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RACHAEL O'MEARA: Welcome and thanks everyone
for coming today.
I'm Rachel O'Meara.
I'm based in San Francisco, but I
love to bring authors to Mountain View and San
Francisco, because I think they have authors and coaches, too,
in Mountain View and San Francisco.
There's a lot of good stuff that they have to share.
So I'm happy today to be in Mountain View with all of you
and on video conference to introduce Shir Nir who's
here today from New York.
And today Shir, he's a partner at the Handel Group, which
is a coaching firm that's based throughout the country.
What we're going to talk about today
is how to get results through personal integrity
and meaningful inner dialogue.
So a little bit about Shir before we get started.
Shir brings more than 20 years of experience working
with executives, teams, and organizations
to increase performance and create organizational personal
and financial growth.
Throughout his career, Shir has focused
on working with senior executives
to expose and enhance their innate abilities
to lead effectively.
And a fun fact that I'd like to share about Shir
is that he also works with the Burning Man team
and recently got a new option to work with the entire Burning
Man staff to be better and more effective leaders.
So he's worked with Larry Harvey and a few others there.
So if any of you are in the Burning Man crowd,
he's also connected to that group, as I am as well.
And so today we're going to cover the three
levels of personal integrity that
are designed to be on the path to design and obtain
measurable results.
And how you can also understand, based on the mastery of each,
in succession creates breakthrough performance.
So without further ado I'll hand it over to Shir
to talk about this for the rest of the hour.
Thank you.
SHIR NIR: Well, thank you very much for having me
here on your lunch.
I appreciate your time, and hopefully, I'm
going to reward you for that time.
Thank you, Rachael for inviting me.
It's a real pleasure and it's real fun to be here today.
I'll tell you a little bit-- you can obviously detect an accent,
and you can obviously, I have a weird name,
so you don't have to think where is he from?
I'm from Israel.
I was born in Israel, raised on the Kibbutz,
grew up working the fields, went to the Israeli Special Forces,
and then came to the US.
I've been in the US for about 30 years now.
I came with almost nothing, worked my way through school,
and now I am part owner of the Handel Group with my two
sisters-in-law.
My two sisters-in-law started with this company
nine years ago.
And today, we have somewhere about 65 people working for us.
The Handel Group, I'll give you a little background
about who we are and what we do so you can have that
before I start talking about the subject for today.
The Handel Group has been in business for nine years.
We are very unique in what we do.
We are basically what we call a coaching and consulting
company.
And we're unique for two things.
We're unique by the structure we created,
and we are unique because of our methodology,
what we work on with people.
So the first thing is the structure.
We have four main divisions in the company, and two of them
are not traditional divisions.
So the first one is a media division and the media division
at our company what we do is we actually focus on
media outlets to make a difference to people
in the world.
So we are working on TV shows.
We working on radio shows.
We working on contributing to magazines and newspapers.
Two of my colleagues were just on the "Dr. Field Show"
working with a married couple last week,
and it's going to air in a couple of weeks.
Oh, maybe it's aired already, I'm not sure.
But we have several things in development.
I'm a triathlete, so I'm working with a producer, a Hollywood
producer, to create a TV show where
I'm going to coach returning vets from Vietnam.
And we were going to coach them both physically and mentally
at the same time.
So we are really committed to media
and to make a difference through the media.
The second part of our media organization
is we're creating a digital platform for our services.
Obviously, for me to do one-on-one or even group work,
I can't get to enough people.
Through digital media and through creating
a digital platform, we can reach a lot more people.
So we're in the process of doing it.
The complexity of our program, it
makes it a lot longer and a lot more complex to create that.
But that's one of our goals this year.
The second division which is very unique to our company
is we have an education division.
Nine years ago we made actually a commitment
to make a difference for students,
and we start teaching at MIT.
We've been teaching at MIT for nine
years about two to three courses a year.
And since then we grew.
We went to NYU, Columbia University, Yale.
We are in 38 universities.
The biggest thing that we're doing
is we actually got to the Stanford University Business
School and Medical School.
And we teaching in the Stanford Business School
for full credit, both in undergraduate school
and the graduate school.
And the course we call Leading Your Life,
it's called in Stanford University.
And we do it every year.
So that's education division.
We also work with us school systems, the Palm Beach school
system, we've been working with them for three years.
And we work with some of the New York school system.
