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Hey, you're up early.
Rain wake you?
Oh, I'm just
a little preoccupied.
Well, if there's
something on your mind,
you can tell me.
It won't be long
before I'm your mom.
I was actually going to tell you
before you said that.
Aw... come on.
Well, there's this woman
I can't seem to get off of my mind.
A woman with a boyfriend.
Hmm...
Well, why don't you just
get her drunk
and see what happens.
You are nothing like my mother.
Hey, Ronee,
better get dressed.
You can't look like that
when she gets here.
Oh, she's not coming
for another hour.
Who?
Ronee's mother.
Your grandmother.
Stop that.
She's visiting with her
church group from Spokane.
Yeah, and if
she sees me dressed like this,
she'd know
I spent the night
and then she'd be carping
about it the whole weekend.
What, she doesn't approve
of premarital sex?
Judging by the diving bell
she wore as a nightgown,
she wasn't real big
on postmarital sex, either.
Plus, I'm starting out
with one strike against me.
Mother still remembers
a night he drove me home
after baby-sitting you
and Niles, 30 years ago...
40 years ago.
I'm telling the story.
I was all weepy because
this guy had just dumped me.
And your father put his arm
around me just to be nice,
and Mom saw it and she thought
he was trying
to "rob me of my virtue. "
Oh, that's crazy.
I know, like there was
anything left to rob.
Well, don't worry.
It's been a long time
since I've had to charm
the mother of one
of my girlfriends,
but believe me,
it's a skill you don't lose.
Dr. Crane?
Oh, Mrs. Lawrence.
How lovely
to see you again.
Ronee should be here
any minute.
Yes, well, I'm a little early.
Yes, um, there'?
no problem.
MRS. LA WRENCE:
I'm not inconveniencing you?
FRASIER:
No, not at all.
I could come back later.
I wouldn't think of it
.
Well, then
can I come in?
Yes... yes, of course.
Where are my manners?
Oh, let me take
your coat.
Martin?
Hey, Ronee,
we were just...
Wait... Mrs. Lawrence?
Wow, you look wonderful.
Ronee isn't here at the moment,
so why don't I give you
a little tour.
We can start
in the kitchen.
Still all hands, I see.
Oh, sorry.
Well, Mrs. Lawrence,
the kitchen's
right here.
You know, you look
the same as you did
the last time I saw you.
What are you saying,
that I looked
like this at 40?
(doorbell ringing)
I'll get it!
Wait, it's pouring rain
outside. Here.
Why, look who's here.
It's Ronee!
Hey, you two.
Hello. Hey, oh, Frasier,
whatever plans you have
for this evening, cancel them.
I am taking you
to a fantastic new restaurant.
Well, all right.
Where are we going?
To Chez Paul? Kobu?
Burger, Burger, Burger.
Dear God, you're serious.
I know what you're thinking.
Not two days ago
I was just like you--
too good to walk
into any one
of their 7 1 convenient
locations.
Then I dragged him
in there yesterday
for lunch
when I was craving
a bacon cheeseburger-
burger-burger.
He liked it so much,
he insisted we try
The Chick'n Bucket
for dinner.
I guess he's got
the fast-food bug.
And which one would that be--
E. coli?
Now, keep an open mind.
After all, you've embraced
the peasant cuisine
of Italy and France.
Why shun the peasants
in our own backyard?
You've changed, Niles.
Oh, he hasn't changed that much.
He sent back his Big Slurp.
Good-bye, darling.
Thanks, Niles,
but, you know,
I think I'll pass.
I'll spend the night in,
curled up with a good book.
I didn't get
much sleep last night.
So, Frasier,
what was going on
with you at work today?
You seemed
a little distracted.
I'm not
really sure.
t.
I can't stop thinking
about this woman I've me
It's my matchmaker,
of all people.
Well, now,
do you get a discount
if the matchmakerIf?
sets you up with herse
Sort of a...
floor model sort of thing?
I thought you were
kind of ticked off at her.
Well, I was
and then, um,
we had dinner together
last night, and...
Gosh, we were just so
comfortable with each other.
It was like we'd
known each other for ages.
So ask her out.
Oh, I can't.
She's got a boyfriend.
