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CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
- BEEN LOOKING FOR UFOs ALL MONTH?
HERE ARE SOME "MAD" MOMENTS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.
WEDNESDAY, 3 P.M.
STAN LEE RELEASES HIS OWN FRAGRANCE
SO THAT COMIC BOOK FANS CAN STOP SMELLING LIKE SWEATY TEENS
AND START SMELLING LIKE SWEATY TEENS WITH SUPERPOWERS.
SATURDAY, 8 P.M.
GEORGE LUCAS GETS MARRIED,
AND THEN THE SCREEN QUICKLY TURNS TO CREDITS.
MONDAY, 1 P.M.
SCIENTISTS MAKE A 3-D MAP OF THE HUMAN BRAIN
AND FIND VERY LITTLE.
- HA HA HA!
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
- BENEDICT ARNOLD,
YOU'RE A SNEAKY NO-GOOD RAT
AND YOU BETRAYED ALL OF HUMANITY
DURING THE CHERRY TREE WAR.
- TREES RULE, HUMANS DROOL.
UH, IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF I WAS BETRAYING HUMANITY,
UH, WHICH I DID NOT DO.
HA HA. GO, HUMANS.
- BUT YOU USED TO BE A LOYAL GENERAL,
AND YOU LOOK GOOD IN A UNIFORM, SO...
I'M APPOINTING YOU TO THE HEAD OF THE NEWLY FORMED
SECRET SERVICE. HERE'S THE KEY TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
JUST DON'T BETRAY US AGAIN.
- I WON'T. - NO, REALLY.
DON'T.
- I REALLY WON'T.
- COME ON IN, CHERRY TREES.
HA HA HA HA!
ANOTHER CLASSIC BENEDICT ARNOLD BETRAYAL.
- HYAH! UHH!
I CANNOT TELL A LIE. - [TREES GROWLING]
- THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM TO FIGHT.
AAH! BENJAMIN FRANKLIN?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?
SAVING YOUR LIFE.
- NO, I MEAN, WHY DO YOU HAVE A TUNNEL UNDER MY FLOOR?
- OH. WELL, I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU.
FOR THE LAST YEAR I'VE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR WALLS,
STEALING WHITE HOUSE PIES.
- WHY WERE YOU-- - THERE'S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.
WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO SAFETY.
- IF THERE WAS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN,
HOW WAS THERE TIME TO GO TO THE KITCHEN AND--
- THERE'S NO TIME. GET IN THE CARRIAGE.
- [NEIGH]
- [NEIGH]
[WHEELS SQUEALING] - AAH!
- RAAAH!
- WE DID IT! - LOOK OUT FOR THE POOL!
- [NEIGH] - AAH!
- [AUDIO SLOWED DOWN] WHEN DID YOU GET A POOL?
- A FEW MONTHS AGO.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME
TO GO SWIMMING?
- WHERE WOULD I HAVE SENT AN INVITE,
THROUGH MY WALL?
- THAT'S VERY...
[BUBBLING]
[BOTH PANTING] [HORSE SNORTS]
- [TREES GROWLING] - FRANKLIN, IF I DON'T MAKE IT OUT OF THIS,
I WANT YOU TO BUILD A MONUMENT TO ME.
- OK, BUT I'M PRETTY BAD AT ART.
WHAT IF I JUST MADE IT A BIG POINTY ROCK?
- THAT'S FINE. - RAARR! UHH!
[PUNCHING, GRUNTING]
- AAH! - OHH!
UHH!
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
THE GREAT GEORGE WASHINGTON HAS BEEN FELLED
LIKE THE VERY TREES HE SO HATED.
THE WHITE HOUSE IS OURS.
ALL IS GOING AS PLANNED, MR. FRANKLIN.
- BEN?! YOU'RE BEHIND THIS?
- YES. BENEDICT ARNOLD WAS WORKING FOR ME ALL ALONG.
AND NOW THAT I HAVE YOU, I HAVE ONE DEMAND.
- IS IT PIE?
- NO, IT'S NOT-- WELL, MAYBE--
NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT PIE.
I WANT TO BE PUT ON THE $100 BILL.
- BUT YOU'RE NOT A PRESIDENT. WHY WOULD YOU BE ON MONEY?
- I DON'T CARE. PUT BENNY ON MONEY.
- FINE. YOU CAN BE ON THE $100 BILL.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU, IT'LL MAKE KIDS THINK YOU WERE PRESIDENT.
- THAT'S GREAT. AND I HOPE WE CAN PUT ALL THIS BEHIND US
AND STILL BE FRIENDS.
- I SUPPOSE SO.
JUST PROMISE ME THIS--
YOU'LL STOP LIVING IN MY WALLS!
- I PROMISE.
