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>> TIME, WEATHER, AND...
>> [ GASPS ]
OH.
[ SIREN CHIRPS ]
WHEW!
UGH.
HMM.
>> AAH!
[ SCREAMING ]
[ PANTING ]
[ GROWLING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
>> ♪ OH, LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE
AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S GONE
CRAZY, AND IT AIN'T SAFE ON THE
STREET ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE LOSING TRACK, AND I
KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO
GO ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
>> [ GASPS ]
>> [ GASPS ]
>> [ GASPS ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> AAH!
>> [ WHIMPERING ]
>> [ HUMMING ]
[ GASPS ]
>> Warden: UNBELIEVABLE.
>> Jared: HORRIBLE.
>> Alice: WHAT A MAN -- I MEAN,
MONSTER.
>> Warden: HIS FIRST DAY IN
SUPERJAIL, AND HE'S GOT THEM ALL
TERRIFIED!
>> Alice: WHAT'S HE IN FOR?
>> Jared: WHERE DO I START?!
THE THINGS HE'S DONE ARE BEYOND
OBSCENE!
>> Alice: I'LL SHOW HIM OBSCENE.
>> Jared: HE LIVES ALONE IN AN
OLD FARMHOUSE THAT WAS NEXT TO A
GRAVEYARD.
HE SPENT HIS TIME DIGGING UP
CADAVERS AND MAKING GROTESQUE
HOMEWARE LIKE LAMPS AND
FURNITURE OUT OF HUMAN BODY
PARTS.
>> Alice: OOH, THE CREATIVE
TYPE.
>> Warden: WHY DO THEY SHOW HIM
SO MUCH FEAR AND RESPECT AND NOT
ME?
I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES
THIS LUNATIC [GRUNTS] TICK!
>> Jared: THEY SAY YOU DON'T
TRULY UNDERSTAND SOMEONE UNTIL
YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES.
HE MADE HIS OUT OF THE SKIN OF A
SCHOOLTEACHER FROM TACOMA.
>> Warden: JARED, I COULD MAKE
SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO YOUR BIG,
BALD HEAD.
THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA!
WE'LL SEND A STAFF MEMBER
UNDERCOVER TO PROBE HIS MIND.
>> Alice: JUST GIVE ME FIVE
MINUTES WITH THAT PSYCHO.
HE'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU
WANT TO KNOW.
>> Warden: [ CHUCKLES ]
NO, THIS IS NO JOB FOR A LADY,
ALICE.
JARED, MEET YOUR NEW ROOMMATE.
>> Alice: NO FAIR.
I WANT TO GO.
>> Jared: YEAH, LET ALICE GO!
>> Warden: STOP BEING SELFISH,
JARED.
ALICE IS TRYING TO HELP YOU
DEVELOP SOME SELF-ESTEEM AND
LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.
>> Alice: THIS IS BULL [BLEEP]
>> Warden: NUH-UNH-UNH.
>> Jared: AAAAH!
>> Warden: SHE'LL GET OVER IT.
>> Jared: SIR, YOU CAN'T LOCK ME
UP WITH THAT ANIMAL!
[ MUFFLED TALKING ]
>> Warden: ARE YOU SURE HE'S
GONNA LOOK LIKE A PSYCHOPATH?
>> AH, SEE FOR YOURSELF.
>> Warden: [ GASPS ]
HIDEOUS.
LET'S GO, JARED.
>> REMEMBER, YOU ONLY HAVE 48
HOURS UNTIL HE TURNS BACK INTO
UGLY JARED!
>> Warden: HE'S ALL YOURS.
NOW, LET'S GO, PEOPLE.
AND MAKE IT LOOK REAL, OKAY?
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
>> Jared: WHO ARE THEY YELLING
AT?
>> Alice: YOU, FISH!
>> Jared: OW! WHY...
>> Alice: COME ON, JAILBOT.
THE WARDEN SAID MAKE IT LOOK
REAL.
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> Jared: AAAH!
>> Alice: YOU RUINED MY CHANCE
WITH THE NEW GUY.
I HOPE HE MAKES YOUR HEAD INTO A
THROW PILLOW.
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
AT LEAST YOU'RE GONNA GET LAID
TONIGHT.
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
LATER, DEAD MAN.
>> Warden: MAMA BIRD TO BABY
BIRD, ARE YOU READY TO LEAVE THE
NEST?
OVER.
>> Jared: SIR, PLEASE, I'M
BEGGING YOU!
>> Warden: YOU'RE DOING GREAT,
BUDDY.
LOOK, THE SECOND ANYTHING GOES
WRONG, JUST SAY THE SAFE WORD.
JAILBOT WILL PULL YOU RIGHT OUT
OF THERE, OKAY?
OVER.
>> Jared: WHAT'S THE SAFE WORD?
>> Warden: "BABY MAKE WEE-WEE."
OVER.
>> Jared: "BABY MAKE WEE-WEE"
ISN'T A WORD, SIR.
>> Warden: FINE, A SAFE PHRASE,
OKAY?
NOW, GET INTO CHARACTER!
>> Jared: BABY MAKE WEE-WEE!
BABY MAKE WEE-WEE!
BABY MAKE WEE-WEE!
BABY MAKE WEE-WEE!
[ VIDEO-GAME MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> I ACHIEVED THE KILL SCREEN
AGAIN.
>> BORING AGAIN.
[ MEN SCREAMING ]
TIME FOR A NEW GAME.
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
>> Warden: AH, ALICE, JUST IN
TIME.
