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>> Narrator: WHAT'S GOT JOE AND
MURR SCREECHING FOR JOY?
>> [ SCREECHES ]
>> [ SHRIEKS ]
>> [ SCREECHING ]
>> Narrator: WHY IS MURR UP IN
ARMS OVER A PENGUIN?
>> I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Narrator: AND WHAT'S GOT
TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER RUNNING
SCARED?
>> [ SCREAMING ]
>> PREPARE FOR SOMETHING
AMAZING.
>> HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WANT MY MOMMY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!
>> LARRY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> TODAY WE'RE IN THE PARK
GIVING EACH OTHER EMBARRASSING
TASKS USING THE OFFICIAL
"IMPRACTICAL JOKERS" VOICE
MODULATOR.
>> SO, OUR VOICES THAT NORMALLY
SOUND LIKE THIS...[Deep voice]
NOW SOUND LIKE THIS.
>> BUT HERE'S THE CATCH -- YOU
HAVE TO TRY AND GUESS WHOSE
DISGUISED VOICE GAVE YOU THE
COMMAND.
IF YOU GUESS INCORRECTLY, YOU
HAVE TO PERFORM THE TASK.
>> BUT IF YOU GUESS CORRECTLY,
THAT PERSON HAS TO COME OUT AND
DO IT THEMSELF.
>> [ Normal voice ] AND AS
ALWAYS, IF YOU CAN'T DO WHAT
YOU'RE TOLD, YOU LOSE.
>> [ Deep voice ] LET'S DO THIS,
BRUTUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ Deep voice ] ALL RIGHT, SO
YOU CAN HEAR ME, BUDDY?
>> [ Normal voice ] YES.
>> CAN YOU TELL WHO THIS IS?
>> NO CLUE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE RANSOM'S SET AT
$1 MILLION.
>> GIVE ME BACK MY SON!
>> YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GIVE ME SOME JABBA THE HUTT.
>> [ IMITATES JABBA THE HUTT ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
I LIKE YOUR SCARF.
>> OH, JOE.
>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
MY FEET HURT.
>> SAL. HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ Deep voice ] I HATE MYSELF.
>> WAIT, HOW DID I GET ON THE
MIKE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ Normal voice ] HERE'S THE
ISSUE HERE, OKAY?
YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING
HARD TO DO.
>> [ Normal voice ] RIGHT.
>> BUT...IF IT'S TOO HARD AND HE
GUESSES YOU, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU MIGHT SCREW YOURSELF.
>> [ Deep voice ] OKAY, YOU
READY, BUDDY?
BURP SOMEONE.
>> BURP SOMEONE.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> WELL, LET ME THINK ABOUT
THIS.
MURRAY DOESN'T LIKE THAT SORT OF
HUMOR.
SAL CAN BURP REALLY WELL, SO
BURPING MIGHT BE ON HIS MIND.
UH...I'M GONNA GO WITH SAL.
>> All: OH!
>> HAVE FUN BURPING SOMEONE,
BUDDY.
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT WAS JOE.
[ Normal voice ] SINCE HE DIDN'T
GUESS ME...
>> YOU ESCAPED IT.
>> ...I ESCAPED.
>> OH, WHAT'S GOING ON, BRO?
HOW ARE YOU?
YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE GASSY.
YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE GASSY.
COME ON.
GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT.
GET IT OUT.
BURP IT OUT. BURP IT OUT.
COME ON. BURP IT OUT.
YOU PAT ME. I PAT YOU.
WE'LL BOTH BURP AT THE SAME
TIME.
READY? ONE, TWO, THREE.
[ BOTH BELCH ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE GOT IT!
>> THERE YOU GO, BUD.
>> I'M BETTER NOW, BUDDY.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
>> NOT BAD, BUDDY, BUT THE ONLY
WAY YOU COME BACK IN IS IF YOU
GUESS ONE RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
YOU GOT TO GUESS WHO SAID IT.
>> ALL RIGHT. SURE.
GIVE ME THE NEXT ONE.
