
- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, MAN. - THANKS.
- HAVE A GOOD ONE. - YOU TOO, MAN.
- BYE. - BYE.
- SEE MY POINT? THIS REALITY UPSETS ME.
I WISH THINGS COULD BE DIFFERENT, BUT THEY CAN'T.
SO, NO MATTER WHAT TEDDY SAYS,
THIS IS HAPPENING.
- UM, YESTERDAY, PEYTON ACTUALLY--
THE BABY HAD THE HICCUPS, AND SHE GOT A FEEL,
AND SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY.
UM, SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE COULDN'T HEAR THEM,
BUT SHE ENJOYED THAT SHE GOT TO FEEL
HIM HAVE THE HICCUPS.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
I'M GOING OUT TO MY MOM'S TODAY,
AND MY SISTER FONDA WILL BE THERE,
SO I'M HOPING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
- OH, MY GOD, DON'T TOUCH ME.
- MY SISTER FONDA HAS BEEN REALLY NEGATIVE
ABOUT THE ADOPTION,
SO I'M JUST GOING TO SEE IF SHE'LL GET ON BOARD
OR SHUT UP.
- HAVE YOU TALKED TO CRYSTAL LATELY?
- I'LL SEE HER THIS WEEKEND.
WE HAVE DISNEY ON ICE.
- OH, FOR PEYTON? - UH-HUH.
- OH, CRYSTAL'S GOING TOO? - MM-HMM.
YEAH, SHE GOES EVERY YEAR.
- YEAH, BUT WHEN THE KIDS GET OLDER,
IT'LL BE WEIRD FOR, LIKE, THE SON TO STAY AT HOME
WHILE SHE GOES WITH HIS OTHER SIBLING.
- FONDA IS MY OLDER SISTER.
ME AND FONDA'S ALWAYS HAD KIND OF A STRAINED RELATIONSHIP.
IT'S FOR GIRLS. - WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ALL THE KIDS.
[both giggle]
- SHE'S A JERK.
- I'M HAPPY YOU'RE DOING IT. - THANKS.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU, ACTUALLY, FOR DOING IT.
- WHY, THANKS. - I THINK IT'S REALLY NICE
THAT SOMEBODY COULD DO THAT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.
- I LIKE CRYSTAL, AND I'M SORRY THAT THEY CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN,
AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR THEM, BUT...
IT'S JUST NOT SOMETHING THAT--
- IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
- IT'S A MORAL THAT I WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO DO.
IT GOES AGAINST ALL MY MORAL BELIEFS.
SO THAT'S WHAT'S SO HARD FOR ME.
I AM PROBABLY THE MOST OUTSPOKEN PERSON
IN MY WHOLE, ENTIRE FAMILY.
AND, YES, THAT CAN-- THERE CAN BE A DOWNFALL TO THAT,
BUT SOMEBODY NEEDS TO SAY THE THINGS
THAT NOBODY ELSE WILL SAY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND EMOTIONALLY UNATTACHING YOURSELF
FROM A CHILD. - WAIT, BUT I'M--
- THAT'S--SHE'S NOT GIVING UP A BABY.
- RIGHT. - SHE'S MADE THIS BABY FOR THEM.
THAT'S THE-- - BUT IT'S THEIR--
BUT IT'S THEIR BABY. IT'S HER AND HER HUSBAND'S BABY.
THEY WILL ALWAYS KNOW... - BUT IT'S THE SAME THING.
- THAT THEY MADE THAT BABY.
- BUT JUST 'CAUSE WE KNOW DOESN'T MEAN--
IT'S THE SAME THING AS IF IT WAS, UH,
IF I WAS AS SURROGATE:
IT'S NOT MY BABY, BUT I CARRIED IT.
- NO, THIS ONE IS YOURS, THOUGH.
IT IS YOUR BLOOD. - BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER. - IT IS. IT'S YOUR BABY.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER. - WE KNOW THAT THAT'S
WHAT IT'S FOR. - FOREVER.
- IT DOESN'T--NO. - WELL, TO ME, IT'S--
I FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT THAT, COMPLETELY.
- AND YOU FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT THIS BABY
WHEN YOU GO INTO IT KNOWING THAT YOU'RE MAKING IT
FOR SOMEBODY ELSE. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- I THINK IT IS TRUE. - IT IS TRUE.
ABSOLUTELY, I DO NOT HAVE THE EMOTIONS--
- I THINK EVEN IF I WAS MAKING A BABY FOR SOMEBODY ELSE,
KNOWING IT WAS MY CHILD WHEN IT'S BORN,
THERE'S AN UNCONDITIONAL ATTACHMENT
THAT A PARENT HAS WITH A CHILD.
