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>>Male Presenter: So, we're very excited to Dane Cook here today to an hour of fireside
chat with us. Yeah.
[applause]
Pretty cool. So, Dane Cook is a comedian. He's an actor. He's an entertainer. And he's
actually one of the first celebrities that was on Google Plus, so we're really excited
to have him here this morning.
Got a demo for us from the product. And we just really wanna hear from him about how
he's been using it. So, Dane's gonna join us and we'll just do a really casual Q&A.
So Dane, you wanna come up?
>>Dane Cook: Thanks man. Thank you. All right. What's up everybody? What's going on, hey?
[clapping]
You're all in my circles.
[laughter]
As of right now.
>>Male Presenter: Yeah, it's automatic.
>>Dane Cook: Why do we have four beverages up here already?
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: I don't know. Which one do you want?
>>Dane Cook: And some of them have already been consumed.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: This one's mine. You can have it.
>>Dane Cook: Are these all the past--. Is this Eddie Izzard's and--.
>>Male Presenter: Yeah. Eddie was here yesterday and we talked about that.
>>Dane Cook: Yes.
>>Male Presenter: Cool. So, we just wanted to do a little--
>>Dane Cook: Do a little rap battle? Is that how we're starting?
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Just starting.
>>Dane Cook: Drop a beat on me.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: I can't.
[laughter]
Cool. But yeah, we're just gonna ask some questions. So, maybe give us just a little
bit of the first questions I'm asking is you came from not being a comedian to being a
comedian.
>>Dane Cook: Yes. That's how it starts. [laughing]
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: How did that happen?
>>Dane Cook: There was a great period where I was a comedian, but I still really wasn't
a comedian. I just told people that I was a comedian. How did that start? I'm from right
outside of Boston, Arlington, Massachusetts. All right.
>>Male Presenter: Three out there.
>>Dane Cook: Yes. Go Sox. I think we're in first place right now, I do believe. You don't
have to be sorry. Yeah, so I grew up in Arlington. Five sisters and a funny family. I'm the shy
one. I really am--
>>Male Presenter: Fun.
>>Dave: the quietest, shyest person in my whole family. Everybody else was really outrageous.
And my mom was very physical. Everything was very big with my mom. She'd be like, "Good
morning. Breakfast is here."
[laughter]
And she would always dance and serve food. And then my dad was really like stoic. He
was pretty badass. My dad was like this, but real understated, dry sense of humor. And
I love their style of comedy.
And I already appreciated that they were funny people, so as I got older and I told them
I wanted to be a comedian, I basically just took my mom and dad's style and made it my
own. 'Cause I wanted to be physical, but still have, like my dad, a cool swagger to him.
And that's really how it all started. And they were like, "No, you're not gonna really
do stand-up comedy. You're too shy and quiet." I would puke every day on the way to school.
[laughter]
Yeah, I really did.
>>Male Presenter: I did this morning.
>>Dane Cook: It was called the "throw up tree." I had the throw up tree. And if I could make
it past the throw up tree, I would be OK at school. But most of the time, I was so anxious
that I would throw up at the throw up tree, hence the name, and--.
But truly, I always wanted to be a stand-up comic based on my funny family and we would
watch like, Saturday Night Live together. And I would watch my family laughing and I
would just watch them laugh and I was so enamored by the fact that they loved that stuff.
And then, they would act it out, that I think it made me want to be a comedian to entertain
my family. And really it was always about making my family laugh first.
>>Male Presenter: So, if you're the shyest, what do your five sisters do?
>>Dane Cook: I don't know. I've never met them.
[laughter]
They're pretty loony. And they're all like, you know the movie "The Fighter?" You've seen
"The Fighter?" You know the sisters in "The Fighter?"
[laughter]
That's my *** family.
[laughter]
I'm not even kidding you. Like, I have the least of the Boston accent. I have a little,
like at night, and I start to get tired.
[laughter]
But truly, if you watch that movie, the mother in that is my sister Cathy. My sister Cathy,
I can swear here, right?
>>Male Presenter: Yeah.
>>Dane Cook: OK.
>>Male Presenter: You guys are all over thirteen, [inaudible]?
>>Dane Cook: My sister Cathy will literally, when I call her, she'll be like,
[using a high-pitched female voice] "Oh, my God. My *** brother Dane is like,
all over the TV. It's *** crazy."
[laughter]
All my sisters have that high-pitched, crazy.
[using a high-pitched female voice] "It's unbelievable."
>>Male Presenter: So from that, when did you feel like you made it, or--
>>Dane Cook: Loosen up. Let's have some fun.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: It's Dane Cook.
>>Dane Cook: I feel like I'm on "Inside the Actor's Studio."
[laughter]
Talk about your battle with cancer, Dane.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Can we? [pause] Now I don't know what to say.
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: What do you want to know?
>>Male Presenter: How about coolest performance that you've done?
>>Dane Cook: I think hosting SNL was, because watching it growing up and I would act out
whenever Don Pardo would say, [using Don Pardo voice] "It's Saturday Night Live." I would
walk into the living room and pretend I was the celebrity.
[laughter]
And my family would clap for me and then, of course, watch the show. And so, for my
entire young adult life, I would watch. Martin Short was a big influence. I loved brave comics.
