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Yaw naw, not another bloody mobile game, mon!
'Fraid so. It's Final Fight Mobile!
Well, actually a totally unnamed Final Fight port for mobiles, but let's call it that. It's hardly going to be offended.
On a whim, I pondered to myself, "is there any footage of Final Fight Mobile on YouTube?"
Alas, there was not. Only some guy emulating the arcade game on their phone. That doesn't count!
So here I am, in for another half-hour slog. The things I do for video game documentation.
I'll get to it eventually, don't worry.
On the Manual setting, you need to hammer the 5 key for each and every strike.
Auto will just spam your attack by holding it.
It's a very welcome feature, and renders the strike-and-turn enemy stun tactic a piece of cake.
Though that's more due to the game's crumminess than any actual skill.
Let's go to the Slums! With Cody!
Let that beautiful walking animation sink in, everybody.
So, it's Final Fight. We all know this, right?
Hit dudes with a combo, jump kick, special move, or grab.
It ain't a mystical art.
That right there was the game in a nutshell!
Mind you, the original arcade Final Fight is pretty stellar.
It IS just the mindless beating up of dudes, but there's a lot of factors to it, like individual enemy tactics, crowd control, combat efficiency, and your own self preservation to worry about.
It's what good brawlers are made of!
Final Fight Mobile has none of that, though.
Mainly because throwing fools deals obscene amounts of damage.
I mean, damn, would you look at that.
I'm sure being thrown to the ground would hurt like a ***, but jeez.
Strangely, while being thrown will drain crazy amounts of health...
... being hit by someone who's been thrown through the air barely makes a dent.
To anyone out there with prior experience to being hit in the face with a human body, please, write in and let me know:
What's worse to be hit in the face with, asphalt or someone's ***?
That's really about all you need to know about Final Fight Mobile:
Throwing dudes is the best attack ever and who are you to resist its power?
Nah, let's get a bit of history in here.
Because there sure as hell isn't anything better to talk about.
In Japan, this game was released across two parts, because they knew how to scalp customers before the rest of the world caught on.
Final Fight Area A (release date unknown) contained the first three stages...
... while Final Fight Area B (released February 3rd 2003) encompassed the remaining three levels.
(source: http://game.watch.impress.co.jp/docs/20030203/cap.htm)
... plus some extra features, but I'll get to those later.
I don't know when this got an English release - the game data lists both 2005 and 2006--
-- but it merges Area A and B into one whole game again, which is nice.
For the record, no, the palette/head swaps of each enemy never show up.
I know, I'm devastated - I was holding out for them too!
In fact, here's another shocker--
-- there's only 6 enemy types in the game!
... which, admittedly is only one less than the original game (Slash got dropped), but it really stings without the enemy variants to liven things up.
Here's Damnd, by the way.
And that was Damnd.
Well, you know what you're in for. Thanks for watching, see you next video!
I'll still be here, playing the rest of this game.
Go on without me, man.
You might have noticed I'm playing as Haggar now!
No, you don't swap between them in loading screens like that, that's just some sneaky video editing.
I'm sorry to deceive you.
It's partly an attempt to make the playthrough ever so slightly more interesting--
-- playing a dull game with dull-as-toast Cody? I'm not a torturer! --
-- and partly because, well, I might as well record everything the game has to offer.
Gives me a chance to poke fun at the terrible walking animations.
Haggar is without a doubt the best character in the game, but I didn't need to tell you that, did I?
Seriously, he's an absolute beast.
Throwing is already crazy overpowered, but his suplex nullifies the victim's ground-bounce, so there's zero delay before you can slam again.
... sadly, I only discovered his insane strength after playing as every other character.
I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I picked him over that chump Cody. :(
It's only recently I actually played Final Fight with Cody, and he's not that bad!
He's a pretty average fighter, but he's nicely balanced. As much as I dig Haggar, his speed is a real killer...
... and outside of Mustapha in Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (HE'S A BAD MAMBA JAMMA), I'm not a big fan of the fast-but-weak chaps.
But Cody's not bad. His ability to use knives for more than just throwing is actually mighty useful.
It's a pity he's just so boring, you know?
He's a white guy in jeans. WHAT STRIKING CHARACTER DESIGN!
I do think his story is interesting, and his white and purple striped prison duds are pretty neat, if just for how fetching they are.
... but in comparison to a Nike-wearing ninja and a wrestling moustached mayor, he pales in comparison.
At least Carlos had a sword (that he barely ever used).
I do commend Capcom for making the new protagonists in the later instalments a bit more interesting than Cody.
Such as ninja girl, *** policewoman and dude with lightning fists.
Kyle at least has a more interesting wardrobe and a goofily hardass voice. "MMMMMONEY!"
I'm not sure why giant glittering diamonds are stored away inside oil drums on trains.
It is nice to see something new for a change, though.
And I guess nothing says "bonus points" like giant pink jewels.
NOT THE BICEP GRAB
NOOOO
Andore is the one character in the game with some mild resistance to the grab attack.