- I DON'T BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE I--
- YOU KNOW, I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN WHY I LOVED MY KIDS
FROM WHEN THEY WERE BORN, SO, ACTUALLY, THAT IS TRUE.
YOU CAN EXPLAIN. - BECAUSE YOU--WAIT--
BECAUSE YOU CREATED THAT CHILD, KNOWING IT'S YOURS.
- EVEN IF I KNEW IT WAS THEIRS, I'M LIKE,
"I'M GONNA GIVE THIS TO MY FRIEND WHO CAN'T HAVE A KID,"
WHICH IS TOTALLY COOL, BUT, FOR ME,
THAT'S NOT OKAY, I-- THAT CHILD IS MINE.
- IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE IT.
IT'S TOTALLY A DIFFERENT LOVE.
- RIGHT, SO THERE YOU GO. NOW WE'RE BACK TO,
SO, 20 YEARS FROM NOW, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE THAT.
- WE MAY ALWAYS HAVE A CONNECTION.
- RIGHT. - BUT IT WON'T BE THE SAME
BECAUSE HE WASN'T MINE, I DIDN'T RAISE HIM.
- I DON'T KNOW, I JUST THINK IT'S A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF YOU,
AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A LOT DIFFERENT
THAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE.
AND I HOPE NOT. I HOPE IT TURNS OUT GOOD.
- I DON'T CLEARLY UNDERSTAND WHY FONDA DOESN'T AGREE.
SHE SAYS IT'S HER MORALS, BUT...
PERSONALLY, I THINK NOT DOING IT WOULD BE IMMORAL,
SINCE I CAN.
- I DON'T KNOW, I COULD NOT NEVER
SPEND TIME WITH ANY OF THE CHILDREN THAT I MADE,
NO MATTER WHAT. I CAN'T HELP THAT.
I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT.
- IT FRUSTRATES ME THAT FONDA THINKS THIS WAY,
BECAUSE I DON'T PERSONALLY UNDERSTAND.
BUT SHE'S ENTITLED TO HER OPINION,
AND IT CAN BE HERS AND HERS ALONE.
- TODAY, I'M TAKING CAMRYN AND WILLIE FOR PIZZA
TO DISCUSS THE ADOPTION WITH THEM.
I THINK SO.
EVEN IF I'M NOT LETTING THEM MAKE THE DECISION,
I WANT THEM TO FEEL LIKE THEY'RE A PART OF IT.
- SO... - HMM.
- I HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK TO YOU GUYS ABOUT.
YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING, RIGHT?
- AND WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY.
- MM-HMM. - YOU KNOW HOW WE CAN'T
DO A LOT OF THINGS THAT WE WANT TO DO?
- WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS?
- I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU WHY I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS.
- TELL ME. - OKAY?
- OKAY. - SO MOMMY'S BEEN THINKING
ABOUT GIVING THE BABY TO A GOOD FAMILY
SO THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
- WAIT, GIVING IT TO THEM TO RAISE IT?
- YEAH. - NO!
- WHY?
I KNOW IT'S MINE, BUT...
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF IT.
AND...
YEAH, I KNOW YOU WANT HIM, BUT...
WHAT IF HE CAN BE WITH SOMEBODY
WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HIM BETTER?
HE IS OUR BABY,
BUT HE'S NOT GONNA LIVE AT OUR HOUSE.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
- NO.
- LOVE YOU.
- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
- YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU GUYS, RIGHT?
- I KNOW THAT.
- ME TOO. - LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT ME.
EVEN IF YOU'RE MAD AT ME, I STILL LOVE YOU.
- YEAH.
- THAT'S WHY I WANT TO MAKE THE DECISION
THAT'S BEST FOR YOU GUYS, OKAY?
- HOW'S IT BEST FOR US?
- BECAUSE IF I HAVE ANOTHER BABY,
THEN HOW AM I GONNA TAKE CARE OF ALL THREE OF YOU?
- UM, I DON'T KNOW.
- YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS CONVERSATION, DO YOU?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
- YEAH? - MM-HMM.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT NO MORE?
- NO.
- I DO CARE ABOUT THEIR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS
ABOUT THE ADOPTION,
BUT I CAN'T LET THEM MAKE MY DECISION FOR ME.
I FEEL LIKE, AT THE END OF THE DAY,
IT'S JUST ME, AND I'M BY MYSELF,
AND I HAVE TO MANAGE ON MY OWN.