I used to love John Ritter and watch "Three's Company," or Martin Short or Steve Martin
is a guy that really--. Just people that used vernacular, used physicality. And so, I would
watch that show and I would dream about being, coming through the door. And when I finally
got the call from Lorne Michaels to host, it was, it's still unbelievable.
It was incredible. And that moment standing, you're standing--. When you're back there,
there's nothing back there. It's just like a plank of wood and it's just completely pitch
black. And it's just you and the producer, she's wearing the headset, and you can hear
in the headset like, "Starring," and they're going through the names.
And you're just standing there. The double glass and you try to see through, but you
can't really see anything. And she'd be like this. Like, "20 seconds." And then she's listening.
"Ten seconds." I remember just in that moment being like, "Wow. My whole life I've been
staring at this door and now I'm going to walk through that. I've always wondered what
was behind here. And I'm behind here."
[laughter]
And it was just like, crazy.
>>Male Presenter: Were you still wondering?
>>Dane Cook: It was unbelievable to walk out. And of course, the band's there and you're
hearing this famous theme music. And I almost forgot about being funny or--. I really just
wanted to get to the mark and look at the camera and be like, to my family, be like,
"I'm here!"
[laughter]
And not even care about the performance. It was truly a highlight of my life. Next to
this.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: This would be Top Three for me too. Top Three. Definitely.
>>Dane Cook: Hmm.
>>Male Presenter: I'll take this one. But you are here because we're really excited
to have you as one of--
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: [spit-take] You're excited?
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Not that excited.
>>Dane Cook: No. No.
[laughter]
Classic spit-take. Come on. Right there. Let's--. What is this? What are we doing?
[laughter]
We just locked hands so lovingly.
[laughter]
That was like a--
[Dane Cook laughs]
>>Male Presenter: I had that planned.
>>Dane Cook: Did you see that? That was like out of "The Notebook" or something. We just--
[laughter]
I've never seen a high five. Can we do it again? It just, to make, and then we did this.
[laughter, clapping, cheering]
>>Male Presenter: Did we do it like this?
>>Dane Cook: Shaking like leaf, baby.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: That's how most rap battles start. We're on it. But I am excited. We're
excited.
>>Dane Cook: I'm very thrilled to be up here.
>>Male Presenter: Do you want take another sip and I can say it again?
>>Dane Cook: Oh, no. One spit take per Google visit.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: So, I mean, can you give us a little bit of background about--. 'Cause
MySpace, you are one of the main celebrities that brought MySpace to the forefront. Can
you tell us about your journey through the digital--?
>>Dane Cook: Yeah. My goal was to destroy it.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Failed.
>>Dane Cook: It took me a while.
[laughter]
I wanted to corrode it from within.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Thank you.
>>Dane Cook: In 1999-2000, I was like just sitting around in my underwear eating Fruit
Loops, I remember. And just languishing. I would go on the road a little bit. I wasn't
making very much money and I was just like at that point in my career where--. Even my
family was like, "What's going on with this? What's happening?"
And I remember watching a punk rock documentary that made a great impact on me. And part of
the documentary was they were following this band called like, Dragon's Breath, or whatever--some
punk band. And part of this documentary was showing these guys putting their flyers up
on telephone poles and stuff, and passing them out in Harvard Square in Boston.
And they're like, "Yeah, we're Dragon's Breath. Come see us." I remember one person grabbed
the flyer and was like, "Dragon's Breath? But there's not even a date on here. What
is this?" And they were like, "Oh, we don't have a gig yet. We just want people to know
our name."
And right in that moment, I was like, well, instead of sitting around 23 hours of the
day waiting to maybe perform at a comedy club in front of ten people, maybe I can have an
online flyer. Maybe I can post my instant message screen name and then eventually Friendster
and then MySpace.
And just start inviting people to my comedy. So, it was really watching that that I realized
I could put more time/effort/energy into finding my fans if I were to join social networking
sites and really be a part of it. Not just superfluous posts every few days, "Eating
a club sandwich."
Like, letting people into my world and letting people know that there's jokes, there's a
journey. I always made it about us. And I got *** sometimes for I'm pandering because
I care about what my audience thinks. And I would refer to it as like, "We are doing
this." "We just got Premium Blend. My first Comedy Central."
But by doing that, I really built, I laid a foundation with a group of people I've grown
up with now. I mean, some of first followers I still keep in touch with. I've always corresponded.
I'm insane about keeping everything in folders and I have my first people I had IM chats
with on AOL.
Some of them are married. I've been a part of their weddings. I mean, fans of mine that
I've travelled through the years with and it all started really with that idea of truly
using those sites for something more than just looking for hot chicks, which I do that,
too.
[laughter]
And it's so easy 'cause I'm me.
[laughter]
They're like waiting.
>>Male Presenter: So, you must have--
>>Dane Cook: No, they're hot.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Can you prove it?
>>Dane Cook: Yeah. Join my circle.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: In it.
[laughter]
Wanna high five again?
>>Dane Cook: Let's do it.
[laughter]
Oh, and then the slow--. We have a slow dismount thing. We keep adding more to it. Is this
live, being fed to the world right now? OK.
>>Male Presenter: Nah. But so, you must have experimented with some stuff on--
[laughter]
[clapping]
You said to loosen up, right?
