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Hogwarts isn't half as nice We're living in paradise
You'll find it's worth the price 'cause We're living in paradise
Listen up, I've got some news for you
The next four years will bring some cheer
Chase away those high school blues
Sunshine everyday, virgins a-plenty
Your first lay's guaranteed before you're twenty
Hogwarts isn't half as nice We're living in paradise
You'll find it's worth the price 'cause We're living in paradise
There's no need for any stress this fall
If you start to slip or lose your grip
Just snort some Adderall
We've got a million problems
But a *** ain't one
So go out and frolic You're not an alcoholic
If when you're drunk, you're just more fun
There's magic in the air Smiles all around
You're gonna fail Math 51
But turn that frown upside down
Leland Junior gave his life so we could be
At a better university than Berkeley
Hogwarts isn't half as nice We're living in paradise
You'll find it's worth the price 'cause We're living in paradise
Right now's your chance
To be all you can be
Just reinvent yourself
And let your mind be free
College is the time
For your to explore
And being bi is worth a try So think menage a trios - or more
There's magic in the air Smiles all around
You're gonna fail Math 51
But turn that frown upside down
Leland Junior gave his life so we could be
At a better university than Berkeley
Hogwarts isn't half as nice We're living in paradise
You'll find it's worth the price We're living in paradise
Even with Rumsfeld and Rice We're living in paradise
Hogwarts isn't half as nice
We're living in paradise!