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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SMOOCH! ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
>> GO, GO, GADGET GO-GO!
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ RIP! ]
>> [ MOANING ]
>> I THINK THIS PHOTO SHOOT IS
PREMATURE, JERRY.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN DECIDED WHETHER
WE'LL BE A COFFEE COMPANY OR A
STUDIO SPECIALIZING IN MERMAID
***!
>> EITHER WAY, WE'RE GONNA NEED
A LOGO.
OOH, LET'S SHOOT THE SEXY ONE
FIRST!
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
[ CREAK! ]
[ CLUNK! ]
[ THUD! SHATTER! ]
[ GASPING ]
>> THAT MODEL WAS SOMEONE'S
CHILD, AND SHE DIED IN A TOPLESS
MERMAID COSTUME!
>> IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
>> THAT WAS A SIGN FROM GOD!
WE'RE NOT DOING MERMAID ***,
GOT IT?!
>> FINE, FINE, WE'LL DO THE
COFFEE THING!
BUT WE STILL NEED A LOGO, AND
PHOTO SHOOTS AIN'T CHEAP.
>> WE'LL USE THIS [Voice
breaking ] IN HER MEMORY.
>> UH...
>> WE'LL CROP IT!
[ HARP MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> THAT WAS THE BEST 10" CUBE OF
TOFU I'VE EVER HAD!
>> I HOPE SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE,
EVERYONE GOES VEGETARIAN.
[ ZAP! ]
>> I AM FROM THE FUTURE -- A
FUTURE WHERE EVERYONE IS
VEGETARIAN!
>> AWESOME!
>> THAT'S WONDERFUL!
>> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
[ ZAP! ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> RUN!
>> HEY, THERE, BUDDY.
I'M ONE OF THE GOOD ONE--
[ GUNFIRE ]
[ GROANS ]
>> [ MOOS ]
>> SO, YOU'RE SAYING WITH NO
NATURAL ENEMIES, COWS BECAME
EARTH'S DOMINANT SPECIES, AND
SINCE COWS DON'T KNOW RIGHT FROM
WRONG...
>> COWS BECAME THE ULTIMATE
KILLING MACHINES.
>> [ MOOS ]
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
>> [ Strained ] SHOOT THE COW!
>> I CAN'T KILL AN ANIMAL!
BUT I'LL KNOCK AN ANIMAL THE
[BLEEP] OUT!!
[ GUN *** ]
[ GUNFIRE ]
[ SCREAMS ]
>> IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?
[ ZAP! ]
[ MOOING ]
[ GUNFIRE ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ MOOING ]
>> QUICKLY! EAT THIS BURGER!
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID
VEGETARIAN FUTURE AND CHANGE THE
TIMELINE.
>> I CAN'T!
>> TRUST ME!
>> I CAN'T!!
>> TIME-OUT, GUYS. T.O.!
I WANT TO BE REAL CLEAR ON THIS.
YOU WOULD DIE TO AVOID
COMPROMISING YOUR VEGETARIAN
PRINCIPLES?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I WOULD!
>> EVEN IF IT MEANS I DIE, TOO.
>> WELL, I MEAN, I-IT'S THE
PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.
[ MOOING ]
>> AND CONSEQUENTLY, ALL HUMAN
BEINGS ON EARTH?
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!
>> I WANT YOU TO ADMIT IT'S NOT
ABOUT MEAT.
YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST A
NARCISSIST AND A CONTRARIAN, AND
BEING A VEGETARIAN IS ABOUT
SETTING YOURSELF APART IN ORDER
TO FEEL SUPERIOR TO THE REST OF
US!
>> I -- I -- I -- FINE.
GIVE ME THE [BLEEP] BURGER.
MMM.
[ ZAP! ]
[ MOOING ]
>> YOU DID IT!
YOU SAVED THE HUMAN RACE!
>> OH, BUT I DON'T FEEL SPECIAL
AND SUPERIOR ANYMORE.
>> I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THAT
THING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL
SPECIAL AGAIN, KATIE.
>> WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
SABRINA, USING YOUR MAGIC TO
TURN HARVEY'S HAIR PURPLE?
>> HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION,
AUNT HILDA.
IF YOU KNOW MAGIC, WHY ARE YOU
STILL FAT?
[ HARP MUSIC PLAYS ]
SEASON-ONE CALLBACK, JERKS!
WHOO-HOO!
[ SMACK! ]
[ CAT HOWLS ]
>> Both: I FEEL THE NEED, THE
NEED FOR...
>> SPEED!
>> ***!
>> EH, DID YOU JUST SAY "***"?
>> NO, I THOUGHT YOU SAID
"***."
[ OFFENBACH'S "THE GALOP"
PLAYS ]
[ ZIP! ]
[ CRASH! ]
[ SCREECH! ]
>> MEEP-MEEP!