>>Dane Cook: I started making *** in my bathroom at 14.
[laughter]
Is what you're wearing considered a loafer?
[laughter]
Experimenting with what? With?
[laughter]
With my sexuality?
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: I'll let you keep going. Whatever you think.
>>Dave: What are you saying? Stragglers? Hi. Welcome.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: But social networks first of all.
>>Dave: Social networks. Anything and everything. I love it. I have a genuine interest in it.
I learned HTML code. Remember the MySpace things that would freeze your page? The little
hearts? I started that.
[laughter]
To ruin that space. No. I was just really interested in the tech that went behind this
device that I was using that changed my life. I mean this sincerely. It's like, I remember
at one point, like 2004 and '05, when it really started to turn into these massive college
tours.
And I finally was--. I could take care of my family. You know what I mean? I was taking
care of my family telling stories because they supported me, this big full circle, this
Google circle. And--
>>Male Presenter: We paid him for that. I'm just kidding.
>>Dane Cook: And it was really an incredible moment to realize that because of an authentic
affiliation I had with my fans that I was able to pay, buy myself a home. To buy my
family, my mom, a house, just from spending that time during those days instead of just
playing video games and doing nothing.
Which I did that as well. I fit it all in. It's been incredible. It's really been an
unbelievable--. There's been many lows, but the highs are too high to mention. It's crazy.
>>Male Presenter: Yeah. And--.
>>Dane Cook: And yeah. You seem enthused.
[laughter]
I'm sorry I'm not Eddie Izzard.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: You're better. But you are one of the first people--
>>Dane Cook: Yeah.
[laughter]
I love this.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Me, too.
>>Dane Cook: I was one of the first what?
>>Male Presenter: On Google Plus. You got more in-depth with them this morning from
us. Can you tell us what you think about the product?
>>Dane Cook: Yeah, I don't care for it.
[laughter]
I think it should be restarted from the ground up with ideas that I have. No, I think it's,
there's a lot in there. And I mean, what I realized today, finally sitting. It's not
just the streaming updates and even though a lot of these sites you have the ability
to post your photos.
I really love the community aspect, especially with what I learned today with the Huddles
for the phone. And then, because even that, I love engaging with my fans. And if I'm on
a tour, I like being able to say and I've done this for the last couple of years on
tour "Hey, send me a photo right now to my email with your tickets."
And people will send pictures. And if they're up in like the Z seats, I not only bring them
backstage to hang with me up until the show, then I put them in the front row. And I've
done that with my fans for the last ten years. So, any way that I can have that ability to
have an even quicker correspondence.
Now they don't have to send it to an email to where I have to suss through and all that.
It's like I can instantly share right there and grab somebody right out of that audience
to come back and be a part of my special night wherever I'm performing.
>>Male Presenter: Yeah. You do a lot of the stuff like that with Twitter, too. And Fridays,
you ask for pictures.
>>Dane Cook: Can we talk about that here?
[laughter]
I didn't know we could talk about that.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: They'll cut it for the--.
>>Dane Cook: I do. I'll do whatever. On weekends, I'll put a picture up like, "This is what
I'm doing. What are you doing?" And people will send pictures from around the world.
I get photos from around the world. Or, I'll tell people, "Do my Su-Fi," which is my reverse
rock and roll sign.
And they send these pictures in from everywhere. I say this. If you ever stand behind me and
check out my emails, it's a story. It's like I, on any given day, you'll read emails that
are inspiring and sometimes really moving to know that I've connected with people through
comedy in a way that's helpful in their life.
And I know that comedy gave me a life, saved my life really in many ways, dealing with
a lot of just really hardcore anxiety when I was a kid. But I had my outlet.
And now, my outlet is sharing with other people who may need somebody like myself who understands
and can understand being on both sides of the spectrum: feeling like a failure, feeling
like I'm insignificant, and then feeling like I have a voice and feeling like I have something
to share with people.
Just one quick thing. I remember a teacher, Lucille Burk, said to me in 10th Grade, the
assignment was, she said, put it up on the board, "What are you going to do to be a contributing
member of your community?" That was the question. And it was like one of those things that just
smashed me.
It consumed me, this question of what am I gonna do to give back. And I feel like this
is how I can give back, to be able to travel the world with comedy. I went to Iraq a couple
years ago. I did shows for the troops over there and to be able to bring comedy and entertainment
to alleviate stress.
It's the best. I live a charmed life. And you're a part of it now.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Thank you. A lot of anxiety being up here with you. But, can you share
some of those stories or any of those stories?
>>Dane Cook: No. It's none of your *** business.
[laughter]
What stories?
>>Male Presenter: That people share with you. You said a lot of them were really touching,
about how you've touched their lives.
>>Dane Cook: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's--
[laughter]
Some are literally about very close with my fans.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Go on.
[Dane Cook laughs]
>>Dane Cook: I mean, first of all, one of the most unbelievable correspondents I ever
had was with a soldier who is over in Iraq. And we started communicating back and forth
through one of the sites.
And over the course of three or four months, we would just continually update. And he was
like, "I'm live in the"--they called it the suck's--"I'm out in the suck." And I'd be
like, "I'm hanging by the pool, baby."
