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We always…
we always talk about respecting our elders.
Today
I want to talk to you about respecting kids.
Allow me to start with a simple exercise…
an imaginary journey that we will take
together.
I’d like to ask you to close your eyes
if you don’t mind.
We will take a journey we all took before
but we all forgot.
Imagine the child
before he is born.
He is in a quiet and beautiful place…
a comfortable place.
Everything is done for him, he has no worries at all.
Food, drink… everything comes directly to him.
What a sweet life
Suddenly
something very frightening happens
something he doesn't understand
he is pulled up or down
suddenly there are bright lights and loud noises
and alien creatures
and new feelings.
cold and hunger…
wetness
He tries to scream "HELP ME!!"
but no one understands his language.
Lost in a frightening place
and no one wants to help him.
“Where did that sweet life go?”
"HELP ME!!"
That's the child when he's born
and that's the trauma he experiences.
You can now open your eyes
Respecting a child
starts from the moment of birth
and even before that
and lasts a lifetime.
From the first touch
and the first hug
and the first natural breast-feed
we are respecting the child
and his needs and the struggle he went through
and helping him feel that the world is a good place, a safe place
We must try to get him
as close as possible to those feelings of safety and security that he felt in the womb
and it's merciful
to respect the bond that started there.
I know that the world isn't entirely safe & secure
but he's too young to discover that
I wish we would be more generous
with our feelings and hugs
and stop thinking that carrying a child a lot will spoil him.
That is neither true nor scientific
and psychologists and researchers have reached a consensus on this.
In my opinion
to respect a child is not only to respond to his cries
or comfort him or make him feel loved,
to respect him is also to let him comfort himself
if he finds something that comforts him.
For example
some kids get attached to a particular blanket
I’d like to introduce "Geeba"
Geeba is an essential part of our family
Of course I took my daughter's permission to bring her with me today.
By the way, her name is Geeba because when my daughter was very young and she wanted me to give her this blanket
she couldn’t speak very well
so she said "geeba" instead of "geebi" – bring it -
From then on, Geeba’s name became “Geeba"
I was once at a birthday party
and my daughter got tired towards the end
so she held Geeba.
One of the parents noticed and said
“That’s a problem”
I said, "On the contrary
I think it’s great”
He looked puzzled and asked what I meant
I said, "I personally would love to have something like Geeba"
He looked even more puzzled
I said,
“Would anyone be upset to have something
to comfort him and make him happy
when something bothers him or hurts him?"
I told him that when my daughter falls or gets hurt
she takes Geeba
and that calms her
and if anything bothers her or frightens her
Geeba reduces those negative feelings.
Throughout our lives, we often face problems and fears
and difficulties
and we look for anything that can comfort us
even if only a little,
so why would I take that away from her?
He didn’t say anything. I’m not sure if he was convinced.
After a while
he saw her putting her thumb in her mouth.
He said, "Oh no
I'm a dentist and I'm sure that this is a bad habit"
I said, "On the contrary,
I think it's one of the most beautiful of miracles"
Of course he didn't stop there
and we got into a medical discussion
about the dangers - that I know well - if this habit continues past 4 or 5 years
however, I explained my point of view.
I see thumb-sucking
as a blessing
from God
something that happens spontaneously
with millions of babies
around the world
without coordinating
or agreeing
or even talking with each other
of course
it's a blessing
and of course man has to create something plastic to replace it
I’m not saying that we should encourage babies to suck their thumbs
and I’m not saying that we shouldn’t use pacifiers
That is a decision every mother has to make for herself
after reading and researching
and identifying the pros and cons.
Then she can decide what to do.
But what I am saying
is that if a baby does discover his thumb
even despite our attempts at preventing that -if that was our decision -
then we can leave him to suck his thumb
and comfort himself when he wants to
instead of giving him the pacifier to calm him down
when we want to
That was the beginning of
respecting a child.
As the child grows
we have to continue to respect him
in a manner appropriate to his age.
For starters,
let’s change the concept
some mothers have
that “I want to have a child… to fill my life”
God willing, he will fill your life
and maybe more than enough
but that's not the point.
The idea
is that the child is not here
to fill your life,
you are here to share his life.
You have to remember that, in the end, it's his life
and you are here
only for support and guidance.
I would like to ask you two questions:
How many of you
treat children,
any children,
maybe your brother or any child in the family
the way you like to be treated?
How many?
How many of you remember
what it felt like
to be a child?
We must try,
as parents,
to understand the child.
We must try to remember
what we were like as kids,
how we felt.
We must understand children in order to treat them appropriately.
For example
if I'm going to take a child with me to a public place
like a restaurant
I can’t take him with me
and ask him to sit down for two hours
without moving,
getting bored,
complaining
or talking.
Of course we hear these words a lot
“Stop it”,
“Be quiet”, “Sit down”,
“Enough!”
And some people
may ask the child to be quiet
and then ignore him completely and expose him
to words and conversations
that are inappropriate for his age
That isn’t normal
I’m basically asking the child
not to be a child.
If I'm going to take him with me to a restaurant
I should bring toys
or colors to keep him entertained
or choose a restaurant that has a play area for kids
because my job
is to create the appropriate atmosphere
for him to be a kid.
My job
is to help him succeed
in living up to my expectations
instead of constantly asking him to do things that are practically impossible for him to do.
