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WOW! THAT CHI FLOWING THROUGH
GIVES ME A LITTLE TINGLE.
MY NAME IS PENN. THIS IS TELLER.
WE CAN FEEL WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
WE CAN SEE INTO YOUR MINDS.
YOU'VE TUNED INTO OUR SHOW BECAUSE YOU KNOW TONIGHT,
ON THIS VERY SPECIAL NIGHT,
WE WILL EXPLORE THE WISDOM AND WONDER OF THE PHILOSOPHY KNOWN AS NEW AGE.
OR AS YOU PROFESSIONALS CALL IT, NEWAGE.
WE HEAR THE NURTURING VOICE OF MOTHER EARTH SPEAKING FROM THE CORE
OF OUR COLLECTIVE ANCIENT SOUL
AND UNITING US IN A SINGLE JOYFUL CRY OF...
***!
Penn: REMEMBER WHEN HIPPIES TUNED IN, TURNED ON AND DROPPED OUT?
THEY DIDN'T KNOW. IT MIGHT'VE TURNED OUT COOL,
BUT LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW,
IT WAS JUST SILLY.
AND THAT'S FINE.
IT'S OVER, RIGHT?
WE LIVE IN A MORE ENLIGHTENED AND REASONING AGE.
WELL, NO.
THE MOON IS NO LONGER IN THE SEVENTH HOUSE
AND JUPITER IS WAY OUT OF ALIGNMENT WITH MARS,
BUT SOME OF THE MORE INDUSTRIOUS HIPPIES
FOUND A WAY TO PARLAY TIE-DIE THINKIN' INTO BUSINESS.
SEE HOW THE GREEN IS SORT OF COMING OUT?
MM-HMM.
THEY'RE SELLING A SPIRITUAL GRAB BAG
OF FEEL-GOOD FLOWER CHILD BELIEFS,
TREATMENTS AND LIFESTYLES,
FROM YOGA TO HERBS TO TAROT CARDS,
TO EVEN SOMETHING CALLED TANTRIC SEX,
ALL CLAIMING TO ENLIGHTEN THE MIND, BODY AND SOUL.
WE HAVE A, UH, ***! THEORY.
IT'S QUITE SIMPLE, ACTUALLY.
IT'S JUST WE DON'T THINK ANYONE BELIEVES THIS NEW AGE CRAP,
NOT THE PEOPLE SELLING IT, NOT THE PEOPLE BUYING IT,
NO ONE!
THEY LIKE, UH, CANDLELIGHT, SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS,
LIKE ACTING SILLY OR A HIKE THOUGH SOME PRETTY COUNTRYSIDE,
BUT IF YOU SAT THEM DOWN TO A CUP OF COFFEE,
LOOKED THEM IN THE EYE, THEY'D ADMIT NEW AGE IS
JUST AN EXCUSE FOR TAKING SOME TIME OUT
TO GET A MASSAGE.
YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN YOU TALK TO NEW-AGERS,
YOU JUST WANT TO SMACK 'EM IN THE HEADBAND.
[SNIFFING] SMELLS NICE.
[SNIFFING]
THAT'S--THAT'S HIBISCUS AND, UH, TEA TREE OIL, RIGHT?
TEA TREE.
LET'S TAKE A BIG INHALE, DRAW THE ARMS TO THE SKY.
Penn: THESE PEOPLE ARE STRETCHING THEIR MUSCLES.
AND EXHALE. BEND THE KNEES.
RELAX THE HEAD.
Penn: NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
STRETCHING YOUR MUSCLES IS A CHEAP, HEALTHY, RELAXING THING TO DO.
TOO CHEAP, IN FACT. THE NEW AGE ENTREPRENEURS
WANT MORE THAN YOU'D PAY FOR AN EXERCISE CLASS,
SO THEY CLAIM TO STRETCH YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS
WHILE SHRINKING YOUR WAISTLINE
AND BROADENING YOUR FUTURE CHOICES
FOR *** POSITIONS.
LET'S TAKE A BIG INHALE AND REACH THE ARMS TO THE SKY.
Penn: THIS PRICEY COSMIC STRETCHING IS CALLED YOGA.
AND YOUR SO-CALLED CONSCIOUSNESS
DOESN'T TAKE UP EXTRA SPACE IN THE GYM,
SO IT'S ADDED VALUE WITH NO EXTRA OVERHEAD.
YOGA IS ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF THE MIND
BECAUSE WHAT WE'RE DOING IS PRACTICING THE...
THE PEACE THAT WE'RE-- WE HAVE WITHIN.
Penn: COME ON! IT'S STRETCHING!
IT'S--GIVEN MY LIFE AND MYSELF,
WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, A PURPOSE.
Teller: STRETCHING?
THE MAIN THING THAT IT DOES IS IT HELPS TO
BRING AWARENESS TO THE BODY, BRING AWARENESS TO THE MIND.
Penn: STRETCHING!
IT BRINGS HEALTH, IT BRINGS BALANCE AND IT BRINGS JOY TO PEOPLE.
GOOD. AND EXHALE. EYES CAN REMAIN CLOSED.
Penn: HERE'S THE STRETCHING TEACHER.
SHE'S VERY GOOD AT HELPING HER STUDENTS STRETCH AND LIBERATE THEMSELVES
FROM THE MATERIAL WORLD.