[laughter]
And we just had this great report. And when I would go back and read it, it was funny
and it was--. And then I would ask questions about like, "What was your mission last night?
What did you have to do?"
And sometimes he would write me and say, "Terrible night last night." And he would share with
me a loss within the platoon. And then a week later, he would talk about different comedians
or my stuff or whatever and things that made him laugh.
But there's one part of the correspondence that just, to this day, is incredible, where
he wrote me and said that they were in a fire fight in the middle of the night. And he described
in email that, I have this one routine that I do where I say "every guy wants to do a
heist".
I say, "Even more than sex with a beautiful woman, we would love to do a heist. We wanna
be a part of a heist." And so, in the heist thing, I say the things that you need in the
heist. You need like a weapons expert. You need somebody to have the van to drive the
getaway van when you come out.
And then I have a line where I say--. I'm acting it out and I'm saying, "The van's never
there." Just like in the movies, when you get outside, so you're out there going, "Where's
the van? The van's supposed to be here." And you're firing and we want the van to be there.
And so, I had sent them over the CDs. And when he wrote back at this particular correspondence,
he said, "In the middle of the fire fight as they were shooting into the darkness, they
all started yelling 'Where's the van?'"
[laughter]
They're getting shot at in the darkness and then to make it somewhat lighter, they're
making each other laugh with a piece of material that I came up with. And it's just like, it's
so unbelievable.
And to say flattering, is like there's no word to describe it. But one of countless
emails, that again, every day, you open up the email every day and it's potluck. It's
gonna be crazy, weird stalkers, silly, ***--
[laughter]
and then there's--. And then you'll get an email like when I did SNL actually the first time. I wanted to do
a piece of material, actually, it was my second SNL appearance.
And I wanted to do a bit about suicide. Somebody that I knew had attempted suicide. I was angry
about it and sad and all these things. And I wanted to do this bit. Lorne's supported
it. And even though the network is very iffy about it, he supported it. And I did the bit.
And I got people that were not happy that I did this routine. And I expected that, you
know? So, I got a lot of heat. But then, I got letters that were--. I got a letter from
a 15-year old girl, who wrote me this deeply personal letter and paraphrasing it was like,
"I've been keeping this depression from my family. And until we all were laughing together
watching you, then I felt I could bring it to my family."
And to be a part of somebody's life like that. And again, there's so many letters like that.
And to use a site like this, to be able to immediately communicate with that person,
to be like, "Hey, it's OK. I know that feeling. I've been there."
Or all the good times and the highlight moments and the things that are just festive and happy
and joyous, it's the best. And to be able to, again, I wanna be able to utilize this
technology this day. I always wanted my fans with me. I literally meant that.
Like, I want you guys with me the whole--whatever I can share of that part of my life. So, I'm
trying.
>>Male Presenter: And on Google Plus, has there been anything like that? What has your
experience been on actually being on it, talking to fans with the comments and plus oneing?
>>Dane Cook: Yeah, no. It's been good. Right now everybody's still in that place where
we're getting used to it. You're hitting buttons going like, "I didn't know it did this."
[laughter]
But the experience has been really positive. And it seems like everybody that--. I'll put
it this way, it's not like you're seeing people leave circles as more and more people that
are coming in.
And the numbers are growing. Every time I hit that refresh button, I'm psyched to see
thousands more people that are hopping onboard there.
>>Male Presenter: Yeah. So, at Google, we're awkward people, kinda nerdy and all that stuff.
[laughter]
So.
>>Dane Cook: What? Are you awkward people? I don't know. This place is kinda wacky, man.
This is like, you got everything in here. I went down a slide a little while ago.
[laughter]
And you got a pool that makes waves.
>>Male Presenter: And a lifeguard just in case.
>>Dane Cook: You can live your whole life right on here. You never even have to leave
here.
>>Male Presenter: We were talking about that, yeah.
>>Dane Cook: You guys should build robots to have sex with.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: What are you implying? That we need that?
>>Dane Cook: Well you know, 'cause there's a lot of, you know, dorks.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: That's what I'm saying. So, a lot of us need to learn how to break
the ice in certain situations.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah.
>>Male Presenter: A lot of people asked me to ask you, can you give us your favorite
joke or an easy joke that we can slide in there?
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: No.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Please?
>>Dane Cook: What about you? Do you have any jokes? You said earlier that you had jokes.
>>Male Presenter: OK. I'll try. I mean, you'll rate them for me. These are good.
[laughter]
You ready?
>>Dane Cook: Go ahead.
[laughter]
You want me to give you an intro or something?
>>Male Presenter: No. Just take them on tour when you like these.
>>Dane Cook: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
[laughter]
You gotta prove yourself here first.
>>Male Presenter: Right.
>>Dane Cook: You gonna tell a joke or what?
>>Male Presenter: Yeah. OK.
>>Dane Cook: All right.
>>Male Presenter: Starting out simple. So, why don't lobsters like to--
>>Dane Cook: Wordy.
[laughter]
I'm just kidding. I'm the king of wordy. So, it's good. Go ahead.
>>Male Presenter: These are short. Why don't lobsters like to share?
>>Dane Cook: Why don't lobsters like to share?
>>Male Presenter: 'Cause they're shellfish.
[laughter]
[clapping]
>>Dane Cook: It's starting to feel good.