- YOU LEFT HER WITH A KID FOR THREE YEARS.
- OKAY, SO WHAT, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GIVE MY OTHER KID UP?
I DON'T WANT MY SON TO PAY FOR MY ACTIONS.
THOSE WERE MY MISTAKES. LET ME PAY FOR THEM.
I'VE DONE 'EM. BUT HE DOESN'T DESERVE THAT.
- IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND, "THAT'S MY KID."
AFTER THIS IS ALL DONE,
REALITY MIGHT HIT YOU.
- CRYSTAL GETS REALLY SCARED OF THINGS NOT GOING RIGHT.
AND I KEEP TELLING HER, NO MATTER WHAT, HE'S HERS.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
BUT I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR HER BECAUSE
THIS IS HER ONE CHANCE TO HAVE A BABY,
AND SHE'S SCARED SOMETHING'S GONNA RUIN IT,
AND I UNDERSTAND THAT.
- WHOO HOO! [laughter]
- TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO DINNER WITH CRYSTAL AND CHRISTIAN.
ME AND CRYSTAL GET TO TALK MORE OFTEN,
SO THIS'LL LET CHRISTIAN GET ANY KIND OF QUESTIONS OUT
THAT HE MAY NEED TO GET ANSWERED.
- SO ARE WE GONNA STOP BEING FRIENDS AFTER THIS?
- [giggles] - MOST DEFINITELY.
[laughs] NO. - IS IT GONNA BE UNCOMFORTABLE
IF WE COME OVER? - NO.
- WE'RE STILL GOING TO BE FRIENDS.
- IS IT GONNA BE UNCOMFORTABLE, THOUGH?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING,
MAKE US CLOSER, THE FOUR OF US.
- LIKE, LIVE TOGETHER? SOMETHING?
NO, THAT'S GOOD. I MEAN, THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.
I--I WONDERED.
YOU THINK ROGER WOULD BE UNCOMFORTABLE?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD TO SAY.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD ACT
IF I WAS ADOPTING
AND THE PARENTS WERE COMING AROUND, YOU KNOW?
- I WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE. - IT'S LIKE,
"ARE THEY CHECKING UP TO MAKE SURE I'M TAKING CARE OF
'THEIR KID' PROPERLY?" YOU KNOW?
I GUESS, IN A WAY, I KIND OF THINK IT SHOULD BE AWKWARD.
- WELL, IT'S HARD TO SAY HOW WE'RE REALLY GONNA FEEL.
- BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE TO HAVE, IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND,
"THAT'S MY KID."
- ONE CONCERN THAT I HAVE, AND ROGER HAS EVEN SAID,
"THIS IS CHRISTIAN'S ONLY SON."
SO SOMETIMES WE WONDER IF, ONCE YOU SEE YOUR SON,
HOW THAT'S GOING TO BE.
- UM...
NO, I'LL BE FINE.
I HAVE BRYAN AS A STEPSON.
I ENJOY THAT.
AND, UH... I DON'T KNOW.
I-I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
A FATHER TO A LITTLE GIRL,
HAVE DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL.
SO I'VE GOT WHAT I WANT, YOU KNOW?
I'VE GOT THE FAMILY I WANT.
- OKAY.
I BELIEVE THAT CHRISTIAN'S OKAY
WITH THE FACT THAT HE IS GIVING US THIS BABY,
BUT SOMETIMES I WORRY ABOUT ALYSSA.
YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF OVER AND OVER AND OVER,
"THIS ISN'T MY BABY. THIS ISN'T MY BABY."
PART OF ME WONDERS, IS IT MAYBE JUST, LIKE,
A DEFENSE MECHANISM THAT--
- IS IT 'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN YOUR HEAD?
- JUST TO KEEP YOURSELF TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM BREAKING DOWN
AND NOT WANTING TO-- - NO, IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
I MEAN, IF SHE'S, LIKE, YOUR--
- HOW DO YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU?
- IT WO--I MEAN, I DON'T THINK IT WILL BOTHER ME.
I DON'T FEEL THAT THERE'S ANY REASON IT SHOULD BOTHER ME.
- I DON'T KNOW. AFTER THIS IS ALL DONE,
REALITY MIGHT HIT YOU.
- I'M AFRAID OF THAT TOO.
YOU MAY HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF EMOTIONS
WHEN IT COMES TO SEEING HIM AND THINKING THAT HE IS YOURS,
YOU KNOW, IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD.