>> [ Deep voice ] PUT SOMEONE'S
FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH.
>> MURRAY.
>> [ Normal voice ] NO WAY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MURRAY, 'CAUSE ONLY MURRAY
WOULD TELL US TO DO SOMETHING
STUPID LIKE THAT.
>> [ Deep voice ] YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> NO! NO!
>> GET OUT THERE.
GET OUT THERE AND GET PEOPLE'S
FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH.
>> HEY, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
I'M TESTING OUT A NEW MAGIC
TRICK.
CAN I TEST IT ON YOU REAL QUICK?
IT TAKES 10 SECONDS.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR FINGERS
DISAPPEAR.
OKAY, SO, WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO
IS THIS.
IT'S AN ILLUSION, OKAY?
LIKE, AS NARROW AS YOU CAN GET.
OKAY, NOW, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
YOU JUST TAKE THIS, DO THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE TRICK IS VERY SIMPLE.
YOU GO...
TA-DA.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
HE DID IT.
>> HOLY [BLEEP]
WOW! THAT'S GREAT.
>> [ Deep voice ] HOW'S VICTORY
TASTE, BUDDY?
>> TASTES LIKE A SUBWAY.
[ SPITS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOW YOU'RE UP.
>> OH. ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT TO ME.
>> [ Deep voice ] PLAY AIR
GUITAR AND AIR DRUMS IN
SOMEONE'S PERSONAL SPACE.
>> OHH.
OKAY, THIS IS INTERESTING.
SAL DOESN'T LIKE INVADING
PEOPLE'S PERSONAL SPACE, BUT HE
DOES LIKE SHOWMANSHIP.
>> [ Normal voice ] MM.
>> YOU ARE A SHOWMAN.
>> WELL, Q IS THE VIDEO-GAME
GUY, AND Q PLAYS THE AIR GUITAR
AND THE AIR DRUMS.
>> YOU PLAY THAT AIR-GUITAR
VIDEO GAME ALL THE TIME?
>> CLEARLY, THE ANSWER IS SAL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH! YOU'RE UP.
>> YEAH!
>> YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
>> NOT CLEVER ENOUGH FOR THE OLD
MURR.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> I KNEW IT. GET OUT THERE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ IMITATING DRUM BEATS ]
>> HE LOOKS CRAZY.
>> OH, HE'S PUTTING THE GUITAR
ON!
>> [ IMITATING GUITAR NOTES ]
>> IS SHE JUST TRYING TO IGNORE
THE CONCERT THAT'S GOING ON?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE DID THE MARTY McFLY RIGHT
BY HER.
>> [ CONTINUES IMITATING GUITAR
NOTES ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AH! HE'S CHASING HER OFF.
>> [ IMITATING WHINING GUITAR
NOTES LOUDLY ]
>> [ Deep voice ] DRUM SOLO.
>> [ IMITATING DRUM BEATS ]
>> SHE'S DANCING!
>> SHE'S HEADBANGING.
>> [ VOCALIZING ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BEST CONCERT SHE NEVER GOT
INVITED TO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> [ Normal voice ] WELL DONE,
SAL.
>> SAL, NICELY TOSSED.
>> GUYS, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH NOW.
>> YOU CAN'T STOP UNTIL YOU
GUESS WHO'S SAYING IT, BUDDY.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
>> THIS ISN'T OVER UNTIL SOMEONE
LOSES.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> [ Deep voice ] OH! OH!
KISS THIS BLONDE ON THE LIPS.
THIS IS JOE.
THIS IS JOE GATTO.
GO KISS THAT BLOND GIRL.
GO KISS HER.
>> SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
>> I KNOW. IT'S JOE.
THIS IS JOE GATTO.
>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE Q TO ME.
>> [ Normal voice ] NO, IT
DOESN'T!
>> HE'S PUTTING MINTS IN HIS
MOUTH.
>> HE'S PUTTING MINTS IN.
[ Deep voice ] NOW YOU HAVE TO
GO KISS HER, SHOW-OFF.
>> HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD.
