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Hey, room!
What's going on?
It's #TableTalk, where we discuss topics
you guys send in using the hashtag
#TableTalk or the subreddit r/sourcefed.
I'm Meg Turney.
I'm Philip DeFranco.
I'm Lee Newton.
I'm Grace Helbig.
It's Grace!
Yeah!
Grace, you're our honored guest.
Please pick a topic.
Oh my gosh, OK.
Dun dun.
Dun dun.
Oh, it's a long one.
There a shark in the bowl.
This is from dragonmasterjg--
Mmhmm, mmhmm.
How do you think your name (birth or nickname) has
affected who you've become?
Oh.
Wow.
How your name, birth or nickname,
affected who you've become?
Have you ever met anyone that had a name
that you were like, that doesn't fit you.
Yes.
Oh, all the time.
I've never.
Lee is a nickname for me.
What's your name?
It's Ashley.
Oh.
Oh, that's a truth.
Explode the truth.
You're not an Ashley.
No, I'm a Lee.
It was a nickname that was given to me my family,
and then when I did stand up, whenever
you'd call and be like, Ashley Newton, they'd be like,
we don't want women.
So you do Lee Newton, and they'd be like, oh, men, great.
And then I'd come and I'd show up, and they'd be like,
you're not a dude.
And I'd be like, no I'm not.
I'm still going to do the set.
But, it was like a real thing that stuck, and Lee
was a nickname that just stuck really hard and I loved it.
But I don't ever think that I was an Ashley for one second.
How do you spell Ashley?
A-s-h-l-e-y, like all the ***.
Yeah.
Like the ***.
I'm just kidding.
Ashley's a very beautiful name, and to my mother,
who I completely disregarded your judgment, sorry.
It was very beautiful at the time.
It's not a slutty name unless it has a little dash, right?
Ashley Rose.
Actually, that's my middle name.
***.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAMS]
What an ***.
Sorry.
You'd be a true country singer, or pregnant.
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) Yeah, my whole Southern family does that.
No, you could have been on--
Ashley Jane, get right back here.
You would have been a contestant on "The Bachelor."
Oh, I would've.
Are you kidding me?
I would have been the one that gets way too overly emotional,
and I'd be like, "you don't want to take it personally,
but you can't help it, you know?"
"I just want someone that's like my father."
That's exactly how it would be.
Does anybody have a name where you're like,
oh, I've known so many of those people who
are *** that I won't date-- for instance,
I've known so many *** Ryans that every time I
meet a man named Ryan, I'm like, mmhmm.
Chris.
Chris is a name that I'm not uber fond of.
Oh, see?
See that?
Unless it has Hemsworth after it?
Oh, god, yes.
You can, yeah.
We'll just change it.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I'm just going to call you something else.
You would just call him-- like, Hemsworth
is such a great last name.
It is.
Why doesn't he just go by Hemsworth?
Especially because you feel like a soldier every time
you say it, too.
You're like, Hemsworth!
Get over here!
Now get sexy.
Right?
That's how it would go.
Hemsworth!
Get over here!
Now one button from the top up.
I don't know why--
You went the wrong direction.
No, no, no!
Top up.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Oh my god, I'm getting it, but this
is like, we're starting off nice and hot-- it's happening.
Right, but this is the bottom.
You zip from the top up.
His hair and face are beautiful.
And they're working your way up to.
Yeah.
Just thinking about it.
What about you?
Wait, Grace?
What about Grace?
Does it--
Yeah, I love my name now.
When I was little, I hated it because going and getting
anything like a monogrammed little license plate
thing, keychains, I never could find Grace.
I was like, my mom hates me.
She doesn't want me to have monograms.
I had like three Lindsays and three Amandas in all
of my classes, and I was like, aw, they're all awesome.
And now I really like that, and I
hate all other girls named Grace,
so it's worked its way out.
Yay, good.
How about you guys?
I was originally supposed to be named James,
so I'm glad that didn't happen.
Oh yeah, thank god.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
***.
As we all know here at Sourcefed.
James is watching this right now,
and he's like, *** [INAUDIBLE].
I feel like Megans all judge other Megans
on how they spell it.
Oh yeah, how do you spell yours?
And how they say it, too.
The only acceptable way is M-e-g-a-n.
If you have Hs or As in there, it's blasphemy.
Mayhem.
Mayhem!
I knew a girl named Meghan who had an H in there,
and they called her Miffin.
One guy was like, Muffin, because he didn't understand
the GH sound, like tough.
Where does he get an F?
Everytime he saw the GH, he was like, Muffin.
And I was like, Megan.
Meghans that spell it that way are just high maintenance
Yeah, they are.
Are you a Meg, not a Megan?
