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What you guys don't understand is,
for us, kissing is as important as any part of it
Yeah, right!
Y'serious?
Oh, yeah!
Everything you need to know is in that first kiss
Absolutely
Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know?
I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes
out
Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that that's not why
we bought the ticket
The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was,
you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know?
I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic basically just trying to stay awake
Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian
Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone
Are we still talking about sex?
No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Well, she has issues
Does she
He's out banging other women over the head with a club,
while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Marsha, these are cave people
Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close' See?
Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
No No
Yes, it is Carol! Hi!
Okay, okay, yes, it is
How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age
Hi
So
You look great I, uh I hate that
Sorry thanks You look good too
Ah, well, in here, anyone who stands erect
So what's new? Still, uh
A lesbian?
Well you never know How's, um how's the family?
Marty's still totally paranoid Oh, and, uh-
Why- why are you here, Carol?
I'm pregnant
Pregnant?
Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding
Then I've already seen this one!
Are you through with that?
Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down
Whose little ball of paper is this?!
Oh, uh, that would be mine See, I wrote a note to myself,
and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and
now I wish I was dead
She's already fluffed that pillow Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that but,
it's fine!
Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already
have
Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow
Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me
I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly
And not-not in a good way
Yeah, calm down
You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come
That's because as far as my parents are concerned,
Ross can do no wrong
Y'see, he's the Prince
Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born
Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
What?
Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Eeaagh!
Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Yeah, it's beautiful
Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God
No, look, don't touch that!
Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him
Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of
your entire family!
Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so
much harder
Easy Rach, we'll find it Won't we!
Oh! Yeah!
Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days
I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with
Dinah?
Ohhhhh, don't be mad
You didn't
Oh, I am sorry
I gave you one job!
Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne
I just can't do it
Boys? We're going in
Hi
Wow That is not a happy hi
Carol's pregnant
Ooh! I found it!
W-w-wh- wha- w-w-w-
Yeah Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now
Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved,
but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved
basically it's totally up to me
She is so great! I miss her
What does she mean by 'involved'?
I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done
Anyway, they want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow
So what are you gonna do?
I have no idea No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father
Well, this is still ruined, right?
Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you
Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Curry
Mmmm!
I- I think they're great! I, I really do
Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
They all had a thing for him
Aw, Mom
I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or I don't
know
Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant
Well, they don't have to know that
Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Yeah
Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's easy
I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish,
but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby lesbian thing?
Because I think it might take some of the heat off me
What that Rachel did to her life We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing
very well
I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding
but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing! It's an expression
No it's not
Don't listen to your mother
You're independent, and you always have been!
Even when you were a kid and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine!
And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles
Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars,
with his museum, and his papers getting published
Other people are satisfied with staying where they are-
I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer
And I read about these women trying to have it all,
and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem
So, Ross, what's going on with you?
Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Okay! Okay
Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol
and me, and,
so, well, here's the deal
Carol's a lesbian
She's living with a woman named Susan
She's pregnant with my child,
and she and Susan are going to raise the baby
And you knew about this?!
Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Well, y'know, these people are pros
They know what they're doing,
they take their time, they get the job done
Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents
boy, if you could - I'd want yours
Must pee
Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins
You're twins?
Yeah We don't speak
She's like this high-powered, driven career type
What does she do?
She's a waitress
All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now
Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this
Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who my parents actually preferred
The lights, please
How long was I in there?
I'm just cleaning up
D'ya uh d'ya need any help?
Uh okay, sure! Thanks!
Anyway um So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
Oh a little
Mm-hmm
A lot
Mm
So, got any advice?
Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'
Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know
so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard
Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there and I'll give Barry back his ring