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Hi, Kelly Sharp here. Today I am going to be reviewing the book Seven Principles for
Making Your Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver. This is a book that I highly
recommend for anybody looking to enhance their relationship. Some of you may be familiar
with John Gottman's work. He is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington,
and he is a co-founder and co-director of The Gottman Institute. John Gottman also runs
the love lab in the Seattle, Washington area. At his love lab he has researched several
hundreds of couples over the years and his research findings have heavily impacted what
you're going to get in this book. This book is very easy to read and at the end of each
of the chapters there are a few exercises for you and your partner to participate in
if you wish. Along with the seven principles, John Gottman has also identified other key
factors to successful marriages. He really focuses on deep friendship as a major key
to success. Along with deep friendships and his seven principles, he's also identified
the four horsemen of the apocalypse; kind of cool name right? The four horsemen, as
he describes them, are four ways of communicating with our partners that can be destructive
if we don't keep them in check and let them run rampant. The four horsemen of the apocalypse
are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. So we're going to watch out
for those guys. His seven principles that he identifies are
one, enhancing your love maps. Basically that means familiarizing yourself with the inner
world of your partner, making sure you're familiar with how they feel, what their likes
are, their favorite things, things that they dislike, their perception, and their general
worldview. Number two is to nurture admiration and fondness. Basically that means to really
focus on the positive aspects of our partners instead of honing in on the bad, irritating
habits that sometimes pop up. Number three is to turn toward our partners instead of
away. That means choosing emotional connection instead of the distractions that can sometimes
get in the way. Number four is to let our partners influence us. This allows our partners
to feel valued and appreciated. Number five, solve your solvable problems. Instead, spend
your energy elsewhere where you really are going to need it, and really just tackle the
solvable problems when you can. Number six, overcome gridlock. Gridlock means sort of
being stuck in a holding pattern. You say "yes," I say "no," you say "white," I say
"black." We can't seem to agree. John Gottman that overcoming gridlock doesn't necessarily
mean coming to a resolution but improving communication around the gridlock so that
maybe effective problem solving can happen at some point. And number seven is to create
shared meaning, and this means to implement practices or hobbies that bring connection
and foster closeness in your relationship. So this has been a very basic overview of
The Seven Principles for Making Your Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver. As I
mentioned in the beginning of the video, I highly recommend it for anybody who is interested
in enhancing their relationship. I hope that this book review has been helpful, and if
the topic seemed interesting, I hope that you pick up the book. Thanks again, and until
next time, see you soon.