And really, in our education division,
we are about to make a difference.
It's all about making a difference,
because as you know, education doesn't
pay much money to do those courses.
On top of those two divisions, which are unique to what we do,
we have a Life Coaching division.
In our Life Coaching division we work with individual one-on-one
in workshops through Skype all over the world.
And in our Life Coaching division,
we're really committed to people's life.
We have about 1,000 people we work with on a daily basis,
on a weekly basis, 1,000 clients at a time.
And again, we go to every aspect of your life.
Our goal is to really help you enhance your life.
Finally, the division I run on a daily basis
is the corporate division.
In the corporate division, we do mainly four things.
The first thing we do is Executive Coaching,
so we can work with any executive in any level
and enhance their abilities to succeed.
We mainly get called for three reasons.
The most popular reason is a CEO,
a VP, an executive wants to increase their ability to lead,
and they want to develop themselves,
get themselves to the next level, and we can do that.
And we can do it with any executive at any level,
because what we focus is not on the traditional things.
The second most popular reason why we get called
is because an executive did something bad in the company.
Something that is not allowed.
Something that created a mess and, as you know,
that happens too often.
So we get called in, and we get called in
to help them clean it up, get themselves back
into their position of leadership,
and to start succeeding from there.
The third reason why we get called
is because two executives don't get along
and that takes down the entire organization.
And when two executives don't get along,
they really don't produce results together.
So we come in, and we work with them.
We clean up the relationship, and we put them back together
to work in partnership and succeed in the business.
So that's kind of the Executive Coaching part.
What we do with executives one-to-one,
we can do with teams.
So we can take a team and develop it.
So we do our high potentials.
We do leadership developments.
We do team development.
We do a lot of different things like that.
We also, some teams make messes, so we
come and help them clean it up, get back in integrity,
get back in accountability and clean it up and go succeed.
Sometimes two teams don't get along,
and then that creates a mess.
So as an example, I work with an organization
where they're selling a product, but a product
came with service.
The problem was sales hated service,
and service hated sales.
Guess how were the sales?
Not very good.
So after three years and no increase in sales,
we started work with them, and even within six months
we produced 25% increase in sales across the board,
just by fixing that relationship.
So that's what we do with teams.
That's the second thing we do.
The third thing we do is we actually
can work with any team, and within a short amount of time
increase their ability to produce results.
So we did it in sales.
We did in product to market.
We did it with quality.
We did it with cost of projects.
So we can come in, work with the team,
and six months later or a year later results are up.
And the fourth, the last thing that we do
is we take all these together, and we
work with the organization to call
to build what we called honest cultures.
Basically, to work with the executive
to design and implement a culture of honesty
and communication.
So this is kind of like what we do.
Now why we are so successful at this
is what I'm going to talk to you about today.
Where we come from, what we deal,
what we work with people on is different
than traditional things that people work on.
We do the traditional stuff, too.
We talk about communication.
We talk about behaviors.
We talk about a lot of things that most people talk about.
But some of it is untraditional.
So at the Handel Group what we believe
is that happy people produce happy result, period.
And if you make an individual happy, proud, inspired
about every aspect of their life,
and I mean every aspect of their lives,
that person shows up to work differently.
That person start producing result that are inconsistent,
good inconsistent, with the result they're producing now.
And all we did is make them happy, and inspired, and proud.
So in our work-- I've been doing this for 20 years,
and some of the executives in my company
have been doing it for 20 years, and the work
that we've been doing, what we found
is what it takes to make a person proud,
inspired, and empowered about their lives are several things.
The first thing is connecting you to your dreams.
So what we found consistently with 100% of the people
we work with that we, as people, most of us,
are not connected to our dreams.
We're connected to something.
We're connected to some dreams.
We're connected to dreams in one or two areas,
but if I ask you what's you dream
about specific areas in your life,
you wouldn't know what to tell me.
Or what you told me would be a somewhat made up story
that you created on the fly.
So as people, as we grow up, we get
disconnected from our dreams.
And what we found is if we actually do the work
and tell the truth about what you want, about what will make
you happy, about what will make you proud,
all the time, you will start seeing
a picture that's going to emerge.
And the more connected you are to this picture,
the more successful you become.
Why?
Because you're going to start having a direction.
So most of us, although we have some direction in our life,
don't have a powerful direction in our life.
So we spend time with people to work on their dreams.