>> GOOD.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
UH, I'M JUST -- I WAS JUST
HANGING OUT IN THE PARK.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
[ STAMMERING ]
DO YOU COME AROUND HERE OFTEN?
>> UH...
I GO TO SCHOOL HERE.
>> THIS IS HARD TO WATCH.
>> I WOULD JUST KISS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
BYE.
>> [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
>> ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> THIS IS HARD TO WATCH.
>> I WOULD JUST KISS.
>> BYE.
>> [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY.
>> WE HAVE A LOSER.
[ BUZZER ]
GAME OVER.
>> Narrator: SAL KISSES HIS WIN
GOODBYE.
>> ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
WE QUIT.
>> TODAY MURR AND SAL WILL BE
POSING AS EMPLOYEES AT DIFFERENT
LOCATIONS.
>> BUT NOT FOR LONG 'CAUSE WE
HAVE TO QUIT OUR JOBS IN FRONT
OF A TON OF PEOPLE.
>> THE REASON THAT YOU'RE
QUITTING WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU BY
THE OTHER GUYS.
>> THE GOAL IS TO GET THE CROWD
TO APPLAUD FOR YOU, NO MATTER
HOW RIDICULOUS THE REASON.
>> IF THEY CAN'T RILE UP THE
CROWD, THEY LOSE.
>> I AM GONNA QUIT SO
FANTASTICALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS
SAL IN A "JOKER VERSUS JOKER"
CHALLENGE.
INDISTINCT TALKING, SCANNERS
BEEPING ]
>> DO YOU WANT THE HANGER OR...?
>> AH, ANOTHER HARD DAY AT WORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GET OUT AND FOLLOW
YOUR DREAMS.
>> ALL RIGHT, SAL.
IT'S TIME TO GET OUT.
GET EVERYONE'S ATTENTION AND LET
THEM KNOW WHY YOU'RE QUITTING.
REMEMBER -- YOU HAVE TO GET THEM
TO APPLAUD.
>> EXCUSE ME, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION,
PLEASE?
>> OH! IT GOT QUIET!
>> WOW.
>> I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT I AM QUITTING...
>> WHY ARE YOU QUITTING?
'CAUSE YOUR FATHER FORCED YOU
INTO THE FIELD OF DISCOUNT
RETAIL.
>> ...BECAUSE IT WAS MY DAD WHO
PRESSURED ME INTO THE FIELD OF
DISCOUNT RETAIL.
>> AND YOU ARE BREAKING FREE TO
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
>> YES!
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> AND I'M LEAVING TO FINALLY
FOLLOW MY OWN DREAMS, IS ALL I'M
SAYING.
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT OUT
LOUD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT ARE THESE DREAMS?
I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT.
>> MY DREAMS INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT
LIMITED TO FOLLOWING JAMIROQUAI
AROUND THE WORLD...
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHO'S JAMIROQUAI?
>> HE'S A SINGER.
>> A BELOVED '90s POP ICON.
>> OH.
>> ...'CAUSE I'M A HUGE FAN.
HE'S GOT THE HAT.
HE'S GOT "VIRTUAL INSANITY."
HE'S GOT THE OTHER HITS.
>> SAL, IS JAMIROQUAI YOUR ONLY
DREAM?
DREAM BIGGER, BUDDY.
>> THE OTHER THING I'M GONNA
DO -- AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
DO IT -- IS BLOG ABOUT FRUIT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I THINK FRUIT IS DELICIOUS
AND NUTRITIOUS, AND I WANT TO
GET THE WORD OUT.
BANANAS, APPLES, ORANGES.
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE
PLUMS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHY CAN'T YOU WORK HERE AND
BLOG ABOUT FRUIT?
>> I'M NOT SURE.
>> IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ONE LIFE.
>> ALSO, SHANDRA IN TEXTILES CAN
BE A REAL "B" WHEN SHE WANTS TO,
AND I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH
THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, I JUST ASK YOU TO SUPPORT ME
IN MY DECISION TO FOLLOW MY
DREAMS, FOR ANY OF YOU WHO HAVE
BEEN PRESSURED BY YOUR PARENTS
INTO DISCOUNT RETAIL...
