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Have you ever noticed that no matter how many different jobs that you've had, that there's
similarities. Like maybe you keep working for a jerk boss, or maybe you keep working
for a micro manager, or maybe you keep working for an incompetent person that under functions
and you find yourself doing more than what you signed up to do. Is that a coincidence?
Are all supervisors incompetent? No, there's something about you that's attracting and
creating that dynamic. I say this often and through all different
topics, but we love and we resonate that which is familiar, not necessarily functional. Whether
or not we realize it consciously, we make choices every minute of the day based on our
comfort level. And so that comfort level is determined on past experience, what felt good
and what hasn't. And usually what's comfortable is something that we've come to know as familiar,
right? I would take this and I would go all the way
back to childhood, so mom and dad. If not mom and dad, key people in your nuclear family.
So if you had a mom that was naturally distrusting and maybe a little over critical and maybe
a little controlling, there's a really good chance that you chose a career or a job where
your supervisor is doing that to you. You may say, "Well, how's that possible, because
when I interviewed everything was fine and it felt right, felt really comfortable." You
felt really comfortable because maybe it was familiar. And that which is familiar is not
necessarily functional. What happens is that suddenly we end up doing
behaviors out of an anticipatory expectation that somebody is going to treat us a certain
way. I'm just going to use the example of an over controlling or over bearing parent.
That would translate to me from what I've heard is people that have a micro managing
boss. Perhaps you find yourself with your body language
when they make a suggestion that we're professional. That triggers you a little bit. It sounds
like they're trying to control you, because they don't trust you, and they don't trust
your judgment, and maybe, really subtle, maybe you're just like "Okay," instead of "Okay."
So the first one, "Okay," is a little bit of adolescent attitude in that. Well if you're
a supervisor, they'll pick that up and go, "Oh." It's not safe to communicate my needs
that way, so I may need to be a little less direct, or maybe I won't say anything at all
and I'll just tally it and I'll talk about it at review time. So these little little
things, so micro gestures, micro behaviors. Other things I can think of is maybe you find
yourself during free moments texting at work or maybe you're just a few minutes late. I
know people that are late often, and then they wonder why they're fired eventually.
It's a sign of disrespect. Why are you choosing to be late every day? Why every day consistently?
Now, a lot of times I find that these individuals have very, very controlling parents. So it's
not a coincidence. You're the architect of your life. You're
the common denominator, common variable. You're the one that keeps creating this dynamic over
and over and over. I've talked about this with clients for years. I had a client. Specifically
she said, "Yikes, I've been working for my dead mother, she passed 20 years ago, for
the last three jobs. How can I avoid this?" The way that you avoid this I always tell
people is counseling, and therapy, and coaching so that you can take a look at what behaviors
you're doing to create this over and over, because you're the common denominator. And
if you can learn how to present yourself in a confident adult way, where you're not passive
aggressively expecting these behaviors and so doing things, you'll stop creating that
dynamic. This dynamic of course goes all over the place,
not just at your career. But with some insight, with some patience, and some coaching you
can really begin to correct these behaviors and make the changes that you want to see
to create the kind of life and the kind of career that you desire.