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Paula: MY SKIN IS MY JAIL.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE A LIFE.
I'M JUST TRAPPED, PERIOD.
SOMETIMES, IT FEELS LIKE I'M DEAD, LIKE THAT I'M NOT ALIVE.
IF I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THE SURGERY, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT.
MY WAY DOESN'T WORK.
AND THIS IS A DYNAMIC THAT WE NEED TO CHANGE NOW.
[ Voice breaking ] GET OUT! I'M DONE WITH THIS!
I -- I QUIT! I'M DONE!
OH, IT HURTS.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
Woman: I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU LOSE WEIGHT
OR THE REASON YOU GAIN WEIGHT, PERIOD.
[ Voice breaking ] I'M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK. I PROMISE.
Paula: I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
I CANNOT APPROVE YOUR SURGERY NOW.
YOU CAN GET TO A PLACE WHERE HAPPINESS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND.
AND IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL,
THE NEXT IMPOSSIBLE THING TO FIND IS HOPE.
[ WATER SPLASHING ]
WHEN YOU LIVE LIFE THIS BIG, YOUR WEIGHT AFFECTS...
IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING.
I'M HUGE.
YOU KNOW, FORGET THAT I'M JUST OVERWEIGHT,
BUT I LOOK LIKE A MONSTER.
IT HURTS TO MOVE.
IT HURTS TO WALK.
IT HURTS TO DO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
ALL OF THE DAY-TO-DAY TASKS --
COOKING A MEAL,
WALK MY DAUGHTER TO THE PLAYGROUND...
...ALL THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED
ARE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO.
I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY THE WAY THAT I NEED TO.
ALLERGY, SINUS, HEADACHE.
I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN.
THE KIDS REALLY ARE THE ONES WHO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE.
BYE.
AT THIS WEIGHT, I AM HEAVILY DEPENDANT ON MY CHILDREN.
SO, I HAVE TO PUT LOTION ON HER LEGS
AND PUT HER SOCKS AND SHOES ON.
IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S HANDICAPPED.
I DO FEEL LIKE I DO MORE THAN A TEENAGER SHOULD BE DOING.
Paula: I AM A BURDEN TO MY CHILDREN.
BUT I STILL HAVE TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC.
I STILL HAVE TO DO THINGS. THEY STILL GET SEEN WITH ME.
I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO BE PICKED ON
BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE.
I WANT TO PROTECT MY KIDS.
ESPECIALLY WITH EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH WITH MY CHILDHOOD.
WHEN I WAS ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD, I WAS AVERAGE WEIGHT.
WHEN I WAS 6, I WAS MOLESTED BY A FAMILY MEMBER.
AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT STARTED MY WEIGHT GAIN.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I KNOW
THAT'S THE SAME TIMEFRAME AS WHEN IT STARTED.
FROM THEN ON, I WAS ALWAYS THE BIG KID.
MY NICKNAME WAS "PUDGE."
I WAS ALWAYS, YOU KNOW, BIGGER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE,
FATTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.
GAINING THAT WEIGHT, YOU DO BUILD A BARRIER.
PEOPLE, THEY'RE LESS ABLE TO HURT YOU
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET TO YOU.
BY THE TIME I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,
I WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 220.
AND THEN PRETTY MUCH ALL THE WEIGHT AFTER THAT
CAME WITH EACH KID.
50 POUNDS WITH EACH KID.
I WISH THAT I HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT FOOD LITERALLY WAS FUEL,
THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY TO MAKE IT GO.
BUT I DON'T EAT JUST FOR FUEL.
I EAT FOR ENJOYMENT.
IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO EAT.
I MEAN, I LOVE FOOD.
I DON'T JUST LIKE FOOD. I LOVE FOOD.
I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.
WHEN IT TASTES GOOD,
YOU GET THIS FEELING THAT IT'S LIKE A HAPPY PLACE.
WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE SUPPORT OF PEOPLE OR FAMILY MEMBERS,
FOOD WAS STILL THERE.
FOOD DOESN'T HURT YOU EMOTIONALLY.
IT DOES HURT YOU PHYSICALLY,
BUT IT DOESN'T HURT YOU EMOTIONALLY.
FOOD HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THERE WHEN PEOPLE HAVE NOT.
WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU EXPECT THAT YOU'LL GROW OLD TOGETHER.
YOU DON'T EXPECT YOUR HUSBAND'S GONNA DIE AT 33.
THIS IS -- THIS IS ALAN.
HE WAS OVER 600 POUNDS.
HIS KIDNEYS WEREN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY,
AND HIS KIDNEYS WERE AFFECTING HIS HEART,
AND HIS HEART WASN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY.
HIS HEALTH GOT WORSE AND WORSE.
AND WHEN HIS HEART STOPPED, WE COULDN'T RESUSCITATE HIM.
THAT WAS IT.