[ LAUGHTER ]
...TO JOIN ME AND STICK UP FOR
WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN AND FOLLOW
YOUR DREAMS.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
>> ALL RIGHT! OKAY!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> OH!
>> THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'M QUITTING TO FOLLOW
JAMIROQUAI AND BLOG ABOUT FRUIT!
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> HE GOT IT. HE GOT IT.
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
>> THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD IT.
I QUIT.
[ DING ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HI, EVERYONE. HOW ARE YOU?
COME ON DOWN, GUYS.
>> WELL, MURR WORKS HERE IN THE
ZOO BUT NOT FOR LONG.
>> SAL QUIT HIS JOB.
NOW MURR'S UP.
>> MY NAME IS JAMES.
I'M A ZOOKEEPER.
>> WHAT THIS CROWD DOESN'T KNOW
IS THAT MURRAY CANNOT TAKE THIS
JOB ANYMORE, AND HE IS ABOUT TO
HAVE A BREAKDOWN.
[ PENGUIN SQUAWKING ]
>> AND YOU'VE SEEN THESE GUYS
ALREADY, RIGHT?
ANYBODY KNOW HOW FAST THEY CAN
SWIM UNDERWATER?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THIS.
>> YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY, GUYS.
I...I CAN'T DO THIS.
I QUIT...
>> IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL THIS
PENGUIN DRAMA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ...BECAUSE OF ALL THE PENGUIN
DRAMA.
>> THE REST IS ALL YOU, BUDDY.
GOOD LUCK.
>> [ GROANS ]
I'LL TELL YOU -- IT'S HARD
WORKING HERE.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR FOUR YEARS
NOW WORKING IN THIS ZOO, AND THE
PENGUIN DRAMA IS JUST REALLY
HARD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
[ LAUGHTER ]
EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS NOT
BLACK AND WHITE!
SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR PENGUIN
MAMA!
>> HE EXPECTS TO WIN THE CROWD
OVER BY BERATING CUTE LITTLE
ANIMALS?
>> HE'S GOING THE COMPLETE WRONG
DIRECTION.
>> THIS ONE POOPED IN MY SHOE ON
PURPOSE LAST WEEK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE HAD IT, AND I QUIT!
WHO'S HAD ENOUGH OF THE PENGUIN
DRAMA?
WHO'S WITH ME?
NO ONE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO, LITTLE GIRL.
THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER I WAS
HOPING FOR.
I'M STANDING HERE AS A
ZOOKEEPER, SAYING, "WHO'S WITH
ME QUITTING TODAY?"
WHO?!
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE
REASON THAT THIS PENGUIN DRAMA
GOES ON AND ON AND ON.
I'M FEEDING THEM FISH.
YOU'RE FEEDING THEIR EGOS!
>> HE'S NOW BERATING THEM.
THE WHOLE GOAL IS TO GET THEM TO
CHEER WITH HIM.
>> COME ON. YOU'RE KILLING ME.
>> MY FRIEND, YOU PLAYED THAT
HORRIBLY WRONG.
>> THAT DIDN'T WORK AT ALL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ BUZZER ]
>> Narrator: MURR'S NOT A GOOD
QUITTER, BUT HE IS A GOOD LOSER.
COMING UP, WHAT'S GOT TONIGHT'S
BIG LOSER RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE?
>> [ SCREAMING ]
[BLEEP]
>> TODAY WE'RE TEAMING UP TO
DROP SOME PREHISTORIC KNOWLEDGE,
GIVING LECTURES AS DINOSAUR
EXPERTS.
>> IT'S TEAM INDIANA VERSUS
TEAM "JURASSIC PARK."
>> BUT HERE'S THE THING -- WE
DON'T KNOW JACK ABOUT DINOSAURS,
AND OUR PRESENTATIONS HAVE BEEN
MADE BY THE OTHER TEAM.