The more detailed, the more juicy, the more you're
connected to your dreams, the more successful you become.
That's number one.
Number two, as people, as we've seen,
is that as people, we are driven by one thing and one thing
only.
Results.
So we are driven by results and we have results,
and we look for results in every aspect of our lives.
We measure everything by result.
Results drive everything.
So some of you, like think about three results you
want to produce by the end of the year,
however big or however small they are.
Three results you want to produce by the end of the year.
Anybody, throw one result you want
to produce by the end of the year.
AUDIENCE: Purchase an investment property.
SHIR NIR: Purchase an investment property.
OK, good.
Somebody else, one result you want to produce, however
small or large.
AUDIENCE: Get promoted.
SHIR NIR: Get promoted.
OK, good, somebody else.
One result.
AUDIENCE: Run the Boston Marathon.
SHIR NIR: OK, good.
AUDIENCE: I'm going to deter him.
Find a renter for my rental property.
SHIR NIR: Find a renter for your rental property.
Good.
Run a marathon, good.
Somebody else, one result you want to produce,
however big it is.
Get connected to some of the results you want.
I don't care if it's make more money, buy a new car,
find a house, find the man of your dreams,
find the woman of your dreams, get engaged, get married,
have a kid.
It's always results, results, results.
Yes?
So in life what drives us, how we think
about everything is in result terms.
Make sense?
And usually in life we have result or we don't.
We either have the result by the end of the year,
if you want to find an investment property,
by the end of the year you're either going to find
the investment property or you won't.
Yes?
And that's what happens in life.
And the results you have in life are a result of one thing only.
The actions that you take.
So give me one action that will produce the result.
AUDIENCE: Speak to a realtor.
SHIR NIR: Speak to a realtor.
OK, good.
One action that produce running a marathon.
AUDIENCE: Training.
SHIR NIR: Training.
There you've got to get a training schedule.
OK, good.
One action that produce a renter?
AUDIENCE: Hounding my property agent.
SHIR NIR: OK, good.
Hounding your property agent.
One action that gets you promoted?
AUDIENCE: Taking initiatives.
SHIR NIR: Taking initiatives, good.
So those actions might get you what you want, right?
You don't know.
So action that we have we define in three different ways.
The first do is very clear, what you do.
Everything you do produces a result,
whether it's going to be the result you want
or not, different question, but everything you do
produces a result.
The second thing is what you don't do.
If you don't do something, it also produces a result.
So if you don't train, and you're
going to show up for the marathon,
it will have a result.
Might not be the one you want.
But it will have a result.
So what we do produces a result, and what
we don't do producers a result.
And this is clear to everybody.
That's not even like a question.
Everybody knows that this is what you do.
Here's the third one.
How do you do what you do also has a result.
So you can do something in one way, which
will produce one result, or you could do exactly the same thing
in a different way, which would produce a different result.
You can have a conversation in one way, even
say the same words, and it will produce one result.
You can have a conversation in a different way
will produce a different result.
If you're nice, it will produce one result.
If you're nasty, it would produce a different result.
How you do what you do makes a big difference.
So the likelihood that you do that you actually
will produce a result is given by not what you do or don't do,
but also how you do what you do.
Make sense?
And if you work on these, if you work on these,
it might not make a lot of difference.
It's this that would make the most difference.
Now this is also a result.
Your action, what you do, what you don't do, and how you do it
is a result.
Therefore, this is very hard to change,
because it's a result of how you think.
So every thought you have give you
an action, which gives you a result.
In the Handel Group, we don't say
that you think, you actually we call it inner dialogue.
Because you don't just think, you
talk to yourself all the time.
And even now, when I'm talking, you're not listening to me,
you listening to what you say about what I say, period.
And that's the mechanic of human beings.
We talk, and we have an opinion, or we have an interpretation,
and we say what we hear.
So you're in a dialogue.
Here's the boss.
It dictates everything you do, everything you don't do,
and how you do what you do.
And it dictates the results you can have in your life, period.
There's a guy named Dr. David Hawkins, he's a little weird,
I don't recommend you read this book.
He wrote a book called "Power Versus Force,"
and he says couple interesting things in that book,
and what that's why I'm quoting him.
So David Hawkins said that at best as humanity we
are 60% negative and 40% positive in a dialogue.
60% at best.
He said we have people like Gandhi, which are very,
very highly positive, and people like Osama bin Laden that
are very, very high negative or low.