MY HUSBAND BEING OVERWEIGHT, THAT'S WHAT KILLED HIM.
HE LIVED IN THE --
IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE HE HASN'T BEEN HERE,
AND I DON'T THINK THAT I'M FAR BEHIND HIM.
I KNOW IT AFFECTS MY KIDS.
THEY JUST LOST THEIR DAD.
[ CHUCKLES ]
MY 8-YEAR-OLD, SHE'S SAID IT.
"MOMMY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE."
AMEN.
GET SOME SPINACH.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
I WANT TO BE PART OF THEIR LIVES.
I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
IF I DON'T DO IT, I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE.
THE REASON I'M HERE
IS TO SEE ABOUT GETTING THE GASTRIC BYPASS.
I HAVEN'T BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN WHAT I'VE DONE
IN TRYING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT
AND MOVE FORWARD AND GET OUT OF THIS BODY I'M IN.
MY EXPECTATIONS FOR TODAY
IS TO FIND OUT IF I'M A CANDIDATE FOR THE SURGERY.
HOPEFULLY IT'S A YES.
JONES?
IF NOT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M EMBARRASSED BY MY WEIGHT.
SO, WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR CHALLENGES TO LOSE WEIGHT?
UM, NOT EATING AND THEN EATING LATE IS PROBABLY MOST OF IT.
AND THEN, I LIKE CARBOHYDRATES.
AND I DON'T EXERCISE A LOT.
HOW DO YOU THINK SURGERY'S GONNA CHANGE THAT?
UM, SURGERY'S NOT GONNA CHANGE MY DIET.
SURGERY WILL ALLOW ME TO START TO LOSE THE WEIGHT
SO I CAN EXERCISE MORE, SO THAT I CAN THEN LOSE THE WEIGHT.
BUT I THINK THIS IS A WHOLE LIFESTYLE CHANGE.
FOR ME, IT'S A STEP TOWARDS THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE.
IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF. IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF.
Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULA SEEMS TO HAVE THE RIGHT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING,
BUT SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO APPLY THOSE TO HER WEIGHT LOSS.
WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO IMPLEMENT THOSE LIFE CHANGES
BEFORE SURGERY.
SO, WE'RE GONNA CHANGE YOUR EATING HABIT NOW,
AND WE'RE GONNA SEE IF THAT WILL WORK FOR YOU.
YOU HAVE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS ON YOUR OWN NEXT MONTH.
ANY QUESTIONS?
NO.
ALL RIGHT.
SHE NEEDS TO APPLY HERSELF
AND SHOW ME THAT SHE CAN MAKE LIFESTYLE CHANGES.
OTHERWISE, SURGERY WOULD NOT BE ANY HELP TO PAULA.
SOMETIMES, THE PATIENTS THAT HAVE RIGHT ANSWERS
HAVE THE HARDEST TIME LOSING WEIGHT.
IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS KNOWING WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS.
Paula: YOUR LIFE ISN'T A MATTER OF CHANCE, IT'S A MATTER OF CHOICE.
ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU CAN START TO LIVE.
Madison: WHAT?
COME HERE, PLEASE.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO GO IN HERE?
YEAH.
Paula: IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE I'VE GONE TO THE DOCTOR.
I'M JUST TRYING TO STICK TO MY DIET, BUT IT'S HARD.
THE DOCTOR IS HESITANT TO DO THE SURGERY
ON PEOPLE THAT HE CAN'T CHECK UP ON.
I'VE DECIDED IF I'M GOING TO DEDICATE MYSELF TO THIS
THAT I NEED TO MOVE TO HOUSTON
TO BE CLOSER TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S OFFICE
AND INCREASE MY CHANCES
OF BEING MORE SUCCESSFUL IN MY WEIGHT LOSS.
BUT FIRST, I NEED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ALAN'S FAMILY
HERE IN ATLANTA.
AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
HAMBURGERS AND HOT DOGS AND BARBECUE CHICKEN.
I LIKE HAMBURGERS, TOO.
ALAN AND I HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.
SINCE ALAN PASSED, HIS FAMILY HAS BECOME MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.
I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS THEM.
HEY, PAULA.
PART OF HOW I'VE GOTTEN TO MY WEIGHT
IS BECAUSE I USE FOOD TO BRING ME HAPPINESS.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT CHICKEN AND, UM, HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS.
EVERY TIME THAT THERE'S AN EVENT OR A FAMILY GATHERING,
WE HAVE LOTS OF FOOD.
I ASSOCIATE FOOD WITH EVERY GOOD MOMENT.
IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO BREAK THAT HABIT.
PAULA, ARE YOU -- YOU GETTING EXCITED?
I AM.
I'LL BE BETTER AFTER THIS DRIVE IS OVER
AND WE GOT A PLACE TO STAY.
I'M EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS.
YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ALAN WANTS YOU TO DO.
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT IT, PAULA?
YEAH.
ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO CRY?
THAT'S OKAY.