>> AT THE END, WE'LL ASK THE
AUDIENCE TO RAISE THEIR HANDS IF
THEY'D LIKE TO TAKE ANOTHER
CLASS WITH US.
>> WHICHEVER TEAM GETS THE
FEWEST HANDS RAISED IS EXTINCT.
>> [ GROANS ] SNAKES!
WE HATE SNAKES!
>> WHY ARE YOU LIMPING?
>> I MEAN, I GOT A WALKING
STICK.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
>> YOU LOOK LIKE AN ECCENTRIC
BILLIONAIRE WHO OWNS HIS OWN
ISLAND.
>> [ Deep voice ] WELCOME TO
STATEN ISLAND.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> HEY, GUYS, HOW ARE YOU?
>> HI. WELCOME.
>> HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING.
WE ARE HERE TO GIVE A LITTLE
PRESENTATION ON DINOSAURS.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED,
THEN.
SO, "DINOSAURS: ANCIENT HISTORY
AND CUTTING-EDGE SCIENCE."
>> WE'RE GONNA START AT THE
BEGINNING AND BUILD UP FROM
THERE.
>> "EVOLUTIONARY CHART."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
APPARENTLY, I CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT
TO HUMAN.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> YOU'LL GET THERE ONE DAY.
WE ALL HAVE OUR DOWNFALLS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MOVING ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> "***..."
"*** LENGTH BY DINOSAUR."
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE TRAVEL AROUND TO ALL
DIFFERENT ZOOS, MUSEUMS, AND WE
GET QUESTIONS, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
"DINOSAURS WERE HUGE."
>> "HOW BIG WERE THEIR WANGS?"
>> "HOW BIG WERE THEIR WANGS?"
THE STEGOSAURUS IS JUST
EMBARRASSING.
>> RIGHT.
BIG BRAIN. LITTLE ***.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> WE ALL WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL.
WE ALL HAD -- YOU KNOW, YOU GO
OUT ON A DATE.
YOU GOING ON FIRST BASE.
>> FIRST BASE IS UP TOP -- HERE.
>> RIGHT.
EVERYTHING THAT'S ABOVE.
>> SECOND BASE, WE'RE LOOKING AT
THOSE.
THE T-REX COULDN'T GET TO SECOND
BECAUSE...
>> HOW YOU GONNA GET THEM
TA-TAS?
>> EXCUSE ME.
>> YES, DEAR.
>> WHOA!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WOW.
>> OH, MY GOD.
I FEEL VERY WEIRD NOW.
SO, THAT IS OUR PRESENTATION
TODAY.
>> OKAY, NOW LET ME JUST ASK HOW
MANY -- BY A SHOW OF HANDS --
WOULD TAKE A FOLLOW-UP CLASS
WITH US?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ONE, TWO.
NOT EVEN HALF.
WE'RE GOING TO CRUISE CONTROL
ON THIS ONE.
>> WE SPARED NO EXPENSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LET'S DO IT, INDIANA.
>> OH, THERE YOU GO.
TWO DR. JONESES RIGHT THERE.
>> SORRY IF I'M OUT OF BREATH,
GUYS.
I JUST RAN FROM A BOULDER.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
HI, FOLKS. HOW ARE YOU?
>> COME ON IN.
>> COME ON IN. HAVE A SEAT.
>> WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU
THROUGH A PRESENTATION -- FACTS
THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW
ABOUT DINOSAURS.
>> HERE WE GO.
>> OKAY.
"NEW DINOSAUR SPECIES ARE STILL
BEING DISCOVERED TODAY."
THEY ESTIMATE THERE MAY BE AS
MUCH AS 1,000 MORE SPECIES STILL
UNDISCOVERED.
>> NEXT SLIDE.
>> CUTE DINOSAUR JOKES THAT I
WROTE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ SNAPS FINGERS ]
UH...
>> THIS WOMAN'S FALLING ASLEEP.
THIS WOMAN IS FALLING ASLEEP.
>> THE WOMAN IS FALLING ASLEEP!