The problem is, it only occurs on occasion. There's no telegraphing if he's gonna throttle ya or not.
Which is very annoying.
Are you gonna get him in a throw loop, or is he going to lift you up in the air for a few seconds, somehow causing massive damage?
WHO KNOWS!
At least make him shake you a little bit. It's so frustrating to be thwarted by such a limp attack.
Are we ever going to get off this train?
Uh oh! We're goin' places!
Hold your horses.
It's the gladiator ring with ***!
He's another one with some mild resistance to throws. After every knockdown, he'll charge forward.
Folks who've played the arcade game will be familiar with that.
You've got a teeny tiny arena to work with, though, so avoiding it is actually a bit of hassle.
It's not one of my better attempts.
I think did so much better with Cody, actually.
I suppose his longer throws are actually beneficial here - you wanna be far away when *** gets up!
Pretend that didn't happen.
Oh, haha, whoops.
I missed a bit.
The editing illusion is shattered.
Oh! What is this?
It looks like a crudely drawn Jessica... I guess?
There's not many other women it could be.
Whoever it is, picking it up grants you TOTAL INVINCIBILITY
CAN'T HIT ME DUDE
JUST TRY IT, YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME
The effect does get nauseating very quickly, though.
I mean, yeugh, look at him jump. He just flickers all over the screen.
It's over now. Phew.
Either I'm playing poorly, or Guy isn't any good in this version.
I think all characters play identically, mind you, outside of their punch combo.
And throw, when it comes to Haggar.
Guy's face is hilarious when he's grabbed.
Hey, we're in the Andore gladiator ring!
Without a proper scene transition, it just seems daft, though.
Not that the rest of the game is making much sense.
Micro-sized women make you invulnerable, after all.
Can't move! I'm stuck in a k-hole!
Yeah, that's a bit of a nuisance if you use the Auto setting - holding the key will get you in a loop of picking up crap if items are too close to each other.
Just release the button to get out, but it can crop up at the worst situations.
Yes, there's only two Andores in this gladiatorial pit.
Your weakling 2005-era phones can only handle two Andores at a time.
Which makes me wonder if Andores can be used as a unit of measure.
One Abigail equals three Andores. One ice cream truck equals seven Andores. Et cetera.
Do excuse me. You can blame Soviet-era stop motion animation for that tangent.
(if you dig that sort of thing, check out "37 Parrots". It's a funny little short!)
Y'know, without sound effects, there's very little satisfaction to punching dudes.
That's one of the great things about Final Fight. It had those great, meaty thumps for every strike.
And unintelligible roars for throwing dudes or special attacks.
Good times!
It's Edi.E!
And of all the minor details to preserve, he drops an oversized piece of gum when you first hit him.
Final Fight Mobile, you are a strange one.
Edi will actually use his gun if you give him a chance, and it's probably the first time an enemy can be genuinely dangerous...
... so don't give him the opportunity. Throw that sucker to the ground.
Whoa, here comes a new challenger!
Why, it's Alpha Guy!
Yes, Guy and Cody from Street Fighter Alpha are in the game!
... which would have been a pleasant surprise if Final Fight One on Game Boy Advance hadn't done it first. Oh well.
This game refers to them as Z-Guy and Z-Cody, because they didn't account for an international name change of a then-10-year-old mostly-unrelated franchise. The plonkers!
In the Japanese version, these two were added with the release of Area B. No word if they were immediately available or unlockable or what.
To unlock Z-Guy or Z-Cody in the English version, you have to clear Round 6 as vanilla Guy or Cody. Easy as pie.
... at least, I THINK you beat Round 6.
While trying to unlock Z-Guy, I lost all my lives and continued, and went to pick Guy...
... and I ended up with Z-Guy!
So maybe you just PLAY the last stage with the respective character?
who knows. Who cares.
I guess I should mention this is the Industrial Area.
The stage with fires and other typical workplace hazards?
Yeah, those seem to have vanished.
Any remark on the game's level of disappointment would be pointless by this stage.
I mean, I could also start asking, where's the bonus stages?
What's the point of a Final Fight game without the OH! MY CAR!! guy?
In fact, why didn't they scrap the attempt at arcade accuracy and just make a car-bashing simulator?
Vandalise luxury cars as a wrestling mayor, a transvestite dominatrix, and more!
If that doesn't sell, then I don't know what I can do for you, Capcom.
I really can't stand that walking animation.
Look at the jaggedy torso bits that don't align with the legs! Eyeugh!
Hey, here's more trivia related to Area B!
Although the English release merged Area A and Area B into one game...
... the "to be continued" text remains in the game's data!
And I quote, from the "l.***" file:
"Congratulations! Area A Clear [...] Area B Clear"
"But the battle is not over [...] destroy Mad Gear and rescue Jessica."
"Thank you for playing [...] to be continued in Area B"
Exciting stuff.
I think the game works best not as a beat-em-up, but as a time management game.
