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Very dear Vaidehi, You are meditating and experiencing your true Self, Bliss and Awareness Absolute; and suddenly a thought arises in your mind that disturbs you. What is that thought?
My husband should understand and do his duties.
You will call this thought a dream or reality?
Every thought in which I get lost is a dream.
I understand that all thoughts in which we get lost are dreams. Dreaming means that it arises from me, it is a mental formation and when it is there, I get lost in it. I forget if I am experiencing dream or reality. They get mixed up. I mistakenly feel that I am experiencing the reality.
Tell me, is this thought important for you in this moment? Is it necessary?
No. It is not necessary.
But in reality, you did not do it deliberately. It just arose. When it arose, you got lost.
Yes.
Is this thought useful to you in any sense?
No. It is not useful. It makes my mind restless.
Does it change your husband in any way?
No. He does not change.
Does this thought give you peace?
No. It makes me restless.
Are you out of it now?
Perhaps. I think so. But not fully.
Coming out of it means that as we become indifferent to our night dreams on waking up, we become indifferent to these day dreams also. It means becoming totally indifferent. When you say, “not fully”, then in some corner of your heart, you take it to be reality. The dream -- of the night or of the day -- do you understand that both of them are just your mental formations?
I understand that.
But you forget that sometimes. Tell me, what are the roots of this dream? Let us dig them out. The first root is your nature or your habit patterns. What is that nature? What are the desires -- likes-dislikes – hidden in this dream. Please tell me that.
I like that my husband should fulfil his duties. I understand that it is necessary for a married man.
And what is the dislike?
I dislike that he runs away from his duties.
This is your expectation that your husband should at least understand and fulfil his duties.
Yes.
Is it so that he only understands his rights, and never his duties?
Yes. Absolutely. He only understands his rights and not his duties.
And you want that he should understand his duties as well.
Yes. I like that he should do shopping. I like that he should teach children. He should help me in the household jobs. He should earn as well. I like that he should talk nicely to all the family members. He should have time for us. He should care for us. Toward Children, his mother and me, he should fulfil his duties. And it does not happen like that.
And it does not happen like that.
Never. It never happens like that.
Keeping these likes-dislikes alive, what are the other feelings that arise in your mind?
Anger, restlessness, sadness. Hatred sometimes.
And you don’t want to have these feelings in your mind.
No. Never.
You want to get rid of them fully?
Yes. I want that.
Sure?
Sure.
Any doubt?
No doubt whatsoever.
This is so easy. Can you tell me in order to leave hatred, anger, sadness, what is the price you have to pay?
Yes. I have to give up expectations from my husband.
Meaning that your likes-dislikes are the price?
Yes.
Can you tell me whether these likes-dislikes are dreams or reality?
These are also imaginations.
But their roots are deep.
Yes.
But they are imaginary. So we understand that keeping likes-dislikes alive, we cannot give up negative feelings.
Yes. They are the two sides of the same coin.