[ ZIP! ]
[ FOSTER'S "OLD FOLKS AT HOME"
PLAYS ]
[ DING! ]
[ ***! ]
[ CLATTER! ]
[ RIP! ]
[ RUSTLE! ]
[ THUD! ]
[ CHOPIN'S "MARCHE FUNéBRE"
PLAYS ]
>> [ Voice breaking ] MEEP.
MEEP-MEEP.
[ CREAK! ]
[ CRASH! ]
[ WHOOSH! ]
[ SIZZLE! ]
[ THUD! ]
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> AND NOW BACK TO...
>> HEY, EVIE, WANT TO GO OUT
WITH ME ON FRIDAY?
[ TING! ]
>> EH...PASS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ Muffled ] V.E.N.O.M. WILL
NEVER SUSPECT THAT THIS ORDINARY
GAS STATION IS REALLY THE
HEADQUARTERS OF OUR NEW
HIGH-TECH CRIME-FIGHTING TEAM,
M.A.S.K.
>> I CAN'T HEAR A WORD HE'S
SAYING.
GLORIA, CAN YOU HEAR MATT?
>> [ Muffled ] DID YOU JUST CALL
ME FAT?
>> OKAY, I KNOW THEY LOOK COOL,
BUT THERE'S NO NEED TO WEAR
THESE INSIDE.
COME ON. MASKS OFF.
>> HEY! ANYONE HERE?!
I THINK YOUR -- YOUR PUMP'S
BROKEN!
>> NOW, I DON'T WANT TO ALARM
ANYBODY, BUT THE AGENTS OF
V.E.N.O.M. ALREADY HAVE THEIR
ACRONYM FIGURED OUT.
THEY'RE REALLY UP OUR ***.
>> I'D LIKE TO GET UP GLORIA'S
***.
>> WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>> I SAID I HATE V.E.N.O.M.!
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
>> YOU MISHEARD ME BECAUSE OF MY
MASK.
>> HEY, BUDDY! GET A MOVE ON!
>> WELL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT, SO
LAY OFF!
>> IS HE PAYING BY CHECK OR
SOMETHING?
>> LOOK, I CAN'T FIND AN
ATTENDANT, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO?!
>> MOBILE-ATTACK...SERIAL
KILLERS!
LIKE WE'LL *** V.E.N.O.M.'S
***!
>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!
>> WHAT IF WE JUST CALL
OURSELVES H.E.L.M.E.T. -- THE
HEROIC, ELITE LEGION MAKING...
ELITE...TACOS.
[ SIRENS WAILING ]
UH-OH!
IT SOUNDS LIKE V.E.N.O.M.'S ONTO
US.
BRUCE...YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
>> WHY'S THE FREAKING OPEN SIGN
ON?
>> I DON'T EVEN THINK THIS IS A
FUNCTIONING PUMP!
>> HERE'S MY COMMENT CARD, YOU
[BLEEP]
>> SAY HELLO TO MILES MAYHEM...
IN HELL!
[ GUNFIRE, SCREAMING ]
>> I JUST WANTED A TANK OF GAS!
>> OH, THESE ARE CIVILIANS.
THINK WE BETTER GET USED TO
WEARING THESE MASKS.
>> THE FORCES OF H.E.L.M.E.T.
WERE NEVER HERE.
>> TALK! TALK, DAMN YOU!
>> I AIN'T SAYING NOTHIN'!
GET MY LAWYER!
[ CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK! ]
[ SQUEAK! WIGGLE! ]
[ WHACK! ]
NO! AAH! OW! OW! ALL RIGHT!
THE BODY'S BURIED NEAR THE
RIVER, WEST OF TOWN!
>> GOOD JOB, OFFICER PIXAR LAMP!
[ SPROING! ]
>> THWIP, THWIP!
THWIP, THWIP...
>> SMASH!
SMASH...
>> [ SHING! ]
[ SHING! ]
>> [ RHYTHMIC CLACKING ]
>> [ STEEL-DRUMMING ]
[ "STOMP"-ESQUE RHYTHM PLAYS ]
>> EXCELSIOR!
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
HEY, THAT'S CALLED "CHARACTER
BRANDING," TRUE BELIEVERS!
I INVENTED IT!
>> [ Chuckling ] UM, IS THAT
REALLY --
>> I SAID I INVENTED IT!
>> PULL OVER, BOY.
>> ALWAYS IN SEARCH OF THE
PERFECT INGREDIENTS FOR OUR
GOURMET BRAND OF
ORVILLE REDENBACHER POPCORN!
ONCE A CORN MAN, ALWAYS A CORN
MAN, HUH, GRANDPA ORVILLE?
>> ONCE A SECOND BANANA, ALWAYS
A SECOND BANANA, GARY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
NOW STOP THIS CAR.
>> HOW'S THAT CORN LOOKIN',
GRANDPA?