[laughter]
It's starting to feel right.
>>Male Presenter: You want another?
>>Dane Cook: You think that's gonna work in front of Madison Square Garden?
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: You have the--. I've never actually been there.
>>Dane Cook: I'm going to think about it.
[laughter]
Is that the protocol? Is that the polite way to back away from--? I'm gonna give that some
serious thought.
>>Male Presenter: Don't tell me what you're doing.
>>Dane Cook: We'll work on that bit. I'm trying so hard to let him down easy.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: I got a laugh. I got at least two laughs.
>>Dane Cook: It was like a nervous, "I can't believe he's saying that next to Dane Cook"
kind of laugh. Like, where they didn't know where to put it, so you have to actually be
like ah-haa.
[laughter]
That's not a laugh. That's like a wince.
[laughter]
Ha-ha.
>>Male Presenter: So help me out? Or, what's my next--?
>>Dane Cook: Is there a rule only open-toed shoes here at Google? I don't see. It's like
the sandal capital of California.
[laughter]
Look at the bunions this guy's rocking.
[laughter]
[clapping]
Good God. I'm gonna Google Earth your bunion.
[laughter]
No, you did a good job. Good job. Let's keep going. Next question.
>>Male Presenter: What? You're really not gonna tell us a joke?
>>Dane Cook: I don't really know jokes.
>>Male Presenter: Me neither. All right.
>>Dane Cook: No, I don't. I don't think people consider me a joke-teller. I tell stories
and I basically just talk.
>>Male Presenter: How do you come up with the stuff that you talk about on your days?
>>Dane Cook: You just experience stuff and it goes in there. Like, I did this whole thing
on a vicious circle about my relationship that literally I was in at the time, where
I was like getting in these arguments with the girl. And we got in a fight over stupid
stuff like, "I bought the noodles. Those are mine."
[laughter]
And I remember like, in the argument yelling, "Those are mine. I bought those noodles."
Being like, "I have to put this in a routine."
[laughter]
I'm screaming about who bought noodles. And so you just realize. You actually, there was
a huge chunk of my formative years where I would just have like, "I'm in comedy mode
today."
And I would have my little notebook and I would just go places I'd never been to live
life and do things and experience things I never had. I'd go to a ghost town or I'd go
to an amusement park. I'd eat at a part of town that was sketchy that I was nervous--.
I would go places and look as a comedian and try to live as a comedian.
And then, as time goes on, you just start to have that reaction to most things. There's
really like a, and every comic is different, but an indicator that you start to sense "this
is funny and people will get this." Like, "This needs to be put out there. People will
relate to this."
You just start to know. And so it's always been really about just collecting life and
sharing it.
>>Male Presenter: And you were saying earlier that joke you have about bees. You said there
was a funny story there.
>>Dane Cook: A joke about bees?
>>Male Presenter: Bees.
>>Dane Cook: Bug bees?
>>Male Presenter: Bug bees, yeah. Are you afraid of bees?
>>Dane Cook: Well, no. I did a joke where I said I would never wanna be killed by--.
I was thinking of ways I would never wanna die. And I said I would never wanna get killed
by bees.
And I did the routine. It was on my first CD. And then I was hiking one day, I was by
myself, and this strong breeze blew a swarm of bees up over the canyon right into me.
And I immediately went down to the ground and all I could think of was, "I'm gonna get
killed by my own act."
[laughter]
And I just knew every comic would just have a field day if I actually got killed by my
own bees. But thanks for bringing that up. That was hilarious.
[makes bomb dropping sound] [laughter]
>>Male Presenter: I wanna give a chance for people in the room to ask questions at that
mic. So if you guys wanna start lining up if you have questions.
>>Dane Cook: Oh, this is like Oprah.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: While we're waiting for that--
>>Dane Cook: People are gonna step on up? This guy's got a question over here. Just
head on up to that mic.
>>Male Presenter: Go to the mic.
>>Dane Cook: Be careful. I got security everywhere.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Seriously.
>>Dane Cook: I'm not even kidding.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Hi.
>>Dane Cook: Hi.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: My name is Jessica.
>>Dane Cook: Jessica, how are you? It's nice to meet you.
you for coming.
>>Dane Cook: Absolutely. Where do I get one of those shirts, by the way? I want a Google
shirt.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: The Google Store. I can escort you after this if you'd like.
>>Dane Cook: That's how you do it.
[applause]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: So, that's a yes, I'm taking it.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: So, I was wondering--
>>Dane Cook: Can we take a pontoon boat across the Google River?
[laughter]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Yes, we can do that, too.
>>Dane Cook: Maybe go by the Google leafy glade?
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Have you seen the conference bikes? There's like an eight-person
round bike and we can take six friends and take a conference bike.
>>Dane Cook: Oh, I heard about these. I would love to do this.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: OK, great. So, I have two questions.
>>Dane Cook: Wanna come on a conference bike?
>>Male Presenter: Sure.
>>Dane Cook: Settle down.
[laughter]
You're a maniac.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: So, I have two questions. One, what is your favorite of your
skits to perform?
>>Dane Cook: The bee’s thing.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: The bees? No, no, no.
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: Obviously.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: You have better material than that. What's your favorite,
like the best one you think you have?
>>Dane Cook: Um.