- I MEAN, EVERYBODY'S BEEN WORRIED ABOUT ME,
BUT I THINK I'M FINE.
I CAN HANDLE MY EMOTIONS.
I-I ADMIT THAT I HAVE EMOTIONS.
YOU DON'T. THIS COULD BE THE--
THE THING THAT GETS YOU.
- CHRISTIAN AND CRYSTAL ARE WORRIED ABOUT
HOW I'M GOING TO FEEL AFTER TYLER IS BORN,
BUT I COULD NEVER DISAPPOINT CRYSTAL
WITH NOT GOING THROUGH WITH THIS ADOPTION.
- YOU OKAY OVER THERE? - MM-HMM.
- I HAVE TO WEAR THE SAME THING EVERY DAY.
NOT THE SAME THING, BUT LIKE...
YOU KNOW, I HAVE, LIKE,
FOUR DIFFERENT BLACK SHIRTS.
OR A GRAY SHIRT.
OR PINK SHIRTS, AND THEY'RE ALL BIG T-SHIRTS.
AND I CAN'T FIT IN ANYTHING ANYMORE.
LIKE, I WANT TO WEAR MY CLOTHES AGAIN.
- ME AND TEDDY ARE TAKING CAMRYN AND WILLIE
TO HAVE A PLAYDATE WITH MY BEST FRIEND ROBIN
AND HER DAUGHTER ANALIA.
HI, ANALIA. - HI.
- YOU WANNA PLAY BALL SOME MORE?
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
- WHILE TEDDY WAS IN PRISON,
ROBIN WAS THE ONLY PERSON THERE TO SUPPORT ME
AND HELP ME WHEN I NEEDED.
ROBIN RESPECTS MY DECISION ABOUT THE ADOPTION,
AND I'M HOPING SHE CAN CHANGE TEDDY'S OPINION
AND GET HIM TO SEE MY POINT OF VIEW.
- 'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE NOW.
LIKE, WHAT DO YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW
THAT YOU CAN OFFER ANOTHER KID?
- NOTHING. - LOVE. CARE.
- RIGHT NOW. LIKE, RIGHT THIS-- - BEING THERE.
SOMETHING I WASN'T ABLE TO GIVE CAMRYN.
- BUT SO CAN OTHER PARENTS WITH MONEY.
- KIDS DON'T WANT MONEY. - AND TIME.
- AND THAT'S WHAT I GOT. - WITH YOU WORKING
AND HER TRYING TO MAKE MONEY--
- I CAN MAKE ROOM FOR THAT. MY PARENTS DID IT.
BOTH OF THEM WORKED EIGHT HOURS.
MY DAD, 12.
THEY CAME HOME, MADE SURE WE HAD EVERYTHING.
- I THINK YOU'RE JUST NOT SEEING HOW ROUGH IT COULD BE.
- THIS IS EXACTLY THE CONVERSATION
THAT I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HIM
THAT HE'S NOT GRASPING--
HE'S NOT GRASPING THE FACT THAT MY FINANCIAL
IS NOT STABLE WHATSOEVER.
THERE'S ALREADY TWO THERE. AT ANY TIME--
I'M NOT SAYING THAT HE'S GOING TO DISAPPEAR.
BUT IF HE WANTED TO, HE CAN.
- MM-HMM. - AND, AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I'M THE ONE STUCK WITH ALL OF THIS.
- WHATEVER. - IT'S MOSTLY THE LAST THING.
LIKE, IF YOU... NOT SAYING THAT YOU WOULD,
'CAUSE-- - SEE, AND THAT'S WHAT--
OKAY, NOW, SEE, I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
FINALLY SOMEBODY SAYS WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS.
THE REAL PROBLEM IS PEOPLE ARE SCARED
THAT I'M GONNA GET LOCKED UP OR DO SOMETHING ELSE.
- WELL--
- I DON'T KNOW WHY JENNIE FEELS THE NEED
TO CONTINUOUSLY WANT TO PUNISH ME
FOR MY PAST MISTAKES.
I'M NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS. I'VE CHANGED.
BUT SHE'S NOT GONNA GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY
TO BE THE MAN THAT I KNOW THAT I COULD BE.
IF THAT'S THE CASE, IF YOU FELT LIKE I WAS JUST GONNA GO
AND LEAVE YOU AGAIN, WE SHOULD HAVE NEVER
GOT BACK IN A RELATIONSHIP.
- THAT'S--A RELATIONSHIP AND A CHILD
ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
NOW, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER CHILD,
AND THERE'S A POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT BE
STUCK BY MYSELF WITH A-- - THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY.
