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My name's Ralph and... I'm a bad guy
Uh... Let's see
I'm nine ft. tall
I weigh 643 pounds... and got a little bit of a temper on me
My passion-bubble's very... near the surface, I guess
Not gonna lie
Anywho, what else, uhh...
I'm a wrecker
I wreck things
professionally
I mean I'm very good at what I do, probably the best I know
The thing is...
''Fixing'' is the name of the game
Literally, ''Fix-It-Felix Jr.''
So, yeah, naturally the guy with the name Fix-It-Felix is the good guy
He's nice enough, as good guys go
Definitely fixes stuff really well, but hah
Uh... if you've got a magic hammer from your father
How hard can it be?
if he was a regular contractor proprietary guy
I guarantee you he'll not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly
When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal
But other medals for wrecking stuff really well
To that, I say ''Ha!''