YEAH, THIS MOVE IS WEIRD WITHOUT HIM.
YEAH.
MOVING AWAY FOR BOTH ME AND MY KIDS IS GONNA BE VERY DIFFICULT.
HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT IF I DON'T MAKE THE CHANGE
AND MOVE TO HOUSTON,
I'M GOING TO END UP JUST LIKE ALAN.
WHEN YOU ASK IF I'M GONNA MISS YOU GUYS...
YOU GUYS REALLY HAD MY BACK,
YOU DID THINGS THAT WHAT I KNOW NOW,
A FAMILY'S SUPPOSED TO DO.
SO, TO GO TO HOUSTON AND NOT HAVE ANYONE THERE,
YEAH, IT'S SCARY.
BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT IT'S TIME.
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
I KNOW THIS IS WHAT ALAN WANTED ME TO DO.
I WON'T BE HERE IF I DON'T MAKE THIS CHANGE.
HOPEFULLY I GET APPROVED FOR THE WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.
MS. JONES?
I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD THIS PAST MONTH TO LOSE WEIGHT.
I HOPE THAT I'M APPROVED FOR SURGERY THIS TIME.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
I THOUGHT THE NUMBER WOULD BE LOWER.
IT'S A REAL SHOCK TO SEE THE WEIGHT GAIN.
SO, YOU MANAGED TO GAIN 17.
YEAH.
WHAT PRECIPITATED THAT?
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.
I MEAN, I KNOW MY LEGS ARE FILLED UP WITH FLUID RIGHT NOW.
AND BECAUSE I WAS MOVING HERE,
WE'VE NOT EATEN THE FOODS THAT WE NORMALLY WERE EATING
THAT YOU HAD ME EATING.
WELL, THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS GONNA BE
A SUCCESSFUL WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY WITH YOUR MAKING EXCUSES.
YOU CLEARLY, CLEARLY HAVE EATING DISORDER.
I CANNOT APPROVE YOUR SURGERY NOW.
PAULA KNOWS WHAT TO DO, BUT SHE'S MAKING EXCUSES.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU'RE IN THE SAME DETERMINATION IN SURGERY.
UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR FRAME OF MIND,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO WELL WITH THIS SURGERY.
I DO.
AND IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A CREATURE GROWING IN MY STOMACH.
Dr. Nowzaradan: BUT PAULA IS NOT READY FOR SURGERY.
WE NEED TO PUT YOU ON A LIQUID DIET, OKAY?
Paula: OKAY.
SO, THE CLOCK IS RUNNING NOW.
OKAY.
I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
BUT I THINK I AGREE WITH HIM.
I THINK IT IS A FOOD DISORDER.
IT'S ACTUALLY A RELIEF TO HEAR SOMEBODY ELSE SAY IT.
MY HUSBAND USED TO SAY
THAT STUFF ONLY HAPPENS TO YOU THAT YOU LET HAPPEN TO YOU.
OBVIOUSLY WHAT I'M DOING IS NOT WORKING,
SO I NEED A DIFFERENT PLAN OF ACTION.
MAD, ARE YOU HAVING THIS WITH US?
Madison: ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME ONE?
THE DRINKING LIQUIDS ALL DAY
IS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO.
THERE'S STILL THINGS WHEN I SMELL THEM OR SEE THEM,
I WANT THEM.
WHEN THE KIDS WANT TO HAVE CHIPS OR ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING,
I WANT SOME, TOO.
WHAT FLAVOR IS THERE?
THERE'S BEEF WITH COUNTRY VEGETABLES.
I'M SICK OF DRINKING LIQUIDS.
YOGURT FOR BREAKFAST, SOUP FOR LUNCH, SOUP FOR DINNER.
SOUP, SOUP, AND MORE SOUP.
EATING SOUP FOR EVERY MEAL IS HARD TO DO.
I DON'T KNOW THAT I REALIZED
HOW DIFFICULT THIS PROCESS WAS GOING TO BE.
BUT AT THIS POINT, I HAVE TO DO IT.
I'VE GOT TO GET THE WEIGHT OFF.
SO, TODAY WE'RE GOING TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE
TO GET A FOLLOW-UP.
I FEEL LIKE I DID WELL.
I STUCK TO WHAT HE HAD ASKED,
BUT THAT'S WHAT I SAID THE LAST TIME.
MS. JONES?
I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE.
SO, I'M HOPING I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT
BECAUSE IF I'M NOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY,
I MOVED TO HOUSTON FOR NOTHING.
Woman: MS. JONES?
HI.
I'M REALLY NERVOUS.
I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE.
SO, I'M HOPING I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT.
I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.
[ CHUCKLES ]
WOW!
Dr. Nowzaradan: VERY GOOD. YOU LOST 30 POUNDS.
YES.
I'M PLANNING TO GET US SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK OR SO.