- IT'S TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. - YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING ME
THE POSSIBILITY. - IT'S LIKE TWO DIFFERENT--
- YOU LEFT HER WITH A KID FOR THREE YEARS.
- OKAY, SO, WHAT, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GIVE MY OTHER KID UP?
I DON'T WANT MY SON TO PAY FOR MY ACTIONS, BASICALLY.
BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU,
HE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE GIVEN UP
TO SOMEBODY ELSE TO RAISE.
THOSE WERE MY MISTAKES. LET ME PAY FOR 'EM.
I'VE DONE 'EM. BUT HE DOESN'T DESERVE THAT.
IN MY OPINION.
BECAUSE I KNOW IF THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN,
IF THAT NEVER HAPPENED,
WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
WE'D BE PLANNING THE BABY SHOWER.
JENNIE, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING, BUT YOU'RE--
- BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
- I DO KNOW THAT, BECAUSE THOSE CHOICES,
YOU MAKE BY YOURSELF.
THOSE AREN'T JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET LOCKED UP.
YOU MAKE THE CHOICE TO DO STUFF TO GET LOCKED UP,
AND I'M NOT MAKING THEM CHOICES NO MORE
'CAUSE I HAVE TWO BOYS TO RAISE,
PLUS ONE IN HER STOMACH,
SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE PRAY TO HAVE,
AND YOU'RE MAKING THIS LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING BAD.
THIS ISN'T ANYTHING BAD.
- I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT TEDDY CAN REDEEM HIMSELF.
I HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF WANTING TO TRY TO KEEP IT
AND JUST TRY TO MAKE IT WORK,
BUT THAT'S NOT ME THINKING LOGICALLY.
YOU CAN TELL ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
AND I HAVE TO SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT.
- AND MY ACTIONS HAVEN'T BEEN SPEAKING THEN?
- YEAH, BUT THEY SPOKE UP UNTIL
TWO WEEKS BEFORE I DELIVERED CAMRYN.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA EVER SEE IT MY WAY
AND I'M NEVER GONNA SEE IT YOUR WAY.
- I CAN KIND OF SEE IT HIS WAY.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
BUT I'M NOT JUST GONNA THROW MY HAT IN.
I'M GONNA FIGHT UNTIL IT'S OVER.
I'M GONNA DO WHATEVER I CAN.
IT'S DONE. IT IS WHAT IT IS.
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NO MORE.
SHE'S GONNA BE SAD. SHE'S GONNA BE MAD AT EVERYBODY.
SHE'S GONNA REGRET THIS.
- [moaning in pain] - YOU OKAY?
- THEY SAID THE BABY'S HEAD IS NOT RIGHT.
- SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HIS HEAD?
- GET IT OUT!
- OH, MY GOSH.
- TYLER'S HEART RATE STARTED DROPPING.
- I'M WORRIED ABOUT ALYSSA. I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE BABY.
- HERE'S A SINK THAT GOES RANDOMLY THERE.
RIGHT THERE. AND SOME KIND OF BED.
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE LIVING ROOM FURNITURE, HONEY.
- [giggles] - THIS IS DINING ROOM.
- THAT'S THE DINING ROOM? - I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE--
I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BATHROOM.
ISN'T THAT WHY THERE'S A POTTY IN THERE?
- YEAH, IT'S BATHROOM AND DINING ROOM.
- [laughs] OH!
- IT LOOKS LIKE BAD GUYS ARE TRYING TO GET IN.
- ARGH! WHERE'S ALL THE FURNITURE?
YOU'VE BEEN ROBBED.
OH! OKAY.
GUESS I WILL.
- SHE HAS POWERS? SHE CHASED THE PIRATE AWAY?
- SHE REALLY IS POWERFUL, ISN'T SHE?
- MM-HMM. - AND NOW SHE NEEDS REST.
- TODAY WAS MY SON WILLIE'S EIGHTH BIRTHDAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S EIGHT YEARS OLD.
LIKE, I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD HIM AND I BROUGHT HIM HOME
FROM THE HOSPITAL, AND NOW HE'S ALREADY EIGHT.
IT'S DAYS LIKE TODAY THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY
WANT--MAKES ME RECONSIDER MY DECISION.
BUT BECAUSE, LIKE I SAID, LIKE, GROWING--
WATCHING A CHILD GROW IS THE BEST GIFT IN THE WORLD.
I WANT TO HAVE THE DISCUSSION WITH TEDDY
ABOUT THE DECISION TO PLACE THE BABY FOR ADOPTION.
