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LHAM: Léna Hélène Alice Mike
Good evening everyone!
How are you Glimkouj? Fine and you Kourgit?
Fine! Today is a special show!
As you know, a new planet called Earth was discovered a few years ago
And of course, you its strange inhabitants : the Humans!
Two "glimboutch" ago, we started to analyse their behaviour
sending meteorites with integrated cameras.
We sent over two billions meteorites over this little part of the planet
Yes, we are spying on them thanks to the cameras
Even if we do not understand their language
We are trying to describe their behaviour in their every day life.
For the moment, they do not suspect the presence of the cameras
Today, we are going to present and analyse the lives of three of them
that caught our attention in particular.
How do they work? What is their every day life?
What are the relationships between them? How different are they?
We will try to answer these questions in our report.
Report: Exploring Human world
Hey! What's your name again?
Peter!
Ouch!
Are you okay? Did it hurt?
No, I think I'm fine, it's just...
Oh! What is this? Hum... It's pretty, I'm gonna keep it.
Oh my god! It's time for you to leave, now!
I have to go to work.
The first human we are going to follow is a female called Amanda.
She is very eccentric and never alone...
Bye!
The second specimen is also a female, always connected
with her "totems", which have an essential place in her life.
Her name is Jenny.
She uses these machines every day, at any time of the day,
to communicate with people all over the world.
However, these totems are also her working tools.
Her little one seems much more developed than any other,
since every human has got one.
Oooh! What the hell is this?
Oooh! It's cute!
Finally, we are going to analyse a male, named Tyler.
He is always doing things very quickly
and seems obsessed with strength, power and force.
Oh!
What's this?
Hum... So cool!
Hey Tyler! What are you doing?
Oh, I was just following people...
I wasn't thinking.
Humans can't bear loneliness, this is why they gather, like a flock
in order to find company, and they walk in the same direction.
Huh, you're late.
Yeah, sorry.
So, what is homeomorphism?
Human development lasts a long time.
During this phase, a ritual is required so that they reach a "completed" stage.
That's why, every day, they come together to form a flock
in front of a guru in order to learn from him.
The Humans in the first row are scribes.
Thanks to them, the guru's speech is written down on paper and immortalised.
...and this application can transform banana into a mug, and a mug into a banana.
What is a mug?
It's a banana...
It's a banana!
Yes, good answer, what is a banana?
A mug.
Nooo!
The Humans in the second row use their totems
to communicate the guru's words to external people.
...an apple. The apple is...
The Humans in the third row have a lot of difficulty decrypting what the guru is saying.
That's why they are talking to each other.
...when you eat a banana,
...you can't eat that like this because this is just a mug.
You eat a banana from what?
What is happening to the banana?
The Humans in the last row are the smartest since they can absorb all the details
of the guru's speech during their sleep, which is as we know the most efficient way to learn.
After long hours of concentration, some humans work on team-spirit by throwing balls.
It's a game established by the guru in order to facilitate relationships within the group.
Tyler seems to be the leader of the group, because he often initiates this game.
ADVERTISING AGENCY
Once they have learned from this training, they can work with other people.
The aim of working together is to get money,
but we haven't really understood the concept of money yet.
Good morning everyone! Hi David! Hi Natasha!
Do you want me to show you what I have done?
Yes, of course!
I'm gonna show you my proposal for the advertising poster of the brand Kikoo.
I have thought that we have to target students,
that's why I wanted it to be THE springbreak drink.
What do you think of it?
Wouaw, it's almost perfect...
Natasha, please stop licking her ***! Personally, I don't like it.
I would have more targets. You know, happiness,
the perfect family and all that ***.
Yeah...
Humans are curious animals.
Amanda is always self-confident,
but when she is confronted by these two others humans,
she seems as if she is not self-assured, and needs their approval.
Hey! Are you okay? Usually, you look better...
Hum... Just not today. Sorry, I've got to go to the toilet.
I'm sure that's because this *** hasn't been *** yesterday.
Hypocrisy could be a definition of the human being.
Just like self-control...
You! It's not the first time I hear you gossiping about me.
You don't have to treat me like this! You don't know me!
Is it my fault if you're a ***?
Is that your problem?
You're right, keep screwing around if you want!
I do what I want of my free time, okay?
It's none of your business.
I don't want to listen to you anymore, or I'm gonna sue you for harassment, okay?
Hey, how are you doing?
Well, but my coworkers are driving me crazy.
Oh...
But, we are gonna dance...
Yeeaaah, zumba!
Hey girls! Come on for the zumba class!