UNTIL THEN, YOU NEED TO GO AHEAD
AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU FOLLOW YOUR DIET.
I'M HOPING YOU'LL LOSE ANOTHER 15, 20 POUNDS.
THAT'S GREAT.
Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M GLAD TO SEE PAULA LOSING 30 POUNDS
AFTER HER WAKE-UP CALL OF GAINING 17 POUNDS.
I THINK SHE GOT THE IDEA THAT SHE CAN DO IT,
BUT STILL, I HAVE TO WATCH HER,
SO AFTER SURGERY, WE'LL MAKE SURE
SHE'LL CONTINUE WITH HER EATING HABITS.
Paula: THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
THINGS ARE FINALLY GOING TO CHANGE FOR ME.
WHOO-HOO!
I'M FINALLY GONNA GET THE OPPORTUNITY
TO TRY TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF.
I'M READY TO CHANGE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.
I'M EXCITED I CAN GET THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
AND I WANT A NEW BEGINNING.
I WANT A TOTAL TRANSFORMATION.
AND I'M GONNA START THE PROCESS RIGHT NOW.
WE'RE GOING TO DYE MY HAIR,
AND IT'S GOING TO BE THE FIRST PHYSICAL CHANGE.
I WANTED BRIGHT SHOCK GREEN, LIKE LIME,
LIKE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK GREEN.
[ LAUGHS ]
I USED TO LIKE CHANGING MY HAIR
BECAUSE IT MADE PEOPLE NOT LOOK AT MY BODY.
WHOO! [ LAUGHS ]
BUT NOW, IT SYMBOLIZES TO ME THE DEATH OF THE OLD PAULA
AND THE BIRTH OF THE NEW ONE.
SURGERY IS RISKY, AND I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT.
BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR MY FAMILY.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
[ CHUCKLES ] AWESOME!
AND I'M READY TO DO IT NOW.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL
SINCE ALAN PASSED AWAY.
SO, WHERE DO WE GO?
I'M REALLY SCARED.
WHEN ALAN PASSED AWAY, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE-UP CALL.
BUT IT WASN'T.
I KNOW THIS IS WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT ME TO DO.
HE WOULDN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE OUR CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY PARENTS.
HE WOULD HAVE WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN.
KIND OF ANXIOUS, WAITING.
Dr. Nowzaradan: OKAY.
1, 2, AND 3.
[ GROANING SOFTLY ]
Man: WATCH YOUR BACK.
YOU ALL RIGHT, MAMA?
Madison: I'M HAPPY.
BUT IT'S KINDA SCARY.
I REMEMBER SEEING MY DAD LIKE THIS IN THE HOSPITAL.
I NEED MY MOM.
I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME.
Paula: IT IS MY DINNER.
EATING AFTER SURGERY HAS BEEN NEXT TO NOTHING.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE AN APPETITE.
NOTHING TASTES THE SAME.
AND EVERYTHING I SMELL MAKES ME NAUSEOUS.
I DON'T FEEL GOOD AT ALL.
MY STOMACH HURTS REALLY, REALLY BAD.
IT JUST HURTS.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
THIS IS GONNA BE HARD.
I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
DR. NOW'S DONE THAT HE'S ABLE TO DO FOR ME
TO GIVE ME THAT KICK START.
NOW THE REST OF IT IS REALLY UP TO ME.
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO THAT.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
BYE, BABY.
Paula: I'VE TURNED TO FOOD MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND THE THOUGHT OF FOOD STILL MAKES ME HAPPY.
CAN I HAVE A NUMBER 1 WITH TWO RANCH SAUCES AND A CUP OF WATER?
SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD.
THANK YOU. YOU, TOO.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, NOT GETTING SOMETHING FOR MYSELF
IS A NEW EXPERIENCE.
MY FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN EATING FAST FOOD OUR WHOLE LIVES.
IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO CHANGE ALL OF THOSE HABITS.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME, MA'AM?
OKAY, EXCELLENT.
I'M TRYING TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF LIFE AFTER SURGERY.
AND EATING RIGHT HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE.
I JUST GOT A JOB AS A DISPATCHER FOR A MOVING COMPANY.
THANK YOU, YOU, TOO. BYE-BYE.
BUT I'M STUCK AT A COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY.
I'M TRYING TO STAY WITHIN THE CONFINES
OF WHAT DR. NOW'S OKAY WITH, BUT IT'S HARD.
EVEN AFTER HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY,
THERE ARE STILL SOME THINGS THAT I WILL INDULGE IN.
THERE'S STILL FOODS THAT I WANT TO EAT
THAT I KNOW AREN'T GOOD FOR ME.
I THINK I'VE DONE WELL THIS PAST MONTH.
I HAVEN'T MADE ALWAYS THE BEST CHOICES,
BUT I'VE REALLY TRIED HARD, AND I THINK I'LL DO WELL.
Woman: OKAY. YOU LOST 10 POUNDS.
