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Hey everyone, Kicking off the week, uh, to talk about dysphoria.
I know it's a repeat topic, but, um, you know, the way that we experience these things can
develop over time, and also, um, hopefully we also develop new coping strategies. Um,
so I am hoping that this video will be different from the last video that I made, um. So, very
briefly, uh, what is dysphoria? Um, dysphoria -- or, um -- so, dysphoria in general is a
strong sense of discontent. Specifically gender dysphoria, as, um, you know, related to issues
of gender expression and gender identity, um, is discontent, but also specifically discomfort,
um, that a trans* or genderqueer/gender non-comforming person, uh, experiences in relation to both
the gendered aspects of their body and/or the, uh, gendered roles that they are, uh,
"supposed to" fill in society and the world around them. Um, so, and, I mean, and it's
not just kind of, like, "mildly upset." Dysphoria can be extremely acute and can trigger depression
and other mental disorders. Although, there are a lot of people who would like for it
itself to not be classified as a mental disorder, despite the fact that it currently is. Um,
anyway. So, um. I like to stress the physical side of dysphoria, because, um, I think, for
me, that's what separates it from a lot of other things, other stressors and discomforts
in life in general. So, when I talk about dysphoria, I usually mean that I'm not only
particularly unhappy but that I'm also physically uncomfortable. And that, you know, may be
expressed in a number of ways. For me, a lot of the time, it's kind of a feeling of itching
or being unclean or like something is crawling on my skin. Yeah. So. Things that trigger
dysphoria for me: um, I mean, so many things. We live in a very, very gendered world. Um,
but the ones that specifically trigger, um, bad dysphoria that tends more towards the
physical side would be: seeing shirtless men; having people look at me weirdly in bathrooms,
especially in women's bathrooms, because I'm already sort of uncomfortable to be there
in the first place, and then I don't like people looking at me like I don't belong there/am
a threat, because I know that I don't belong there, but I'm not a threat, and it can be
very confusing; then, also, you know, like, looking at myself in the shower or getting
dressed/undressed, which I just try to avoid doing; um, and wearing tight clothing. So
the coping strategies I have for all of those are fairly simple. If I'm gonna be in a formal
setting, I usually bind. Um, I don't bind a lot otherwise, just because that tends to
fall under the category of tight clothing, which is, like, one of the worst things for
my dysphoria. Um, I've been using men's bathrooms more frequently. Um, but still only sometimes
because I have to feel safe enough, you know, using that particular bathroom. So, I will
probably feel less dysphoric and more physically comfortable if I use a men's bathroom, but
I may therefore feel more anxious and worried about my personal safety. So that's a balancing
act that I have to do. Here at school, I usually will use whichever bathroom I feel like using.
Um, so, you know, I'm pretty okay with using the men's bathrooms here. In public restrooms,
that's a little bit more dicey. Um, then I also wear comfortable, not incredibly baggy,
but, like, loose-fitting clothing. And it's all clothing that I've had for a decent amount
of time, so I'm familiar with it, and none of it's really new and stiff. Um, and then
the newest strategy that I've developed is -- I don't really have a good label for it,
I've been calling it "disownership." It's basically, kind of, glorified ignoring. But
it's ignoring in a way that feels good and empowering for me. A lot of my dysphoria revolves
around my chest, and, so something I've started doing a lot this fall is that, um, there are
situations and times and places when I will just consciously ignore or blot out the fact
that I have a female chest and will behave as though I do not. Although that doesn't
really get rid of the reality, it does sometimes create a brief period in which I feel a little
bit less trapped and a little bit more free. And, that is even better if there are people
around me, if I'm in an environment where I'm comfortable, and I know that the people
around me are responding to me in that way. So they're not basing any of their interactions
with me off of, like, sort of, the assumption of a female body. I have a really great roommate
here at school in terms of that. Both of us, you know, just, like, change in the room,
and nobody really cares, um, which is a really great feeling. Um, and, I've been going to
a *** men's discussion group every Sunday, which I think I've mentioned before. And,
um, actually, after the first time, I haven't been binding going to that. And that's actually
been pretty good. Um, I go there, and it's a place to sort of enact masculinity in a
way that I'm comfortable, but I'm also receiving recognition in a way that's very affirming.
Um, so, yes. Sorry that this dragged on a little bit. Uh, I hope it was interesting.
I'm sorry it's a day late, and I look forward to seeing y'all next week.