Beth Shaw: I'M GOING TO START OVER HERE
WITH OUR KIDS CARDS.
THESE ARE YOGA POSTURES FOR CHILDREN ON CARDS,
AND WE HAVE A KIDS' DVD AND VHS, YOGA FIT KIDS.
THIS IS MY BOOK PUBLISHED BY HUMAN KINETICS,
THE LARGEST SPORTS PUBLISHING COMPANY IN THE WORLD.
WE'VE GOT POWER YOGA FIT OVER HERE.
YOGA ABS, WHICH ALSO UTILIZES THE CORE BALL.
OF COURSE, YOGA BUTT, YOGA FIT BASICS,
OUR BEGINNER'S DVD.
SENIOR YOGA FIT, STARRING MY MOTHER JUNE SHAW,
AND WE ALSO HAVE PRENATAL, FOR THOSE EXPECTING.
Penn: WOW! THAT'S A LOT OF STRETCHING.
OH, SORRY, SHE'S STILL GOING.
I CAN SLEEP EASY AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT
I HAVE SERVED THE FITNESS ENVIRONMENT.
Penn: SHE MEANT TO SAY STRETCHING ENVIRONMENT.
FORGET THE MIND, BODY, SOUL CLAIMS.
DOES THIS LENGTHY STRETCHING EVEN DO ANYTHING?
STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT ANY STRETCHING OVER 30 SECONDS
DOES SQUAT.
THEY DID AN EXPERIMENT WHERE THEY WENT FOR 60 SECONDS
VERSUS 30 SECONDS. THEY SAW NO IMPROVEMENT.
I'M DR. STEVEN RICE,
A SPORTS MEDICINE PHYSICIAN.
I'M A MEDIA RESOURCE SPOKESPERSON
FOR THE AMERICAN COLLEGE OF SPORTS MEDICINE.
IN YOGA, THEY'LL OFTEN HOLD POSITIONS FOR SEVERAL MINUTES.
AND SO THE QUESTION OF WHETHER YOU'RE REALLY
GAINING A MEASURABLE DIFFERENCE
IN YOUR FLEXIBILITY BEYOND THE 30 SECONDS
HAS REALLY NOT BEEN DEMONSTRATED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
IT'S TOUGH TO FIND TIME TO DEVOTE TO EXERCISE.
IT SEEMS SO...
[SIGHS]
SELF-CENTERED TO SPEND TIME AWAY FROM JOB, RELATIONSHIP AND KIDS
JUST TO STRETCH.
HOW DO WE JUSTIFY THAT TIME?
WELL, YOU CALL IT SPIRITUAL.
HEY, I'LL BE MORE CENTERED, COOL AND KIND
IF I DO YOGA.
*** THAT! IT FEELS GREAT TO STRETCH.
AND THAT'S ENOUGH.
MAYBE IT EVEN PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD
AND HELPS YOU BE COOLER AND KINDER.
SO WHY NOT LOSE THE ***?
KEEP THE STRETCHING.
STRETCHING...GOOD.
MYSTICISM...BAD.
BUT YOGA OR STRETCHING
IS JUST THE TIP OF THE NEW AGE ICEBERG.
NEW AGE AND NEW AGE THINKING
HAS COME INTO THE MAINSTREAM.
RICK ROSS, CULT AND NEW AGE RESEARCHER.
IT'S EVERYTHING FROM CRYSTALS
AND THEIR SPECIAL ENERGY POWER
TO VORTEXES, TO CHANNELING.
Penn: AND HERBS! DON'T FORGET ABOUT HERBS.
WE WENT TO AN HERB CONVENTION--
MAN, HA HA HA! THERE'S A CONVENTION FOR EVERYTHING--
AND MET THIS, UH, GAL.
LIKE EVERYONE HERE, SHE THINKS HERBS
LIKE PASSION FLOWER, YERBA MATE, AND SOMETHING
THAT LOOKS REMARKABLY LIKE FOSSILIZED DOG ***,
ARE THE ANSWER TO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I BELIEVE THAT PLANTS CONTAIN WISDOM BASED ON
THE WISDOM OF OUR PLANET, AS A BEING ITSELF.
UM, THEY WORK TOGETHER IN SYNERGISTIC WAYS
TO PROVIDE EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED IN TERMS OF MEDICINE,
FOOD, ALL KINDS OF HEALING.
Penn: IT'S NOT JUST BALD CHICKS THAT THINK THIS WAY.
HERE'S A GUY WITH HAIR AND A TIE
AND HE'S JUST AS NUTTY.
Otis Charington: HI THERE, MY NAME IS OTIS CHARINGTON,
AND I'M AN HERBALIST.
AND BEHIND ME ARE ALL THE DIFFERENT MEDICINES THAT HERBS COME IN.
Penn: NOTICE HE DOESN'T SAY DR. OTIS CHARINGTON.
THE GOOD NEWS IS HE'S WILLING TO PLAY ONE ON TV.
HERBS HAVE HELPED IN A VAST DEGREE,
FROM SINCE MEN HAD DISEASES,
OK, THAT WE KNOW OF, THAT WE'VE HAD WRITTEN,
FROM EGYPT ALL THE WAY TILL NOW.