But most of us as people are at best 60%.
So if you have a result in mind, take a big result
that you have in your mind, OK?
A big one that you want by the end of the year.
OK?
And think about what you need to do to produce that result.
So if you want a investment property
by the end of the year, if you want
to get promoted by the end of the year,
if you want to run a marathon by the end of the year,
what do you need to do the aggregate the whole thing?
What do you need to do to make that happen?
To think about that OK.
People in your chairs, think about your result
and what you need to do also.
OK.
Now think about why this is happening this year.
Why are you making it happen here?
Why this is going to have a have and not a don't?
Think about that.
Why is this result happening this year?
AUDIENCE: Do you mean why is it important?
SHIR NIR: No.
Why is it going to happen?
Why?
AUDIENCE: You're assuming it's definitely going to happen.
SHIR NIR: I'm not assuming.
I'm saying why?
So if she wants to get promoted, I'll take-- you have one?
AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE].
SHIR NIR: OK, if she wants to get promoted,
why is it happening this year?
Well, it's happening because I already
have the project in mind.
I got the team.
I know that if I do this I'm going to get promoted.
I already said it up is a plan, everything is set.
I am like, I'm getting promoted, right?
The why it's happening is because I got it down.
OK.
So first thing, why is it happening?
OK, now think, why isn't it happening?
Why is the result not happening till this year?
So why are you finding one, and why are you not finding one?
What are all the reasons that you find one,
and what all the reasons that you don't?
What are all the reasons that you get promoted?
And what are all the reasons that you don't?
What are all the reasons you running this marathon?
And all the reason that you don't?
OK?
AUDIENCE: With all the excuses.
SHIR NIR: All the excuses, all the reasons, right?
So tell me something.
I don't care about the whys.
I want to hear from you, even from people that did it
in their heads, what did you see about those two conversations
that you just had with yourself?
AUDIENCE: The first one is exciting.
The second one is safe.
SHIR NIR: The first one is exciting,
and the second one is safe?
AUDIENCE: Safe.
SHIR NIR: OK, good, what else?
AUDIENCE: I feel the first one is
kind of internally, and the second one [INAUDIBLE].
SHIR NIR: So the first one is you take in accountability.
The other one is you--
AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE] because of other external reasons
[INAUDIBLE].
OK,
SHIR NIR: So then you're blaming others,
you blame the environment, you blame-- Good.
Excellent.
Accountability versus blame, good.
What else?
What else did you see in that conversation?
AUDIENCE: Controllable versus noncontrollable.
SHIR NIR: Controllables, say more.
AUDIENCE: Versus uncontrollable.
SHIR NIR: Say more.
AUDIENCE: Like I was supposed to run a 10K yesterday,
but I didn't because I got bronchitis.
That's uncontrollable.
So things like why you didn't do something you wanted to do.
SHIR NIR: Perfect.
That's similar to what he says.
Perfect.
Right?
What else?
AUDIENCE: Self-doubt in the second one.
SHIR NIR: Self-doubt?
AUDIENCE: Yes.
SHIR NIR: Yes.
OK, good.
You're not doubting here, and you're doubting here.
Very good.
AUDIENCE: I think, in general, you
have one or two strong reasons why you would,
but then you can come up with a [INAUDIBLE].
SHIR NIR: Thank you.
Much easier to think of negative.
Much easier.
Right?
You can come with a major list on why not,
and like this list about why yes.
Yes?
And this is how we run our life, and you guys
are successful with actually 80% negative dialogue
and 20% positive dialogue.
And it's not a bad thing.
It's just that we, as people, are designed to think why not,
not why yes.
We shoot ourself in the foot and say let's go run a marathon.
Now let's succeed, right?
Our inner dialogue is the boss.
It impacts all our actions.
What we do, what we don't do, and how we do it.
It impacts all our results, and mostly, we are negative.
Mostly you come up with reasons why not, not reasons why yes.
So if you have something, you immediately say,
oh no, I'm not going to get that one.
That's too hard.
And why is that is one, because you're not
connected to your dreams.
But then the second is because you're
in a dialogue is mostly negative.
OK, so impacting one's inner dialogue,
impacting the mechanism, makes a huge difference.
So when we work with people, when we work with teams,
when we work with companies, we investigate the inner dialogue.
We investigate the culture.