I'M ABOUT TO TURN ON JARED'S
MOUSTACHE CAM.
OH, IT'S YOU.
WHERE'S ALICE?
PBHT. WOMEN.
[ FREQUENCY MODULATING ]
>> Jared: OH! AH!
PHEW.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> Jared: AAAH!
HE'S DEAD!
>> Warden: JARED, WHAT THE HELL,
MAN?
>> Jared: I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED!
>> Warden: YOU KILLED HIM.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Jared: I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT,
PLEASE, GET ME OUT OF HERE!
>> Warden: NOT SO FAST.
I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY IN THAT
CELL FOR A WHILE TILL YOU'VE
LEARNED YOUR LESSON OR UNTIL I
NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLETELY SCREW
SOMETHING ELSE UP!
>> Jared: NO, SIR, PLEASE!
SOMEONE'S COMING!
>> HOLY [BLEEP]
THE NEW GUY KILLED HIM!
>> IN HIS OWN CELL.
>> MAN, THAT'S COLD.
>> Jared: NO, NO.
I DIDN'T.
HE SLIPPED!
>> HEY, HEY, FRIEND.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
>> BADDEST DUDE IN HERE, AND YOU
PUT HIM DOWN LIKE IT WAS
NOTHING.
>> Jared: THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
MOTHER [BLEEP]
I KILLED HIM, AND I DON'T THINK
NOTHING OF IT!
ANY OF YOU MAGGOTS SO MUCH AS
LOOK AT ME WRONG, AND I'LL KILL
YOU, TOO!
THERE'S A NEW BOSS IN TOWN --
ME!
[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> LET'S GET THIS LAND PARTY
STARTED RIGHT.
>> ARE Y'ALL READY FOR THIS?
THREE, TWO, ONE.
>> Warden: AH, YOU'RE THE ONLY
ONE I CAN COUNT ON THESE DAYS.
I SHOULD HAVE SENT YOU IN THERE.
JAILBOT!
HAVE YOU FLIPPED YOUR CHIP?
AAH! AAAAH!
>> UGH. IT'S FREEZING IN HERE.
>> I'LL WARM YOU UP.
>> Alice: WELL, WELL.
HELLO, HANDSOME.
OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE THE QUIET TYPE.
THAT'S OKAY.
WORDS ARE FOR LOSERS.
WHY DON'T WE SKIP THIS AND GO
STRAIGHT TO DESSERT?
>> I HEARD HE HAD THAT DUDE
NAILED TO THE WALL.
AND THEN HE HAD HIM SKINNED.
AND THEN HE STRETCHED HIM OUT
LIKE A HAMMOCK.
AND THEN HE TOOK A POWER NAP...
ON HIM, I GUESS.
>> SHH! QUIET!
HERE HE COMES.
>> Jared: I COULD GET USED TO
THIS.
>> BOSS! BOSS!
YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING!
THE ROBOT IS WASTING EVERYONE!
>> Jared: WHO, JAILBOT?
>> YEAH, HE'S GONE PSYCHO!
AAH!
>> AAH!
>> Jared: I'LL HANDLE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, TOMATO CAN, WHO TOLD
YOU YOU COULD MESS WITH MY
PEOPLE?
[ CHEERS ]
OKAY, BUDDY.
MAKE IT LOOK GOOD.
DON'T BLOW MY COVER.
[ KNUCKLES CRACKING ]
[ CLANG ]
[ WHIMPERS ]
COME ON, DUMMY!
AAH!
BABY MAKE WEE-WEE.
OH!
[ SHOUTING AND SCREAMING ]
[ WHIMPERS ]
>> YO, YO, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE,
BOSS.
DON'T WORRY.
WE GOT A PLAN TO BEAT THAT
TOASTER.
COME ON!
>> AAH!
[ SCREAMING ]
>> FRAG THE NOOBS.
>> R-O-T-F-L.
>> SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, BOSS?
>> Jared: I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WHEN IT'S FINISHED.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHEN"?
IT'S FINISHED.
>> YEAH, WE'RE GONNA POUND HIS
METAL *** INTO THE GROUND!
>> Jared: UH, YEAH, KILLER
DUDES!
WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY THAT'S GONNA
GET TO DRIVE THIS THING?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
YOU FUNNY, BOSS.
ONLY THE MOST DEADLIEST, BADASS,
PSYCHO MOTHER [BLEEP] IN THIS
ROOM -- YOU.
[ CHEERS ]
>> Jared: OH, RIGHT.
>> Warden: JAILBOT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
[BLEEP]
DAMN IT!
[ CHEERS ]
>> KICK HIS ***, BOSS!
>> Jared: WAIT!
M-M-MAYBE ONE OF YOU GUYS
SHOULD --
JAILBOT, IT'S ME -- JARED.
AAH! OOH! AAH!
>> Warden: ALICE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
JAILBOT'S W-- ALICE?
[ PENGUIN SCREECHING ]
>> [ GROWLING AND ROARING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ ROARING ]
[ MEN SCREAMING ]
[ CREATURES GROWLING ]
>> [ SCREAMING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ DOGS BARKING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ WIND HOWLS ]
>> Warden: AAH!
>> [ SCREAMING ]
[ MACHINE-GUN FIRE ]
>> AAH!
>> [ WHIMPERS ]
[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ GROANS ]
>> AAH! AAH!
[ GEARS CLANKING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
>> IT FROZE.
>> GAME OVER.
>> LOOK, A SNOW DAY.
>> LET US MAKE SNOW PERSONS.