Penn: SO WHAT DO HERBS LIKE WORMWOOD AND ECHINACEA
SUPPOSEDLY DO?
SEE IF YOU CAN FOLLOW THIS.
HERBS ARE, I SHOULD SAY, I WOULD SAY EASILY DIGESTED,
AND BECOME PART OF AND COMBINE WITH THE HUMAN BODY
WHEN THERE'S A PEACEFUL, STRESSLESS MENTAL CONDITION...
CALLED HEALTH, HEALTHY MENTAL ATTITUDE TOWARDS HERBS
IS TOWARDS HERBS, TOWARDS HEALING,
AND LETTING GO OF PROBLEMS.
HERBS WORK MUCH MORE BETTER THAT WAY
AND THEY EVEN WORK TO SOME DEGREE WITHOUT THAT CONDITION.
Penn: IF YOU BELIEVE THEY WORK, THEY WORK.
IF YOU DON'T, THEY DON'T.
YOU HARDLY EVER HEAR THAT ABOUT PENICILLIN.
THERE ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT HERBS HAVE DONE FOR ME.
THEY'VE CERTAINLY HELPED ME WITH MY ENERGY LEVELS.
I'VE HEALED MYSELF FROM CHRONIC FATIGUE,
EPSTEIN-BARR, LYME DISEASE, CHRONIC ARTHRITIS,
AND THEY'VE HELPED WITH ALL OF THOSE AILMENTS.
IF A PERSON IS SO DEEPLY INVESTED IN A NEW AGE BELIEF
THAT THEY ARE NOT GETTING PROPER MEDICAL ATTENTION,
THAT THEY'RE IGNORING SYMPTOMS OF AN ILLNESS
THAT PERHAPS THEY NEED TO ADDRESS,
THIS CAN BECOME A VERY UNBALANCED LIFE.
Penn: NEXT ON OUR NEWAGE TOUR, TAROT CARDS.
PRACTITIONERS OF TAROT SAY THAT THESE MYSTICAL CARDS
ARE MIRRORS TO YOUR SOUL
AND WHICHEVER CARD YOU PULL OUT WILL REFLECT YOUR DESTINY.
WELL, WE SET OUT TO *** WITH DESTINY A LITTLE BIT
BY PUTTING TAROT TO THE TEST.
WE SET UP SHOP IN A DOWNTOWN L.A. LOFT.
JIM UNDERDOWN, A SKEPTICAL INVESTIGATOR
FOR THE CENTER FOR INQUIRY WEST,
AGREED TO HELP US FIND OUT
IF A DECK OF CARDS COULD REVEAL OUR TRUE SELVES.
WE'RE ON A *** DATE WITH DESTINY.
BELIEVERS THINK THAT TAROT CARDS
ACTUALLY HAVE MAGICAL POWERS IN AND OF THEMSELVES.
IN REALITY, TAROT CARD READERS
ARE JUST VISUALLY ANALYZING SOMEONE.
THEY'RE PICKING UP ON THEIR BEHAVIOR.
THEY'RE PICKING UP ON THEIR ANSWERS.
THEY'RE PICKING UP ON THEIR CLOTHING, THEIR APPEARANCE,
AND THEY'RE REALLY USING THAT TO MAKE THE PREDICTIONS AND ANALYSIS.
THAT THE CARDS ARE THERE IS REALLY INCIDENTAL TO THE READING.
Penn: TO PROVE IT, WE WENT AFTER 3 DIFFERENT TAROT SPECIALISTS.
EACH ONE THOUGHT THEY WERE THE ONLY READER INVOLVED IN THE SHOOT.
YEAH. WE'RE ***.
FIRST UP WAS THIS GUY.
I'M MARK WEXLER.
I'M A TAROT CARD READER.
Penn: WHILE MARK WAS GETTING READY,
OUR MAN JIM TURNED HIMSELF INTO A PATHETIC LOSER,
COMPLETE WITH WHISKERS, DIRTY CLOTHES,
AND EVEN TEQUILA BREATH.
[SPITS AND COUGHS]
Penn: WHY THE MAKEOVER?
TO SHOW THAT TAROT READING IS REALLY NOTHING MORE
THAN THE AGE-OLD TECHNIQUE OF COLD READING.
I'M READY.
SO, WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO, PLEASE,
IS TO SHUFFLE THE CARDS AT LEAST 3 TIMES.
Penn: JIM WAS REALLY POURING ON THE LOSER PERSONALITY.
WOULD MARK, OUR FIRST TAROT READER, BUY INTO HIS ACT?
IT REPRESENTS WORK.
SO...YOUR SURROUNDINGS ARE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOU REGARDING WORK.
OH.
BUT YOU HAVE TO GET THE RÉSUMÉS OUT.
YOU HAVE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU'RE AVAILABLE.
YEAH.
Jim: HE TOOK ONE LOOK AT ME,
AND HE SAW A 3-DAY GROWTH OF BEARD
AND THOUGHT I'M UNEMPLOYED,
OR I'M SPORADICALLY EMPLOYED,
AND THAT'S MY MAJOR PROBLEM, AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
REMEMBER,
NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNTIL YOU DO FIRST.
[SIGHS] YEAH.
IN REALITY, I'M HAPPILY EMPLOYED,
AND I WORK A LOT,
AND I LOVE MY JOB ON TOP OF IT.
