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Look, everyone! They gave Harley Pasternak a video game! Who’s Harley Pasternak, you
ask? First off, uh, how dare you? And B, he’s the renowned Hollywood trainer who works with
such healthy stars as Amanda Bynes! Oh, uh...Amanda Bynes is on drugs. Forget about Amanda Bynes.
Harley Pasternak is the guy who turns celebrities into pinnacles of human physique! Celebrities
like Seth Rogen!
Umm...well, maybe...maybe those are just works in progress. I guess what we’ve learned
here today is that...there’s always a reason things are left off the box.
It’s Harley Pasternak’s Hollywood Workout for the Nintendo Wii.
Obviously, this is a fitness game for the Wii, of which there have been freaking millions.
But the strange thing about this one is that...it’s brand new. This was just released back in
September. Not September of 2008, not September of 2009...September of 2012, a full...several
years since the Wii fitness fad was at its apex.
So I guess my initial thought when I started playing Hollywood Workout was, “Uh, seriously?
This game isn’t about four years late?” But after a few rounds of lunges and...freaking
twisty things...I was out of breath, out of snarky comments and then reminded why these
games have been so popular.
With soccer moms. Boom! How about a few reps of that, Harley?
Speaking of Harley...if you actually know the guy, you’ll be familiar with the program
Hollywood Workout is based on. This is basically his signature 5-Factor fitness thing, only
slapped on a video game. You can choose single workout routines for specific goals...but
the main draw of the game is Harley’s five and ten week programs.
No matter which length you choose, you get essentially the same kind of thing. You have
25-minute long workouts five days a week for the duration of the program. This supposedly
helps prepare you for the red carpet...whatever. But the cool thing is the way Harley walks
you through the workouts. His dialogue sounds very casual—he actually stumbles a bit and
sounds conversational. And that’s pretty cool.
And ultimately, that’s where this game gets it right. Unlike a game like Wii Fit, this
one actually feels like you’re working with a fitness trainer...in the room with you.
There are no minigames or...fun to be found here, but if you’re still looking for a
Wii fitness game, Harley Pasternak is here to help you better yourself.
Amanda Bynes’ arrest record aside.