TEDDY GAVE ME AN ULTIMATUM,
WHICH WAS, "EITHER YOU KEEP THE BABY OR I'M LEAVING."
- I DIDN'T WANT TO FORCE IT.
BUT I KIND OF DID, THOUGH, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH, YOU DID. - AND THAT'S KIND OF WHY
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANTED TO DO IT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- THE REASONS ARE, NUMBER ONE, FINANCIALLY.
NUMBER TWO, 'CAUSE I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT
YOU GOING BACK TO JAIL.
- IF I WAS GONNA DO ALL THAT,
I WOULDN'T HAVE WAITED NINE WHOLE MONTHS.
I WOULD HAVE DID IT ALREADY.
BUT IT'S LIKE, WHAT CAN I DO?
- I JUST FEEL LIKE THE LONGER YOU'RE OUT,
THE LONGER YOU'RE HERE,
THE MORE THAT DOUBT'S GONNA GO AWAY.
NOW I'M LEANING MORE TOWARD YOU ARE GONNA STAY OUT.
AND I JUST FIGURED OUT, LIKE, FINANCIALLY,
WE'VE BEEN WORSE OFF-- I'VE BEEN WORSE OFF.
BUT I FIGURE, IF I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS PREGNANCY,
THEN I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH RAISING A BABY.
THAT'S WHY I MADE THE DECISION TO KEEP HIM.
- REALLY?
[both laugh]
YEAH. I THINK IT'S AWESOME, THOUGH.
FOR REAL, I THINK IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T GET TO SEE HIM
WHEN HE FIRST CAME OUT, SO I CAN'T WAIT.
FOR REAL, I CAN'T WAIT.
I'M GLAD THAT JENNIE GAVE ME THAT SECOND OPPORTUNITY.
I UNDERSTAND HER FEARS.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT.
BUT, AT THE SAME TIME,
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T MISSED A BEAT.
I'VE BEEN HERE THROUGH THE WHOLE THING.
I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR THE WHOLE THING.
I'M NOT GONNA DO NOTHIN' TO TAKE ME AWAY
OUT OF THEIR LIVES EVER AGAIN.
I'M HAPPY THAT YOU DECIDED.
I THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT.
I REALLY DO.
- I HAVE NOTICED THAT TEDDY'S BEEN AROUND MORE.
HE HASN'T BEEN HANGING OUT IN THE STREET.
I BELIEVE IN TEDDY.
HE'S CONSISTENT NOW.
- HEY. - [laughs]
- THIS IS GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BIT MORE EFFORT.
- HEY, WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT, MAN.
WE REALLY AIN'T HAVE TOO MUCH NOW,
BUT WE GOT EACH OTHER.
WE GOT ENOUGH.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE A CONTRACTION.
A BIG ONE TOO.
- OOH!
- YOU GOT IT, BABY.
- AT FIRST, LABOR WAS GOING ALL RIGHT,
BUT HOURS WENT BY,
AND THE PAIN WAS EXCRUCIATING.
THE EPIDURAL WAS NOT WORKING,
AND I WOULD NOT DILATE PAST SIX.
- [moaning in pain] - WHOA...
- [moaning]
- OH, WOW.
- [moaning]
- THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT--
HIS HEART RATE DROPPING EVERY TIME SHE HAS A CONTRACTION.
[Jennie moaning in pain]
- YOU OKAY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S NOT RIGHT?
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HIS HEAD?
[Jennie moaning]
- I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN, I COULDN'T BREATHE.
[crying] OH, IT HURTS.
- HOLD ME. YOU CAN HOLD ME. - I CAN'T, I CAN'T TAKE IT.
GET IT OUT.
[moaning]
[baby crying]
[indistinct chatter]
- [crying]
- JENNIE HAD TO UNDERGO AN EMERGENCY "C"-SECTION,
AND, HONESTLY, IT WAS KIND OF SCARY,
BUT WE PULLED THROUGH, AND HE'S NOW HERE.
- OH, WOW.
- IT FEELS AMAZING TO HOLD MY SON
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
REALLY, I DON'T THINK THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY
BE ABLE TO PLACE HIM FOR ADOPTION.
- HE'S AWESOME. - OH, YOU'RE SO SLEEPY, PUPPY.
- HE'S TOTALLY AWESOME. WOW.
IT WAS AWESOME SEEING HIM COME OUT THERE,
AND IT WAS SOMETHING PRETTY SPECIAL.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S YOU-- YOU HELPED CREATE THAT.