- WHAT A LOVELY PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE, BENNY!
- AW, MAN, NOW THEY'RE BOTH IN THERE.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- PBBBTT!
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WORLD-FAMOUS ROCKETTES!
[CAN-CAN MUSIC PLAYING]
OH, BOY. YOU GUYS ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT I DID HERE.
- [SHOUTING AND SCREAMING]
- MAD!
- MAKE THE NEXT RIGHT.
- WHICH RIGHT? THIS ONE OF THE NEXT ONE?
- MAKE A U-TURN.
MAKE THE NEXT RIGHT. [TIRES SQUEAL]
MAKE A U-TURN.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
- AH, I'LL NEVER FIND A DONUT SHOP!
- SICK OF GETTING LOST? - BOY, AM I EVER.
- A GPS CAN GIVE YOU DIRECTIONS,
BUT ISN'T IT TIME YOUR CAR DROVE ITSELF?
- YOU BETTER HAVE A PRODUCT LIKE THAT,
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE JUST MESSIN' WITH ME--
- INTRODUCING AUTOMOBILE CORRECT,
THE PREDICTIVE SELF-DRIVING SERVICE.
USING THE SAME TECHNOLOGY
THAT LETS YOUR PHONE PREDICT WHAT YOU'RE TYPING,
AUTOMOBILE CORRECT CAN GUESS WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE.
SO IF YOU TURN DOWN MAIN STREET,
IT WILL ASSUME YOU'RE HEADED TO THE DONUT SHOP.
HEY, THAT IS WHERE I WAS GOING.
AND IF YOU TURN DOWN SPRING STREET,
AUTOMOBILE CORRECT WILL ASSUME
YOU'RE HEADED TO THE DONUT SHOP.
- WELL, I GUESS I COULD GET ANOTHER DONUT.
- AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING BACK HOME...
[BRAKES SQUEAL] - ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.
I GO TO THE DONUT SHOP A LOT.
AUTOMOBILE CORRECT-- IT HAS A VERY POOR OPINION OF YOU.
AND CAN'T BE TURNED OFF.
- OH, MY GOSH. WAS THERE LIKE AN ACCIDENT?
DID A ROCK FALL ON YOU OR SOMETHING?
- WHAT?
I'M A FLATFISH.
I'M SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THIS.
- OH.
UHH...
GREAT TIMING.
GAAH!
- AWKWARD MOMENTS.
YOU'LL TAKE ANY WAY TO GET OUT OF THEM.
- AS AMERICANS, KEEPING TRACK OF THE BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY
CAN BE TOUGH. THAT'S WHY MAD IS HERE TO HELP.
IT'S "MAD'S" GUIDE TO THE ROYAL FAMILY.
JUST REMEMBER, THE QUEEN'S MOTHER WAS THE QUEEN MOTHER,
AS OPPOSED TO THE QUEEN, WHO IS A MOTHER.
HER HUSBAND, HER SONS, AND HER GRANDSONS ARE ALL PRINCES,
BUT SHE'S ONLY MARRIED TO ONE OF THEM.
PRINCE WILLIAM WILL BE THE PRINCE OF WALES,
MAKING HIS BROTHER THE DUKE OF DOLPHINS.
[DOLPHIN CHITTERING]
ALSO, WHEN CHARLES IS MADE KING,
HE'LL GET A MAGIC SWORD. WE THINK.
ANYWAY, THAT'S "MAD'S" GUIDE TO THE ROYAL FAMILY.
[BELL RINGS]
- BOYS AND GIRLS, WE HAVE A NEW CLASSMATE
JOINING US TODAY.
PLEASE WELCOME ALLISON GATOR,
GIRL CROCODILE.
All: YAY!
- WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM WITH SOME BREAKING NEWS.
A CROCODILE HAS ESCAPED FROM THE LOCAL ZOO.
IT WAS LAST SEEN ENTERING A WIG SHOP.
IF YOU SEE THE CROCODILE, DO NOT APPROACH IT.
IT IS CONSIDERED VERY DANGEROUS.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE SKETCH ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
- [CRUNCHING]
[BELL RINGS]
- MAD!
[TAPPING]
[PANTING]
- BUT YOU STILL ROBBED THAT BANK, RIGHT?
- YEP.
- I DON'T CARE. I THOUGHT HE SHOWED FLAIR
AND A GREAT SENSE OF RHYTHM.
I GIVE HIM A 10.
- BUT--
- [CHEERING]
- REALITY TV, STRAIGHT UP RUINING OUR JUDICIAL SYSTEM.
["SPY VS. SPY" THEME PLAYING]
[BOOM]
- HA HA HA HA!