I KNEW I'D LOST WEIGHT.
CAN'T SAY THAT I'M NECESSARILY ECSTATIC,
BUT I'M NOT UPSET, EITHER.
HOW ARE YOU?
Paula: I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT. SO, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING SINCE YOU GOT HOME?
GOOD. I'M ABLE TO WALK FARTHER, STAND LONGER.
YOU ONLY LOST 10 POUNDS. WHAT ARE YOU EATING NOW?
MASHED POTATOES.
MASHED POTATO?
THERE'S NO PROTEIN IN MASHED POTATOES.
NO, THERE'S NOT.
YOUR WEIGHT LOSS HAS NOT BEEN SIGNIFICANT.
Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULA IS HAVING SLOW PROGRESS.
WE NEED TO ADDRESS THE MENTALITY OF THE FOOD,
OTHERWISE IT WON'T BE TOO LONG
BEFORE PAULA STARTS GAINING WEIGHT.
I WANT YOU TO CHANGE TO SOMETHING MORE NUTRITIONAL
THAT HAS PROTEIN IN IT, LIKE YOGURT.
I'M HOPING THAT YOU'RE GONNA DROP MORE RAPIDLY, SOME WEIGHT.
OKAY.
Paula: I THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER.
I'VE DONE EVERYTHING HE'S ASKED ME TO DO.
I'M FEELING VERY FRUSTRATED.
IT'S NOT WORKING.
Paula: WHEN EVERYONE'S PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU,
THE PRESSURE TO SUCCEED IS EPIC.
I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO ATLANTA,
AND WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE SAVANNAH'S 9th BIRTHDAY
WITH HER FAMILY.
IT'LL BE NICE TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN.
WHEW! THAT'S GOT A LINE TODAY.
IT'S DIFFICULT ON THE ROAD TO EAT PROPERLY.
THE BEST OPTION IS FAST FOOD.
CAN YOU GET ME THE NUMBER 8?
I NEED TWO SAUSAGE BISCUIT MEALS.
THERE AREN'T A LOT OF HEALTHY OPTIONS AT DRIVE-THROUGHS.
BUT MY KIDS HAVE TO EAT.
I KNOW I'M EATING FOODS THAT I SHOULDN'T,
BUT TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING DR. NOW IS OKAY WITH
CAN BE KIND OF DIFFICULT.
ALL I CAN DO IS KEEP WORKING TOWARDS MY GOAL.
IT'S NICE TO SEE MY FAMILY.
BUT IT'S A LONG DRIVE, AND I'M TRIED AND I'M HUNGRY.
ARE THESE LEMON PEPPER?
YEAH. THAT ONE IS.
OH.
TWO CHICKEN WINGS, A TEASPOON OF COLESLAW,
A TEASPOON OF POTATO SALAD,
AND PROBABLY A TABLESPOON OF SQUASH.
HOW COME YOU DON'T EAT IT A LITTLE BIT SLOWER?
I WAS HUNGRY.
MNH.
THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION IN HERE.
I MEAN, I JUST WANT YOU TO SUCCEED, AND I THINK YOU CAN.
WE'RE A HEAVY FAMILY. WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG FAMILY.
BUT NONE OF US HAVE EVER BEEN AS LARGE OR HEAVY
RIGHT.
I'M TELLING YOU TO TELL YOURSELF,
"I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF."
AND GO TO A GYM AND JUST TAKE WHAT THEY TELL YOU.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE, PAULA.
YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT.
I THINK ONE THING THAT YOU GUYS NEED TO DO,
AND YOU NEED TO DO IT SOON,
YOU GOT TO GET INTO SOME COUNSELING.
I HEARD EVERYTHING YOU SAID. I FEEL YOU.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO SUGARCOAT IT WITH YOU.
I WANT TO KEEP IT REAL.
MY DESIRE IS FOR YOU TO KEEP GOING,
BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT, TOO.
MY SISTER-IN-LAW DOESN'T THINK I'M TRYING, BUT I AM.
SHE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME.
I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL. HAPPY.
TODAY'S SAVANNAH'S BIRTHDAY,
AND I'M HAPPY WE'RE CELEBRATING IT HERE WITH ALL THE FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE ALL FAMILY GATHERINGS, THERE'S LOTS OF FOOD.
IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR ME TO RESIST
BECAUSE FOOD IS HAPPINESS, AND THIS IS A HAPPY TIME.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA EAT THAT, AND YOU'RE DONE?
MM-HMM.
TILL DINNER.
NO.
IF I'M STILL HUNGRY WHEN I'M DONE,
IF I STILL FEEL LIKE I WANT A LITTLE BIT MORE, I CAN HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE.
THEN I'LL GET A LITTLE BIT MORE.
BUT IF I DON'T...
PAULA, YOU WANT TO HELP ME, TOO?
CLEAN UP.
Paula: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
YOU GOT TO CARRY THIS STUFF IN.