And at the very least, if I’m going to ask him to do something that is difficult for him
I should acknowledge that
and congratulate him if he succeeds at it.
I want to ask you another question
or rather I want to make an agreement with you
What is this?
A shoe, ok, good
and this?
a child
ok, great
I'll tell you a story
I was once at the cinema
and I overheard a conversation, as I was walking past,
between a girl
and her mother.
The girl was about 14 years old
and it was obvious that she didn't like the movie they were going to watch
so she suggested another one.
The mother didn't like that at all,
and they were arguing.
Imagine
what the mother told her daughter
as she grabbed her by the hand?
Don't say anything, I don't want to encourage you to say anything offensive.
Let's use the photo
that we just saw.
She said, "You are going to go in [the movie theater]
and sit down like a _______ [pointing to photo of shoe]" (the word shoe has a negative connotation and is often used as an insult)
Sorry, but I made it a point
to agree with you on what it was beforehand
because I can't use this word
to describe a child
even if I am defending him
How do you think the daughter felt
as she was being referred to in this way?
And by whom?
By her mother!
Not by a stranger on the street
or someone annoyed with her
although,
even that is unacceptable,
No.
By her mother.
And in front of everybody.
Is there any possibility
that when this mother went to the hospital to deliver her baby
she delivered this? [shoe]
instead of that? [child]
Any possibility?!
No?
Then there is no excuse.
The home
- the mother and father -
represents the only place
where we must guarantee the child that he will be respected
because unfortunately
we can't guarantee him that outside of the home.
So at the very least he should feel that respect inside the home
in order to appreciate his value
as a human being
and respect himself.
I wish
I really wish we
would change our perspective of
kids.
Of course all of that
was about a word some of us may
consider rather harmless.
What's the problem? A shoe!
So you must know my opinion about hitting kids
and we don't need to talk about that.
I'll say only one thing,
maybe it will serve as a reminder or be of help
"Never lay a hand
on your children
except for that gentle pat
when they are young
that proud handshake when they grow up and get their diploma,
and a lifetime of hugs.
(Applause)
As for
lying
- I really don't know what it is with lying, it has almost become a predominant feature
of society -
but to respect a child
- to respect anyone -
is to never lie to him.
And to respect him
is to listen to him.
We often hear this:
"My child just won’t listen to me"
My reply:
"Did you try listening to him?"
Did you try to really listen to
what he is saying?
What he wants?
If you listen carefully
and think carefully
you can solve the problem,
and instead of trying to get your child to listen to what you say,
change what you say.
I really wish we would change our perspective of kids
and hold them in high regard.
I really wish we would accept them as they are.
With their abilities,
with their differences,
with their achievements and imperfections.
Exactly as they are.
As one package.
Without comparing them to anyone,
not even ourselves.
If we hold a child in high regard,
he will truly rise.
He will look up
and dream and try hard
and bring out his very best.
And if we give him a chance
to think
and choose and discover
and form his own opinions
he may surprise us,
and astonish us with his achievements.
And we can learn from him too,
instead of teaching him.
I learn from my kids everyday
I have three kids
20, 14 and 5 years old.
I’ll tell you about something interesting that happened couple of days ago.
It was my five-year-old daughter’s bedtime
- by the way, that’s her in the picture -
to be honest I was really tired and just wanted
to take her to bed quickly so I could get some sleep
no sorry I meant so I could get some rest
but she had different plans.
She was holding this bottle in her hand
and an apple
that she had bitten all around
and she decided that this was a good time to try to put the apple
on the top of the bottle.
She said, "I want to create a balance"
I didn’t think it was a good time at all
and I felt that it was impossible,
if she tried to put the apple on the top of the bottle,
that the apple wouldn’t fall,
so we would really just be wasting our time.
Normally, I let my kids try a lot of things
and learn from the consequences,
and to be honest
quite often I am the one who learns, and turns out to be wrong.
But that night I was too tired to do that
so I said,
"You won’t be able to make a balance,
and the apple will fall on the floor and get dirty!"
but thank God
she wasn't convinced
and tried to put the apple.
As she put the apple
I stood next to her cynically
waiting for her to put the apple
and for the apple to fall (and I would try to catch it before it fell to the floor)
so we could get this over with
and go to bed.
She put the apple
and I waited for my moment of victory as she let go of the apple.
The first time she let go,
the apple moved a little
but she tried to put it again.
The second time when she let go,
I was shocked.
The apple stayed in its place!
And it was truly
a moment of victory
but for both of us
- although I didn't really deserve it-
We laughed and celebrated
and I hugged her
and said, "Let's go get the camera
it’s ok if you sleep a bit late today"
That's the apple
(Applause)
That's the apple that, until now,
I’m intrigued by.
It’s clear that my daughter knows more about physics than I do
Is anyone still asking
why we should respect children?
When we respect them
they will respect themselves.
They will respect us.
They will respect their family and friends
and their teachers
and everyone they meet on the street
and society as a whole.
When every child
feels this respect
we will indeed have taken
that first step
towards a bright future
for our country
which I know we all love
Imagine what Egypt will be like,
how people will be treating each other
how they will be talking.
Then, and only then,
we will be living in a society
in which adults respect
adults
and kids
and in which kids without a doubt respect
adults
Thanks
(Applause)