Always Meg.
Since [? Triumph, ?] always Meg.
I get it.
Always Lee.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I get it.
All right, so Ming Rose at mingrosec,
said, Sourcefed, thoughts on standardized testing?
Oh, straight to Lee.
Well, OK, here's a fact about standardized testing.
I think as our nation depletes in its intelligence,
in the schools, I think standardized testing
is an absolute must.
I think that we have to have some criteria to consider when
we're comparing ourselves to outside countries.
But, that being said, I didn't take any of them.
You didn't take any standardized tests?
I don't remember taking-- I didn't take SATs,
I don't think.
I don't remember taking that many tests.
And if I did, I'd probably--
Did you get into college?
Yeah, 100%.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I didn't take any SATs.
Did your parents tell you that you were in college?
I didn't take no SATs.
I never took them, no way, no how.
How do SATs work now?
Isn't it there's an essay portion of it?
Yeah, now there's an essay portion.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Ugh, yeah.
I agree with writing, but the judgment on it
seems like it could be so biased.
Yeah, it's so subjective, writing an essay.
I love standardized tests because I
was that kid who was like, I'm not doing any of my homework
because when the test comes, I'm going to ace that ***
and then I'm going to pass this class.
That's a good call.
I think the main bad thing about standardized testing
is you just learn how to pass the test rather than actually
taking in any knowledge.
Yeah, actually getting the knowledge.
Because they give you those cheat sheet
things where you're like OK, Ming Dynasty.
And you go crazy, but you don't--
But it's so easy to cheat on standardized tests, too,
by looking at someone else's-- if it's a math problem that
they have to work out, you can't really copy that.
But you can be like, oh--
Were you a cheater?
Yes, I did a lot.
Really?
Yeah.
On standardized tests, yes.
Everyone cheats on standardized tests.
Nuhuh!
There was the kid who was like, don't look at my paper, Grace.
Oh, I hated that kid.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
In middle school, it's not a standardized test.
The AR tests were like reading tests.
That's how friendships end.
Oh no, no no.
I took my friend's accelerated reader test for her
in eighth grade.
And it was just a little point to read a book for English,
and she didn't read it, so I took it for her.
But for regular tests, no, *** you.
I studied.
Get out of here.
If you thought I knew the answer,
I was that girl that was like, go for it.
Because I knew I was wrong, so I was like--
It teaches you real life problem solving
by cheating on other people's tests.
That's where I learned-- well, not learned.
I go get my pencil sharpened.
I'd always have a bottle of Coke with answers
written on the inside.
What was it, your graphing calculator?
and inside of it, you just write in pencil
so you can't really see it unless the light hits it
in a certain way.
And you have all your formulas written out
inside the graphic calculator.
I would like to thank Franklin Johnson.
That's a fun fact.
I would like to thank Franklin Johnson.
I don't know what you're doing nowadays,
but I cheated off you so much in science.
That's the only reason I passed.
His name is Franklin Johnson?
How is he not president of the United States?
This is why Tricia and I are kindred spirits,
because we were both like, get away from me.
Give me my test.
High school and college just taught me how to cheat.
That's it.
You hear that, kids?
Want to know how to cheat?
Just go to high school and college.
We're sticking with school because liveloren7
says, teacher or professor that has inspired you
or scarred you?
Oh!
I don't remember their names.
I had a history teacher that I lost my *** on.
Because I'm pretty calm person most the time,
except in videos.
Except for your life in videos.
I transferred, and so I was a senior having
to take a freshman class, and this guy
kept trying to make a point of just crushing me.
And I lost my *** on him one day.
And I ended up getting like five days
of suspension, so that guy--
What's his name?
Don't remember.
He was like one of those the gym teachers
that they gave history.
You know?
They're like, and we're going to read.
That breaks my heart.
Yeah, and in hindsight, was like 24, just out of college--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I'll rear this kid.
And you're like, no you're not.
I hate you!
You're not my dad!
I had two professors-- Professor Minninger was my history
professor when I was a senior in history,
and she just made history a story.
And really inspired me in learning history.
And then my high school senior English teacher,
Mr. Moore, he used to frustrate the hell out of me because he'd
be like, this is not an A paper for you.
For a lot of people, it'd be an A paper.
So I'm going to give you an 88 on this one, because for you, I
know you can do better.
And I'd be like, ugh.
But he made me a much better writer, so.
Yeah, that's good.
Now I had a teacher, actually, that I still remember.
He's still is kind of a mentor of mine,
but he told me to quit college.
And it was probably the best words he ever gave me.
Literally, he was like, stop.
If you want to come back and get an actual good degree--
because I was in it for theater.
Kids in theater that are getting theater degrees
practice waiting tables.