AND THAT'S, LIKE, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, YOU KNOW?
I ENJOYED IT, YOU KNOW.
I COULDN'T STOP SMILING.
- YEAH, HE DOES LOOK JUST LIKE CAMMY, DOESN'T HE?
- JUST LIKE HIM.
- I THINK HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
- FOR REAL.
I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU MORE.
- CRYSTAL'S VERY READY FOR HIM TO BE OUT NOW,
UM, WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY THAT SHE'S IN THAT PLACE
WHERE SHE'S 100% READY TO BE A MOM.
I KNOW I'M 100% READY FOR HIM TO BE OUT.
I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING GOES SMOOTHLY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I STARTED HAVING CONTRACTIONS,
SO I CALLED THE DOCTOR AND HE SCHEDULED FOR US
TO BE INDUCED IN THE MORNING.
I'VE ALREADY BEEN, UM, CONTRACTING ON MY OWN
BEFORE THE DOCTOR'S EVEN BEEN IN TO GET ANYTHING STARTED.
- ALYSSA'S CONTRACTIONS STARTED
AS SOON AS THEY HOOKED HER UP TO THE MONITORS.
THEY ACTUALLY DID NOT EVEN NEED TO START PITOCIN RIGHT AWAY
BECAUSE SHE WAS HAVING CONTRACTIONS SO CLOSE TOGETHER.
[laughs]
- THIS DAY IS ALL ABOUT CRYSTAL AND HER BABY.
UM, I WANTED TO MAKE SURE HER FAMILY
OR WHOEVER SHE WANTED IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH US--
TO MAKE IT ABOUT HER AND NOT ABOUT ME.
[exhales]
- ALYSSA'S DOCTOR THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GONNA BE OKAY
WITHOUT INDUCING HER, BUT, UH, IT'S JUST TAKING TOO LONG.
SO THEY, UH, ENDED UP INDUCING HER,
BUT STILL NO BABY YET.
- OHH.
- I HAVE BEEN BY ALYSSA'S SIDE THE WHOLE TIME
IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.
I AM FEELING VERY ANXIOUS.
I'M NOT GREAT AT COMFORTING PEOPLE,
SO IT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO SEE ALYSSA IN PAIN.
- [exhales]
OH, MY GOSH.
- THE BABY'S HEART RATE STARTED DROPPING,
SO THEY HAD TO PUT OXYGEN ON ALYSSA.
THEY HAD TO KEEP STARTING AND STOPPING THE PITOCIN
TO TRY TO GET HIS HEART RATE TO COME BACK UP,
NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN,
NOT KNOWING IF WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE
AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION.
JUST THE UNKNOWN WAS REALLY SCARY.
- "WE HEREBY APPOINT THE FOLLOWING PERSONS
AS THE GUARDIAN FOR OUR CHILD."
- RIGHT NOW, ALYSSA IS HOOKED UP TO OXYGEN.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT ALYSSA. I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE BABY.
I'M KIND OF UNCLEAR ON THE DETAILS.
IT'S ALL KIND OF JUST HAPPENED SO FAST.
[Alyssa moaning in pain]
[baby crying] - YOU DID GREAT.
- YOU DID AWESOME.
- JUST...
- WHEN TYLER WAS BORN, THEY TOOK HIM
OVER TO HIS LITTLE BED TO BE CLEANED OFF AND STUFF,
AND I COULD SEE A LITTLE BIT FROM THE BED,
BUT I WAS MORE WATCHING CRYSTAL'S REACTION
AND SEEING HER GET TO BE WITH HIM FINALLY.
[crying]
I WOULD DO EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN--
THE PREGNANCY, THE LABOR, EVERYTHING--
TO GET TO SEE CRYSTAL BE SO HAPPY WITH TYLER
AT THAT MOMENT.
- "PARENTS AND CHILD, WE..."
- SO IT'D BE YOURS AND MY NAME THERE.
- TODAY, WE HAVE TO SIGN
THE TEMPORARY GUARDIANSHIP FORMS
SO THAT, UH, CRYSTAL AND ROGER CAN LEAVE THE HOSPITAL
WITH TYLER.
"WE HEREBY APPOINT THE FOLLOWING PERSONS
AS THE SHORT-TERM GUARDIAN FOR OUR CHILD."
- CRYSTAL AND ROGER HAVING THE LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP
SHOWS THEM THAT THIS IS ONE STEP CLOSER
FOR IT TO BE LEGAL,
AND THAT I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.
AND ME.
