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When your child misbehaves do you find yourself at a loss
of knowing what to do trying to come up with an immediate consequence on the
spot.
That's a challenge. Experts used to believe
that you needed to do that. You need to have a consequence immediately after the
misbehavior
so the child will connect that with understanding that their behavior was
inappropriate.
Well that happens to be true with lab animals
but not with kids. It's actually true that you can delay the consequence
and they can still learn. Let me prove it to you. When was the last time
you made a promise to your child and how long did they remember it?
Probably a very long time. So here's the challenge.
When your child is misbehaving and you're annoyed
very few parents have a consequence
on the tip of their tongue that they can use at that moment. So what we teach in Love and
LogicĀ®,
is that it's okay to delay the consequence.
That's called delay the consequence. That's the tool.
So how do you do that? There are three steps. The first one is
you wait. You don't do anything. The second one is
you say something. "Ooh, that was a bad decision
I'm going to have to do something about that but not right now.
Try not to worry". That's important you say that.
Try not to worry, because as you well know
when you tell people not to worry that's one of the first things they start to do
and worrying is actually part of the consequence. Number three
you make a plan. Now that you're not going to do anything right away you have
some time to think about it. Ask some other people.
what you want to do is you want to think about what
is important to your child. When you
recognize that you can come up with a plan
that's effective and really teaches them
that that behavior was inappropriate. So lots of parents have challenges with coming up
with effective consequences when their child misbehaves.
I can help you with that. Call me and we can brainstorm
and come up with some effective and loving
consequences that will help your child
make a better decision the next time. Thanks for watching.