Yeah, get out of there.
It's actually a really great degree,
but he was just literally like go.
Stop.
Do actually get out there and do this ***
instead of wasting all your money and time.
And it really stuck with me, because he was like, don't.
Just go.
Get out.
Come back.
Get a psychology degree if you want
it, [INAUDIBLE] if you want it, and then I stopped.
And I think we can all agree I probably
should have stayed in school.
Grace, did you go to college?
Yeah, one of the greatest professors that I've ever had
was named Roberto Marines, and he
was my screenwriting teacher.
And he pulled me aside and was really,
really a wonderful mentor in the writing world.
And we wrote a couple scripts together.
It was really fantastic.
And then he got a Disney fellowship and left.
But the teacher that I hate the most
was my little brother's preschool teacher,
named Mr. Bloomfield.
I used to pick my brother up after school every day
and walk home, because we lived across the street
from the school, and I got detention
because I didn't do my homework.
I was in third grade.
So I didn't get a chance to tell him
that I would be 15 minutes late.
And I walked over, and he was the last kid there,
and he was crying.
And Mr. Bloomfield got down on one knee,
this gray haired ***, and looked me right in the eye,
and goes, you're a bad sister.
And I walked back into his classroom and I remember just
being like--
I'm going to kill you one day.
(SINGS) Remember this moment.
Yeah, it was really great.
And then I walked home and I didn't say one word
to my little brother.
Now me and my little brother are very close.
Mr. Bloomfield, they called you Mr. Coffee as a nickname,
I think you're Mr. *** ***.
Mr. Cocky?
Mr. Cocky, yeah, exactly.
There was something there.
I tried.
Why did they call him Mr. Coffee as a nickname?
That's not a very solid 1,2.
There was one photo of him drinking coffee
in the yearbook.
They're like, Mr. Coffee.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Coffee.
That's pretty bad if it's the most notable thing.
He loved his coffee.
But he did love his coffee.
So we have the last one.
@josephmccasey says, favorite mythical creature, why?
Just really fast.
Centaurs.
I love that we jumped from standardized testing
to mythical creatures.
That's the unpredictable nature of #TableTalk!
Yeah!
I would say centaurs, too.
I agree with you 100%.
Actually, no.
You know what?
I've always wanted-- fun fact.
I want a dragon.
That's just a fact.
Why?
Because they are a flying dinosaur.
So are birds.
Centaurs are business in the front, party in the back.
They're the mullet of mythological creatures.
What type of horse are you considering
the party in the back?
You can ride on the horse.
Like, you can trot around.
But, think about it--
I saw a man get killed from a horse, OK?
I mean, we've seen the [INAUDIBLE] video.
That's not a party in the back.
All right, well Chris, I feel, would make a great centaur.
I feel like you bring that weird video up as often you can.
We literally haven't talked about it in months.
What are you talking about?
It was mentioned this morning.
Are you crazy?
I wasn't in the room if it was mentioned this morning.
Oh, I was watching the Microsoft press conference.
That's probably why I wasn't in there.
Ah!
Doing work!
Doing work.
Mythological creature?
An elf.
Oh, well that's--
Because they sexy.
No one went nymphs?
Nope.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
They're going to kill you.
OK, so I have this weird thing.
It was--
[INAUDIBLE] boning.
No, it was this old school movie, I can't remember.
It was "Tales of the Dark Side" or whatever.
Figure that out, guys.
And there was this thing with gargoyles, do you remember?
Nope.
It's starting to sound as unsexy as possible.
So there was this gargoyle-- it is unsexy.
But it was this gargoyle, and it attacked a man,
but then it let him live, and then he met a lady.
And the deal that he made with the gargoyle
was that he would never tell the story.
And he told his wife like 10 years later.
And it turned out she was the gargoyle.
And they had a little gargoyle baby.
She was like testing him?
Starring Jennifer Aniston.
And for some reason, the little kid brain of mine
was like, that's hot.
And I was forever messed up.
So gargoyles, you want gargoyles.
You want a *** gargoyle.
And the scene in "Troll 2," where the lady is eating
the popcorn, that's--
Is that how she eats popcorn?
It's literally like the gargoyle is like-- That's what you want.
And you didn't finish school for theater?
No, can you believe it?
I can't believe it.
That is such an amazing note to go out on, guys.
What mythological creature would you say is your favorite,
and why?
Let us know in the comments down below.
Et cetera.
Et cetera.
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to see everything we've ever done.
I'm Meg Turney.
I'm Philip DeFranco.
I'm Lee Newton.
I'm Grace Helbig.
Yay.
There's this video that's like a horse and a guy.
And they're together.
How does the guy die in the horse world?
He ruptures his organ.