[SIREN]
- [SNIFF SNIFF]
[SIREN LOUDER]
[FIRE CRACKLING]
- OK, FIRST THE BUNNY RABBIT COMES OUT OF ITS HOLE,
THEN IT RUNS AROUND THE TREE,
THEN IT SEES A FOX AND GOES BACK IN ITS HOLE.
AND THAT'S HOW YOU TIE YOUR SHOE.
GOT IT?
- THERE HAS GOT TO BE AN EASIER WAY.
- HEY, GUYS! [INDISTINCT] GOOFY PERSON?
- AW, MAN, GOOFY HAS SO MANY FOLLOWERS.
I WISH WE WERE AS POPULAR AS GOOFY.
- WELL, GOOFY'S SHOW IS ACTUALLY FUNNY.
OURS JUST HAD A GOOD THEME SONG.
- [INDISTINCT]
- WHAT IN THE SAM NEILL ARE YOU DUCKLINGS DOING?
- WE'RE JUST POSTING STUFF ON OUR PHONES, UNCLE SCROOGE.
- NOT ON MY REALITY SHOW, YOU'RE NOT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- [QUACKING]
- AFTER "DUCKTALES" GOT CANCELED,
MY MONEY BIN WAS GETTING A LITTLE LOW.
I DOVE INTO IT ONE DAY AND REALLY HURT MYSELF.
SO, I STARTED THIS DUCK CALL COMPANY
WITH MY OWN TWO WINGS,
AND NOW I GOT MY WHOLE FAMILY WORKING UNDER ME.
I GOT NEPHEW DONALD WORKING CUSTOMER SERVICE....
[RING, BEEP]
- UH, HI. UH, MY DUCK CALL MAKES DOG NOISES.
IS THAT NORMAL?
- [JABBERING]
- UH...WHAT?
- HE'S REALLY GREAT AT TELEPHONES, AH?
BUT MY LITTLE NEPHEWS, HUEY, DEWEY, AND, UH... [INDISTINCT]--
I WORRY ABOUT THEM. I THINK THEY'RE TURNING INTO YUPPIES.
YOU BOYS CARE MORE ABOUT BEING ON YOUR SMARTPHONES
THAN BEING LIKE YOUR DUMB UNCLE.
- [JABBERING]
- THAT'S NOT ANOTHER DUCK, DONALD.
THAT'S YOUR REFLECTION.
- AH, COME ON, UNCLE SCROOGE,
ISN'T IT ENOUGH WE HELP YOU SELL DUCK CALLS,
WHICH ARE USED TO HUNT OTHER DUCKS?
- NO, IT'S NOT. I'M GOING TO WHIP YOU BOYS INTO SHAPE.
WE'RE GOING ON A CAMPING TRIP TO TOUGHEN YOU UP.
[ALL GROANING]
- I'LL TEACH THOSE BOYS TO BE JUST LIKE ME.
I'LL BET MY BEARD ON IT.
MY LARGE BEARD MADE OF FEATHERS.
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.
AH, SEE? NOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.
- WHERE WE GONNA SLEEP, UNCLE SCROOGE?
I DON'T SEE A TENT.
- WE DON'T NEED NO TENT.
TENTS ARE FOR CITY DUCKS.
WE'RE GOING TO SLEEP UNDER THE STARS.
NOW START DIGGING SLEEP DITCHES.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE UNCLE SCROOGE IS HAVING--
[GUNSHOTS] - WHAT WAS THAT?!
- IT'S HUNTERS!
QUICK! DIG A SAFETY DITCH!
- CAN'T WE USE THE SLEEP DITCH?
- THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
- JUST RUN!
- THERE THEY GO! GET 'EM!
[ALL LAUGHING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[BLOWING DUCK CALLS]
- IS THAT A DUCK CALL?
'CAUSE IF IT IS, IT'S A POOR QUALITY--
- GOTCHA! HEH HEH HEH HEH!
- HEY, YOU CAN'T TAKE OUR DUCKS.
- I BELIEVE THIS IS MY DUCK.
- BUT WE SHOULD GET THE CREDIT 'CAUSE IT'S OUR DUCK CALL.
- FELLAS, LOOK, IF YOU'RE THAT INTERESTED IN ME,
SHOOT ME AN EMAIL AND I'LL SEND YOU A LINK TO MY FAN PAGE.
- THE ONLY THING WE'LL BE SHOOTIN' IS DUCKS,
A LOT OF 'EM.
[LAUGHING AND SHOOTING]
- HEY!
- UHH!
- I DON'T THINK SO.
All: [INDISTINCT] "DUCK DYNASTY," MORRISSEY.
- THANKS, MORRISSEY.
- PLEASE, IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
- HEH HEH HEH! AIN'T I A STINKER?
- MAD!
- ♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
- MAD!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
MAD!
- ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.