Truth be told,
I don't even know why
I'm so obsessed with her.
I barely even know her.
Niles, listen.
Is it possible that this is just
a case of transference?
Oh, interesting.
Uh, a matchmaker
is not unlike a therapist.
You, uh, confide in them
and seek guidance.
It's only natural you'd devea
little crush on her.
Yes, precisely.
How many times has
a patient fallen for you?
You first.
Niles, please,
don't be such a baby.
This is not a competition.
Eleven.
Thirteen.
You know, this is really
a weight off of my shoulders.
It's just simple transference.
Thank you, Niles.
Yes, well, I'm glad I could be of help.
You know, when I said
1 1 earlier, actually...
Too late, Niles.
Off you go.
(chuckles)
Well, that's
a relief.
Frasier.
Charlotte. Hi.
Uh, good
to see you.
I'd like you
to meet, uh...
Roz, Frasier's producer.
Hi.
You know,
that was fun last night.
Yes, it was.
We should do it again sometime.
Oh, I'd love to.
When I'm back in town.
I'm going camping.
I didn't realize you were
an outdoors woman.
I'm not.
Last time I camped out
was for Van Halen tickets.
But, you know,
Frank loves it
and I'll do
anything once.
Oh, would you mind watering
my office plants
while I'm away?
I'd be glad to.
Oh, gosh, you
are the best.
Thanks.
Um, anyone
need a refill?
No, thanks.
No.
Transference my ***.
You've got it bad.
All right,
what am I supposed to do?
Well, fight for her.
I mean, who
is this Frank guy?
Oh, I don't know.
Some kind of
environmental activist.
That's
your competition?
Some tree-hugging geek?
Come on.
You're one of
the most eligible
bachelors in town...
in your age range.
Charlotte.
Hi, honey.
You're screwed.
Frank,
this is Frasier,
the one I was
telling you about.
Hi. how
are you?
And his
producer, Roz.
Hi.
So, I understand
you're going camping.
Yeah, I raised some
eagle hatchlings
when their mother
was killed by a hunter,
and now we're going to go
release them in the wild.
How can you tell
when it's time?
Well, one of them
ate his landlord's cat.
You know, if they're still hungry,
my dad has a dog.
(laughing)
You're funny.
Well...
I know a lady who would
love your sense of humor.
She's a ranger
up on Mt. Rainier.
She comes down every
couple months
for supplies if you'd
like to meet her.
Well, uh, thanks,
but, you know,
I haven't had much luck
with the women
of the Parks Department.
(laughing)
Wow, Roz,
did you feel that?
The entire room changed
when we walked in.
It's like animals
in the wild
sensing a predator
had arrived.
Good. I like
that you're confident.
No, I was talking
about you.
Okay, now look,
this is the drill.
I brought you here to get
your mind off Charlotte.
Everyone's here
for the same reason.
So just pick someone
and be yourself.
Okay, um, what name
should I use?
Excuse me.
Another Cosmo, please.
Buy that drink.
Right,
a faint heart...
Buy the drink.
Barkeep, uh,
that one's on me.
If you don't mind.
Mind? Why do you think
I said it so loud?
What do I do now?
Just don't be
so nervous.
And don't worry.
I won't leave you
until you make
a connection.
Hi.
Or I do.
Uh... hi.
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
Kim.
So, you're a doctor?
Yes, I am.
I have a small practice
here in town, and...
Do you do collagen,
because I could barter
frequent flyer miles.
No, I'm not
that kind of doctor.
.
I'm a psychiatrist
Oh. Oh!
You've probably got me
figured out already.
No, no.
I haven't even got you
on the couch yet.
Oh, my God.
Oh, I'm sorry. That was too aggressive.
No, no, I had a fortune
cookie this morning
that said I was going
to meet a doctor.
I was afraid I was sick.
Well, you look awfully
healthy to me.
Oh, my God.
Dear God, too
aggressive again?
I'm sorry.
No.
No, I love
this song.
Come on, Dr. Frasier,
loosen up.
I'm sorry. What's your
first name again?
The first few
months I was a wreck.
We were engaged.
At least... I was.
But now I know I'm
ready to move on.
Really, really ready.