THERE YOU GO.
MY FAMILY TRIES TO BE SUPPORTIVE,
BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I STILL HAVE SOME LIMITS.
YES, BUT I ALSO HAVE TO HAVE MY HAND TO GET UP THAT RAMP.
THERE YOU GO. WORK IT, GIRL.
SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GET HEALTHIER NOW AND LOSING THE WEIGHT.
SHE SHOULD HAVE MORE MOBILITY.
THERE MIGHT BE SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE CHANGED,
BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS SHE HAD CHANGED
SINCE SHE HAD THE SURGERY.
IT'S EVIDENT RIGHT NOW.
'CAUSE SHE SHOULD BE OUT HERE HELPING US CLEAN UP.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I WORKED ALL DAY, TOO.
MY FEET HURT, TOO.
I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE PART OF THE CLEANUP CREW.
I'M NOT TIRED. I'M NOT ACHY. I'M NOT ANYTHING.
I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE PART OF IT. I WANNA.
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN BE LIKE, "MOM, YOU HAD TO DO DA-DA-DA-DA."
SHE'S LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE TO DO NOTHING."
THERE'S ALWAYS AN EXCUSE.
IT IS HARD, MADISON, BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY,
KEEP ENCOURAGING HER.
DON'T STOP.
Paula: HEADED TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE FOR A CHECKUP.
I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN ABOUT A MONTH.
HOPEFULLY I'VE LOST MORE WEIGHT.
AS LONG AS I HAVEN'T GAINED WEIGHT, ALL'S GOOD.
DOES THAT MEAN I GAINED WEIGHT?
Woman: YES.
THAT SUCKS.
MANAGED TO GAIN A COUPLE POUNDS ON.
I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EATEN ANY DIFFERENTLY.
I ACTUALLY THINK I'VE EATEN PRETTY MUCH THE SAME.
THE PERCEPTION THAT YOU HAVE THAT "I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH"
NEEDS TO BE CORRELATED WITH THE SCALE, OKAY?
PAULA IS A LITTLE BIT CONCERNING BECAUSE SHE'S NOT LOSING WEIGHT
AND SHE'S TELLING ME THAT SHE'S ALMOST EATING NOTHING.
IF YOU EAT NOTHING AND YOU'RE AT HER WEIGHT CATEGORY,
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE ONE OR TWO POUNDS A DAY.
I'M OBVIOUSLY VERY CONFUSED WITH THE FOOD, PERIOD.
I FEEL LIKE I'M EATING WHAT YOU WANT ME TO EAT,
BUT I'M NOT GETTING THE RESULTS.
SO, YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE EATING TOO MUCH,
BUT IN THE MEANTIME,
WE'RE NOT ABLE TO GET YOU TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT, HUH?
THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS PROCESS
IS TO SWITCH TO HEALTHY EATING HABIT.
KEEP WORKING ON IT.
Paula: BECAUSE I FEEL FRUSTRATED. I FEEL UPSET.
I'VE BEEN FEELING A LITTLE DEFEATED,
BUT NOT THAT I WANT TO QUIT.
I JUST WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL,
AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
IT'S PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
Paula: YOU CAN SPEND YOUR LIFE TRYING TO FIGHT THE SYSTEM,
BUT SOONER OR LATER YOU'RE GOING TO REALIZE
THAT THE ONLY THING THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE IS YOU.
MY SISTER-IN-LAW TALKED TO ME ABOUT MY LACK OF ACTIVITY
IN ATLANTA, AND I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT,
AND I'VE TAKEN IT TO HEART.
I'VE DECIDED TO START WORKING OUT IN THE MORNINGS.
WORKING OUT IS A NECESSARY EVIL.
YOU ONLY GET BETTER BY DOING IT.
IT'S KINDA LIKE MATH HOMEWORK.
WORKOUT'S NEVER FUN, BUT IT'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO DO.
WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UH, LET'S WARM YOU UP, AND THEN WE'LL GET STARTED.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO TODAY.
SO, JUST GO 15 TO WARM UP,
AND WE'RE GONNA PROGRESSIVELY GO UP IN WEIGHT.
AND THEN WE'LL BRING THE PAIN.
5 MORE.
YOU GOT TO AIM THAT FOR YOUR NOSE.
YEAH.
WORKING OUT FOR SOMEONE WHO'S SUPER OBESE IS HARD.
I'M EXTREMELY OUT OF SHAPE.
EXCELLENT.
TRY TO INHALE THROUGH YOUR NOSE AND EXHALE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.
IT SEEMS LIKE I HIT A WALL WHEN I'M WORKING OUT
AND THE WORLD SPINS AND MY FEET FEEL HEAVY.
I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING BECAUSE SOMETHING'S WRONG.
NOW, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD THE BALL RIGHT HERE.
YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP, PRESS UP, BRING IT DOWN.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
ALL RIGHT. CATCH YOUR BREATH.
