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(voice over: baby crying)
(voice over: ominous music)
(voice over: baby crying)
(scary voice over: Eddie, your baby's waiting)
No!!
Baby, what's the matter?
Baby
Baby
How's the writing going?
What happened to your play?
Wasn't playing
Maybe you'll get inspired
I uh haven't seen you in a couple weeks
Well I haven't felt very missed
Thought you'd be happy for me
Well I just
I guess I thought you'd be there for me
Well things have gotten busy
Well I'm so sorry Ted
I will have my life fall apart when it works with your schedule
Your life didn't fall apart Marty
You just lost your job
Well that's basically my life
Well then I'm glad you lost it
I'm glad that you lost it Martin
Because you're more than your job
Val knows it I know it
Other people would know if if you would stop complaining
And not needing so much attention
I mean eventually there comes a point
When you gotta pull up your socks
Quit the whining
Grow a pair
And be a man!
Sorry for being harsh
(music)
Hi ma!
What do you mean I sound funny?
I just said hi
No Eddie didn't do anything
Everything is fine with the shop mom
Actually I didn't go in today
I took a personal day
I don't know everything's just been busy lately
So uh hence the personal day
Mom
Do you ever think about what you would have done if
You didn't have Louie and me?
Oh!
Yeah?…
I just didn't even know you liked to travel really
Right well guess what?
We are grown up now you can go!
Right
Well I hope that heals soon
I'm fine
Hi dad!
What's he screaming about back there?
Oh God
God forbid! Don't miss the Jeopardy!
Go I'll talk to you tomorrow
Yes I'm fine!
I was just calling to check in
Ok
I love you too
Thanks mom!
Ok
Bye
Well I finally got tired of feeling sorry for myself
I thought I would to rejoin the world
Well I'm glad you chose to join this one
So you know that my cabaret is coming up
So you keep telling me
You may not believe it but I have actual talent!
And here I thought you were illiterate
I'm going to ignore that
Hey!…
Since I got you home safely
After you drank New York City a few weeks ago
Maybe you could repay the favor
Is my eyebrow hanging off the sun?
I'm gonna ignore that too
If there's one thing you know…
It's when a show is not working
I need a director
(Benny singing: I'll do everything I can)
(To go on without you)
(But what do I do)
(With the love?)
Better that was much better
I never would have thought of singing that song
From that perspective!
I mean I mean I thought it was like a love song…
And like 'I love you' but no, it's like this
Angry bitter
Rageful
Anthem of like
*** you that I love you! Kinda...
You're a born director
Mm baby your hands feel so nice
But my girlfriend's coming to pick me up for dinner
You didn't think I was Martin
I hardly ever call Martin baby anymore
And I think I've shaken him out of that daytime soap opera
He's been living in lately
Well I'm not surprised
If I had a problem I'd want you to solve it
You don't have any problems?
Hm well I'm looking for a job
Why don't you and Martin just start something?
Um actually I was thinking of checking in with Val
And seeing if she needed help at the store
Brilliant idea
I'm full of em
Wait till you've been with me a year
Why what happens after a year?
Wanna get married or something?
Like married with a wedding and everything?
I mean it's been three weeks
Like a wedding with tuxedos and a band and cake
I love bands and cake speaking of bands
We have to get wedding rings
I mean I'm gonna have to save up for this one
Weddings cost money and I just got this promotion!
Henny you're going to have to get a job
I'm gonna call Val
Ok Ted I
I didn't mean to freak you out
I was just I don't know
I was just joking
Ted a year's a long ways away
I was just joking
Good good
Eddie?
What's wrong?
Ah I just can't figure out what to wear to this thing
You have been so quiet
And you wake up in cold sweats
I'm fine!
Are you sick?
No!
I'm fine
Well something's up I know my man
And you are not fine
Oh yeah? What about you?
You've been acting squirrely too
Have not
You have too!
Ever since we found out we're having a
It's a baby say baby
I can't
Honey it's ok to be scared
Is it?
God I hope so because I'm beyond scared
You are?
Yes!
I've never been so scared or unsure about anything!
You know me
Fashion is the one thing that I've been able to stick with
I was a roadie
And then a DJ and then an actress
I got my cosmetology degree
I like learning things!
But I really don't think I want to be a mother
I am so glad to hear you say that
Cause I don't think I wanna be a father
I mean if we can do it without having kids but…
This just doesn't feel right
Maybe we're just not those people
(Benny voice over singing: But come ye back)
(When summer's in the meadow)
(Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow)
(Tis I'll be here)
(In sunshine or in shadow)
(Oh Danny boy oh Danny boy)
(I love you so)
(applause)
Wow thank you!
And
Looks like you found your calling
Like a bee
But where's the money?
You've got a lot of connections
Hey thanks for getting me up off my ***
What the hell are friends for?
So how are things with Henny?
Oh Henny wants to be married within a year
She said that?
Yeah in her own way
Women
Yup women
(applause)
Benny was great! Congratulations director!
And now you can put all that bossing people around ***
To good use
Eloquent as ever
Uh by the way how are you guys feeling about
Pending parenthood?
Oh uh well that point is moot
What?
False alarm
Yeah um
Actually it's funny
It happened right after we decided we didn't want to be parents
To kids anyway
You planning on raising leprechauns?
We're gonna rescue a dog
A dog?
Oh
Yup
And I'm gonna get Henny to work at the store
As I am going to take some time off and go back to school
And learn something
Nice
My brain needs some learnin'!
Especially with sentences like that
Hey cheers Marty good job
To what's next!
Here's our little star!
HEY!
Thank you
Much of the credit goes to Martin
That's so sweet
What a happy bunch we all are
And I
Love him
Holy ***
My sentiments exactly
Julie?
JULIE?!!
Hi Ted
(music)
(Sings in Sicilian: Mi Vogghiú Fare Monaca)
Don't let me
stop you
Uh I was finished anyway that's where the song ends
I had some manicotti last night
I was just feeling Italian