You know, it's funny.
I'm actually trying
to get over
someone myself,
in a manner of speaking.
And you thought she
was "the one, " right?
She may have been,
but I'm just trying to put her
out of my mind right now.
I must say, you're proving to
a delightful distraction.
Oh, well, that's not the nicest thing
anybody's ever called
me in a bar,
.
but it's not the worst
This is fun,
but I'm kind
of thinking that
I'd like to go someplace a little less crowded.
Okay, uh, well...
thank you.
I enjoyed our time
together.
No, I meant someplace
a little more private.
No, I understand completely.
I take no offense.
Your place.
Oh, yes, yes, indeed.
Well, should we go
together to my place...?
Well, you must have
your own car,
so I could
give you directions,
or, uh, well, we could
drive together
and then I could
drive you back here,
or we could drive together
and then you could
get a cab back here...
I don't care
how we get there.
Let's just get there.
(doorbell rings)
(music playing)
It's unlocked.
It's unsafe.
Oh, dear God.
Anyone could walk in.
What the hell
are you two doing here?
We came
to cheer you up
with some
late-night fast food.
If anything's gonna
make you forget a woman,
it's a Big Double Juicy.
Please take it.
If you don't, he will.
I've created a monster.
He's already had
two chimichangas
and a '"You Ain't Nothing
But a Corn Dog. "
All for less
than four dollars.
Where has this food
been all my life?
On the end of a coroner'
s artery scraper.
What the hell has
happened to you?
You've devoted your whole life to
honing your standards
only to succumb to the fast,
the cheap and the tasty.
Sorry. I turned the wrong way
coming out
of the elevator.
Oh, hello.
Kim, this is my brother Niles
and his wife Daphne.
They were
just leaving.
Charmed.
Well, I see I have
my big Double Juicy
and you have yours.
Yes. Good night.
Did somebody here
have a chimichanga?
See? I told you.
It's coming out
of your pores.
Wow! Nice place.
You really
are a doctor.
Yes. Would you
like the tour?
I don't know.
What do you want
to show me?
.
I don't know. Uh..
What do
you want to see?
What would you
like me to see?
Whatever you
came here to see.
And what did
I come here to see?
Is there
an end to this?
Because I...
I'm starting
to feel redundant
on my part.
Let's just
have some fun.
You are delightfully
single-minded.
Would you care
for some wine?
Sounds great.
We've both had
a rough time lately.
How about we go
a little crazy tonight?
I like
the sound of that.
I've got a little outfit
you might like.
The littler it is,
the more I like it.
I love it when I say something
and then you
say something funny.
.
I'll tell you what
If you'd like to,
you can change
right in here,
and maybe I'll whip up
a little surprise of my own.
Okay.
(squeaks)
Oh!
When I met you tonight,
I had no idea
what a bad boy you were.
You know what bad
boys need, don't you?
A spanking, right?
..
That or.
a good tongue-lashing.
You did it again!
Oh, my goodness!
What's going on?
I thought you were out
for the evening, for God's sake.
We came back
for dessert.
Obviously, you
got a jump on us.
This is horrible.
I... I'm so sorry.
I met, um...
Kim.
...Kim at a bar
earlier this evening
and, obviously, we hit it off.
Yeah, we get it.
There's a little coffee shop
on the corner.
Why don't we go
there for dessert?
You may get away with this now,
young man,
but once I'm your mother...
Oh, get out!
I would say,
"Perhaps another time, "
but that
outfit goes
a long way toward
recapturing the mood.
Good. Now, why don't
you just relax,
and I'll go find some ice
for our wines.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, good heavens!
Hello.
I'm sorry
to bother you.
I just need
my house keys.
I... I... I thought
you were camping.
Uh... come on in.
Gosh, I'm sorry about the stench in the hall.
That would be me.
I had a little run-in
with a skunk.
I thought I could scare him off
if I threw my keys at him.
Come on in.
You really don't want me to.
As it is now, I'm going
to have to sell my car.
What is all over your chest?
Okay, should
I...? Hello.
Okay. Oh, I got it.
Sorry. Charlotte,
this is Kim.
Kim, this
is Charlotte.