I SEE A BROOM
AND A SPOTLIGHT IN YOUR FUTURE.
WE'LL GET BACK TO MARK IN A BIT,
BUT LET'S SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENED
WITH OUR NEXT TEST SUBJECT,
WHO ISN'T QUITE SURE WHAT SHE IS.
HELLO. MY NAME IS REGINAH PERLMUTTER,
[BEEP]
HELLO. MY NAME IS REGINAH PERLMUTTER,
AND I'M A TAROT READER AND A PSYCHIC.
[BEEP]
HELLO. MY NAME IS REGINAH PERLMUTTER.
I AM A TAROT READER, A PSYCHIC,
AND A PSYCHOTHERAPIST.
Penn: WE REVAMPED "LOSER" JIM
INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CHARACTER:
A SLICK, HIGHLY-STRESSED BUSINESSMAN,
AND WE EVEN TOLD HIM TO HAM IT UP,
LETTING REGINAH FIRST CATCH A GLIMPSE OF HIM THIS WAY.
Jim, on cell phone: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GO OVER THIS WITH YOU?
JESUS.
YEAH, IF YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR JOB.
LOOK, THEY'RE WAITING FOR ME. I GOTTA GO.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. BYE.
HELLO.
SORRY ABOUT THAT. NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
OK. SO, PLEASE PICK 10 CARDS
AND HAND THEM TO ME.
10 CARDS. ANY 10?
Penn: NOW REMEMBER, THIS IS THE VERY SAME JIM AS AN HOUR AGO.
IF TAROT CARDS REALLY WORK,
THE READING SHOULD BE THE SAME.
OK. SO WHAT I SEE IS, UM...
THAT THERE'S BEEN, PROBABLY, A LOT OF HARD WORK,
SOME STRESS, AND SOME EXHAUSTION.
I PROBABLY FEEL YOU'RE PRETTY TIRED AT THIS TIME.
Penn: SUDDENLY, INSTEAD OF SAYING JIM NEEDS A JOB,
NOW THE CARDS ARE SAYING HE WORKS TOO HARD.
MAN, HIS BASIC CHARACTER
HAS CHANGED A LOT IN AN HOUR.
'CAUSE I SEE YOU HAVE A TENDENCY,
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT AT WORK PHYSICALLY,
YOU TEND TO THINK ABOUT WORK A LOT.
HMM. I FEEL YOU HAVE POWER ISSUES.
OUR STING WAS WORKING LIKE A CHARM.
WELL, NOT REALLY LIKE A CHARM AT ALL.
A CHARM DOESN'T DO ***.
OUR SCAM IS WORKING LIKE A CLOCK,
LIKE A WORKING CLOCK WITH FRESH BATTERIES.
WE'LL HAVE MORE FUN WITH REGINAH LATER ON,
BUT RIGHT NOW,
LET'S CHECK IN ON JIM'S THIRD PERSONA:
THE STUDIOUS, HARD WORKING FAMILY MAN...
AND OUR THIRD TARGET.
I'M ALMA LOPEZ,
PSYCHIC TAROT CARD READER.
Jim, on cell phone: HI, SWEETIE. HOW YOU DOING?
YEAH. GOOD. EVERYTHING'S GOING WELL.
UM, I'LL SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL AS SOON AS WE GET DONE WITH THIS STUFF--
AND, UH, LET'S GO OUT FOR DINNER.
YEAH, YOU COOK ENOUGH.
THAT'S FINE.
HI. HI. I'M JIM.
Penn: LOOK AT ALMA'S SMILE.
SHE THINKS SHE'S GOT ALL SHE NEEDS TO KNOW
TO NAIL THIS *** READING.
TAKE 10 CARDS OUT.
Jim: OK.
ONE, 2, 3--
Penn: BY NOW, YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.
OK. THIS ONE IS THE LOVERS.
LOVE IS GOING TO STICK AND STAY.
IT SHOWS YOU VERY HAPPY IN LOVE, IN MARRIAGE.
I AM NOT MARRIED,
AND I AM NOT CURRENTLY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP.
AH! YOU'VE CHOSEN THE SYMBOL OF THE AMIABLE SCHMO.
THIS CHARADE ISN'T EVEN GOOD ENOUGH
TO BE CALLED THE DOG AND PONY SHOW.
IT'S JUST PLAIN PONY,
AND IT AIN'T A FREE RIDE.
I CHARGE $25.
I CHARGE A DOLLAR A MINUTE.
I CHARGE $125 PER READING IN MY HOME.
YOU KNOW, WE LOVE PLAYING CARDS.
WE JUST DON'T GET THE MYSTIC ***.
WHY NOT A ROUND OF POKER, HUH?
WE ALL LEARN A LOT MORE FROM A FRIENDLY GAME OF POKER WITH OUR FRIENDS
THAN WE EVER WOULD FROM A TAROT READER.
ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU COULD CHARGE SOMEONE 125 BUCKS
TO PLAY CARDS WITH THEM,
WHY TAKE A CHANCE ON POKER?
THE PIECES ARE STARTING TO FALL TOGETHER.
LET'S GO TO SEDONA, ARIZONA.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE,
ONLY SOMEWHAT DIMINISHED BY THE AVAILABILITY
OF $10 PSYCHIC READINGS AND $10,000 CRYSTAL BALLS.
THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF WAYS TO BUY SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT HERE,
AND PEOPLE COME IN DROVES. WHY?
THE REAL REASON IS BECAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THE *** REASON IS THAT SEDONA
IS THE EPICENTER OF 20 POWERFUL VORTEXES...
AND WHAT THE *** IS A VORTEX?
A VORTEX IS A GIANT MAGNET OF ENERGY
THAT'S NATURAL TO THE MOTHER EARTH.
I'M SUZANNE McMILLIAN-McTAVISH,
THE OWNER OF SEDONA HEART CENTER.
WELCOME.
THESE POWER SITES ARE DOORWAYS FOR SPIRIT,
FOR THE ENERGY TO COME IN FROM THE HEAVENS,
TO GO TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH,
TO GO AROUND THE EARTH.
Penn: AND ACCORDING TO SUZANNE,
THERE ARE HUGE BENEFITS TO BE REAPED
IF YOU TAP INTO THE VORTEX'S POWERS.
WHAT WE ARE DOING WHEN WE CALL ON THESE ENERGIES
IS BRINGING THEM IN TO EMPOWER US IN OUR LIFE NOW.
Penn: SO FOR ANYWHERE FROM $175 FOR A TOUR
TO 3,500 BUCKS FOR A 7-DAY RETREAT,
SUZANNE WILL GIVE LIFE-POWER SEEKERS, LIKE AURORA AND MICHAELA,
A FULL VORTEX EXPERIENCE.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE BIT OF TOBACCO,
AND THEN YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FIND YOUR SPOT
AND ALIGN WITH WHATEVER SPOT YOU FEEL DRAWN TO
SO THAT YOU CAN RECEIVE THE ENERGY OF THAT SPOT
AND THE MESSAGES FROM IT. OK?
Penn: THIS STUFF IS NUTS.
WE NEED SOMEONE WITH A SERIOUS COLLEGE DEGREE TO STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.
MY NAME IS PETE SANDERS.
I'M AN HONORS GRADUATE OF MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY,
AUTHOR OF THE BOOK YOU ARE PSYCHIC,
AND I GIVE A WEEKLY TALK
ON SCIENTIFIC VORTEX INFORMATION HERE IN SEDONA.
TO ME, A VORTEX IS AN ENHANCED ENERGY LOCATION
THAT HELPS PEOPLE DO MIND, BODY, OR SPIRITUAL MEDITATION,
OR PRAYERFUL EXERCISES,
AND I FEEL WHAT'S GOING ON IS ENERGY
FLOWS IN THESE DEEPER DIMENSIONS,
THAT WITH TRAINING,
YOU CAN LEARN TO SOAR ON.
Penn: YOU KNOW, COLLEGE ISN'T REALLY FOR EVERYONE,
BUT THAT'S A ***! SHOW WE'RE SAVING FOR SEASON 3.
BACK TO THE VORTEX TOUR.
[CHANTING]
Suzanne: I CALL ON THE SPIRITUAL ENERGIES OF THE LAND
AND OF THE SPIRITS THAT LIVE IN THE LAND,
AND ACCORDING TO MANY NATIVE PEOPLES,
THOSE SPIRITS LIVE BACK IN THE ROCKS,
THE TREES, THE WATERS, THE AIR, THE WIND,
AND THE SPEAK TO US IN THAT WAY.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO LAUGH ABOUT THE VORTEXES IN SEDONA,
BECAUSE I GREW UP IN ARIZONA.
SEDONA BEGAN AS A TOURIST PLACE
WHERE PEOPLE FROM PHOENIX AND TUCSCON CAME TO GO FISHING.
IT WASN'T UNTIL THE LATE SEVENTIES AND THE EARLY EIGHTIES
THAT THE NEW AGERS CAME IN, AND A KIND OF MYTHOLOGY
WAS LAID OVER THE PLACE THAT NEVER EXISTED.
I MEAN, GROWING UP AS A KID,
WHAT MY DAD USED TO SAY IS, "SEDONA?
THAT'S WHERE YOU GO TO GET TROUT."
[CHANTING]
Penn: WOW. THAT WAS DRAMATIC.
WAS THAT AN AUTHENTIC NATIVE AMERICAN CEREMONY?
I AM NOT NATIVE AMERICAN.
Penn: NO ***!
I'M SCOTCH, IRISH, ENGLISH, AND WELSH,
AND, UM,
IN NO WAY IS THIS A NATIVE AMERICAN TRADITIONAL CEREMONY.
[CHANTING IN A HIGH VOICE]
Suzanne: I WAS TRAINED BY GRANDPA ROBERTS,
WHO IS A SHAMAN OF CHEROKEE DECENT,
AND HE TOLD ME THAT AS LONG AS I COME FROM MY HEART,
ANYTHING THAT I DO IS OK.
Penn: YEAH. GRANDPA ROBERTS.
TELLER AND I ARE DIRECT DECEDENTS OF THE FUGAWI TRIBE.
Suzanne: SO DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ON THAT?
Aurora: IS THIS A VORTEX WHERE WE ARE NOW?
YES, YOU ARE ON A VORTEX NOW,
AND THIS IS AIRPORT MESA VORTEX.