>> WET.
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ TRICKLE! ]
>> SORRY, SON.
AT MY AGE, IT TAKES A WHILE TO
TURN OFF THE SPIGOT.
[ ZIP! ]
NOW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE
MIDDLE OF A CORNFIELD ALL BY
YOURSELF?
[ CLICK! ]
>> THE OUTSIDERS WILL BE
SACRIFICED TO THE THING THAT
DWELLS AMONG THE STALKS!
[ CHEERING ]
>> SON, YOU'VE GOT A CHOICE --
EITHER LET US GO OR I'M GONNA
TIE THIS BOW TIE AROUND YOUR
[BLEEP] RIGHT BEFORE I CUT IT
OFF.
>> FOOLISH OLD MAN!
AS LONG AS I SERVE THE THING
THAT DWELLS AMONG THE STALKS, I
SHALL LIVE FOREVER!
>> LIVE FOREVER, AH?
THAT SURE WOULD COME IN HANDY IF
THE OCTOGENARIAN FACE OF A
WORLDWIDE CORPORATION EVER DIED.
>> YOU EVER TRY AND RE-ANIMATE
ME, BOY, I'LL RIP YOUR NUTS OFF
FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!
[ CLICK! ]
>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO,
GRANDPA?
WE'RE TRAPPED IN THE CORNFIELD
WITH A DEMON!
>> NO, GARY.
THAT DEMON'S TRAPPED IN A
CORNFIELD WITH ME.
[ CLICK! ]
>> OW! GET IT OUT, GRANDPA!
[ SCREAMS ]
[ SPLAT! ]
[ TING! ]
>> POP POP, MOTHER [BLEEP]
[ WHOOSH! ]
>> [ HOWLING ]
>> I'M A MAN OF MY WORD, CYRUS.
[ SHING! ]
>> OH, N-O-O-O-O!
[ SLICE! ]
[ CLICK! ]
[ POP! ]
[ POP! ]
[ POP! ]
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> HEY, THERE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO --
>> EW, GET LOST.
>> HEY, THERE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO --
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO
SPOONS.
>> I GO BOTH WAYS.
>> AND FINALLY, JOES,
"DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL" HAS BEEN
ABOLISHED.
SO, CHUCKLES, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO TELL US,
I'M ASKIN'!
OH, ROADBLOCK, YOU LOOK
DIFFERENT.
>> DUKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
DONE ME THIS HARM!
I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN', ME AND
FLINT HAD SWITCHED ARMS!
>> I CAN'T TOUCH LADY JAYE --
NOT WITH THESE!
OH, GUYS, I THINK I MIGHT BE A
RACIST.
>> SNAKE EYES, WHAT HAPPENED TO
YOU?
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO
PAINT YOU LIKE SPIDER-MAN, THEN
TOSSED YOU IN THE GRASS!
HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE
ELSE?
SCARLETT?
C-COVER YOURSELF, WOMAN!
>> HUH? OH!!
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW COBRA'S
DOING THIS, BUT I'M DAMN WELL
GONNA FIND OUT!
YO, JOE!
COBRA?!
PUT YOUR CHECKBOOKS AWAY 'CAUSE
THIS ONE'S COMING OUT OF YOUR
***!
>> WHATEVER VOODOO YOU'RE USING
TO MANGLE US, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH!
MY HELMET'S NOT MADE TO COME
OFF!
I LOOK LIKE EBERT UNDER HERE,
AND NOT EBERT IN HIS PRIME!
>> AND WHAT ARE YOU SO SURPRISED
ABOUT?
>> [ MUMBLING ]
>> WE REMOVED THIS FROM
DR. MINDBENDER'S MOUTH!
>> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I WANT TO SEE COBRA COMMANDER
NOW!
>> [ Strained ] I -- I COULDN'T
STOP IT -- A GIANT HAND FROM THE
HEAVENS TAPING ME TO WHAT LOOKED
LIKE ENORMOUS, BRIGHTLY COLORED
DYNAMITE!
>> WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE ARE YOU
BLATHERING?
WHOA! OH, WHAT DID THIS?
>> WE'RE NOTHING, YOU SEE,
PLAYTHINGS THAT HAVE BORED OUR
FICKLE GOD.
IT'S JUDGMENT DAY!
[ HISSES ]
>> DUKE! I'M SCARED!
>> DON'T WORRY, SCARLETT.
WE'LL FIND WHOEVER -- OR
WHATEVER -- HAS DONE THIS TO US!
[ WHIRRING ]
>> [ As G.I. Joe ] OH, NO!
PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY FACE -- MY
BEAUTIFUL FACE!
[ ***! ]
>> GOT YA, YOU MASSIVE
ABOMINATION!
YO, JOE!
>> UH, DID WE JUST KILL A KID?
I MEAN, YO, JOE, BUT I THINK
THAT WAS A KID.
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.