Boy, I've met more people
in this apartment
than I did at the bar.
I really didn't
mean to interrupt.
If I could get my keys and use
your powder room really fast.
Right.
It's right here.
And I'll get those for you.
Uh, Kim...
I'm terribly sorry about this.
I'm afraid it's just not going
to work out for us tonight.
She's "the one, " isn't she?
Yeah. Uh... Iisten.
This has nothing to do with you,
you know.
I've had a lovely time
this evening.
Me, too.
Maybe it's just as well.
I'm... I'm
lactose intolerant.
Good luck.
Your keys.
Thanks.
Where's your friend?
She left.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to spoil your night.
You didn't.
Yes. Yes, I did.
I spoil everything.
Oh, now, don't go there.
But it's true.
No, no. I mean,
don't go there.
Come sit over there.
You'll be
more comfortable.
I spoiled your evening,
I spoiled my clothes,
I spoiled my
whole relationship.
Oh?
Frank and I had
a huge fight.
,
He was getting impatient
with me because, excuse me
I'm not exactly a pioneer woma
and I started snapping back.
The whole thing
went downhill from there.
I'm sure it wasn't as
bad as all that.
I dropped the cooler
on one of the hatchlings.
You know, maybe you
could use a little wine.
I could,
but look at me.
I can't stay in
your house like this.
Okay, I tell you what.
I have an eight-jet
whirlpool bath
that you are free
to revive yourself in.
I can get cleaned up
and make us some snacks.
All right? And, uh...
You know, actually, I have
an endangered condor pte
that I've been saving
for just such an occasion.
It's not funny.
More wine?
Thanks.
This is my idea
of camping.
I'm not much of
an outdoor man myself.
In college,
I got lost on a nature hike.
After screaming for 45 minutes,
I was finally rescued
by a Brownie troop.
(laughing)
I still know
some of their songs.
(laughing)
I still can't believe
I haven't found the right woma
for you yet.
Well, there's no rush.
I'm enjoying the search.
You're so sweet.
You're sweet yourself.
Charlotte...
I hope
you won't think
this is too forward
of me, but...
A promising relationship
doesn't come along very often,
and when it does, it's worth
sticking your neck out for.
What I'm saying is...
Good Lord!
He's with another one!
For heaven's sake!
What are you doing
to me, boy?
Maybe I'll just go get
those sweats you offered
and get out of here.
All right, Veronica,
we've had dessert.
We've dropped him off.
Can we go now?
No.
I don't want to spend
another moment in this house.
Well, fine, then, you
go, but I am staying
here with Marty.
Oh, oh, sure,
okay, uh, Ronee,
I'll just make up
the couch for you.
Just drop it, Marty.
Yes, Mother,
we are sleeping together.
And he's not the first...
or the second.
In fact, I'm well
into double digits now.
Okay, we got
the picture.
Look, I...
.
I'm sorry. I-I know
you're upset, but I just..
I can't live a lie anymore.
For God's sakes,
I'm in my 40s.
What are
you talking about?
You haven't been
in your 40s...
All right, good
night, Mother.
I'll see you
in the morning.
Well, if you're a good boy
, maybe you'll get
to spend the summer
with your grandma.
Thanks for the sweats.
And about before...
I think I know
what you were trying to say.
You do?
Yes.
A promising relationship
is worth fighting for.
So I called Frank
and apologized,
and he's on his way home.
Thank you for being there
for me tonight.
You are such a good friend.
So, uh...
I'll see you Monday?
Maybe we can get
some coffee?
Right.
(door shuts)
I brought a little dessert back.
.
I don't suppose
there's any whipped cream left
Sorry. No.
You all right?
No.
Want to talk about it?
Whoo! I got to get
this chair cleaned.
She doesn't want me.
She wants somebody else.
I don't have a chance.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's the second one, right?
Yeah.
So, uh, what
are you going to do?
Oh, that's a good question.
What am I going to do?
I suppose I could pine over her
for the next several weeks,
make myself more miserable
every day...
or I could do the sensible thing
and just...
Iet her go.
Excuse me.
Hi, Charlotte.
It's Frasier.
Um...
about coffee on Monday--
let's just forget that.
How about lunch instead?