"How can I keep those fools thrown on their *** without any of them getting up?"
I'm surprised that hasn't been made into a game either.
It's probably what working as a club bouncer feels like.
Oh boy, it's an elevator sequence!
Only without any visual clue to tell you you're on an elevator!
Thanks, Final Fight Mobile!
The Industrial Area really got the shaft in this game.
Oh no, not the k-hole again!
I think I'm just finding any excuse to reference Streets of Ice Cream in this video.
You can't believe how disappointed I am there's no ice cream item. How else can I quote the best line in the video?!
That still makes me laugh after eleven years.
That reminds me, years and years ago there was this neat stickman game on Newgrounds...
... where you played a green stickman trying to break out of prison without being assassinated.
It was pretty awful, I'll be frank, but in the internet of 2000 there was little else in the way of entertainment.
I think the file got replaced with an ad for the guy's site, which no longer exists.
If Newgrounds search function weren't so clumsy, I'd try and see if I could dig it up. I'd like to see it again.
Yes, this is what I'm reduced to talking about.
Don't hate the commentator, hate the game.
Here comes Rolento!
Not such a sneaky mothertrucker now, are you?
He can actually use his grenades, but why give him the pleasure?
It's Z-Cody in the hizzy! Bring the beat back, and all that.
It's a pity they removed most of the backdrop from this level, isn't it?
The bathroom stalls are gone, the sunset is missing in action...
... and that little dog doesn't make an appearance!
Doesn't that dog have a name? I swear it has a name. I can't find a source, though.
Instead, all we got is a bench with grafitti saying "lEsSkET2" on it.
Fair trade.
Uh, whoops.
That must've taken some real talent to mess up.
It is really hard to keep track of your character when they blink so obnoxiously like that.
There's something very satisfying about killing dudes in a single throw.
It's like, they signed up to be part of an evil criminal gang, but not to be tossed around like ragdolls.
"Man, forget this. This wasn't in the terms and conditions."
... again? Really?
You'd think a barrel would be hard to miss.
Uh oh, it's Abigail!
He's just as susceptible to throws as every other punk in the game.
Rendering his main gimmick completely moot.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" that guy screams before passing out.
Believe it, punk!
And for the final stage, we're back to Cody.
I already replayed it once as Guy, I was in no mood to record it again.
Boy, Uptown sure looks swanky!
They put some real effort into this place! Wallpapering the walls, lush rugs on the sidewalks...
Nah, it's just Belger's headquarters.
They dropped the brief street scene before it, which is understandable, I guess.
You might have noticed that I'm on the last stage, and there's nearly ten minutes of video left.
Does that mean there's a brand new stage added to the game?
Hahaha!
No.
The final level is nine minutes long.
Longer if you play lousy, I bet.
The arcade game's probably the same, actually. It's been a while.
Point is, it's gonna be pretty insufferable.
Nothing's gonna show up that we haven't seen before.
It's gonna be the same six enemies, I'll miss more rolling barrels...
... and there's gonna be a LOT of throwing.
I've said about all I can say on the matter, unless you want more completely unrelated tangents!
Belger shows up around 31:25, so if you wanna skip there, I'll start commentating again.
Until then... enjoy, I guess?
(you poor, unfortunate soul)
And I'm back!
As you can see, I'm just after throwing more Poisons and Andores around.
Good sport.
There's Jessica!
And there's Belger!
YOU DIRTY RAT
YOU HURT MAH JESSICUH
Yes, this is the gripping commentary you waited so long for.
I'm so sorry.
As you can see, Belger is pretty sharp with those giant blocky projectiles of his.
The smart thing to do would be locking him in a punch combo from a safe position...
But throwing him deals SO MUCH DAMAGE! Why would you ever NOT use it?
This is why I never let Edi.E use his gun, you see.
It's a very tedious and frankly boring fight.
One might say it's challenging. It IS the only part of the game that's remotely difficult.
But I say... I don't have a decent retort to that argument.
Besides "it's a terrible game, what are you talking about."
Would people really discuss the design ethos behind crummy arcade-to-mobile-phone ports?
Besides myself, I mean.
Belger's walking animation isn't exactly flattering.
Combined with his unsightly facial graphics, he comes across like a dolled-up ape.
Now that'd be a story worthy of the headlines!
"CRIMINAL SYNDICATE BUSTED - HEAD HONCHO ACTUALLY A CHIMP IN A HAT."
He's dead now anyway.
Watch him plummet to his death in a scene now rendered a non-sequitur thanks to the complete lack of a plate-glass window!
Well, that's that.
The crisis is over.
Mad Gear *** off, Jessica is rescued and never appears again...
AND TOP OF THE LEADERBOARD, ***!!
That's Final Fight Mobile!
That guy was right to emulate the game instead.
Well, what next?
I might like to play the Lost Planet 2 mobile game sometime, because I love the real version.
But I might not because it looks absolutely awful.
I'll see what happens.
Later!