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HERE COME THE QUICKIES.
IT'S NATIONAL *** WEEK.
H
OH, I LOVE THOSE QUICKIES.
( doorbell rings )
COME IN.
THE DOOR'S OPEN.
( moaning )
MR. RENCORN?
YES.
YOU REPORTED A CRIME?
THAT'S RIGHT, OFFICER.
WHILE I WAS OUT BOWLING
SOMEBODY BROKE INTO THE HOUSE
BLEW OPEN THE SAFE AND STOLE MY LIFE SAVINGS
AND LEFT MY WIFE LIKE THIS.
( moaning )
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
A WEEK AGO MONDAY.
( baby cries )
YES, MRS. SMITH.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
I'D LIKE SOME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS
AND PLEASE HURRY.
OUR SOUP, SIR.
THANK YOU.
OH.
UH...
WAITER.
YES.
THERE'S A SOUP IN MY FLY.
OH, I'M SORRY.
SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I'LL GET IT.
OH, NO, THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING.
SO AS NOT TO ALARM THE GENERAL PUBLIC
WE CARRY OUR TRUNCHEONS OUT OF SIGHT
HIDDEN IN A TROUSER LEG
SO THE GENERAL PUBLI NEVER NOTICE THEM
UNLESS OF COURSE THERE'S A RIOT
AND OUR POLICE GET EXCITED
THEN YOU MAY NOTICE THEM.
ANYWAY, CHARLIE.
THIS DAME I MET IS REALLY SOMETHING.
5'4", GREAT FIGURE
RED HAIR, GREEN EYES
CUTE FRECKLES, A DIMPLE IN HER CHIN.
GOOD HEAVENS.
THAT'S MY WIFE.
NAH, SHE'S NOT MY TYPE, CHARLIE.
THIS ONE IS STUPID AND FRIGID.
GOODEAVENS.
THAT'S MY WIFE.
DO YOU... DO YOU KNOW THAT
EVEN THE THOUGHT OF LIGHTING A CIGARETTE
FRIGHTENS ME?
YOU MEAN YOU'RE AFRAID OF SMOKING?
NO, I'M AFRAID OF EXPLODING.
OH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
I KNOW IT.
♪ ONCE ♪
♪ I HAD A SECRET LOVE... ♪
GEE, JO ANNE, YOU REALLY KNOW HOW
TO KEEP A SECRET.
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, DARLING
OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIT ON YOU.
I'M, UH...
HI.
I'M DOING SOME RESEARCH ON HUMAN SEXUALITY
ME.
WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK AROUND 5:00
WHEN THE LIBRARY CLOSES?
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME TEA, PETER.
OH, THANKS, ALAN.
HMM.
LET'S SEE HOW YOU AMERICANS GET ARRESTED
FOR SMOKING THIS STUFF.
I CAN'T EVEN LIGHT IT.
OH, HEY, THAT'S BETTER.
THAT'S BETTER.
THINK ABOUT IT.
IT'S MINE.
IT'S MINE.
( bomb whistles )
( crashing noise )
TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF.
I'M 16.
( yawning )
HEY! I JUST THOUGHT OF A WILD WAY
TONY.
THE TROUBLE WITH A LOT OF MARRIAGES
IS THAT AFTER SHE SAYS, "I DO," SHE WON'T.
THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MAGICAL LAUGH-IN SHOW
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE COMBINATION
OF TALENTED PEOPLE
WHO WORKED IN CONCERT WITH EACH OTHER.
WE HAD A BALL.
JUST A MARVELOUS TIME.
I WAS TRULY THRILLED WITH THE JOB.
IT WAS THE GREATEST THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE.
I KNEW IT THEN.
BETTER
THAN BEING A PART OF A FAMILY
OF NO ONE HOLDING THE GOLD STAR.
EVERYBODY DID THEIR JOB.
WE LAUGHED MORE THAN I'VE EVER LAUGHED
ON ANYTHING I'VE EVER DONE
AND THERE WAS KIND OF A WONDERFUL SOCIALISM
THAT ACTUALLY WORKED WITHIN THAT GROUP
EXCEPTOR DAN AND ***
BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY ONLY CAME IN
A COUPLE HOURS A DAY.