[audience member shouting answers]
I think maybe, just because of the whole night itself, the end of, or during Vicious Circle.
'Cause that was in Boston. I did that at the Boston Garden. It was the biggest show I'd
ever done to that point.
And I did a thing about an Atheist sneezing. And then this whole wild Aesop fable that
came out of this experience. And just performing that at my home town, because you have to
realize, I started in Boston, I literally was playing Laundromats. I used to play a
Laundromat where I'd take a little Gorilla amp.
I'd go in. I'd plug it in. I couldn't even afford a mic, but I had a lapel mic from high
school that I stole. And it didn't even--. The clip had broken, so I had to hold. I couldn't
even clip it. I had to hold it like it was a Lilliputian situation. And then I would
tell jokes at this Laundromat.
And there was one machine that I knew when it kicked in it was gonna--. So I had to time
it with your load. I had a certain--.
[laughter]
It's so ***. That word is so ***.
[laughter]
It's so ***.
>>Male Presenter: Everything. Everything.
>>Dane Cook: Oh, God. And so I think doing that bit and in the moment. I'm very present
when I perform as well. I look at people. I engage and I remember, like I can look at
that moment during the special and be like, "Wow. Look at this. I used to watch the Boston
Celtics here. My dad and I would come in here and watch games together. And I would fog
out and dream about performing here.
“And I performed in front of five people at a Laundromat who didn't give a ***. And
now I'm performing in front of Boston Garden and doing one of my favorite long-form bits."
I was listening to a lot of Zeppelin before I recorded that special, so I had all these
nine minute long stories. So, that was probably a highlight moment.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: And if you weren't a comedian, what is your dream job?
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: Let me switch seats with this ***.
[laughter]
Probably computer programming.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: Relate to your audience.
>>Dane Cook: Um. But I actually always have loved design and graphic design. Like, I learned
all that. On my album covers and stuff, I've created. So, probably something in that world.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Can I get a picture with you?
>>Dane Cook: Sure.
[laughter]
Right now? OK.
[laughter]
[applause]
>>Male Presenter: It's on video.
[applause]
It's on video. I got it. I'm a techie. All right. I got this.
[laughter and clapping]
>>Dane Cook: Woo. I might get laid at Google today.
[laughter]
I never thought I would say that.
>>Male Presenter: Conjugal visit.
>>Dane Cook: What's going on, brother?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: What's up, Dane?
>>Dane Cook: How are you doing?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Good, man.
>>Dane Cook: What's up, broham?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Hey, man.
[laughter]
Thank you for coming. Just piggybacking from what you said in the last question, I'm also
in the Laundromat phase of doing comedy. And so, thank you. It's great to see you. And
I wanted to ask two things. How did you, during that time, how did you keep your spirit from
getting crushed? And also,--
[laughter]
what do you feel, how did you get what you feel like was your first break?
>>Dane Cook: First of all, your spirit must get crushed.
[laughter]
It is part of the journey, I think, with anything. Of course, if you wanna be successful then
you learn from the most devastating, gut-wrenching, humiliating--. There's certainly a lot, especially
in entertainment, because there's no rhyme or reason oftentimes.
The whole thing about "preparedness" and everything, it really matters. Getting on stage more than
the next guy so that you have more abilities. For me, it was always about just having more
tools to be able to go to. My first CD comes out. "I don't think I knew enough language.
“I need better jargon. I need to learn more words." It's always about fine-tuning. And
truly, letting those moments of unbelievable frustration in and letting them come back
through your performance.
Put it in there, all the aggravation, whatever you can do to create a story. I remember driving
back from Orono, Maine one time in a crappy car that was on the verge of breaking down.
And the guy, who was supposed to pay me, didn't pay me. He left. So when I got off-stage,
he wasn't there.
So, I got screwed. I remember driving back and I was really--. I had no way of paying
my rent. I just remember driving home and being like, "OK. You know what? I just have
to become more business-minded. I have to learn that side of it so that I can know who
this guy is before I deal with it before I even get there."
You have to, in anything you do, know your enemy. Know your abilities. And go for it,
man. You really have to--. You can't half-*** this if you're gonna do it. You gotta really
get out there and hustle. And the second question was?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Like what you felt like was your first break? Maybe not like,
your Premium Blend.
>>Dane Cook: Oh. Well, I was coming up in Boston and there was a lot of really incredible
comedians that had--. You know the Big Boom of comedy was like, the 80s. That's when Seinfeld’s
and Rosanne’s and everybody exploded. I started in 1990. And so, it was like I was
starting at the end of the Boom.
So, all these guys that maybe hadn't made it in Hollywood came back to Boston. So, I
was opening for mega-stars; people you will never know, but that are still to me some
of the funniest people that I've ever had the privilege of working with, under. And
so, night after night for several years, I was working with these guys.
And I remember one time Kevin Knox was this just powerhouse comedian. He would give a
100% even if there was one person in the crowd. And I remember he gave me one of my first
headlining gigs. And the joke that I wrote and opened with on that gig--.
Zoey Freedman, who used to book Letterman, saw it and because of this one bit, it was
actually the Speak and Spell bit that I used to do, that bit changed my life. That one
routine became part of this nostalgic thing I was doing about youth and games. And it
really was like the beginning of structure in my writings.