Penn: SUZANNE! AIRPORT MESA IS A MILE AWAY.
MAYBE SHE'S A FUGAWI, TOO.
WE'RE NOT SURE IF SUZANNE IS ON THE WRONG HILL
OR DOESN'T HAVE A PERMIT TO GO TO THE CORRECT ONE,
BUT IT DOES SEEM ODD
TO PERFORM THIS SACRED FUGAWI TRADITION
IN A PARKING LOT.
TAKE YOUR TOBACCO
AND JUST SPRINKLE IT ON THE MOTHER EARTH.
Penn: OR CRUSH YOUR TOBACCO ON THE MOTHER ASPHALT.
NEXT STOP ON THE TOUR... SOME PATCH OF DIRT.
I AM THE COYOTE.
Penn: AND I'M A ROAD RUNNER. MEEP-MEEP.
I AM THE PLACE OF MALE *** ENERGY.
Penn: WHOA! WHO KNEW SHE WAS SUCH A GOOD MIME?
THIS BEATS THE *** OUT OF MARCEL MARCEAU WALKING IN THE WIND.
WHAT MYSTERIOUS POWER
COULD GIVE THIS WOMAN THE BALLS TO MIME A GIANT ***?
IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE CLAIM
THAT A VORTEX IS A MYSTERIOUS SOURCE OF POWERFUL ENERGY,
BUT CAN IT BE PROVEN?
IF A PERSON TAKES THEIR MEASURING EQUIPMENT
AND MEASURES A PLACE THAT IS NOT KNOWN TO BE A VORTEX,
AND THEN GOES AND MEASURES A PLACE
THAT IS KNOWN TO BE A VORTEX,
I AM QUITE SURE THAT YOU WOULD SEE A MEASURABLE DIFFERENCE
IN THE ENERGY THAT WOULD BE RECORDED.
Penn: GOOD THINKING. LET'S DO IT.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A PORTABLE GEOMAGNETOMETER.
AND THIS DEVICE MEASURES THE EARTH'S MAGNETIC FIELD,
OTHER MAGNETIC FIELDS,
AND CAN ALSO MEASURE THE PRESENCE
OF AN ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD.
I'M TIM PORTER
AND I'M A PROFESSOR OF PHYSICS
AT NORTHERN ARIZONA UNIVERSITY.
Penn: WE ASKED PROFESSOR PORTER TO START
BY MEASURING THE MAGNETIC ENERGY AT A NON-VORTEX AREA.
WELL, PROBABLY A NON-VORTEX AREA.
WHO KNOWS? IT'S SEDONA.
AND SO WE ADJUST TO THE ANGLE OF DECLINATION,
AND THEN THE ANGLE OF INCLINATION.
Penn: THAT'S TO SHOW THAT HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT EITHER,
BUT THIS WE GET:
AND SO THE MAGNETIC FIELD AT THIS POINT
IS ABOUT 660 MILLIGAUSS.
Penn: NEXT PROFESSOR PORTER TOOK THE SAME METER
AND MEASURED THE ALLEGED AIRPORT MESA VORTEX
WHERE SUZANNE, AURORA, AND MICHAELA
BASKED IN ALL THAT GREAT SPIRITUAL ENERGY.
Tim Porter: AT THIS SPOT, AT THIS LOCATION,
AT THIS TIME THE MAGNETIC FIELD STRENGTH
IS 628 MILLIGAUSS.
Penn: THAT'S 5% LESS THAN THE READING AT THE NON-VORTEX SITE.
THEY PROBABLY ABSORBED ALL THAT EXTRA MILLIGAUSS
WITH THEIR COYOTE DANCING. MEEP, MEEP!
Porter: THE VORTEX SITE, IF ANYTHING,
HAS A SMALLER MAGNETIC FIELD.
THAT MEANS THAT WE'RE PROBABLY JUST MEASURING
THE MAGNETIC FIELD OF THE EARTH
AND THE SLIGHT VARIATIONS OF THAT MAGNETIC FIELD
OWING TO THE MATERIALS UNDERNEATH THE GROUND.
Penn: WE LIKE SEDONA.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE FOR A VACATION.
WE LIKE PEOPLE JUMPING AROUND LIKE COYOTES
AND MIMING GIANT DICKS.
WE LOVE THAT 4 MILLION TOURISTS VISIT THERE EVERY YEAR,
AND THEY SPEND $50 MILLION.
THAT'S ALL JUST GREAT.
WE UNDERSTAND PEOPLE HAVING FUN AND MAKING MONEY.
WE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY NEED *** VORTEXES.
Rick: THE VORTEXES ESSENTIALLY BECAME A MARKETING TOOL.
IS THERE ANY SCIENCE TO SUPPORT IT?
OF COURSE NOT.
I MEAN, THE VORTEXES ARE ESSENTIALLY JUST DIRT.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS OUR SECOND SEASON OF ***!
WE'VE BEEN REALLY LUCKY.
SO MUCH SO WE THINK THE STUDIO IS PROBABLY ON A VORTEX.
I MEAN, I CAN FEEL THE POWER.
ON TOP OF THAT, WE'RE IN VEGAS,
WHICH IS A GREAT PLACE FOR BIKE RIDING AND MASSAGES,
SO WE'RE OFFERING THE PENN & TELLER VEGAS VORTEX.