SHE'S ASLEEP! SHE'S ASLEEP!
[ LAUGHS ]
>> I DINO-BORED HER TO SLEEP.
>> [ LAUGHING ]
SHE'S SLEEPING!
>> FASCINATING, RIGHT?
THAT WAS ACTUALLY ITS MATING
RITUAL.
>> FIND OUT WHERE THIS IS GOING.
THERE. YEAH.
OF COURSE, WE WILL SHOW YOU THE
DANCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS IS ACTUALLY HOW THESE
TWO IDIOTS PICK UP GIRLS IN
BARS.
>> [ SCREECHES ]
>> [ SHRIEKS ]
>> [ SCREECHES ]
>> [ SHRIEKS ]
>> SHE JUST WOKE UP.
>> SHE'S UP NOW.
OKAY, AND THEN...
>> BY A SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY
OF YOU THINK YOU WOULD TAKE
ANOTHER CLASS WITH US?
>> THREE.
>> THREE! OHH!
>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> I'M IMPRESSED.
>> Narrator: Q AND SAL GOT
FOSSILIZED, MAKING SAL TONIGHT'S
BIG LOSER.
>> WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A
CORNFIELD, AND, SAL, FOR YOUR
PUNISHMENT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GET FROM ONE SIDE OF THE
CORNFIELD TO THE OTHER.
>> THE ONLY RULES ARE YOU'VE GOT
TO HANG ON TO THAT GUIDE ROPE.
>> GUYS, I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
IF IT'S A HAUNTED MAZE [BLEEP]
IS GONNA GO DOWN BECAUSE I'M
GONNA PUNCH SOMEONE.
I DON'T TAKE HAUNTS WELL.
>> LOOK OUT!
>> [ SHRIEKS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IF THERE'S ONE THING SAL
HATES MORE THAN GERMS AND CATS,
IT'S HAUNTED HOUSES, GHOULS.
>> GETTING SCARED IS LIKE HIS
WORST FEAR.
>> I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW --
IF THERE'S MONSTERS IN THERE...
>> YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A CHILD.
>> EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT REAL
MONSTERS AND THEY JUST TICKLE
YOU INSTEAD, I'M TICKLISH, TOO.
I'LL STILL PUNCH IF I'M GETTING
TICKLED.
>> THERE'S TICKLE MONSTERS IN
THE CORNFIELD.
BUSTED. WE'RE BUSTED.
GRAB THE [BLEEP] ROPE!
>> IF SOMEONE COMES AT ME --
THIS IS EXPENSIVE EQUIPMENT?
>> YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HAND ON THE ROPE!
>> HAND ON THE ROPE AND GET
WALKING!
>> IF ANYBODY COMES OUT, I'M
LIABLE TO PUNCH YOU, AND I KNOW
THERE'S NOT SUCH A THING AS REAL
MONSTERS, SO...
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IF ANYBODY COMES OUT, I'M
LIABLE TO PUNCH YOU, AND I KNOW
THERE'S NOT SUCH A THING AS REAL
MONSTERS, SO...
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> LAUGH IT UP, MURRAY, YOU
IDIOT.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IF YOU'RE GONNA JUMP OUT, BE
PREPARED FOR A FIGHT.
>> WE PURPOSEFULLY DIDN'T PUT
ANYTHING IN THE FIRST TWISTS AND
TURNS.
>> DOES ANYBODY LOOK UP -- WHAT
ABOUT THE TICKS IN HERE?
>> TICKS IN A CORNFIELD?
>> NAH. NO.
THEY GOT BEDBUGS.
>> AAH!
OH, MY GOD.
>> WHAT'D YOU SCREAM AT?
>> THE [BLEEP] CORN KEEPS
HITTING ME IN THE HEAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M SO SCARED RIGHT NOW.
OH...MY...GOD!
THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL IN A DRESS
STARING AT ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHO'S THE GIRL IN THE DRESS
STARING AT ME?!
>> WHAT GIRL IN A DRESS?
>> THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL IN A
DRESS STARING AT ME.
>> SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
THERE, BUDDY.
>> WELL, SHE'S THERE!
IS SHE A GHOST?!
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU LIED! IT'S A HAUNTED MAZE!
GUYS, GUYS, I'M NOT WALKING
TOWARD THAT LITTLE GIRL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
GO! FOLLOW THE ROPE.
>> HOLY [BLEEP]
HOLY [BLEEP]
DUDE, I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!
>> DID YOU PASS HER YET?
>> NO, I'M STARING AT HER!
>> DON'T STARE AT HER.
THAT GETS HER ANGRY.
>> GUYS, I'M NOT -- OHH!
SHE'S TELLING ME TO COME TO HER!
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST GET IT OUT IN THE
OPEN.
YOU SEE, LITTLE GIRL, I WILL NOT
HESITATE TO PUNCH YOU!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ Whining ] I CAN'T GO NEAR HER.
[ GROANING, SHRIEKING ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.
YOU NEED TO GO FIND AN ADULT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW I'M GONNA LOOK SO STUPID
ON THIS CAMERA.
>> YEAH.
>> I GET IT.
MY FACE IS GONNA BE LIKE A BIG
FISHBOWL RIGHT IN THE CAMERA
LIKE, "OHH, AAH!"
AND I'M GONNA RUN, AND
EVERYONE'S GONNA MOCK ME.
[ AIR HORN HONKS ]
[ SCREAMS ]
YOU [BLEEP]
OH, MY GOD!
[ LAUGHTER ]
A [BLEEP] AIR HORN BLEW.
I FELL ON MY FACE.
>> HEY, SAL, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
ANY BIRDS IN THERE OR ANYTHING,
RIGHT?
>> NO.
>> SO, ALL RIGHT.
SO, SOMETHING'S KEEPING THOSE
BIRDS AWAY, I GUESS.
ALL RIGHT, COOL. THANKS.
>> [ Groaning ] OHH.
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> IT'S A DAMN SCARECROW!
>> OH, THAT'S WHY THERE'S NO
BIRDS.
>> IT'S GONNA JUMP RIGHT ON ME.
[ GROANS ]
OH, MAN.
I DON'T WANT TO PASS IT.
[ Whining ] I DON'T WANT TO PASS
IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I AM NOT WALKING PAST THAT
THING.
THIS IS WHERE IT GOES DOWN, MAN!
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WILL TAKE A SWING AT YOU!
OH, THIS IS THE WORST --
[ SCREAMS ]
YOU [BLEEP] SON OF A ***!
YOU SON OF A ***.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU ***[BLEEP]
OH, GOD. OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
[ FLIES BUZZING ]
WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THAT?!
THAT'S NOT [BLEEP]
[ LAUGHTER ]
ENOUGH!
>> IT'S NOT A SAL PUNISHMENT
WITHOUT HEAPING PILES OF [BLEEP]
IT'S JUST NOT.
>> I'M SINKING IN THE [BLEEP]
I'M SINKING IN THE [BLEEP]
THIS [BLEEP] IS ALL OVER ME.
OH, GOD.
I'M GONNA THROW UP.
I SMELL LIKE [BLEEP]
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT THE [BLEEP] DOES THAT MEAN?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!HAT MEAN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S IT, BUD.
>> THERE YOU GO, PAL.
>> YOU DID IT.
YOU GOT TO THE END.
>> YOU GOT TO THE END.
NOW YOU JUST GOT TO FIGURE OUT
THE WAY OUT.
[ CROW CAWING ]
>> GUYS, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEAH. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEP.
THAT'S IT, BUD.
>> THERE YOU GO, PAL.
>> I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO RUN
IN ONE DIRECTION HERE.
>> SAL WANTS TO RUN OUT OF THE
CORNFIELD.
I BET YOU WE CAN FIND A WAY TO
MAKE HIM RUN.
>> [ SCREAMING ]
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA GET HURT!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ SCREAMS ]
AAH! OH [BLEEP]
[ SHRIEKING, WHIMPERING ]