So, Kevin Knox changed my career by giving me the headlining gig that Zoey Freedman attended
and said, "How would you like your first late night spot on Letterman?" Yeah,
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Thank you.
>>Dane Cook: You're welcome. Good luck to you, man.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Thank you.
>>Dane Cook: I'll see you at work.
[clapping]
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: How's it going, Dane?
>>Dane Cook: What's going on, man?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Not a lot.
>>Dane Cook: I gotta get outta here, but thanks for--
[laughter]
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: It's been good. You've watched--
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Thanks. You've watched the rise and fall of a couple of social
networks. Most recently obviously, MySpace is pretty heavy downward slide.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah. I destroyed that.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: But it actually had a lot of great performer and entertainer-friendly
features.
>>Dane Cook: Sure.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Is there anything you're gonna lament the most of out that loss?
Is there anything you're looking forward to in the future of social networking with entertainment?
>>Dane Cook: Well, I think that obviously, immediacy is always great, to be able to have
that immediate connection. That's what any performer wants. You want that. That's why
with Twitter, the Twitter version for a comedian, the retweet is like an applause break.
You ask any comic, they're gonna go and look at their at replies and if you get a lot of
retweets that's like, "Wow. OK, that joke killed. People are really digging it." I think
that what I'd like to see more of and what was really great about today was I wanna be
able to learn to take my social networking sites, coupled with my DaneCook dot com, and
I wanna turn it into a studio.
I wanna be able to create an environment with other artists. That's the next phase of my
career and as I'm rebuilding, 'cause I'm gonna re-launch DaneCook dot com and really make
it an artists' portal 'cause I love art. I paint. I do music. I have other interests
besides just stand-up and I wanna be able to showcase those.
But instead of just like, "Hey, look at all the stuff I do," why not team up and partner
up with other artists. Then, to be able to use circles or any kind of instant video access
to say, "Hey, I met this incredible artist named Niki Sabet." She creates these unbelievable
sculptures.
What if I go over with her one day and she's teaching me 'cause I'm interested in that
and I wanna continue to do that? Then we can do a live broadcast. She's earning new fans
'cause you've never heard of her. I'm getting to show off another side of my creativity,
which I need to do if I wanna not be stagnant.
Win, win, win, all across. So, I look forward to creating more of a living environment to
the best of our ability. Because it's like texting. You can only text so much before
you lose emotion. How many times have you texted somebody and you start to just--. It
becomes like this vacuum.
It just doesn't have the depth. And so, I'm trying to take it away from just posting and
more of like, social and live aspects. So, that's the next incarnation of what I'd like
to see happening more with Google Plus and things that I'm incorporated with.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Any other comedians or rising comedians you think you're up to
keeping an eye out for?
>>Dane Cook: I don't really care for any of the others.
[laughter]
I mean, the guys that--. Every comic has a graduating class. We all break with people
and the guys that I broke with like, Gary Gulman and Bill Burr and Patrice O'Neal and
Robert Kelly and Al Del Bene.
These are the guys: Ben Gleib, Chris Army, Chris Newberg; these are like the guys that
make me laugh. They're my friends. We went through the--. You laugh more at those guys
too when you go through the struggles and you really know what it is to dedicate your--.
I can say this. Anybody who chooses to be a performer and entertainer, it's like, you
deserve to win. You really do. If you really are putting the time and the sacrifice that
it takes, I like to see people win. I wanna see people win. That's why I'd like to create
an environment where I can see more people get a shot at winning with their abilities.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Cool.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah. See ya.
[laughter]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Hi.
>>Dane Cook: Hi.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: We got some rapid fire questions.
>>Dane Cook: What are you two gonna go?
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Well.
[laughter]
OK, rapid fire questions. Ready?
>>Dane Cook: Oh, my God.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: New York or LA? Rapid fire.
>>Dane Cook: Rapid fire. OK. LA.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Beach or mountains?
>>Dane Cook: Oh, beach.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: BO or bad breath?
>>Dane Cook: Bad breath.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER $4: Me or her?
[laughter]
Just kidding. I'm married. Her.
>>Dane Cook: Them.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: Lastly, Facebook or Google?
>>Dane Cook: Google.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Thank you. Can she give you a hug?
[applause]
>>Dane Cook: I see big things for this little company.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: She wants a hug.
>>Dane Cook: You gonna come up and give me a hug?
[laughter]
Oh, you smell fantastic.
[laughter]
Ah, the smell of Google.
[laughter]
>>Male Presenter: We all smell like that.
>>Dane Cook: I signed a contract to say that a hundred times today. Hi, hello.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: Hi. Apurna. My name is Apurna.
>>Dane Cook: Apurna?
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: Apurna.
>>Dane Cook: Apurna.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: A couple of questions. One is if you were to do--
>>Dane Cook: Everybody has a couple questions, which I love.
[laughter]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: We sneak them in. The first question is if you were to do
an infomercial, what product would you do an infomercial for?
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: What's your second question?
[laughter]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: Who is your favorite comic? Like, living or dead? Phil Hartman,
that you love today.
>>Dane Cook: I'm still thinking of the first one. Definitely Steve Martin. Steve Martin
was like--. My sister, Kelly, went and saw Steve Martin perform at Madison Square Garden.