THIS IS GONNA TAKE TIME. IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME.
DO TRY TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN IF YOU CAN, THOUGH.
I CAN'T. EVERYTHING'S SPINNING.
YES.
OKAY.
I HATE FEELING WEAK.
SOME PEOPLE WERE BORN TO WORK OUT.
I'M NOT ONE OF THEM.
DUDE, I'M GONNA PASS OUT.
BECAUSE SHE'S AT THE VERY BEGINNING STEPS OF WORKING OUT,
PAULA IS FEELING NAUSEA, DIZZINESS, AND WHATNOT.
I GOT YOU, GIRL.
MNH.
IT'S A PROCESS, AND RIGHT NOW, WE'RE IN KINDERGARTEN,
AND OUR GOAL IS TO GET TO COLLEGE.
AS SHE GETS MORE AND MORE INTO HER WORKOUTS,
THE SYMPTOMS WILL SUBSIDE, EVENTUALLY.
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE WORKED OUT.
I'M NOT QUITE READY FOR ALL THIS RIGHT NOW.
AS I WORK OUT MORE, MY BODY SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
CAN I GET A BURRITO AND A CUP OF ICE?
THANK YOU.
IT'S NORMAL IN MY FAMILY TO HOLD THINGS IN
AND NOT DEAL WITH THEM.
IT'S HARD TO CARRY AROUND THESE EMOTIONS.
YOU GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU GO NUMB.
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE SUCCESSFUL IF I JUST HEAL MY BODY.
I'VE GOT TO HEAL MY HEAD.
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
PAULA, WELCOME. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
COME ON BACK.
WHAT MAKES YOU READY FOR CHANGE NOW, OF ALL TIMES?
I THINK A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE HAD LED ME
UP TO THE POINT WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS READY BEFORE AND PROBABLY WASN'T.
AND MY HUSBAND DIED, AND SO NOW IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT MY KIDS,
TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS, BE THERE FOR MY KIDS.
I'M NOT GETTING YOUNGER,
AND WHERE I'M AT AND WHERE I WANT TO BE
AND WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO GO, I'M NOT THERE.
RIGHT.
NOW, DO YOU FEEL LIKE IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT,
HAS IT TAKEN ENOUGH OF ITS TOLL ON YOU?
YEAH.
THE WEIGHT IS A SYMPTOM, AND YOU RECOGNIZE THAT, RIGHT,
OF SOMETHING MORE.
IT'S A SYMPTOM OF AN EMOTIONAL OBSTACLE OVER THE YEARS.
IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT GAIN, WHAT WOULD EXPLAIN
THE EMOTIONAL EATING IN THOSE EARLY YEARS?
I'VE BEEN OVERWEIGHT SINCE I WAS MOLESTED.
AND HOW OLD WERE YOU THEN?
5 OR 6.
AND SO, THE PHYSICAL IS A REFLECTION.
IS THAT FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD CONTINUE THE ABUSE ON YOURSELF?
A REALITY, BUT NOT FAIR.
REALLY, THERE'S NO WAY AROUND THE PAIN.
WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH IT.
SO MUCH OF OUR ANGER IS STUFFED AND BURIED.
HOW MUCH OF THIS HAVE YOU BEEN STUFFING
THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO LOOK AT?
RIGHT NOW, I'M [CHUCKLES]
ANGER, RIGHT NOW, IS WHAT I'M FEELING.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU GET TO INTERPRET LIFE FOR YOURSELF,
TO TELL YOURSELF WHAT YOUR EXPERIENCES MEAN TO YOU.
YOU DECIDE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS INTOLERABLE.
BUT DOES THAT MEAN THAT IT SHOULD BE THIS BURDEN
AND WEIGHT ON YOUR SOUL YOUR WHOLE LIFE?
Paula: I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN MY PAST
STILL HOLDING ME BACK.
I'M CARRYING A LOT OF ANGER AROUND.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE ALAN PASSED AWAY.
BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL BE SUCCESSFUL IN LOSING WEIGHT
IF I DON'T DEAL WITH THESE INNER EMOTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN BURIED.
IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT.
AFTER SEEING THE COUNSELOR,
I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE STEPS TO MOVE FORWARD.
I'M DONE MAKING EXCUSES.
I'VE LOST A TOTAL OF 19 POUNDS IN THE LAST MONTH.
BUT IT WASN'T MY GOAL.
Paula: HOW ARE YOU?
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M ALL RIGHT.
SO, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?
ACCORDING WHAT YOU SAID I SHOULD BE LOSING, I'M NOT LOSING IT.
YOU'RE DOING GOOD. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON IT.
DON'T FEEL FRUSTRATED. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE UPS AND DOWNS.
BUT THE WHOLE IDEA IS TO STICK WITH IT.
PAULA IS MAKING SOME PROGRESS.
JUST STICK WITH IT. DON'T GIVE UP.