WE GOT STRETCHING, COYOTE DANCING,
AND BIG *** MIME CLASSES. HA HA!
THIS NEWAGE STUFF JUST KEEPS GETTIN' BETTER!
ALOHA, I'M SASCHA LESSIN.
I'M DEAN OF THE SCHOOL OF TANTRA
AND I'M A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE WORLD POLYAMORY MOVEMENT.
I WORK WITH MY WIFE JANET,
AND WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO EACH OTHER BETTER.
Penn: WELCOME TO MAUI, THE MID-PACIFIC CAPITAL OF THE NEW AGE MOVEMENT.
AND IT'S GOT SURFING.
SASCHA AND JANET HAVE COME UP
WITH THE MOST BRILLIANT BUSINESS GOING:
A WAY TO HAVE GROUP SEX WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS
AND CHARGE THEM FOR IT IN THE NAME OF SPIRITUALITY.
THEY CALL IT TANTRIC,
BUT TO OUR EYES, IT'S JUST PLAIN OLD SEX.
FOR THE MALE, IT MEANS HAVING COMPLETE EJACULATORY CONTROL.
FOR WOMEN, IT MEANS HAVING EJACULATORY ORGASMS
AND HAVING THE KIND OF LOVING
SHE WANTS WHEN SHE WANTS IT.
Penn: BASICALLY, THEY CLAIM TO TEACH MEN
TO LAST A LONG TIME SO THEIR WOMEN CAN HAVE AN ***.
WE'RE COOL WITH THAT.
DOES IT WORK BETTER THAN THINKING ABOUT BASEBALL?
[ALL CHANTING]
WE ARE SO CAREFUL TO LET OUR BULLSHITTERS
ON OUR ***! SHOW
BE STUPID WITHOUT TAKING THEIR *** OUT OF CONTEXT.
YET PEOPLE STILL ACCUSE US OF EDITING TRICKS.
SO HERE'S THE DIRECTOR'S CUT.
A LITTLE UN-EDITED SASCHA
WITHOUT OUR ***, SMART-*** VOICE OVER.
GO AHEAD, SASCHA, EXPLAIN TANTRIC SEX.
WE TEACH THEM HOW TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER
AND TO HEALTHE HURTS FROM THE CHILDHOOD
AND TO DISTINGUISH THEIR MOTHER FROM THEIR DAD AND THEIR LOVER
SO THAT YOUR MATE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR PARENTS.
YOU STOP RUNNING TRIPS.
AND WE SHOW THEM HOW TO BE THERE FOR PEOPLE
WHEN THEY REGRESS AND REPROGRAM LIMITED CHILDHOOD PROGRAMS
THAT PREVENT THEM FROM HAVING FULL EROS.
LIFE FORCE. BEING ABLE TO FEEL LIFE AT ALL ITS LEVELS
AND APPRECIATE THAT AND BE ABLE TO HAVE CONTROL OF ONE'S ENERGY SYSTEM
SO YOU DECIDE HOW MUCH YOU CAN OPEN YOUR HEART IN EACH SITUATION,
HOW MUCH YOU CAN EXPRESS OR KEEP QUIET,
HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BRING IN
YOUR INTELLECT OR YOUR INTUITION.
SO YOU'RE AT TRUE CHOICE.
AND YOU SEE IN THE WORLD AROUND YOU
THE THINGS THAT YOU FIND DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT
ARE REALLY PARTS OF YOU, AND THAT YOU RELAX ABOUT IT.
AND THE THINGS THAT YOU OVERLY ADMIRE IN OTHERS
ARE THINGS THAT ARE THERE TO INSPIRE YOU,
AND THAT'S WHAT TANTRA'S FOR.
TO GET YOU PAST YOUR SKIN-ENCAPSULATED EGO
SO THAT YOU HAVE YOUR CHOICE
OF WHAT LEVEL YOU WANT TO OPERATE ON.
AND YOU LOVE AS MANY PARTS OF YOURSELF
AND THEREFORE, AT THE SAME TIME, THE WORLD AT THE SAME TIME.
Penn: SEE?! HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IT!
HE CAN'T EXPLAIN IT! HE JUST LIKES TO ***!
BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SELL THAT.
LET'S CHECK OUT A CLASS.
IT HAS TO BE SHORTER THAN THE EXPLANATION.
YOU WANT TO GET HER HEAD ON YOUR CHEST,
SO YOU CAN REALLY FEEL HER.
YOU WANT TO HOLD HER LIKE A CHILD.
I KNOW THAT SOMEBODY'S GOING TO COME AND SAVE ME
IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
Penn: BUT SOON SASCHA'S PULLING OUT THE VISUAL AIDS,
LIKE THIS STUFFED ***.
YOU SAY, "SWEETHEART, I'D LIKE TO POLISH YOUR PEARL.
WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?"
AND IF SHE SAYS, "YES," YOU MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT
AND YOU BREATHE ON HER ***,
MAKE LITTLE BABY KISSES ON IT,
AND START TO REALLY GENTLY TICKLE IT WITH YOUR TONGUE.
[HARP PLAYS]
AND PUT YOUR MOUTH AROUND IT.
SWEETHEART, I'D LIKE TO POLISH YOUR PEARL.
WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
OH, YES, MR. JILLETTE,
BUT DON'T YOU THINK YOU'D LIKE TO DRINK A GLASS OF WATER
WHILE I SING A SONG, FIRST?
O-O-K. YEAH. LITTLE GLASS OF WATER?
THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HERE WE GO.
♪ MY BODY LIES OVER THE OCEAN ♪
♪ MY BODY LIES OVER THE SEA ♪
OK. I'M GONNA DROWN.
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
Man: I WOULD LIKE TO DISROBE YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
I SURE DO LIKE WHAT I SEE, HONEY.
Penn: DON'T YOU LOVE HAVING CABLE?
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
ONLY THE WOMEN GET NAKED?
WHAT KIND OF *** IS THAT?
JANET MAY HAVE SOME ORGASMS, BUT I SAVE MY SEED.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE AN ***.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS WE TEACH MEN,
YOU CAN HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH A LIMP LIGNUM.
HONEY, IT'S NO TANTRIC TRICK
TO CONTROL YOUR *** IF YOU KEEP YOUR *** IN YOUR PANTS.
THIS IS JUST A MYSTIC LAPDANCE THAT HE GETS PAID FOR.
PUTZ.
KEEPING YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE SECOND CHAKRA,
TOUCH HER BASE WITH YOUR LEFT HAND.
HEY, DON'T CUT AWAY! SHOW THE ***! SHOW THE ***!
THIS IS AN INVESTIGATIVE SHOW.
***!
EXACTLY. LISTEN.
Sascha: TANTRA CAN AFFECT THE WHOLE WORLD.
A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF CHANGE, 10%, CAN CAUSE A RESONANCE,
JUST LIKE SOLDIERS MARCHING ACROSS THE BRIDGE,
THEY CAN CHANGE THE MORPHONGENIC FIELD OF SOCIETY,
CAN CHANGE HUMAN MIND TO OTHER POSSIBILITIES.
***: SHUT UP AND POLISH MY PEARL.
Penn as self: LET IT GO, SASH.
WE ALL LIKE TO ***.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU NEED
COSMIC APPROVAL FOR THE MOST BASIC OF ALL ACTIONS.
DON'T GET ALL DEEPAK CHOPRA
WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST RON JEREMY.
I WOULD LIKE TO POLISH YOUR PEARL. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
OHH, YES. HA HA.
Penn: YEAH! YOU'RE NOT WATCHING THE WB.
150 BUCKS AN HOUR?
NO WONDER THEY WANT YOU TO LAST FOREVER.
HOOKERS, TAKE NOTE.
COME OUT OF THE DARKNESS AND TEACH A *** CLASS.
SOMEHOW IT'S LEGAL TO TEACH ***.
Sascha: IT'S IMPORTANT TO EMBRACE THE PART OF YOU
THAT LIKES TO MAKE MONEY AND THE PART THAT DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN
AND TO RECOGNIZE THEY'RE BOTH PART OF YOU
AND I LOVE MAKING MONEY AND THERE'S A LOT MORE TO ME THAN THAT,
BUT I'M GLAD TO SELL MY SERVICES AND SHARE MY TIME AND ADVICE,
WHICH IS MY STOCK IN TRADE
WITH PEOPLE THAT WISH TO BUY IT.
Penn: AND JUST IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO ***...
WE'VE WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUT IT.
WE TALK ABOUT HOW TO CHOREOGRAPH LOVE DANCES.
IF YOU LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON, HOW 3 PEOPLE OR 4 PEOPLE CAN FORM
A CONSCIOUSNESS UNIT WHERE YOU SYNERGIZE...
Penn: AND YOU CAN *** A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT BASEBALL.
THE NEW AGE IS JUST LIKE A CRYSTAL BALL.
IT TURNS THINGS UPSIDE DOWN, IT MAKES THEM LOOK SMALLER
AND A LITTLE WEIRD.
AND LIKE NEWAGE, WE LOVE OVEREXTENDING THE METAPHOR.
NEWAGE IS JUST A PRICEY LENS FOR PUTTING SOME DISTORTION IN YOUR LIFE,
IF YOU'RE NOT CONTENT WITH BEAUTIFUL SCENERY,
PLAYING CARDS WITH FRIENDS AND *** LIKE CRAZY MONKEYS.
BUT WE SHOULD ALL BE CONTENT WITH THAT
AND SAVE A FEW BUCKS.
WE THOUGHT WE'D LET OUR TAROT READER
SUM UP OUR LOOK AT THE NEWAGE BY EXPLAINING
EXACTLY WHAT TAROT READING IS.
TAROT READING COULD BE CALLED A SCIENCE AND AN ART
AND A GIFT.
I WOULD CALL IT ALL 3 OF THOSE.
TAROT CARDS ARE SCIENTIFIC.
VERY MUCH.
Penn: AND AS FOR MARK...
TAROT CARD READING I WOULD NOT CALL A SCIENCE.
Penn: HE ADMITS IT?
I ALSO DO PALMISTRY. THAT I WOULD CALL A SCIENCE.
Penn: OH, FOR ***'S SAKE!
THAT WAS, BY THE WAY, NOT THE GREATEST READING OF MY WHOLE LIFE.
I MEAN, THIS WAS NOT VERY CONVINCING.
WAS ANYBODY HERE REALLY CONVINCED?
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--