I was 15.
And she came home and she was like, I remember the look on my sister Kelly's face. And she
sat down with me and said, "I can't believe I just saw this one guy standing in front
of--." And I said to my sister Kelly, "Someday I'm gonna perform at Madison Square Garden."
And again, knowing how shy I was and really what that meant for me to be saying that,
was a big deal 'cause I was not, you know, I didn't have any of the telling signs of
performing and all that stuff. But it was her seeing Steve Martin. And then I just became
infatuated. And I wanted to emulate Steve Martin.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: Can you do an impression of him?
>>Dane Cook: I can do like--.
[laughter]
I used to do that around my house. But I finally had an opportunity to meet him about a year
and a half ago. And he sent me a copy of his book. And he wrote something really wonderful
in it.
It's an amazing comedy book. It's called "Born Standing Up." If you wanna know really the
life of a comic, then he nails it. And I got to sit with him and thank him, really, and
just tell him how appreciative I was. And he didn't care for me.
[laughter]
And the first one? Yeah. ShamWow. I like that Sham--. No, no. The chop thing. I would wanna
sell one of those chop things. I'm obsessed. I love those chop whatever. You put anything
in and chop it on up.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #6: Thanks.
>>Dane Cook: I met that guy. He's like a billionaire. Chop chop guy. Thank you.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #7: How's it going, Dane? I'm David.
>>Dane Cook: What's going on, man?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #7: I was wondering if you had any new material that you're working
on for an upcoming show. And if so, you could share a story or two with us now.
>>Dane Cook: I'm just starting to tinker. I came off tour in February and it was a two-year
tour. I did over a hundred. I wanted to do an arena tour and I did a hundred arenas through
the US and Canada.
And it was, I had this idea of, "I wanna do like a Metallica type, epic, huge tour." I
brought young comics that were breaking out of the--. I wanted to introduce them to my
fans basically and stuff. So, yeah. I just basically put everything I could into that
couple of years and now I'm starting to write and work on the new material.
So, nothing that I have that's like--. I just gotta get back to the club. That's the other
thing, too. It all starts back in that little club. You gotta go right back to the beginning.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #7: What's the craziest thing that's happened to you in the past month?
[laughter]
>>Dane Cook: Um.
[laughter]
The craziest thing that's happened to me? I don't know. It's been a really relaxing
summer, actually, for the first time in a long time. It's weird. I've never taken time
off. I've never--.
I've been doing stand-up 22 years. I've never taken more than maybe a couple of weeks off,
tops. And so, to take a few months off is like bonkers. So, the craziest thing I've
done is nothing. That's crazy to me. I can't believe that I'm actually like, relaxing and
taking a little time.
But I got some ideas for the next what I think will be an interesting new kind of approach
to how I wanna see stand-up go and how I'd like to evolve with it and try something new.
It's always about trying something new.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #7: Awesome. Well, please come back to Google. Thank you.
>>Dane Cook: Oh, cool man. Thank you.
[applause]
Appreciate it.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #8: Hey, Dane. Andy Mathis.
>>Dane Cook: Hey, Andy.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #8: Thanks for joining us here. So you were extremely shy.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #8: How did you, what was that time where you just committed yourself
to get over the threshold and just get in front of somebody and be willing to maybe
humiliate yourself or not?
>>Dane Cook: I joined drama when I was in 10th Grade. And I met probably the greatest
influence of my life, my mentor, and just one of the greatest human beings I'll ever
know.
His name was Frank Roberts. He passed away, unfortunately, a couple of years ago of a
stroke. Sixty-nine years old. But the guy was just a powerhouse of encouragement. And
I remember he pulled me aside after the first class, the first day of class. I couldn't
believe I even joined because I was just such a wreck.
And he pulled me aside and he looked at me and he said, "I see a lot of myself in you.
I see a lot of your fear. And based on the few things that you said today when I interviewed
the class, I would like to help you. And if you would come in every day before school,
at like 7 AM, I'm gonna read plays with you."
Like, this, at the end of that first class. And I was like, "He's trying to *** me.
He's gotta be trying."
[uproarious laughter]
And I was so bored and shy. And I was like, "Maybe I'll just go for it."
[laughter and clapping]
I'll let him bat it around a little bit.
[laughter]
Frank Roberts, I wouldn't be sitting in this seat. As much as my family was, my mother
was just my compass. I always call my mom my compass. She's like the commentary to my
DVD extras.
[laughter]
My dad was like the "don't tell me, show me" kind of guy. He was tough and he didn't stand
for the fantastical ideas. He wanted to see the proof. But Frank Roberts, he really brought
out the artist in me.
And he made have the ability to say, "I wanna entertain. I am an entertainer." Whereas I
didn't think I'd ever be able to truly say that.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #8: Awesome. Thank you. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
>>Dane Cook: Thanks very much. You got it.
>>Male Presenter: Well, thank you very much for being here.
>>Dane Cook: Yeah, definitely.
[applause]
You did it, baby. You did it. You guys can go. This is our time now. It's Google time.
Plus me. It gets weird when they stop clapping, doesn't it?
[laughter]
Now it's just awkward. Thank you, really. Thank you for taking some time, everybody,
and welcoming me today. I appreciate it. All right.