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Hey guys it's Nick again, and it is topic 3. And topic 3 is sex, woohoo, oh ok.. Yeah,
so my sex role, or do I claim a sex role? I do! I'm a top. I've known I've been
a top for a long time. Even in high school I knew I was a gay guy top, but stuck in a
straight girl's body. Does that make sense? Yeah, ok.. I don't know why I knew this. That
is the only thing I haven't ever really been confused about. After I transitioned though,
I was thinking well maybe I can do this, or do that. To make life a little bit easier
because.. My, in my brain I want one thing but my body and what I have is telling me
a totally different thing. Or is not matching up to what I want. So, what I want is the
exact opposite of what I can have in real life. Which is some *** up ***, let me
tell you.. So, I'm a gay guy top in a gay guy with a *** body. So, yeah you can use
*** n'stuff which I do have some, like strap ons, but some guys tell me that they
are good and some guys tell me that they are not. So there is that whole give and take
part for some guys, and the guys that I like, or would like. Are bottom guys, like not..
I hate describing it like this, I really do. Um, I like guys that like to bottom and like
to suck ***, but I don't have a *** to suck and you are going to have to deal with a fake
*** for me to top you. So, the person that I am with is really going to have to compromise
with me a lot. And I don't know if that is fair or not. Yeah.. It is not fair to them
because there is so much stuff they are missing for stuff that I want. And it is not technically
fair. So the first guy that I was with. Actually, we started messing around because we were
really close friends and he wanted to see my junk altered on testosterone. He was like,
"I really wanna see it! I need to see it!" So I was like, "Yeah, ok whatever. Here look!"
He was like, "Can you *** me with that?" I am like, " I don't know." He was like, "Lets
try!" I was like, "OK, lets go for it!" It didn't really work out very well. So that
is how we started messing around. And then I was bottom by default after that, just because
I have a *** and he has a ***. And that is how it is supposed to match up! Well, it
is ok. Like, what ever, it is like foreplay for me. If somebody wants to do that, like
fine whatever. I don't get dysphoria from it. Well maybe slight, but not enough to stop,
kind of thing. I will think for a second, "I am not supposed to be on my back with my
legs up in the air! Seriously this is not what I am supposed to be doing right now,
but hey whatever it will be another 5 minutes, I'm good!" Um, I just sounded really gay right
then, sorry.. (Giggling) I just woke up, I haven't had coffee or anything yet.
And so in my head that is really weird the concept for me, but I can deal. So, technically I
guess I compromise to be a vers, but in my head I'm strictly top. Which isn't fair,
but since I do, I would let someone top me. I have never had some one top me on the back side before.
I have tried toys myself and it is ok. But, I would need to have someone I really really
trust that is willing , that when I say "no" they're going to stop. So, the other guy
I was with. Oh sorry I got a little off topic. The first guy I was with, he really didn't
have any problems with my junk because he was Bi. So, in a real relationship wise I
wouldn't be able to deal with that. So now that I know what I want. Even tho I knew before
but that was the first guy I was with. Now I know what I want sexually so I am not going
to compromise that much and be somebody's bottom just to be with somebody. No, not going
to happen. So the last guy I was with, was a bottom and that worked out pretty good.
Except, the guys that are typically bottom, like to suck *** too, and I don't have one
to suck. So it doesn't really work out. So the thing that I want is the exact opposite
of what my body can do. So it is like, it is not fair. I am like running out of time.
I don't want to take up all my 5 something minutes. So, I don't know. I will see you
guys next time. If you have any questions maybe I'll answer some questions. See ya guys...