Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Get the inspiration
Cause as of right now we are not funny
No, not in the least
Oh god
It's good
It's actually tasty
These are the after school snack products
That we all enjoyed growing up
The Corned Nuts
The Lunchables
The Totino's Pizza Rolls
And the Handi Snacks
Ya know, it's a strong oregano taste
It is food
It is food
I can identify that
If I were like a blind person
And the nurse gave me that I would know that she put food in my mouth
But to me that has no distinct taste in any
Ya wanna, Ya wanna have a frozen one?
It could be a cool little treat
Cool as in...temperature
Ohhhh
Icy cold breathe
As in, "remember my name"
Cooool
Mr. Freeze
"Learn it well"
This is the longest ingredients list I've ever seen in my entire life
Oh they're coming
They're only gonna get longer tonight
There is 7 ingredients just for what they call "oil blend"
This is from Minneapolis
How many people work in this factory?
Everyday they go in and it's dark and it's cold
In the morning there get there and clock in with like a Flinstone's steam whistle type
thing
And they had dreams and aspirations
The big pterodactyl
And they just sit there and they watch a Pizza Roll go across the conveyor belt all day long
Skate or Die
Prost!
Skate or Die
That was a great Nintendo game
Even better GameBoy game
This Lunchable has been sitting out for a good
Almost hour now
You have a variety of pallet
You have a variety of 2 things?
It smells like backpacking
It does smell like salmonella
For sure
Smells like when you go ice skating
And you rent those skates...and you smell em?
Smells like China
Chopped and formed
Smoke flavor added
So that means
Chopped and formed, so it's
Some R2-D2 *** out a bunch of smoke flavor
Again I actually know I'm eating food
But there no flavor, there's no
It's like the T1000 of ham because you chew it
And it goes back to its original form
I'm sorry guys, I've been wanting this Capri Sun this whole time
He just can't hold back
Every kid does not want 1 fruit
It has to be
Either "wild" or "bold"
Hey, you want raspberry?
You get blue *** raspberry
Yeah I know, right?
Nowhere does it say "juice" on here
"Flavored. Water. Beverage"
This is the result of many litigations
Like there were many lawsuits that came down the pike
That was like 10 different times in court to get that
Like Juicy Juice
You guys remember Juicy Juice?
Is there juice in it?
We're gonna have to move onto the Handi Snacks now
Uh, I'm gonna go ahead and do this
This cheese isn't going anywhere
Well, if you were to do that with a greyere I don't think it would go anywhere either
So this could be, ya know
It's called cheese dip
There's cheddar cheese in it
I'm surprised legally they can still call it cheese
Well, what's surprising more legally
Mr. Salty
Mr. Salty is spelled "M-I-S-T-E-R"
Is that how you spell Mr.?
Is that the full?
What are the ingredients?
Can you read off the ingredients real quick?
Monotrite
Vitamin B1, Riboflavin, vita--this is really long
What's a monotrite?
High fructose corn syrup
It's gonna be in every single thing we eat tonight
Canola oil, water, milk protein
Oh good, there's some water in there
I'm glad
Thank god
Natural and artificial flavors
That's pretty *** vague
There's like 20 migrant workers working on these sticks right now
Like, I can't
There are 4 pathetic drunk adults somewhere right now
Eating these
So we're moving onto Corn Nuts?
Some Don Draper
Loser ***
That works for Corn Nuts Inc
Came up with that
What don't you read that?
It says, "Eat it"
"Hear it"
"The ultimate crunch"
The *** 90's, man!
You remember the radio spot for these that was like
"Bust a nut
No one's around
Just bust a nut?"
And if you're a teenager you're like
"That's badass, I'm gonna go get some Corn Nuts."
They're down
Yeah, they remind me of ejaculating
Yeah, they remind me of
Locking my door
These are also made by Kraft
So these are for sure Monsanto corn
What does it mean?
It's genetically engineered
So I'm a farmer
You give me some corn, I buy it from you
And I have to use it
It's a sterile corn
I can't make my
I can't keep growing corn from this corn
So they own food so
They're sterile
They're clones or whatever so they won't grow more
Great
That's some ***
1984, Predator 2 ***
Enjoy yourself
We won't tell