We investigate what runs the machine.
Now, the second thing that David Hawkins said, not
only this thing is negative and controls your actions
and your result, this is how you derive energy.
We, as people, are an energy entity.
Right?
We generate energy.
Negative inner dialogue equal negative energy.
Positive inner dialogue equal positive energy.
You have that experience.
You know that once you go to people,
you can immediately see.
You can feel the energy.
You walk into a room sometime and say,
what's going on in this room?
Because the negative dialogue is going in the room
generates negative energy and you feel it.
I had one of my clients and friend
came over with his family this weekend.
I have an apple orchard, 30 apple trees
where I live in New York.
And they came to pick up apples with his kids,
and they were in-- I could sense that there's something going on
with them as a family.
Right?
So this is something I'm going to have to talk to him,
but I sensed there was something going on.
Because you can sense that.
So negative energy, and negative energy
you know that negative energy doesn't
attract anything but negative energy.
So as long as your inner dialogue is negative, as long
as you're generating negative energy,
the only thing you can get is negative results.
Now, obviously, it's in a scale.
It's not that bad.
It's not bad, but it's not great.
So one way to impact results is start impacting this.
You impact this, you impact the entire thing.
Now, impacting this is hard, and why is it hard?
Because your inner dialogue is automatic.
You don't say, oh, let me think negatively now.
You don't say I want to think this way
about her or about him.
You just think, you like you breathe.
OK, and why your negative inner dialogue,
or your inner dialogue is automatic
is because your inner dialogue is
a result of three main sources.
Number one.
Traits.
Traits, behavioral traits, You have traits.
We all have traits.
They are inherent in you.
They're hard wired.
They come from two people, mom and dad, and unfortunately
guys and girls, you are your mom and you are your dad.
And you can't escape that.
And your kids, they're going to be you.
It's in your lineage.
We have traits.
I get annoyed by people just like my mom get annoyed
with people.
I'm tough just like my mom is tough.
Right?
So you get your mom's and your dad's
traits, the good ones and the bad ones.
Right?
Now, traits are tricky, because traits come in two,
obviously, sounds.
Negative and positive.
Negative traits lead to negative inner dialogue, negative action
and negative result.
One of my negative traits is I get annoyed.
The minute I get annoyed, the only thing I can think about,
you're annoying me.
Get the hell out of my face.
Right?
The only thing I can do is be nasty,
and the only result I can produce is not very good.
So traits produce negative results if they're negative.
The problem with traits and here are the problem with traits.
They could be negative in one context
and positive in another.
And that's tricky.
OK, so one of my negative traits that I found out about
is I am tough.
OK, grew up in the Kibbutz in Israel, work in the fields
since I'm 10, went to Israeli Armed Forces,
was in a special forces unit, came to the States
with nothing, put myself through business school,
started company.
Sold the company, joined my two sisters-in-law, and here I am.
OK, I'm tough.
I could take it.
My favorite thing to do was Ironman Triathlons.
At age 45 I participated in the first inaugural Ironman
Triathlon after not being a competitive athlete
in my entire life.
OK?
So I'm tough, and it's good when I do triathlons
because I can run forever.
But it's not good when I'm a dad.
So seven years ago when my son was 10, I did a study.
And my study was I asked my wife and my daughter, my daughter
was-- my son was 10, my daughter was six and my wife I said,
how much do you feel that I love you?
Not how much do you know.
How much do you feel that I love you?
So my daughter was very generous to me,
she gave me a six out of 10.
My son and my wife gave me a two.
And that was a slap in the face.
OK.
So that wasn't good, and the reason why I got a two
was because I was tough.
I was tough.
I was not nice to my son.
He didn't feel like I cared for him.
I gave him everything he wanted.
He had everything he wants, but except love and attention.
So I had to change that.
And I did.
I actually created a plan with him, and in two weeks,
I was an eight.
But I had to maintain it for a year,
and every time I didn't maintain that, I didn't
get an eight from him, I had a consequence to pay.
And this is part of our method.
What we do is we create a mechanism.
My consequence was, you'll think it's silly,
I used to ride 180 miles on a bike every week.
And I love my bike clean, loved it's clean.
So every time I rode it, I would clean it for half an hour.
And I couldn't clean my bike for a week
if I didn't get an eight from my son.
It killed me.
It happened once, and then it didn't happen again.
So traits impact your thinking, impact your action,
impact your results.