CRYSTAL HAS SAID SHE WOULD GET WORRIED
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT I COULD CHANGE MY MIND
ON THE ADOPTION, BUT I ALWAYS REASSURED HER
THAT TYLER WILL ALWAYS BE HERS.
- I DO FEEL THAT THIS IS THE GREATEST GIFT
YOU CAN GIVE SOMEBODY.
I NEVER, IN MY LIFE,
THOUGHT I WOULD BE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
BUT I'M REALLY GLAD THAT I DECIDED
TO HELP OUT WITH THIS.
- AND YOU WOULD SIGN ON ONE AND I SIGN ON THE OTHER.
- I HAVEN'T DONE A LOT TO HELP IN THIS WORLD, REALLY.
I HAVEN'T BEEN REALLY SELFISH,
BUT I HAVEN'T WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE OUT.
AND IT'S A-- IT IS A GOOD FEELING.
[chuckles softly]
[stifles a sob]
DONE. - THAT'S IT.
NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.
- GOOD JOB.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GOOD. HAPPY FOR YOU AND EXCITED THAT--
AND IT TURNED OUT REALLY WELL.
AND, BOY, IS HE CUTE. - HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
I JUST...WILL NEVER KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU ENOUGH.
I COULDN'T BE ANY MORE HAPPY.
- GOOD, 'CAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO SEE YOU HAVE HIM.
- I WANT ALYSSA AND CHRISTIAN TO KNOW
THAT I WILL FOREVER BE THANKFUL.
ROGER WILL FOREVER BE THANKFUL.
[crying] UH, TYLER WILL ALWAYS KNOW
THAT THEY'RE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE AND...
WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THEM IN OUR LIVES.
- I THINK THE ADOPTION'S ALREADY MADE
MINE AND CRYSTAL'S FRIENDSHIP CLOSER.
BECAUSE OF THIS, WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THIS BOND
THAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T NORMALLY HAVE.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO HAVE CRYSTAL AND TYLER
IN MY LIFE.
FOR US, IT'S NOT GOOD-BYE.
I'LL ALWAYS GET TO SEE HOW GOOD OF A MOM SHE IS.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS.
IT'S EVERYTHING I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
IN A SECOND, I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
- HI, IT'S JENNIE.
IT'S BEEN EIGHT WEEKS SINCE I HAD JALEN,
AND THINGS ARE GOING GREAT.
JALEN HAS ACID REFLUX, BUT HE'S DOING GREAT
COMPARED TO WHAT WE WAS WHEN HE WAS BORN.
WILLIE AND CAMRYN LOVE HAVING THE BABY IN THE HOUSE.
THEY ARE SO THRILLED TO HOLD HIM, PLAY WITH HIM.
THEY JUST LOVE THE FACT OF HAVING A LITTLE BROTHER.
TEDDY'S BEEN MUCH HAPPIER SINCE WE HAD JALEN.
HE'S REALLY STUCK TO HIS WORD ABOUT BEING HERE
AND HELPING ME RAISE HIM.
ME AND TEDDY HAVE NOT FOUND WORK YET,
BUT WE BOTH PLAN ON GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL.
I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY WITH MY DECISION TO KEEP JALEN.
HE'S JUST A THRILL TO BE AROUND,
AND I CAN'T IMAGINE SOMEBODY ELSE RAISING HIM.
HE'S TRULY A BLESSING.
IT'S ALYSSA.
IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS
SINCE I PLACED TYLER UP FOR ADOPTION WITH CRYSTAL.
THINGS ARE GETTING BACK TO NORMAL AROUND HERE.
IT'S NICE.
MY KIDS ARE HAPPY TO HAVE ME BACK.
THEY'RE HAPPY THAT I DON'T HAVE A STOMACH ANYMORE.
PEYTON THE OTHER DAY WAS-- I BENT OVER FOR SOMETHING
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. YOU CAN BEND OVER NOW."
LIKE I NEVER COULD BEFORE.
JUST IT HAD BEEN SO LONG I GUESS SINCE SHE'S SEEN ME
BE ABLE TO BEND DOWN.
ME AND CHRISTIAN ARE DOING REALLY GOOD.
HE REALLY HAPPY WITH OUR DECISION.
HE KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING THAT IT WAS, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
WE WENT TO GO SEE TYLER LAST WEEKEND.
I'M SO HAPPY TO GET TO SEE CRYSTAL AS A MOMMY
AND ROGER AS A FATHER.
I KNOW THEY'RE GONNA BE THE BEST PARENTS EVER,
AND IT MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT FOR WHAT WE DID,