Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
[playful espionage music begins]
>> TRENT: Do you want a raise? Hell no!
We gotta get away from the raise, okay?
What are you gonna do?
You’re just hanging out, trying to figure out
How can I do just enough to get my severance
but not too much that I get fired?
[rock music begins]
[rapid typing sounds]
[knocks on windshield]
[rapid typing sounds]
[crutches hit pavement]
[rock music fades out]
[gurgles]
[spits]
What the hell?
>> HR MANAGER (female voice): Trent. Come back to the camera.
[pen slams]
[chair rolls]
>> HR MANAGER: Answer the question.
Have you been deliberately seeking to be laid off
so as to receive a generous severance package from the company?
>> HR MANAGER: Please continue your testimony, Mr. Pratt.
[sniffing]
>> HR MANAGER: Mr. Pratt!
Okay, okay, but listen.
I want my name cleared.
Expunged from the record.
Cartier blanche. Tabula rossa.
Quid pro bono.
>> HR MANAGER: I can’t guarantee that.
Right.
So I guess it all started a couple of months ago.
When the cutbacks were announced.
I mean, people were nervous.
But then, Trent came along.
And he had this thing, that we should -- embrace it!
And -- wait, wait.
Quick question if I might.
>> HR MANAGER: What is it?
Do you think you can help me get my money back?
I mean, from Trent?
>> TRENT: All right people, that wraps up Session 18A. We are moving on to Session 18B.
It’s some cutting edge stuff I thought of in the car on the way over here.
It is an additional 25 dollars, it’s a new session.
So if you have that, I’m gonna need that.
Any questions before we move onto that?
>> MELVIN: I’m sorry, I dozed off. So, Session B -- 25 more dollars?
Okay, like I said when we started, each session is 25 dollars.
So Session 18A, Session 18B, both 25 dollars. Session 19, 25 dollars.
I mean, are we gonna have this question every time?
I’ve sat through 17 of these sessions already.
When are we going to start getting to specifics?
Specifics? Right.
Maybe you can talk to her, she’s actually been taking notes.
She hasn’t just been sitting there, she’s been paying attention.
But I can tell a lot of us haven’t been paying attention.
So we’ll go back to maybe Session 8, Session 9. We’ll do those again.
That’s gonna be an additional 25 dollars, of course.
Let’s get though Session 18B first, if you guys think you can slug through that.
>> MELVIN: He’s asking for more money, and I can’t even afford razors to shave my face.
Okay, great, your budget’s great.
Basically, 18A we talked about Johnson. He did way too much.
Management popped up. They saw that he wasn’t working very hard.
So what’d he do? He’s an idiot, he does more.
He gets a raise, he’s stuck here. Game over. That’s just unacceptable.
We’re not gonna do that. You’re not gonna get ahead by working harder, okay?
That’s not how you’re gonna get to where you wanna be.
When you’re trying to get to your goal, these co-worker idiots of yours
are gonna come up, and they’re gonna ask you for help.
And they’re gonna want you to hang out and do happy hours and blah blah blah.
Don’t build up that camaraderie with them.
They’re just gonna get in your way.
You can listen to me, because I do know what I’m talking about.
You’ll get them out of your way, they’re done.
CEO, Vice President, they’re gonna ask you to do stuff you don’t wanna do.
What are you gonna do? You’re not gonna do it.
You’re gonna do whatever the hell you want. Not what they want.
You gotta get inside their head. You just --
-- become them.
This is ridiculous.
You’re gonna go around here, knock this out of the way.
Go up to pay dirt.
Gettin’ paid.
>> HR MANAGER: These are serious accusations and you must answer to them.
[chair squeaks]
You know, you forced me to do this.
And I want you to remember that
the next time you’re wondering if you’re a good person.
Because you’re not.
>> HR MANAGER: Forced you to do what?
All right, look.
The class did happen, okay?
You know the ‘what’ but you still have no clue as to the ‘why.’
>> HR MANGER: Then explain.
>> TRENT: It’s all part of an elaborate trap that I’ve been forced to set.
By the United States government.
Of America.
>> HR MANAGER: What are you talking about?
Just question after question, isn’t it? Never any answers.
Look. I’ll help you out again.
Melvin.
The guy’s a Communist spy.
And, um.
Pretty sure he’s black.
[rock music begins]
[phones ring, unanswered]
[wrapper crinkles]
[rock music fades out]