So one of the things you need to start looking at
is you can start looking and exploring to your traits.
One of the things you need is a sense of humor
like, this is the ceiling, this is the floor, and I'm tough.
This is the ceiling, this is the floor, and I'm annoyed.
So we have traits.
So one of the things we do is we call them names.
And we then work to identify how they work.
Because if the trait hits, and you already have the thought,
took reaction, and you now in the result of it,
very, very hard to take it all way back.
Now if you learn about that trait,
and you can detect it here when it only shows its head up,
and you cut the head off, you then
prevented this entire thing from happening.
So one of the things we recommend
is get to know yourself.
The more you know yourself, the more you
would admit to yourself about your traits,
the more you're going to evolve consistent
with the results you want in your life.
And traits are one of the sources
of all your inner dialogue, which then impact what you do,
what you don't do, and how you do it,
which then impacts the results you have in your life.
The second one is your beliefs.
And I'll do the second and third together,
because they're similar.
The third is theories.
So you may wonder what's the difference between beliefs
and theories?
Beliefs are pretty much I believe you're a good guy.
I believe this room is great.
Theories are more equation like.
If I go down that road, and I could beat the traffic,
and then I can get there ahead of it,
and then I will be it there on time.
Theories are more equation like, right?
So beliefs and theories are not hard wired.
You created them.
You created them from learning, experience, and observation.
Could be your dad said something, could be you
read something, or you experience something.
You created and you have thousands
of beliefs and thousands of theories.
You have beliefs and theories about everything,
about people, about food, about rooms, about companies,
about cultures, about anything, about curtains.
And those beliefs and theories come
in two ways, in two sounds, negative and positive.
And the problem is with beliefs and theories
is that you are constructed to prove all of your beliefs
and theories correct, period.
If I ask you everything you believe, and you could tell me
what you believe, and I ask you to give evidence
for that belief, you will find evidence.
A lot of evidence.
If one day you change your belief,
you will find a lot of evidence with that belief.
So as people, we are created to prove our beliefs and theories
correct, which means that if you have a negative belief,
you will find evidence for that.
You will believe that.
It will impact you in a dialogue it will impact what you do
and it impact your results.
These three are basically the source of all your performance.
The source of all your results.
They dictate what results you can produce,
and they dictate what results you can't produce
in a combination or by themselves.
So the trait can go by itself an impact it,
or it could be a trait with two beliefs and three theories,
all working together to create a one result.
Basically this, inner dialogue, is
the medium by which your traits, beliefs, and theories show up,
and the way that they impact your action.
We call this your reality.
Or another way to say it, your truth.
This is what's true to you.
This is what you believe is the truth about life.
And it's given by your traits, beliefs, and theories
coming into the way you think.
In company, by the way, it's the culture.
Between two people is a relation.
My reality about him and his reality about me
gives us our relationship and makes everything
that's possible or impossible between us.
How we relate to things is our reality.
Our reality is made out of all our traits,
all our beliefs, all our theories,
which is a compilation of our history and who we are,
and our experiences and our traits.
And that is extremely complex.
So our reality is the source of every result
that you can produce, period.
So if you want to have different result,
if you want to have more sales, if you want to make more money,
if you want to move to another career, if you want to
have a new profession, whatever you want.
If you want to find you want to find
the love of your life, what you need to work on
is not your action.
What you need to work on is your reality.
Now what would you work on?
It's a good question.
First, we say design your dreams, design your life.
So we believe that your life exists in 18 different areas,
and if you actually tell the truth
about each one of those areas, a picture emerges.
And when you design your dream and tell
the truth about your dream, you take
that design and you put it here.
And you ask yourself what reality
would enable this design to show up as a result.
If I dream of this, what's the reality that I need
to create that would enable me to take the actions that will
produce the result I want in my life.
And if you do this, you will start
seeing results showing up.
We call this model.
The integrity/accountability model.
Why do we call it the integrity/accountability model?
So what we believe is that if you actually
take the case that you can design and author every result
you want in your life.
You can actually design and author
every result you have in your life,
and you know it because you have the experience of it.
You just don't remember, and mostly you don't do that.
As people, we don't author everything.
Or actually, we author some things we don't want.
So if you take the case that if you design and author
every result you want in your life,
and you take a case that the only thing that
will produce that result, the only thing that produce
that result is what you do, what you don't do,
and how you do it.