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP.
ALL RIGHT. GREAT.
YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
Paula: I THINK DR. NOW IS RIGHT.
YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND GETTING MOTIVATED.
YOU HAVE TO.
Paula: YOU HAVE TO KNOW TRUE DESPAIR IN ORDER TO KNOW TRUE GRACE.
BUT IN THE END, LIFE IS ABOUT BOTH.
I GAVE MYSELF A GOAL THAT ONCE I LOST 100 POUNDS
THAT I WAS GONNA DYE MY HAIR.
SO, IT'S TIME.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE A POSITIVE STEP.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE TURNED ANOTHER LEAF,
AND I WANT TO REFLECT THAT ON MY OUTSIDE AGAIN.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
I AM MORE MOTIVATED
THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN IN GOING TO COUNSELING
BECAUSE I JUST WANT A RELEASE
OF THE FEELINGS THAT I STILL HAVE STORED INSIDE.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D JUST CHECK IN
IN TERMS WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR HUSBAND.
ANY OF THAT GRIEF THAT'S STILL HOLDING YOU BACK TODAY?
NO, BECAUSE I THINK THAT I'M ACKNOWLEDGING IT MORE.
AND SO I'M NOT JUST BURYING IT. I'M FEELING IT.
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IT. YOU'RE FACING IT.
RIGHT. IT'S NOT CONTROLLING ME ANY MORE.
IN TERMS OF THE MOLESTATION,
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GET TO SOME FINAL CLOSURE ON THAT?
I'VE LIVED WITH THOSE CONSEQUENCES NOW
FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.
AND I CAN'T CARRY IT ANYMORE.
I'VE LET IT GO.
CAN I HEAR YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?
I'VE LET IT GO. I'M TAKING WEIGHT OFF.
I'M TAKING STRESS OFF.
SO, I CAN'T HOLD ONTO IT ANYMORE.
YOU'VE ALREADY MADE STEPS THAT PROVE TO ME YOU'RE THERE.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME. YOU WILL REACH YOUR GOAL.
I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
I FEEL LIKE I MADE ANOTHER BREAKTHROUGH.
I'M NOWHERE CLOSE TO WHERE I NEED TO BE,
BUT AT LEAST I CAN SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
WE ARE GOING TO SEE DR. NOW.
I GOT TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW,
MY FOCUS IS PROBABLY BETTER THAN IT'S EVER BEEN.
WHOO-HOO!
I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY HEALTH THAT I'M DOING BETTER.
I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY EXERCISE,
THAT I'M GOING LONGER AND LASTING LONGER.
WE'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
ALL RIGHT. COME ALONG.
GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 390 POUNDS, HUH?
YES, SIR.
FINALLY, YOU GOT THE RIGHT TRACK.
IT JUST TOOK ME A WHILE, BUT I'M GETTING IT, AND I'M GETTING THERE.
Dr. Nowzaradan: I THINK PAULA'S DOING VERY WELL.
I THINK SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY.
THANK YOU.
Paula: IT'S BEEN A LONG JOURNEY. I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.
AND I THINK I'M DOING BETTER.
AND I THINK THAT ALAN WOULD AGREE.
THE GIRLS AND I ARE GOING TO MEET WITH A TRAINER
SO THAT WE CAN DO A WORKOUT AS A FAMILY.
PARENTS NEED TO MODEL THEIR BEHAVIOR.
I CAN'T JUST TALK ABOUT IT.
I HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT, AND I NEED TO SHOW THEM
WHAT I'M DOING AND ALLOW THEM TO BE PART OF IT.
PART OF THIS JOURNEY WAS TO BE A BETTER MOM
AND TO BE MORE ACTIVE.
HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING TODAY?
AND I THINK I'M DOING THAT.
HIGH FIVE.
AND IF YOU'RE LEANING BACK,
YOU STILL HAVE TO CONTROL MORE ON THE WAY BACK.
THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME WE WORKED OUT AS A FAMILY
IN ORDER TO SET THE EXAMPLE FOR MY CHILDREN.
I THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO SEE ME DOING IT.
IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS SINCE I WAS ABLE TO DO
A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT I'M DOING NOW.
4 MORE. 4 MORE.
I DO NOT THINK MY MOM WOULD HAVE DONE THIS A YEAR AGO.
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT SHE'S TRYING.
I AM PROUD OF MY MOM.
SHE'S CAME A LONG WAY FROM WHERE SHE WAS,
SO I'M VERY PROUD THAT SHE COULD TAKE THAT STEP.
Paula: IT MIGHT BE SLOWER THAN I WANT,
BUT I'M STILL MOVING TOWARDS MY GOAL.
I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.
Jonathan: GOOD JOB TODAY.
THANK YOU.
WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR NOW,
I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S BEAUTIFUL, SOMEONE WHO'S HAPPIER.
I'M STARTING TO LIKE ME.