Yeaaaah!
We note that human behavior is very different between male and female.
Even though both of them like to train their body to satisfy the opposite sex,
they do it in a very different way.
On the left, the male goes alone to his training
while on the right, you can see females practising
together what they seem to call "zumba dance".
The fast and varied movements done by the females follows a pattern.
They will reproduce it later to attract males to them.
We did not fully understand why this time Tyler is running in place.
However we think that the the goal of the exercises
done by the male is to enlarge his members.
He might not be chosen by the female otherwise.
Jenny!
Ouch! It's hot!
Ooooh! I'm truly sorry, are you okay?
Take this tissue
and dry your tears.
When females are injured, a transparent liquid
comes out of their eyes making them weak and vulnerable.
We think they need to stop the hemorrhaging with a white tissue
and take in some more liquid to avoid death.
I'm having a party on saturday night. You should come!
Yeah, we don't really know each other. But why not...
Give me your phone and I will text you.
Okay, it's...
Unlike females, you see that the liquid found into males is red.
After this loss of liquid, the male has to drink some red fluid to keep being strong.
Our scientists have tried to decrypt what the totem is displaying, but without success.
However we have noticed that the symbols displayed on it
are very similar to the one on the board.
What is the goal of the totem in this particular case?
Why isn't Jenny looking at the board like everyone else?
We do not have the answer to this question.
Not very far from here, we noticed an evil-minded male...
A little moment of distraction is enough to allow the male to steal Jenny's totem.
Fortunately for the female, Tyler was not very far from there.
We are proud to show you this uncommon scene.
The thief is heading towards its hideout.
Tyler probably is taking risks by following him without knowing the place.
You, son of a ***!
After a little pursuit, he finally catches him and get the totem
while the thief is running away certainly scared by Tyler's strength.
Hi Pete! Have you seen my tweet?
No? Okay, I'm gonna relate you what happenned...
I was waiting for the bus when someone stole my tablet.
I know! But I had so much work on it!
And now, it's lost.
Could you be here in about an hour please?
I think I need to see you...
Thanks to the little totem, Jenny can make someone
come wherever she wants, and whenever she wants.
Okay. See you later.
Bye
I'm so happy to see yooouuu!
Me too!
I'm so annoyed about the theft of my tableeeeet.
Don't worry honey, it's gonna be okay.
In the worst case, I will buy you a new one.
You would do that for me?
I will do this. Yeaaah!
Do you want to cook?
Sure, let's go!
Yeeaah!
You will remark that once they are with their *** partner,
their behavior changes into that of love.
By inserting a magic card into an impressive machine,
Humans get some blue and red paper.
Instead of us, humans have a ceaseless need to change clothes.
The more new clothes they have, the happier they seem to be.
Amanda trades her papers for a brand new item of clothing.
It can seems weird but each time Humans want to get something,
they do it with these kind of papers.
A Human likes to gather with many people one or two days a week.
It then drinks a colored beverage called alcohol.
Hi Jenny! Hey Amanda! You did it! Come on!
Peter! Here is Amanda!
Hi.
She's my zumba friend. And he's Peter, my looove!
Woouuuuw!
Zuuummmba!
Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba-Zum-Ba
The goal of the gathering is to find a *** partner.
That's why, females are reproducing the strange zumba dance
they have learned earlier.
We note that males are watching them.
Tyler is bringing the stolen totem back to Jenny
because he knows the significance of totems.
And it looks like Jenny is telling him to join the gathering
in order to thank him for what he did.
It seems like Amanda is looking for her target tonight.
This male seems to be the one she wants to play with.
Unlike us, the humans need to be two to reproduce themselves.
Hey, I know a funny game...
Thus, once a partner is found, reproduction may happen.
The reproductive organ of humans is located at the top of the head.
Moreover, they use a little ice cube that allows fecondation.
Tyler does not appear to be good at it.
Yet, you can see this male will manage to break the ice cube.
If the male is not able to break the cube,
the female does it with another male more likely to succeed.
That's why Tyler is trying with another female without success.
On the left, we can see that Amanda is trying to come closer to her new target.
Alcohol triggers a weird and unexpected behaviour in some Humans.
We have understood that by looking at Tyler's body movements.
Hey! What's your name again?
End of the report
To conclude this report,
we can say that many things are not very clear about the Earth's inhabitants.
We will continue spying on them and hope that one day we will succeed in
going by ourselves to the planet to meet them in real.
If YOU want to discuss the report, you can "telepath" us on the 4.2GHz frequency.
That was Glimgit and Kourgit.
Goodbye!