It's all on you.
Then you could start seeing your accountability
in the matter for every result you want.
It's the good news and the bad news.
The good news is you're accountable,
the bad news is you're accountable.
And if you shift, it will shift.
And you will start believing that your actions, what you do,
what you don't do, and how you do
it is a function of one thing and one thing on only.
Your inner dialogue, and your inner dialogue
is a function of your traits, beliefs, and theories,
and that your inner dialogue beliefs, theories and traits
make up your reality, if you believe that,
and you start aligning these together,
this is what we what we call your accountability.
So maybe if you start considering that maybe,
maybe, maybe, maybe just you.
And maybe if you actually start telling the truth about what
you want, and you get connected, and you
hold yourself accountable, you can
have everything you want in your life.
And I mean everything you want your life.
Integrity is because we believe that there's
a level of integrity that has to exist
between your design and your result that
includes your reality.
The integrity that needs to exist
exists in three different levels.
First level is what we call physical integrity.
What's physical integrity?
Physical integrity is the physical aspect
of what needs to happen for every result to show up.
So if he wants to run a marathon,
there's certain distances that he
needs to run to finish a marathon.
If he doesn't get himself trained,
the likely that is going to finish the marathon
running is going to be not very good.
Because the physical reality, the physical integrity
has to exist.
The bottle is a physical integrity that holds the water.
No bottle, water's going to spill on the floor.
Physical integrity is complex and large.
If you build a power plant, you need
a lot of physical integrity.
Physical integrity has to do with coordination,
with processes, with practices, with skills.
Physical integrity has to do with people,
like keeping your promises.
If you said you're going to be somewhere, be somewhere.
That's physical integrity.
Any breakdown in physical integrity,
however big or small, causes a breakdown in results.
So if you want the result, you want
to figure out what's the physical integrity that
will produce this result.
Number one.
Second level of integrity.
The second level of integrity we call emotional integrity.
What's emotional integrity?
Emotional integrity has nothing to do with physicality
of the result you want to produce.
Nothing to do with the physical integrity.
It has to do with you.
It has to do with your beliefs and your theories.
It has to do with, even if you have the physical integrity,
and you don't trust your partner,
how well are you going to produce the results?
Not very well.
If you have a fight with somebody,
and you need to go and do a presentation together,
how good is the presentation going to be?
Not very good.
If I look at physical integrity and emotional integrity
in the context of Ironman which I used to do
is the physical integrity will get me to finish the Ironman.
And you need a lot of physical integrity to finish it.
Emotional integrity will get me to do many Ironmans,
and then be good at this, because I am emotionally
connected, I believe in myself, I love doing it,
and I enjoy it.
Emotionally integrity makes the results higher, bigger,
and better.
The more emotional integrity that you have,
the more result you're going to produce as a person
and as a team.
Team emotional integrity is extremely important.
The more you get along, the more you collaborate,
the more you work together, the more result you're
going to be producing.
Emotional integrity could sometime
cover breakdowns in physical integrity.
So sometime, even if there's no physical integrity,
if you have a high emotional integrity,
results are going to show up, because energetically you're
going to call in certain things and make
certain things possible.
The last level is what we call spiritual integrity.
Spiritual integrity is when you are
at the highest level, or individual,
when we are at the highest level of our physical
and emotional integrity.
When our physical and emotional integrity are at high levels,
we get to a point where we can start to see as human beings,
and you may have that experience that you
are the source of everything.
That really you create the results around you.
That when you show up, and how you show up,
impacts everyone and impacts everything.
This is very hard for us to get as people, very hard,
but when you get that, you then can
show up consistently or at least consistently
work to get yourself up to that level.
And this is when you get there, it's awesome,
because you literally start seeing how the world falls
and how you show up, and how you make a difference in the world.
For a team, spiritual integrity has
to do with the connection or the alignment of all
the emotional integrity.
So one of the things I've been doing with my company
is we create something called the mastermind.
Mastermind came from a guy named Napoleon Hill who wrote books
in the 20s, and he used to work with people like Carnegie
and Ford and some of those guys.
And one of the things, he wrote a book called,
"The Secret of Success in 16 Chapters", and he wrote a book,
and he actually worked with those guys,
and he created a mastermind with them.
And what he said that nobody knows
is those guys used to meet once a month,
and they created a team of very successful entrepreneurs
that were committed to each other's success.
And once a month they used to get together
and they use to help each other with their
with their personal aims and personal goals.
So a mastermind is created or spiritual integrity in a team
is created when all the emotional integrity is aligned,
where everybody's moving in the same direction.
Your personal goals fits with the team goals,
and the team goals fits your personal goals.
When that happens, the team is successful
no matter how bad the market is.
The company's successful no matter how bad the market is.
You know that there are some companies that consistently
excel no matter how the market is,
and that has nothing to do with anything else
other than the team and the people in the company
are just working differently.
And they drive the success of the company.
So what we say is, if you continuously
work, design your dreams, understand yourself as a human
being, who you are and how you think, look at your traits,
look at those traits that don't work.
The ones that get you in trouble,
the ones that get you off the mark.
Look at your beliefs and theories
and see how my beliefs and theories are enabling me
or disabling me.
And if they disable you, get rid of them.
Why do you need them?
They only disable you.
And start aligning your reality with your dreams,
sooner or later you're going to get your results to go up.
So that's kind of it.
I'll give you time to ask questions,
and I would be glad to answer any of them.
You've got five minutes.
Wow, I thought I had more time.
So any questions?
AUDIENCE: Can you talk a little bit
on the designing your life bit and connecting
that to impacting your inner dialogue?
Like, how do you design-- what are
like quick reasons [INAUDIBLE]?
SHIR NIR: So what are quick ways to design your life?
A quick way to design your life is really tell the truth.
It's hard for people to design life, because most of us
think that we know what we want, right?
But really tell the truth and go down deep,
and say to yourself, OK, in this area what would I really want?
What's my dream?
And put away all the nos, and I can't, and all that noise.
What if you can get anything you want?
What would you want to get?
Not a pie in the sky.
I want to be a millionaire in five minutes.
It's not going to happen.
But you know, something reasonable.
I want to have a community of people that love me.
I want to have my own company.
I want to help people doing this.
There's a lot of different things in your life
that you really can see and that you want.
And the only thing that stands between you
is I don't have enough time, who am I to want these things.
On this, on that, they I can't, I won't, and all that stuff.
So your life, there are certain things in your life
that you made happen, right?
That were not easy to make happen.
Get connected to them first.
See where you made something happen
that wasn't going to happen anyway.
Get connected to your ability to author something.
And then go and answer the question, if I wanted anything
in my life, what would I want?
And then look at different areas.
Look at love, look at intimacy, look at friendships,
look at career, look at money, look
at every aspect of your life, and then start
designing each one on its own and give
as much details as possible.
AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE] October weekend?
SHIR NIR: We have a, by the way, a Designing Your Life
weekend in Menlo Park October 19 and 20
that is given by my Life Coaching division,
and we have some brochures here, and you can go online and look
at it as well if this is something you're interested in.
Yes.
AUDIENCE: Some of the examples you
gave in the beginning of your coaching practice?
SHIR NIR: Yes.
AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE] situational.
Like with companies in a particular situation,
and I'm curious when you bring such a broad perspective
to a situation, can you talk about some instances?
I mean, it seems like you have, in one sense,
you have a commitment to solve a situation,
but what you're bringing is a lot broader.
And it seems like sometimes you might
get results that are completely inappropriate for what you were
brought in for, like an executive realizes
this is totally what they want to do in life.
How you deal with-- can you give examples,
or can you talk about those kind [INAUDIBLE]?
SHIR NIR: Yeah, so usually and executive
that come to a conclusion like this is something they totally
didn't want to do in their lives,
actually, finally telling the truth.
So mostly, those executives are not as successful
as they could be.
So telling the truth is actually good for both
of them and their bosses.
Because why they're not producing
is because they're not connecting.
Why they're not producing is because they're
not happy and is because that's not their dreams.
So when you move a person like this
and get them connected to their dreams,
and they finally go and do what they really love to do,
they excel.
And then you could put somebody else in their position
who can excel, too, because it's their dreams.
Does that answer your question?
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
SHIR NIR: So our method is really about telling the truth.
And we believe that if you tell the truth, which
a lot of time executives and company
don't, because they're afraid of whatever is going to happen.
If you tell the truth, you can work out everything.
And when you tell the truth, and you
deal with the truth with integrity,
your ability to take the business to the next level
is going to increase.
And we've seen it over, and over, and over again
in businesses.